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Roman Jokes

179 roman jokes and hilarious roman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about roman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Unlock the secrets of ancient Rome with these old Roman jokes! From the Coliseum and Byzantium to the Martini, discover why these classic jokes still tickle your funny bone today!

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Funniest Roman Short Jokes

Short roman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The roman humour may include short riot jokes also.

  1. A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!' 'Mmm?'
    'Not that many!'
  2. I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in roman numeral I M LIVID
  3. If a wealthy ancient Roman had a private bathroom on the sixth floor of his home... ...did that make it a VI P room?
  4. What's this "✌"? A Roman ordering 5 more beers.
    joke by Art Pozner. He told me I could take it with me, and in his honor, you can take it with you.
  5. Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt? So they would end up with seasoned veterans.
  6. Did you hear about the plan to prohibit the use of Roman numerals? *I for one*, think it's a terrible idea.
  7. Do you know about the Roman emperor who had epilepsy? It was Julius Seizure.
  8. Why were all Roman buildings made of stone? They crucified the carpenter.
  9. It seems highly unlikely that the Romans would have built a new cross for every execution, which means... Jesus was a repost.
  10. Have you heard about the Roman cannibalism trial? They asked the defendant if he was sorry for his crimes. He said no, he was gladiator.

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Roman One Liners

Which roman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with roman? I can suggest the ones about romaine and roulette.

  1. I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals I M LIVID
  2. I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159. Then it just CLIX
  3. I, for one, like Roman Numerals
  4. My Roman doctor said I needed an IV. I asked: For what?
  5. Why didn't the Romans find algebra very difficult? Because X was always 10
  6. Just woke up from a dream about Roman numerals 5, 4, 1, and 500. It was VIVID.
  7. Why are 490 Romans funny? Because XD
  8. Who is in favour of bringing Roman numerals back into use? I for one.
  9. My daughter has a math test on Roman numerals. I told her I hope she gets a "C".
  10. How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of caesars.
  11. Why do Romans always have a hard time ending relationships? Their X is always a 10.
  12. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "Five beers, please"
  13. What did the Roman say when his wife was eaten by a tiger? Gladiator
  14. Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled? His toga size went from L to XL.
  15. What did the doctors use to keep 4 Romans alive? IVs

Roman Numerals Jokes

Here is a list of funny roman numerals jokes and even better roman numerals puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend told me she doesn't like Roman Numerals because you can't make puns from them. I told her, I for one, like Roman Numerals.
  • A pirate captain asks his first mate "Find out what be the Roman numeral for the two" "Aye aye! " responds the first mate
  • I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals. Not on my watch.
  • My government recently announced they're phasing out Roman numerals... Not on my watch.
  • Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals? Crew: I I captain.
  • Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system? I for one...
  • I got a C on my roman numerals test. Perfect score.
  • There are eleven types of people in the world Those who understand Roman numerals, and those who don't.
  • There are 11 types of people in this world.. a) those that understand Roman numerals.
    b) those that don't understand Roman numerals.
  • A pirate captain says to his 3 crewmates, "Let's learn Roman numerals!" The first one says, "Aye."
    The second one adds, "Aye aye."
    The third one finishes, "Aye aye aye."

Ancient Roman Jokes

Here is a list of funny ancient roman jokes and even better ancient roman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair? Caesars.
  • Ancient Romans believed the 54th birthday was the time to indulge in all your crazy impulses. You only LIV once.
  • Why did the ancient Roman police arrest an Eagle? Because he was... Aquila.
  • Many people think the Romans invented Vaseline That was ancient grease
  • A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times, New Roman.
  • What language did ancient Roman police speak? Pig Latin
  • What did the ancient Roman weatherman say when his emperor asked for a forecast? "Hail, Caesar"
  • What kind of exercise did the ancient Romans do? Pontius Pilates
  • The ancient Romans would be saddened to know how many of their advances we'd forgotten. Aquaducts, fast food, underfloor heating... But hey, it's all water over the bridge.
  • What is the favourite game of ancient roman people? Rock Papers CAAAEEEESSSSAAAAAARRRS.

Roman Empire Jokes

Here is a list of funny roman empire jokes and even better roman empire puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If Nero, Tiberius, Caligula, and Commodus were all in Pompeii together, who would survive? The Roman empire.
  • Who came after Augustus? Septembrus
  • I used to wonder why my history teachers loved to teach about the Roman Empire so much. I think I get it now. They both hated vandals and goths.
  • One day in August, Julius Caesar was standing on the balcony in his palace, watching the leaves drop silently from the trees. He was witnessing….The Fall of the Roman Empire.
  • How did Diocletian cut the Roman Empire into 2 empires? By using Caesars.
  • What caused the fall of the Roman Empire? The Earth's tilt.
  • Want to know why I love the Roman Empire? Want to know why I love the Roman Empire?
    It has the best Senate money can buy.
  • Q: You know the Roman Empire, well how do you think it fell?
    A: Chuck Norris
  • Why did the Roman empire attacked and destroyed Carthage ? They wasn't Hannibal to pay their debt.

Roman Catholic Jokes

Here is a list of funny roman catholic jokes and even better roman catholic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a lost nun? A Roman Catholic
  • What do you call a moving nun? A Roman Catholic
  • A missing Chinese pyromaniac has been located hiding out at a Roman Catholic monastery. He was found praying with friars.
  • What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic? The strength of the communion wine.
  • I hear Donald Trump has been endorsed by the Roman Catholic Church He's called for a ban on contraception. He wants to make America mate again
  • Did you hear about the priest at the nation's largest Roman Catholic church who forgot what he was supposed to say when administering the Holy Eucharist? He caused mass confusion.
  • What do you call a nun on the run? A ROMAN CATHOLIC!

Old Roman Jokes

Here is a list of funny old roman jokes and even better old roman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Some guy just tried to tell me i can't be 443 years old and i don't undertand roman numerals i'm LIVID
  • My sons teacher called me today to tell me he'd hit a classmate with a set of Roman numerals. That's not what I meant when I told him he should give bullies the old one-two.
  • Did you know there's a cocktail called a Roman Polanski? It's made of 12-year-old Scotch garnished with a busted cherry.
  • Roman Polanski turns 84 today. But he still feels like a 13 year old.
Roman joke, Roman Polanski turns 84 today.

Laughable Roman Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about roman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean translator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make roman pranks.

can someone explain this ancient Roman joke

Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: 'Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?' 'No, your Highness,' he replied, 'but my father was.'

Times New Roman walks into a saloon.

The bartender says to him, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your type here."
So he shot the serif.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Greek and a Roman are arguing about who has the superior culture.

The Greek says "We built the Parthenon". The Roman says "Ah, but we built the Colosseum". The Greek responds "We invented democracy" and the Roman says "Yes, but we founded the great Roman Empire". Finally, the Greek says "We invented s**...". The Roman replies "That's true, but we're the ones who thought of having it with women."

What's it called when a Roman sees too many flashing colors?

A Julius Seizure.

What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?

Gladiator
Get it? Glad He Ate Her..

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a Roman with p**... hair in his teeth?

Gladiator

A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along...

A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin
replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".

Romantic men

3 men talk about their wives. The first one says: "My wife is like a butterfly, so delicate and pretty". The second one: "Mine is like a baby deer, beautiful and gracious". After a moment of silence the third one goes: "Now that I think about it mine doesn't look much human either".

A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali are sitting under a tree.

A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali are sitting under a tree. A caterpillar gets on the Romanian's shoulder.
The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it.
Another caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and asks the Somali: "Do you want to buy a caterpillar?"

Valeria Messalina was a powerful Roman empress, best known for her long and influential political career, and for her hobby of hanging out in brothels and prostituting herself.

Makes sense to me. If I had to spend my days with senators and rulers, I'd want to spend my nights with a better class of people, too.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Roman mythology in 3 words

The f**...'s plagiarism?

Did you hear about the Roman who got a C in Math?

He got a perfect score!

It is said that Roman Emperor Caligula made his horse a senator.

Nothing was ever passed, he always voted neigh.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French?

Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many o**....
But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef.

An Imperial Roman soldier was wounded on the battlefield. His life was saved when he was time traveled to the modern world to be hooked up to an IV.

He asked, "What is that for?"

What do you call a Roman dictator having an epileptic fit?

Julius Seizure

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What was the romantic with a f**... looking for?

a sole mate

how does a roman laugh when he's texting?

lol 490

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

My local theatre were showing some x**... Roman plays..,

I thought that it sounded pretty hot, turns out it was just 30 Roman plays.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Turning 30 was a lot sexier in Roman times

x**...

What did the Roman soldier say when Jesus whispered his dying words on the cross?

Come again?

Roman Numerals

Wife: 75% of people don't know how to write 99 in Roman numerals.
Me: IC

Why was the Italians cell phone bill so high?

He was always Roman.
I'm sorry.

"Great job!" said one Roman soldier to the other. "You really nailed that one!"

But Jesus was not impressed.

Why is venus named after the Roman goddess of beauty?

Because it's the hottest planet in our solar system

When is "us" singular and 'i' plural?

When you're Roman.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I went for a romantic break with the wife

She came out of the bathroom and said "take off my dress"
As I peeled off her dress, she said "take off my bra"
My hands trembled as I unclasped the strap. Then came "take off my knickers"
I slowly pulled them down, and she shouted
"and I don't ever want to catch you wearing them again!"

I took a novel around Romania with me but it got tired.

So I gave the Bucharest

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why was the Roman a p**...?

....because his X was 10

It was really romantic to see an 85 year old man and 77 year old woman who were a couple for 65 years.

It was horrifying when I did the math.

Why did the Roman have a smile on his face after eating out his wife?

He was gladiator.

What do Romans yell when the golf ball is coming toward you?

IV

Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times...

I need to see some concrete evidence

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Old Romanian Joke: How do you stop an Albanian Tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

Romania: Hey Hungary!

Romania: Wanna hear a joke?
Hungary: Sure!
Romania: Transilvania.
Hungary: I don't get it.
Romania: You will never get it.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why didn't the Romans reuse their crosses?

Because that would have caused cross contamination.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I tried to be romantic and gave my wife a certificate for our anniversary

I wrote that she can have great s**... anyway she wants it.
She jumped up kissed me on the forehead and said she'll be back in a couple of hours.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

An American, a Brit, a Canadian, a Dane, an Ethiopian, a Frenchman, a Greek, a Haitian, an Irishman, a Jew, a Kiwi, a Lithuanian, a Mongolian, a Nigerian, an Omani, a Peruvian, a Qatari, a Roman, a Scotsman, a Uruguayan, a Venezuelan, a Western Saharan, a xenophobe and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar

The bartender says
"Im sorry, but you can't come in here without a Thai"

I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.

I must have left on Data Roman.

Which Roman emperor loved planes the most?

Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooo.
 
So I hit my coworkers with this one at work today, and they hated it. Never heard it before so not sure if someone else made it up first, but I'm sure you good peoples would know.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

The Greatest s**... Culture . . .

A Greek and an Italian were talking one day, discussing who had the superior culture.
Over coffee, the Greek says, "Well, we built the Parthenon."
The Italian replies, "We built the Coliseum.
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."
The Italian, nodding, says, "But we built the Roman Empire ".
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented s**...!"
The Italian replies, "That may be true, but it was the Italians who included women."

Jesus: "Pardon me, I'm afraid I don't know what to do with this cross."

Roman soldier: "Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it."

I asked my Roman friend for a HI FIVE

He gave me HI V

What do you call a depressed tick from Rome?

A hopeless Roman Tick

4 Norse Gods, 1 Roman God, and 2 Astrological bodies walk into a bar.

The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke.

romanian joke: 300 sailors and one woman get shipwrecked on an island

After one month, completely disgusted by what the sailors have been doing to her, the woman kills herself.
After another month, completely disgusted by what they did that month, the sailors decide to bury her.
After another month, completely disgusted by what they've been doing, the sailors decide to dig her up.

A Roman Legionnaire walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "What can I get you?" to which the Legionnaire replied: "A Martinum please".
The bartender looked puzzled, "Don't you mean a Martini?"
The legionnaire snapped back with "If I wanted a f*cking double I'd ask for one!"

Roman numerals, ey...

What are they good IV?

What's your favorite numbering system?

I, for one, like Roman Numerals.

Why did the Romans bring bleach to Jesus's crucifixion?

To prevent cross contamination.

Who performed the Imperial Roman version of "Can't Touch This"?

1100 Hammer

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

64AD: Nero bans the practice of christianity through the roman empire

christians: i can't believe this
romans: correct

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Two Roman gladiators are talking....

The o**... says, "Guess how many women I've slept with?"
The second guy goes, "Mmmm..."
The first dude goes, "Are you serious?! I'd be dead!"

You may be surprised to know that Roman numerals are actually very easy to do Algebra with

X is always equal to 10.

Why was Julius Caesar's phone bill so high?

Because he was Roman.

A cowboy and a Roman soldier walked to a bar, and the bartender is deaf....

... The cowboy wanted 4 beers, so he showed 4 fingers and the roman soldier wanted 4 beers so he showed 3 fingers

Roman joke, A cowboy and a Roman soldier walked to a bar, and the bartender is deaf....

jokes about roman