Rolled Jokes
141 rolled jokes and hilarious rolled puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rolled that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with our collection of witty and hilarious rolled jokes. From the comic genius behind the flung tablecloth to the pun master who gazed into the sky, these jokes will have you rolling in laughter.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Rolled Short Jokes
Short rolled jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rolled humour may include short rolling jokes also.
- I got pulled over by a female cop... When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
"NOTHING" - I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint. Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.
- I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.
- I took an epileptic girl to a rave I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.
- "It's a boy", David shouted, "It's a BOY!" With tears rolling down his eyes, David came running out of the room. And never visited Bangkok again.
- Some people say rolling for stats in D&D is old fashioned and unforgiving But I think it builds character.
- I saw a lady texting and driving today I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her.
- Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie? Like, i was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me: Hey! Watch It!
- What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy? An empty toilet paper roll.
- "It's a boy!" I shouted tear rolling down my face "I don't believe it. A boy!" Its at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again.
Share These Rolled Jokes With Friends
Rolled One Liners
Which rolled one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rolled? I can suggest the ones about rolls and rowing.
- What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? walking.
…
j/k…rolling. - What's Sisyphus' least favorite band? Rolling Stones
- What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.
- Finally my winter fat is gone Now I have spring rolls
- My friend used my todo list to roll a blunt He's high on my list of priorities
- Two mice are chewing on a film roll One says, "I liked the book better"
- How does the author of harry potter get down a hill? By walking. JK. Rolling
- My friends keep telling me to stop impersonating butter. But I can't. I'm on a roll now
- How did Harry Potter make it to the bottom of the hill? By walking... jk rolling
- How did harry potter get down the hill? Walking.
LoL
JK. Rolling. - Sometimes I tuck my knees up into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
- What do you call 100 little sheep rolling down a hill? A lambslide
- What do you call a pastry that is yummy, tasty, and delicious? A synonym roll.
- What do you do with 365 used condoms? Roll them up into a tire and call it a Goodyear!
- Is that a sushi roll in your pocket? Or are you just happy sashimi?
Rolled Hill Jokes
Here is a list of funny rolled hill jokes and even better rolled hill puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was writing a joke about a stone rolling up a hill, but it lost momentum. It still has potential.
- I fondly remember our childhood when Dad used to roll us down the hill in a tire. Those were the Good Years.
- What is Harry Potter's favorite method of getting down a hill? Walking....
Jk, rolling - I remember my childhood quite fondly when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires. Those were the Good Years.
- What's black and white, black and white, and black and white? "A penguin rolling down a hill"
My 6 y.o just told me this one and I don't know why I laughed so hard. I felt it should be shared. Lol - Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To reach the bottom.
As told by my 5 y/o cousin. - How does a transphobe get down hill? Walking.
JK, rolling - What do you get when a chicken lays its eggs on the top of a hill? Egg rolls.
- Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
I shall take my leave now. - Researchers rolled an assortment of vegetables down a hill to see which would travel fastest Stephen Hawking won by a landslide
Rolled Ankle Jokes
Here is a list of funny rolled ankle jokes and even better rolled ankle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't always roll a joint... ...but when I do, it's an ankle.
- I rolled my first joint last night! Today I have an ankle the size of a football. :(
- I don't regularly roll a joint, but when I do... it's usually my ankle.
- Sometimes when I'm alone in my room I squat down, grab hold of my ankles and lean forward. Coz that's how I roll.
- I just rolled a joint... Now my ankle hurts
- Sometimes I like to grab my ankles and lean forward But that's just how I roll.
- I don't always roll a joint . . . But when I do, it's usually my ankle.
- I rolled a joint It was my ankle.
- I'm going to name my ankles "Swishers" Because those joints are always getting rolled.
*I struggled a lot with the wording, I'd be happy to take suggestions on how to make it hit better* - I rolled a joint for the first time today... I put an ice pack on my ankle straight away
Hilarious Rolled Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about rolled you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean logged jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rolled pranks.
I tried as hard as I could to get my wife to have s**... with me. She just rolled over and went to sleep. At least I know I gave it my best effort . . .
Before hand
In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
Poor Boy
A young boy is standing at the edge of a cliff, crying his eyes out.
A Catholic priest happens to walks past and, seeing the boy, asks, "Whats wrong, my child?"
"My mother and father were in the car and it rolled off the cliff. It exploded and they died, and I have no way of getting home!"
The priest looks around and, as he's unbuttoning his pants, says "This really isn't your day is it, my son?"
Blonde vs. Space
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were taking a tour inside of NASA space center. The tour-guide asked them "What planet or other object in our universe would you go to?"
The red head said. "I'd go to Saturn!"
The brunette said, "I'd go to the Moon!"
The blonde said "I'd go to the Sun!"
The tour-guide looked at the blonde. "But if you go the Sun, you'll burn up and die."
The blonde rolled her eyes and replied calmly. "What, do you think I'm s**...? I'd go at night!"
A married couple of 20 years are lying in bed
The man rolled over and said to his wife, "Hey, honey, I have a hard on that I just can't get rid of. Think you wanna help?"
The wife turned around and stripped n**....
The husband then rolled back over, closed his eyes, and said, "thanks, honey, that did the trick!"
Speaking in German in Texas
In Texas, there is a town named New Braunfels, where there is a large
German-speaking population.
One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his
hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser
nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen." (Translated: "Glad to meet you!
Don't drink the water. The cows have crapped in it.")
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for
Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."
The rancher replied: "Use both hands."
Do you know that condoms have serial numbers on them?
No? I guess you haven't rolled them down all the way.
A penguin was driving along...
A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".
The chicken and the egg were lying in bed after having s**......
The chicken sighed happily, fluffed the pillows, and lit up a cigarette. The egg frowned and then rolled over in bed. "Well I guess that answers *that* question." he muttered.
Do you know there is a serial number printed on every c**...?
I guess you haven't rolled it down far enough.
Does it hurt anymore?
A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"
I asked a Jewish girl for her number.
She rolled up her sleeve.
TIL that condoms have serial numbers.
What? Have you never rolled them down that far?
Did you know condoms have serial numbers?
Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.
Yesterday I saw a girl driving next to me while texting on her phone...
I was so disgusted by her irresponsible driving that I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
Bert, the oldest guy at the company was retiring...
At his retirement party, as a surprise, a large cake was rolled out, and a s**..., scantly clad woman jumped out! The woman called him over and whispered, "Hey there s**..., you want some super s**... tonight?"
"Well", said Bert, "that depends, what sort of soup?"
I was having trouble getting to sleep last night
After about an hour of tossing and turning, my wife rolled over, snuck her hand under the covers, and trailed it playfully down my chest.
"Want meeee to help you get to sleep", She whispered coyly into my ear.
"Yeah", I replied. "Tell me again how your day went".
Couch was comfy.
A cardiologist died...
..and was given an elaborate f**.... A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside, forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said: "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own f**.....I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.
So far 42 out of 43 presidents actually ran for office.
FDR just kind of rolled himself in there.
My wife tied me up before s**... last night
She then rolled over and went to sleep.
I was going to make a joke about that bus...
I was going to make a joke about that bus that rolled over and killed the driver and 9 passengers...
But there's no pun in ten dead.
-40° outside sounds brutally cold, Fahrenheit or Celsius.
My friend Kelvin just rolled his eyes.
Why were the locals dissapointed when an old, decrepit, broken down bus rolled into an Egyptian town?
They wished it was Anubis.
Do you know why scuba divers roll backwards off boats?
Because if they rolled forward they would just go into the boat
A young woman rolled her eyes towards me,
So I picked them up and rolled them back.
Last night my wife and I did it "d**..."...
I sat up and begged, and she rolled over and played dead.
On my way home from work saw a man texting while driving..
Knowing how dangerous this can be I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.
COD Rolled the Dice
but Battlefield 1
What did the Spanish teach say to the student that couldn't roll his "R"s?
Nothing, she just rolled her "I"s.
Tax on Condoms
A woman walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What's the 8 cents for?" asks the woman. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee", says the woman, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."
A famous heart surgeon died and everyone was gathered at his f**.... A coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him said, control yourself man.
I'm sorry, he replied, I was thinking about my own f**....
What's so funny about that?
I'm a gynecologist.
I woke up and watched the Religion channel for a change...
And there was a man shouting at me on the tv. "YOU MAY NOT HAVE KNOWN THIS, BUT YOU HAVE ALREADY SINNED TODAY!". "But I just woke up, I'm still in bed", I thought. I rolled over and asked my sister if I had sinned today.
Where do fisherman keep their horses
In their BARNacles.
-Made it up today for my little cousin who rolled his eyes. Gf thought it was funny.
The general couldn't find his armies...
...So he rolled up his sleevies
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls on the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator "I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD, WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!"
The operator responds in a calm, soothing voice "Everything will be ok, first we should make sure he's dead."
After a long silence, the operator hears a shot.
"Ok" Says the hunter "what now?"
I got pulled over by a lady police..
When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, then she replied "NOTHING"
This year, I tried to smoke a turkey.
But I rolled it too tight and couldn't get the end lit.
I caught my wife having s**... with my best friend.
So I rolled up a newspaper and told him he was a bad boy.
What did the dead meme do when someone misused him?
Rick rolled in his grave.
When I was a kid, my mom always used to tell me to put a clean pair of socks on, everyday...
By the time Saturday rolled around, I could hardly even fit in my shoes...
The original name for Jedis was "Force Kin".
I wonder why they rolled it back?
Now how's he going to read the newspaper, all rolled up like that?"
...thought the spider.
Mom always said that I wouldn't always be able to pick and choose...
Years later, I found this to be true when I was living in Russia and election time rolled around.
A blonde walked into a library
Wait that's not the whole joke!
And she asked the librarian, Do you have pasta?
The librarian rolled her eyes and answered, Miss, this is library.
The blonde whisper, Do you have pasta?
A friend and I just rolled the worlds biggest spliff
It was a joint effort.
My boss rolled into work in a sweet new ride...
I said "Nice car, I'd kill to drive one of those!". He says "Well, if you set realistic goals, work hard and are determined I can get an even better one next year".
Did you know that if all the capillaries of a human lung were rolled out onto a tennis court...
The game would likely be cancelled
I had s**... with my new girlfriend for the first time last night.
When we finished, she rolled off of me and said "wow, you're by far the biggest I've ever had!" Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
My s**... friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook.
He is high on my list of priorities.
Did you hear about the mechanic who had perfect pitch?
He could always tell when a-flat rolled into the shop.
A wife has a gynecologist appointment tomorrow
A husband and wife were lying in bed. Getting in the mood, he started caressing her to turn her on.
"Sorry," she said, "I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to make sure I'm fresh and undisturbed before she inspects me."
He rolled over, feeling a little disappointed.
A moment later, he rolls back over and says, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?"
Why did the cows have to flee the farm's cannabis field?
Because the steaks were high when the pigs rolled in...
God rolled a joint, put it in his mouth, and realized he had nothing to light it with.
The match was made in Heaven.
Doctor: Tell me your problem.
Me: There is something wrong with my joints.
Doctor: Is there any pain?
Me: No, they are not rolled properly.
Doctor: g**...!
I rolled up a newspaper to hit a black widow.
I was then removed from the f**....
She rolled over and looked at me very seductively and said "I want you to make me scream by using your fingers"....
So I poked her in the eye.
A common feature of animals born through i**... is skin that has been curled up and turned over on itself.
Rolled hide.
99¢ c**...
A young guy walks into a drugstore to buy a c**.... He sees they are on sale for 99¢ each and luckily he has $1 on him. He gives the c**... to the clerk.
Clerk: That'll be $1.04
Guy: I thought they were on sale for 99¢. What's the extra 5¢ for?
Clerk: Tax
Guy: Tacks!? I thought you rolled them on!!
I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to s**... a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...
Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs...
Why is a degree like a c**...?
It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, and its worthless the next day.
I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 am for seniors only.
A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door you'll never get in there."
Which came first?
Late one night, a chicken was laying in bed with an egg.
The chicken was laying back, smoking a cigarette, and feeling quite pleased with himself.
The egg was clearly upset and huffed as she rolled onto her side. As she was pulling the blanket over herself, she said in a very annoyed tone of voice...
"Well I guess we finally answered *that* question now didn't we?"
My friend rolled me a fat joint
He called it his American joint.
A kid got ran over passing out candy at a parade...
He got his tootsie rolled
Man, I can never take free w**... from my best friend
bc i will always be in doubt that Rick rolled it
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar
Just kidding he rolled
A photographer was killed in a freak accident today.
When trying to take a group photo, a giant wheel of cheddar rolled over and crushed him.
Witnesses said people did try to warn him.
A woman accidentally locked her keys in her car and was pacing frantically on the side of the street, when a soldier from Boston passing by saw this and assured her that he could help. She looked on in amazement as he removed his trousers, rolled them into a tight ball...
...and rubbed them against the car door.
Magically, it opened!!
"That's incredible!!" the woman gasped. "How did you do it?"
"Easy..." replied the soldier. "These are my khakis."
The stone has been rolled away for 38 days and Christ continues to chill with his buds.
God calls from the heavens, it is time.
But Jesus and his friends can't hear over all the partying etc
On day 39, same thing. Son, come sit by my right hand in heaven.
Still nothing.
On the 40th day, God hears that the music is especially loud and knows he'll likely be ignored again. So he grabs a very loud megaphone and yells May I have your ascension please! May I have your ascension please
I ask my wife if we could try to do it d**......
She rolled over and played dead
A state trooper pulled along side a speeding driver and is shocked when he sees a elderly woman behind the wheel knitting.
The trooper rolled down the window and yelled, "Pull Over!"
"No!" yelled the woman, "It's a cardigan!"
I was driving to work yesterday, when I spotted Usain Bolt on the sidewalk. I rolled the window down and offered him a lift.
He said 'No thanks, I'm in a rush.'
A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby.
A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs, fell on the ground & rolled around in pain.
She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor. Reluctantly he agreed. She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside. She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great, but I still think my thumb is broken"
A guy put a gallon each of strawberry, grape and apple flavored punch in a barrel, jumped in and rolled down a local hill. His friend asked, but why?
He replied: I just wanted to roll with the punches.
