Roller Skate Jokes

Recreational tampons...

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while in the joint. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and said that was going to paint anything he could. Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire..." The third convict was sitting quietly aside when the other two took notice of him and asked, "What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons, smiled. and said, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "Why did you bring those things?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said;
"Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."

Three men die in a car c**...

They find themselves at the gates of Heaven. Saint Peter approaches them, saying "Okay, you'll get a vehicle for getting around Heaven depending on your faithfulness to your spouse".
The first man says "I never cheated on my wife, and I love her". He gets a Ferrari.
The second man says "I cheated on my wife once, but I still love her". He gets a horse.
The third man says "I cheated on my wife a couple times, but I still love her". He gets a scooter.
Soon after being allowed in to heaven, the man on his scooter sees the man in his Ferrari, crying his eyes out, and asks "What's wrong?".
The man looks up, and replies "I just saw my wife with a pair of roller skates...".

Which car will you get in heaven?

Three guys are standing in heaven, their names are Greg, James, and Tony. They are at a car dealership, and an angel asks them "were you faithful to your wives?" Greg answers "yes, I never cheated on my wife." He is given a new Lamborghini. The angel then asks James if he ever cheated on his wife. He says "once, and I am ashamed to admit it." He is given a Toyota Corolla. The angel then asks Tony, and he says "yes, lots of times." He is given an old Morris Marina.
A few days later, Tony sees Greg sitting on a park bench, and Greg is crying. Tony Asks Greg "you were given a Lamborghini the other day, why are you crying?" Greg responds "I just saw my wife, they gave her a pair of roller skates."

3 men in heaven

Three men die and go to heaven. After a while there, they meet an angel.
"There's a new policy!" he says. "Everyone gets a free vehicle! The type of vehicle depends on how good you were on Earth."
So they go to God to get there vehicle.
"Okay" God says, "John, how good were you?"
"Well, I was always good to my wife, and I went to church often." he says.
"That means you get Lamborghini!" God says, "Okay Bob, how good were you?"
"Well, I was good to my wife most of the time, and I went to church every so often" he says.
"That means you get an F-150!" God says, "Okay Jim, how good were you?"
"Well, I cheated on my wife often, and I rarely went to church." he says.
"That not even worthy of a vehicle!" God says, "Here, take this bicycle!"
So later Jim is riding his bicycle around, and he sees John crying.
"John, why are you crying?" he asks, "You got the Lambo!"
He says, "Because I saw my wife ride by on roller skates!"

So a cat goes to heaven and the lord says he'll grant him one wish...

So a cat goes to heaven and the lord says he'll grant him one wish. The cat says, "Lord, I'd like a fluffy pillow to lay on." So the lord gave him a fluffy pillow.
The next day, three mice died and went to heaven. The lord said he'd grant them one wish. The mice said, "Lord, we'd like to have roller skates so we can skate in heaven." So the lord gave the mice roller skates.
The next day, the lord visited the cat and asked, "How is your fluffy pillow?"
The cat replied, "I'm loving the fluffy pillow. But you know what I love even more? Those meals on wheels."

A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."

A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking."
The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."
God said, "Say no more."
Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together.
God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat.
The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again."
God said, "It is done!"
All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat.
He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.
God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?"
The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"