Romance Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A good romance starts with a foundation of trust and friendship.

A bad romance starts with a rah rah rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma gaga ooh la la

I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published.

It was all in vein.

My life is like a romantic comedy

Except there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes.

> HA! Hilarious and original! Encore!

iPod Shuffle

Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a suicide note.

Muslim Romance

A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.

Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?", she asked.

"Yes," he replied, but to be fair, you were only nine at the time!

Where is the line between romance and perversion?

Romance is stroking a woman tenderly with a feather.

Perversion is when that feather is still attached to the chicken.

A man, a sheep and a dog were stranded in an island..

A man, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on an island.
After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze warm and gentle-a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was badly injured when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze-perfect for a night of romance.


Pretty soon the man started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in, leaned over to the young woman and cautiously whispered in her ear, " Would you mind taking the dog for a walk? "

"Dad, why's my brother named Cameron?"

"Because your mother loves romance and it's an anagram."

"Thanks dad."

"Sure thing Alan."

My life is like a romantic comedy...

except there's no romance and I'm the only one who laughs at my jokes.

An old lady was on the elevator when... (X-post from /funny)

...a well-dressed young woman got on, wearing perfume. She looked at the old lady, and said "ROMANCE by Ralph Lauren. $150 an ounce."

At the next floor, another woman got on, wearing even more perfume. "CHANEL #5. $200 an ounce." she announced.

When the doors opened on the next floor, the old lady leaned over, ripped a three octave, sinus-clearing duck call of a fart.

As she walked out the door, she looked back over her shoulder, "BROCCOLI. 49 cents a pound!"

Did you hear about the physicist who moonlighted as a romance novelist?

He wrote complete works of friction.

Needed some help with romance, so I took the book "How to Hug" out of the library.

Turns out it was volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.

Romance

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"

What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?

Romance

Do you know how to romance a country girl?

You gotta do something sexy to a tractor.

I walked into a bookstore and asked if they have any books on gloryholes.

She said ya, over there in the mystery romance section.

What is Bashar al-Assad's favorite band?

My Chemical Romance.

They say that a good romance starts with a strong foundation, chemistry and flirting

Whereas a bad romance starts with a RA RA AH AH AH, ROMA ROMA-MA, GAGA OH LA LA

A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.

"Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?" she asked.
Yeah," he replied, "But be fair, you were only eleven at the time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[OC] Why don't dyslexics like the story of King Arthur?

They think it's about the romance and majesty of Camelto.

A Hot Romance

While watching a romantic movie, my wife leans over and whispers in my ear "I want you to make me sweaty and wet." So I shut off the fan.

A son ask his mother and his aunt Lana about his sister's name

Mom, why is my sister's name Cameron?"

"Well, son, your father loves romance, and Cameron is an anagram of romance. So we called her Cameron."

"Oh, that makes sense. Thanks, Mom!"

"No problem, Alan."

What's Edward Elric's favorite band?

My Alchemical Romance

I put the romance

In necromancer.

A son asks his father about his sister's name

"Dad, why is my sister's name Cameron?"

"Well, son, your mother loves romance, and Cameron is an anagram of romance. So we called her Cameron."

"Oh, that makes sense. Thanks, Dad!"

"No problem, Alan."

Women can't say no to three things;

Shoes, bags, chocolate, diamonds, clothes, perfume, food, flowers, money, cosmetics, attention, romance, kindness, adventure, affection, unpredictability, confidence, humor, ice cream, shopping, free drinks..

Ahhhh, old romance . . .

Janet was lying in bed one night.Β  Art was falling asleep, but Janet was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.Β 

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.Β 

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, Art threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Janet asked.

"To get my teeth!"

After 30 years of marriage, people always ask, "What's the secret of keeping the romance alive?" I always tell them...

We go to the same romantic restaurant every week, twice a week...

I go on Tuesday. She goes on Fridays.

Credit - Henny Youngman

A young lady isplanning for her honeymoon...

She asked her mom to buy her a long blue negligee for her wedding night, iron it, and pack it neatly in her suitcase. Upon arriving in the honeymoon suite with her new husband, the shy virgins prepare for romance. He says I'll go in the bathroom to get undressed- no peeking. . She opens her suitcase to find that her mom did not follow ANY of her instructions.

She holds up a small wadded up rose color teddy. Dang it! she says. it's short, pink and wrinkled!! From the bathroom, her husband says: I told you not to peek!!!

How does a bromance become a romance?

With a brojob

What is Saddam Hussein's favorite band?

My Chemical Romance

Two onions, male and female, knock into each other on the street...

...An affair begins. Onion romance has occurred.

They tie the knot; several months later they have a baby onion.

Father onion takes another shift to make ends meet.

Mother onion is encumbered with house work one day, much distracted.

Baby onion wanders out the open door unsupervised. It crosses the sidewalk and is hit by a car.

At the hospital mother and father onion pace up and down the hospital corridor, crying.

A team of surgeons try all night to save baby onion's life.

Towards dawn the doors to the hospital room open. A doctor walks out, sweating.

Father onion asks "well, what, how is baby onion?"

The surgeon says "well he'll live, but I'm afraid he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

Math of Love

One intelligent man plus one intelligent woman have a romance.
One intelligent man plus one stupid woman have an affair.
One intelligent woman plus one stupid man get married.
One stupid man plus one stupid woman have kids.

I was gunna write the great American nursing home romance novel...

....but the title "50 Shades of Grey" was already taken.

Why was lady gaga's romance so bad?

There wasn't enough chemistry.

(My girlfriend bet me that no one would get my joke.)

"For Dummies"

In an effort to reinvigorate my interest in reading, I decided to visit Barnes and Noble. I walked past the romance section, I strolled by the mystery books, until I came across the "For Dummies" series.

For those that don't know, *For Dummies* is a series that explains things in a simplistic manner, so that anyone can try to understand them.

I found *Java for Dummies.* That's great! I wouldn't mind learning how to code.

I found *Violins for Dummies.* That's fantastic! I'd love to learn violin.

Then, I came across *Athletic Scholarships for Dummies.*

I never realized they came in any other way.

TIL that platonic refers to a relationship without romance or sex.

So it's another word for marriage.

What does My Chemical Romance and my dad have in common?

They're both never coming home

β€ͺWhat do you call someone who fanatically wants to teach others about romance?

‬ β€ͺA macademia nut.‬

Why do we all marry?

Why do we all marry? - because romance is not the only element of life, we should also know horror, terror, suspense, irony, stupidity and tragedy of life!

Just got a job as a scientist

and I fell in love with the periodic table whilst the music was on.

It was my chemical romance.

Why should you always write love notes in Latin?

It's a Romance language

There's no romance like necromance

But pyromance is hotter

Taylor Swift 'Split' with Tom Hiddleston after 3 months of romance.

Very swift.

Man and Women in Diffrent Combinations

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Did you hear about the two tornados in Las Vegas?

They decided to elope after a whirlwind romance!

I once watched an old epic-historical romance film about a couple, but I can't find it...

I guess it's gone with the wind...

What are the funniest romance jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Romance? Well, here are the best Romance puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Romance pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes