Rolling Stone Jokes
88 rolling stone jokes and hilarious rolling stone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rolling stone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Rolling Stone Short Jokes
Short rolling stone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rolling stone humour may include short rock roll jokes also.
- I was writing a joke about a stone rolling up a hill, but it lost momentum. It still has potential.
- I'm in a band. We do covers of Stone Sour, Stone Temple Pilots, and The Rolling Stones. We're a rock band.
- What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones? The Rolling Stones sing "hey you... Get off of my cloud."
The Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe." - What's the difference between a Scotsmen and The Rolling Stones? The Rolling Stones would yell 'Hey! You! Get offa mah cloud!"
But a Scotsmen would tell 'Hey! McCloud! Get offa mah EWE!' - What's the difference between a rolling stone and a Scottish shepherd? One says, "hey, you! Get off of my cloud!"
The other says, "hey Macleod! Get off of my ewe!" - What version of the Rolling Stones' "Hey You, Get Off of My Cloud" is played on Scottish Radio? Hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!
- I wish my parents ran when they heard The Rolling Stones. Now they're stuck under a pile of rocks.
- Why is it appropriate that the Rolling Stones let their song Start Me Up be used for a Windows 95 commercial? Because it contains the lyrics You'd make a grown man cry.
- Styx and The Rolling Stones I think Styx and The Rolling Stones should've toured together
They could've called it the Break Your Bones Tour - I remember when The Doors and The Rolling Stones played soccer together. The final score was Five to One.
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Rolling Stone One Liners
Which rolling stone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rolling stone? I can suggest the ones about rock and roll and rock star.
- What's Sisyphus' least favorite band? Rolling Stones
- What are the Rolling Stones better at than the Bee gees? Stayin' Alive
- What's Indiana Jones's least favorite band? The Rolling Stones
- What does a rolling stone grow into ? A punk rock
- what's a geodude's favorite band? the rolling stones
- The Rolling Stones are so old..... that nowadays only their chairs are rocking.
- What's a racists favorite song by the Rolling Stones? Paint it, black!
- What did the stone say to the hill? Let's Rock and Roll.
- Why cant the Rolling stones ever be pastors? We all know they dont gather mass.
- A rolling stone... somebody pushed it.
- What was the most popular music in the stone age. Rock 'n' Roll
- Which band does rockclimbers listen to ? Rolling Stones
- The Rolling Stones should have a reunion tour and call it Rolling Stones Gather No Mas
- How do you make a rolling stone roll faster? Paint it black
- Did you hear? The Rolling Stones are in Nepal! ... Oh you mean literally..Right.
Amusing Rolling Stone Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about rolling stone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rick roll jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rolling stone pranks.
I surf the web a lot, and I guess I was using too much bandwidth, because the other day I got an automated phone call from my service provider. It was The Rolling Stones singing, "Hey, you. Get off of my cloud!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Home Loan Troubles
So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring "Paddywhack".
Kermit says "I want a loan". She goes through usual procedure then asks him about a deposit.
He places this little tiny china elephant on the bench and says "Here's my deposit, give me a loan". The teller replies "I'm sorry that's really not good enough, you need money".
Kermit tells her that it's all he has and it will have to do. When the teller denies his request once more, he starts to get a bit angry. "Do you know who my dad is? He's m**... JAGGER." Kermit says forceably.
"I WANT YOUR MANAGER", Kermit yells. She lets out a sigh and wanders off to find her manager.
The teller explains to her manager the story about the deposit, the china elephant, and who it belongs to.
The manager places his palm on his face, looks up and says, "Jesus christ.. it's a knick knack Paddywhack, give the frog a loan.. his old man's from The Rolling Stones".
It is a cringe worthy joke, but I thought I'd share it.
Bank Loan
A young girl, named Patricia Wack, starts a new job as a loan officer at the bank.
A frog walks in an asks her for a loan, she looks at him for a moment amazed that a frog could talk but proceeds professionally.
He needs five hundrded dollars for a new business venture and is willing to offer her a candle stick as collateral.
She is of course surprised by this strange offer of collateral and tells the frog that she's not sure she can approve the loan.
The frog gets upset and demands to see the manager. He says "Do you have any idea who I am? My father is Keith Richards, I deserve this loan!".
Patricia dismisses herself for a moment to go see the manager about this very odd case. She tells him the story and he looks at her for a moment then says "It's a knick-knack Patty Wack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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So I was about to roll a joint with a page from the Qur'an...
But I decided that I didn't really feel like getting s**....
Kermit Jagger needs a loan.
Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.
Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,
"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller...
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
What is a rock's favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink pig.
"I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A dog walks into a bank and asks for a loan...
The teller says "What collateral are you offering?"
The dog leans across the the counter, looks at his name tag and says "Here's the thing Mr. Wakk, can I call you Patrick? I'm actually Keith Richard's son. So you know I'm good for it."
The teller says "I'm sorry Mr. Dog we're still going to have to ask for collateral."
The dog hands him a ceramic elephant.
Confused the teller goes to his manager and tells him the story. He says "I don't know what to do, I don't even know what this thing is."
The manager says "It's a knick-knack p**... Wakk, give the dog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked m**... Jagger to pick me up some swampy plants.
But a Rolling Stone gathers no moss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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There's this lady who works in a bank...
... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.
One day, while she's going about her daily tasks, a frog hops up onto her counter.
"I want a loan," says the frog.
"Have you filled out the application?" asks Patricia.
"No," replies the frog. "I don't need to bother with all that b**.... Just go and get your manager. I've dealt with him before, and he'll give me the loan."
"Hang on," says Patricia, "I don't see any paperwork or ID, and I don't know the first thing about you. I don't know if you're having me on, or trying to defraud the bank. What's your name?"
"Kermit Jagger," says the frog.
"Now you're really having me on," says Patricia. "Get out of this bank before I call the police."
"No, seriously, go talk to your manager," says the frog. He digs around in his pocket and pulls out a Mr Bean Bobblehead. "Take this and give it to him. He'll know what it is."
Patricia reluctantly takes the toy, and walks upstairs to her manager's office. She knocks on the door, and he waves her in.
"What is it, Pattie?" He asks.
"Well, sir, there's a frog downstairs wanting a loan, but has none of the necessary documents or ID. He says he knows you, and to give you this." With that she places the bobblehead on the manager's desk.
The manager looks at it for a little while, smiles and says, "No worries, Pattie. You can go ahead and approve him up to $20,000."
"But sir!!! He has no ID or credit history with him! He didn't bring any paperwork, and won't do this by the book at all! What's going on, anyway? And what is that... toy that he made me bring to you, anyway?? What's that got to do with it?"
The manager sighs, leans forward, and says, "It's a nick-nack, Pattie Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Kermit the frog goes to get a loan at a bank.
He gets to the counter and states his request to the teller, Mrs. Whack.
Mrs. Whack: "Can you give a down payment or give us something to hold until your debt is paid off?"
The frog puts a tiny pink elephant on the counter in front of her. Mrs. Whack is very confused.
Kermit: "My father, m**... Jagger is friends with the manager. Go ask him if he will accept it."
So Mrs. Whack goes to the manager with the request and the pink elephant.
Manager: "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone."
I hope this hasn't been posted before. I just remembered it while reading a joke about a bank. Sorry if this is a repost.
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A Frog walks into a bank looking for a loan
Bank Teller ("Whack" on her name tag"): Hello, what would you like?
Frog: I would like a loan.
Mrs. Whack: What is your name?
Frog: Kermit.
Mrs. Whack: You're not Kermit The Frog.
Kermit: No, I was named after him. Name's Kermit Jagger, father's name is m**... Jagger, mother's a frog.
Mrs. Whack: Okay, do you have any collateral
Kermit pulls out a tiny pink elephant
Mrs. Whack: Let me check that with my manager
Patty Whack goes into the back and asks the manger what the pink elephant is
Manager: That's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.
Cr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A police officer pulls over a car
A police officer follows a car for many miles, and surprisingly for him, the driving is just perfect. The driver obeys all traffic signs, blinks when necessary, does not speed. The police officer is surprised and pulls over the car. In the car there is a family - a guy driving, his wife in the passenger seat and his mother-in-law sleeping in the back seat.
The guy rolls down the window "Is there a problem officer?"
"Hello, Sir. I see that your driving is perfect and pulled you over to thank you. May I inform you that you won this months $ 5000 safest driver award. Here is the check. What do you want to do with this money?"
The guy: "Wow thanks man, I am going to buy me a driving license"
Guys wife: "Don't listen to him officer, he always acts s**... when he's drunk and s**..."
The mother-in-law wakes up and sees the police officer "Jack, I told you we wouldn't get far in a stolen car"
Suddenly, the trunk pops and the father-in-law appears "Are we over the border yet?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know.
A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack.
Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous m**... Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat.
Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment?
Kermit: As a matter of fact I do. (Pulls out a small porcelain elephant from his pocket and gives it to the teller)
Patty Wack: (Unsure of what to do) I'll go ask the manager.
Patty Wack: (explains the situation to the manager) And then he handed me this little elephant and I don't even know what it is!
Bank Manger: It's a nick nack Patty Wack give the frog a loan his old man's a rolling stone!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What do you call an English rock band that is high?
THE ROLLING s**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A frog needs a loan...
...so he goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks 'Okay, well what's your name?' The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, son of the musician m**... Jagger.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who wants a loan and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?' The bank manager looks back at her and says 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes to the bank to get a loan...
A frog goes to the bank to get a loan, walks up to the teller, sees her name tag and says politely "Hello Ms. Pattywack I would like to take out a loan." She asks him his name and he replies "Kermit McJagger". She then asks him if he has any collateral and he places a small elephant statue on the table. She says "Sir this will not do." The frog says that's ridiculous let me see the manager. So she calls out the manager and explains the situation. He says everything is fine he gets the loan. Ms. Pattywack was very annoyed he would give a loan to this frog that easily when he had no collateral. She yells at the manager "what do you think you're doing?! He doesn't have anything!" Then she turns to the frog and yells "What is that s**... thing anyway?" By now the manager has had enough and says "That's a knick knack Pattywack now give this frog a loan, cuz his old man's a rolling stone!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The Great White Whale just unveiled a sculpture of the Rolling Stones frontman made of mud brick...
Moby d**...'s Adobe m**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Did you hear the single by the Scottish Rolling Stones?
Hey Mcloud get off of my Ewe!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A frog walks into a bank...
...and proceeds to ask the Asian teller, Ms. Patricia Wok, for a $5,000 loan. Absolutely gobsmacked at a talking frog she mechanically goes through the procedure, asking him if he has any references. As a matter of fact, he replies, my dad's m**... Jagger, he's a musician. Okay, she says hesitantly. I mean if a talking frog, what's not allowed? Do you have any collateral, she continues. Yeah, he says, this ruby, while pulling a crimson rock from his overalls. Composing herself she decides to ask the bank manager for assistance. Quickly bringing him up to speed, she says, can we continue with the transaction and is the ruby even real? At which point the bank manager examines the gemstone, sizes up the situation and says, it's just a nicknack Patty Wok but give the frog a loan, his old man is a rolling stone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't m**... Jagger pick r**... Moss up from the airport?
Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.
In the recent news of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds both passing away...
...Keith Richards, the guitarist for the Rolling Stones, has confirmed to still be alive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I lead a pretty rock n roll lifestyle
I wake up s**... and roll out of bed
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m**... Jagger's Big Announcement
As m**... and his fellow musicians continue to age, they've decided on a new name for the group:
"The Rolling Kidney Stones"
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If we were making our joints with rocks instead of w**....
We would be Rolling Stones.
Frog gets a loan.
There once was a frog that belonged to Keith Richards. This frog went to the bank to get a loan. At the desk was a woman named Miss Pattywack. The frog says "I'd like to get a loan please". She replied "Well you're gonna need some form of collateral". The frog says "I don't have much, but what about this?", the frog places a small wooden pink elephant on the counter. Miss Pattywack looks at it and says "Well I'll have to speak to the manager about this".
After telling the manager the whole story, she asked what the toy was. He replied "It's a nick nack, Pattywack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did m**... Jagger do when he found his cupboard was infested with moths?
Nothing. A rolling stone gathers no moths.
Why didn't Keith Richards succeed in gathering Kate Moss and Walt Mossberg for his charity?
A rolling stone...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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TIL m**... Jagger once studied to become a Bryologist
After forming his band, he abandoned his dream. After all, a Rolling Stone gathers no moss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What alcohol does The Rolling Stones drink?
m**... Jäggermeister
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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m**... Jagger had to give up his Japanese garden.
The rolling stone couldn't grow moss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What's the difference between a Scotsman and The Rolling Stones?
The Scotsman says Hey Macleod, get off my ewe!!
I'll see myself out.
A rockslide wiped out a concert not long ago.
The Rolling Stones made quite an appearance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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If you took ecstasy and smoked p**...
You'd be a rolling stone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A talking frog walks into a bank
and sees his favourite teller lady, patty mack, as he approaches the counter.
"I need a loan" he says, as the woman is wondering how on earth this frog is talking to her.
"How are you talking to me" she asks in disbelief.
The frog replies, "im the lovechild of kermit the frog and m**... jagger, i guess i got the best of both worlds".
The teller isn't sure on what to do so she excuses herself to talk to the manager. She fills the manager in on the situation and after a heft debate he replies;
"Knick knack patty mack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a rolling stone"
OG Rolling Stones Joke
I was on another forum, the comments section of a political site. Somebody was talking about how the Rolling Stones still got it despite having gotten a lot older. So people were making up humorous OG-version Stones song titles, like "Limping Jack Flash" and "Gimme Fiber."
And then somebody said it:
>!"Hey! You! Get Offa My Lawn!"!<
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why where the cave people mad about their children playing with rocks all the time.
They wouldn't stop getting s**..., staring at tablets, and playing rock and roll all day.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Kermit the Frog went to the bank to request a loan.
The teller, Patty Whack, asked him for references.
"Well, my dad's m**... Jagger," Kermit replied.
Uncertain, Patty then asked him if he had any collatoral.
"Here's something from my shelf", he answered, handing her a small decoration.
Now confused, Patty told him she had to speak with her manager.
"Mr Jones," she said, "I don't know what to do. Kermit the Frog is asking for money, he says his dad is m**... Jagger, and his only collateral is this thing. I don't even know what it is!"
The manager replies, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... Jagger and Keith Richards have a huge falling out after m**... refuses to stop talking in broken Spanish
When asked for comment, m**... replied "The Rolling Stones gather no mas."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What's a rolling rolling stone?
m**... Jagger in a wheelchair
What Bob Dylan song was ranked by Rolling Stone magazine as the #14 greatest song of all time?
The answer, my friend, is Blowin' in the Wind.
The stone has been rolled away for 38 days and Christ continues to chill with his buds.
God calls from the heavens, it is time.
But Jesus and his friends can't hear over all the partying etc
On day 39, same thing. Son, come sit by my right hand in heaven.
Still nothing.
On the 40th day, God hears that the music is especially loud and knows he'll likely be ignored again. So he grabs a very loud megaphone and yells May I have your ascension please! May I have your ascension please
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house
They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why doesn't m**... Jagger date British supermodels?
A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.
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A golfer is playing a par 4 hole.
His first shot is right down the middle, but the second shot lands in a sand trap. He swings hard. The ball clears the trap but hooks badly. A famous rock group is walking by. The ball ricochets off the side of the head of m**... Jagger, killing him instantly. It bounces off the head of Keith Richards, killing him too, but then lands on the green and rolls into the cup.
Yep, you got it, he killed two Stones with one birdie.