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Roman Jokes

188 roman jokes and hilarious roman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about roman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Unlock the secrets of ancient Rome with these old Roman jokes! From the Coliseum and Byzantium to the Martini, discover why these classic jokes still tickle your funny bone today!

Funniest Roman Short Jokes

Short roman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The roman humour may include short riot jokes also.

  1. A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!' 'Mmm?'
    'Not that many!'
  2. Two Romans were in a bar having a conversation.. Roman 1: you won't believe how many women I've slept with
    Roman 2: mmm?
    Roman 1: don't be ridiculous, not that many
  3. I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in roman numeral I M LIVID
  4. Roman guy: You won't believe how many women I've slept with Second Roman: mmm?
    Roman Guy: don't be ridiculous, not that many
  5. If a wealthy ancient Roman had a private bathroom on the sixth floor of his home... ...did that make it a VI P room?
  6. What do you call a Roman who just went down on his girlfriend? Glad he ate her...
    Are you not entertained?
  7. What's this "✌"? A Roman ordering 5 more beers.
    joke by Art Pozner. He told me I could take it with me, and in his honor, you can take it with you.
  8. a roman citizen walks into a bar raises two fingers and says to the waiter, five beers, please
  9. What did the Roman say when his wife was eaten by a tiger? Gladiator
  10. Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled? His toga size went from L to XL.

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Roman One Liners

Which roman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with roman? I can suggest the ones about romaine and roulette.

  1. I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals I M LIVID
  2. I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159. Then it just CLIX
  3. I, for one, like Roman Numerals
  4. My Roman doctor said I needed an IV. I asked: For what?
  5. Why didn't the Romans find algebra very difficult? Because X was always 10
  6. Just woke up from a dream about Roman numerals 5, 4, 1, and 500. It was VIVID.
  7. I forgot the Roman numerals for 51, 6, and 500. I am LIVID.
  8. Why are 490 Romans funny? Because XD
  9. How do you arrest a Roman woman? Caesar.
  10. Who is in favour of bringing Roman numerals back into use? I for one.
  11. What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? Roman Catholic.
  12. My daughter has a math test on Roman numerals. I told her I hope she gets a "C".
  13. How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of caesars.
  14. Why do Romans always have a hard time ending relationships? Their X is always a 10.
  15. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "Five beers, please"

Roman Numerals Jokes

Here is a list of funny roman numerals jokes and even better roman numerals puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the plan to prohibit the use of Roman numerals? *I for one*, think it's a terrible idea.
  • My friend told me she doesn't like Roman Numerals because you can't make puns from them. I told her, I for one, like Roman Numerals.
  • A pirate captain asks his first mate "Find out what be the Roman numeral for the two" "Aye aye! " responds the first mate
  • I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals. Not on my watch.
  • My government recently announced they're phasing out Roman numerals... Not on my watch.
  • Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals? Crew: I I captain.
  • I spent all of last night trying to remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6, and 500 and couldn't.... ...I'm so LIVID right now.
  • Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system? I for one...
  • I got a C on my roman numerals test. Perfect score.
  • There are eleven types of people in the world Those who understand Roman numerals, and those who don't.

Ancient Roman Jokes

Here is a list of funny ancient roman jokes and even better ancient roman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair? Caesars.
  • Ancient Roman walks into a bar… Says to the bartender i will have a martinus
    Bartender says you mean martini
    The roman says no, just one
  • Ancient Romans believed the 54th birthday was the time to indulge in all your crazy impulses. You only LIV once.
  • Why did the ancient Roman police arrest an Eagle? Because he was... Aquila.
  • Many people think the Romans invented Vaseline That was ancient grease
  • A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times, New Roman.
  • What language did ancient Roman police speak? Pig Latin
  • What did the ancient Roman weatherman say when his emperor asked for a forecast? "Hail, Caesar"
  • What kind of exercise did the ancient Romans do? Pontius Pilates
  • The ancient Romans would be saddened to know how many of their advances we'd forgotten. Aquaducts, fast food, underfloor heating... But hey, it's all water over the bridge.
Roman joke, The ancient Romans would be saddened to know how many of their advances we'd forgotten. Aquaducts, f

Roman Empire Jokes

Here is a list of funny roman empire jokes and even better roman empire puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If Nero, Tiberius, Caligula, and Commodus were all in Pompeii together, who would survive? The Roman empire.
  • 64AD: Nero bans the practice of christianity through the roman empire christians: i can't believe this
    romans: correct
  • How does a Roman Emperor divide his empire? He uses his Caesars.
  • Who came after Augustus? Septembrus
  • I used to wonder why my history teachers loved to teach about the Roman Empire so much. I think I get it now. They both hated vandals and goths.
  • One day in August, Julius Caesar was standing on the balcony in his palace, watching the leaves drop silently from the trees. He was witnessing….The Fall of the Roman Empire.
  • How did Diocletian cut the Roman Empire into 2 empires? By using Caesars.
  • What caused the fall of the Roman Empire? The Earth's tilt.
  • How do you cut the Roman Empire in half? Use Caesers
  • What did the Roman empire say to the city that wouldn't listen? I thought we razed you better than this!

Roman Catholic Jokes

Here is a list of funny roman catholic jokes and even better roman catholic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a lost nun? A Roman Catholic
  • What do you call a moving nun? A Roman Catholic
  • A missing Chinese pyromaniac has been located hiding out at a Roman Catholic monastery. He was found praying with friars.
  • What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic? The strength of the communion wine.
  • I don't understand why the Catholic Church is so against gay pride After all, their central figure was nailed by four Roman guys.
  • What's the difference between an Irish Catholic and a Roman Catholic? A few notches on the belt buckle.
  • I hear Donald Trump has been endorsed by the Roman Catholic Church He's called for a ban on contraception. He wants to make America mate again
  • What do you call a walking nun? A roman catholic.
  • What's the difference between a cancerous growth and a Roman Catholic tradition? One is a mass, and the other is.. actually they are exactly the same.
  • What's the deal with Roman Catholics? Why don't they just stay in one place?

Old Roman Jokes

Here is a list of funny old roman jokes and even better old roman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Yo mamma is so old… …that her social security number is written with Roman numerals.
  • Some guy just tried to tell me i can't be 443 years old and i don't undertand roman numerals i'm LIVID
  • After witnessing his wife been eaten by a lion the old Roman was asked if it worried him,no he said... I'm a gladiater.
  • My sons teacher called me today to tell me he'd hit a classmate with a set of Roman numerals. That's not what I meant when I told him he should give bullies the old one-two.
  • What's the difference between a forty-year-old Roman and your average American citizen? They're both XL.
  • Did you know there's a cocktail called a Roman Polanski? It's made of 12-year-old Scotch garnished with a busted cherry.
  • What did the old Frankish barbarians say to the Roman invasion? [](/dumbfabric)"You don't have the *Gaul* to do it!"
  • Yo momma's so old, she has Roman Numerals on her birth certificate.
  • Roman Polanski turns 84 today. But he still feels like a 13 year old.
Roman joke, Roman Polanski turns 84 today.

Laughable Roman Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about roman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean translator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make roman pranks.

A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior.

he Greek says "We built the Parthenon." the Italian says "We build the Colosseum." The Greek says "We came up with advanced Mathematics" The Italian says "We made the Roman Empire." The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. "We invented s**...." The Italian replies "True, true, I can't argue with that, but we thought of having it with women."

Times New Roman walks into a saloon.

The bartender says to him, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your type here."
So he shot the serif.

A Greek and a Roman are arguing about who has the superior culture.

The Greek says "We built the Parthenon". The Roman says "Ah, but we built the Colosseum". The Greek responds "We invented democracy" and the Roman says "Yes, but we founded the great Roman Empire". Finally, the Greek says "We invented s**...". The Roman replies "That's true, but we're the ones who thought of having it with women."

What's it called when a Roman sees too many flashing colors?

A Julius Seizure.

What Roman dictator suffered from Epilepsy?

Julius Seizure.

What do you call a Roman with p**... hair in his teeth?

Gladiator

A young Julius Caesar and his friend were walking along...

A young Julius Caesar and his friend Kevin were walking a Roman road. Caesar says "I'm really thinking about going all out this year and having a bust made of myself" to which Kevin
replied..."Ughh...Don't get a-head of yourself".

There are 11 types of people in this world..

a) those that understand Roman numerals.
b) those that don't understand Roman numerals.

My local drama society put on an evening of x**... Roman plays. I thought it sounded s**... so I went along. It was just 30 plays.

Never give a Roman a high five.

Or he'll give you a h**....

Romantic men

3 men talk about their wives. The first one says: "My wife is like a butterfly, so delicate and pretty". The second one: "Mine is like a baby deer, beautiful and gracious". After a moment of silence the third one goes: "Now that I think about it mine doesn't look much human either".

So this Roman guy...

This Roman guy walks into a Tavern, raises two fingers and yells, 'five beers please!'

Why were all Roman buildings made of stone?

They crucified the carpenter.

Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt?

So they would end up with seasoned veterans.

A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali are sitting under a tree.

A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali are sitting under a tree. A caterpillar gets on the Romanian's shoulder.
The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it.
Another caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and asks the Somali: "Do you want to buy a caterpillar?"

Have you heard about the Roman cannibalism trial?

They asked the defendant if he was sorry for his crimes. He said no, he was gladiator.

The invention of s**...

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and
Then Greek Says: "We invented s**..." The Italian says:"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women"

Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French?

Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many o**....
But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef.

What do you call a Roman dictator having an epileptic fit?

Julius Seizure

If a roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers..

Does he get two or five drinks?

how does a roman laugh when he's texting?

lol 490

My local theatre were showing some x**... Roman plays..,

I thought that it sounded pretty hot, turns out it was just 30 Roman plays.

Turning 30 was a lot sexier in Roman times

x**...

What did the Roman soldier say when Jesus whispered his dying words on the cross?

Come again?

Why was the Italians cell phone bill so high?

He was always Roman.
I'm sorry.

"Great job!" said one Roman soldier to the other. "You really nailed that one!"

But Jesus was not impressed.

When is "us" singular and 'i' plural?

When you're Roman.

What do you call a Roman with hair stuck in his teeth?

A Glad-he-ate-her

I went for a romantic break with the wife

She came out of the bathroom and said "take off my dress"
As I peeled off her dress, she said "take off my bra"
My hands trembled as I unclasped the strap. Then came "take off my knickers"
I slowly pulled them down, and she shouted
"and I don't ever want to catch you wearing them again!"

I took a novel around Romania with me but it got tired.

So I gave the Bucharest

What's more romantic than roses on a piano?

Tulips on an o**....

The Romans did not find algebra challenging

because X was always 10

Why did the Roman have a smile on his face after eating out his wife?

He was gladiator.

Do you know about the Roman emperor who had epilepsy?

It was Julius Seizure.

I asked my Roman friend for a high five

Got h**... instead

Don't ever get into a romantic relationship with a tennis player...

Love means nothing to them.

Old Romanian Joke: How do you stop an Albanian Tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

h**... is roman numerals for high five

Pass it on

Romania: Hey Hungary!

Romania: Wanna hear a joke?
Hungary: Sure!
Romania: Transilvania.
Hungary: I don't get it.
Romania: You will never get it.

Why didn't the Romans reuse their crosses?

Because that would have caused cross contamination.

Why was the roman smiling after going down on his wife?

He was gladiator.

I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.

I must have left on Data Roman.

Pirate Captain: Mistar Smith, do ya know how ta write two in Roman Numbers?

Mr. Smith: II captain.

Which Roman emperor loved planes the most?

Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooo.
 
So I hit my coworkers with this one at work today, and they hated it. Never heard it before so not sure if someone else made it up first, but I'm sure you good peoples would know.

The Greatest s**... Culture . . .

A Greek and an Italian were talking one day, discussing who had the superior culture.
Over coffee, the Greek says, "Well, we built the Parthenon."
The Italian replies, "We built the Coliseum.
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to mathematics."
The Italian, nodding, says, "But we built the Roman Empire ".
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented s**...!"
The Italian replies, "That may be true, but it was the Italians who included women."

Jesus: "Pardon me, I'm afraid I don't know what to do with this cross."

Roman soldier: "Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it."

Why didn't the Romans find algebra very challenging

they always knew X was 10

4 Norse Gods, 1 Roman God, and 2 Astrological bodies walk into a bar.

The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke.

Who says romance is dead?

A necrophiliac...

A Roman Legionnaire walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "What can I get you?" to which the Legionnaire replied: "A Martinum please".
The bartender looked puzzled, "Don't you mean a Martini?"
The legionnaire snapped back with "If I wanted a f*cking double I'd ask for one!"

A Roman centurian walks into a bar

And says to the barman "I'd like a Martinus, please"
The barman says "don't you mean a Martini?"
And the centurion snaps "if I wanted a double I would have asked for one"

Why did the Romans bring bleach to Jesus's crucifixion?

To prevent cross contamination.

Who performed the Imperial Roman version of "Can't Touch This"?

1100 Hammer

What do you call a Roman Emperor, without his epileptic pills?

Julius Seizure

Two Roman gladiators are talking....

The o**... says, "Guess how many women I've slept with?"
The second guy goes, "Mmmm..."
The first dude goes, "Are you serious?! I'd be dead!"

Why was Julius Caesar's phone bill so high?

Because he was Roman.

Bad joke incoming

4 Norse gods, 1 roman god, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar. The bartender says "This is gonna be a week joke"

Roman joke, Bad joke incoming

jokes about roman