Rode Jokes

Following is our collection of Rode funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Rode jokes

I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son"

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."

He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike.

I rode on, ruthlessly.

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

Understanding Engineers

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Two engineers are meeting for lunch

Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.

"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.

The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."

"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Last night I rode my bike to the liquor store

... and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home.

And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home.

What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

One Day a Cowboy Rode into Town

He tied up his horse and entered a saloon

When he exited the saloon, he found his horse missing

The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, when I'm done, my horse better be returned. If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas."

The cowboy went back inside the bar, got a drink, and returned to find his horse.

As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked,

"Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas?"

The cowboy responded,

"I had to walk home."

P.S. Sorry

Two engineers meet each other on their way into work

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

How did the geologist get down the mountain?

'e rode

The first time I've had sex was like the first time I rode my bike

My dad was holding me from behind

I went to a liquor store yesterday on my bicycle.

I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I tied it to my bicycle carrier.

I was about to leave. Then I realised that if I fell off the bike on the way home, the bottle would break.

So I drank all the JD before I rode back.

Finally it turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

A cowboy rode into a dusty old town...

...and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar and with a quick move of his hands, he flipped his guns into the air, caught them above his head without even looking and fired at the ceiling. Which one of you cow'rdly sidewinders stole my hoss!?" he yelled. No one answered.

"Alright, I'm gonna have anotha beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna haf'ta do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! As he swung up into the saddle and started to ride out of town, the bartender ran out of the saloon and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I walked home."

Two Engineers Run into Each Other

One of them is riding a shiny new bike.
Engineer 1: "Where'd you get that bike?"
Engineer 2: "Well, yesterday a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike, took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted.
So, I took the bike."
Engineer 1: "That was smart... the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

An engineer sees a fellow engineer on a new bike...

An engineer was walking along one day when another engineer friend of his rides up on a brand new bicycle.


"That is an awesome bike. Where did you get it?" He asks.


"Well," his friend replied "It was the strangest thing. I was sitting on a bench in the park, minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up, got off the bike and then took all of her clothes off right in front of me! Then she said 'Take what you want!'"


The first engineer replied "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you!"

A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.

The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"

The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"

The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

Engineering student show up to his lab partner's house with a new bike...

His partner says, "wow.. that's a pretty nice bike you got there."
Engineering student says, "yeah, I was outside my dorm last night when a co-ed rode up on it. She was really drunk. She threw the bike on the ground and took off all of her clothes and said 'you can have whatever you want.'"
Partner says, "it's a good thing you chose the bike... I don't think the clothes would have fit you."

An engineer is walking down the road...

An engineer (E1) is walking down the road and he sees his fellow engineer friend (E2) coming towards him on a bicycle.

E1: Hey man, nice bike, I didn't know you rode a bike, is it new?

E2: Crazy story how I got this bike. I was walking down the road this morning minding my business, when a beautiful woman rides up to me on this bike. She threw the bike down, took off all her clothes, laid down on the grass and said to me, "take what you want".

E1: Hmm... you made a good decision, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you.

A nerd on a bicycle

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned and asked, Where did you get such a nice bike? The second nerd replied, Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!' The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit.

My brother and I own adjacent farms

The other day he rode over to complain that I was growing marijuana on his side of the fence.

I told him to get off his high horse.

In the Old West

In the Old West, a man robbed a bank in El Paso and rode south. The sheriff quickly formed a posse and they captured him in a small cantina near the Mexican border, but he didn't have the money. The sheriff decided to interrogate him, but the robber only spoke Spanish, so they got the bartender to translate.

Sheriff, through translator: "Where's the money?"

Bank robber, through translator: I'll never tell you."

The sheriff puts his revolver to the bank robber's head. Now, tell me where the money is!

Bank robber (in Spanish): I hid it under the bridge south of town!

Translator: He says he's not afraid to die."

Two Flies in a bar

One fly is sitting at the bar and his friend walks in shivering, covered in frost.

"What's happened to you?" he asks.

"I rode down in here in a big guy's mustache. He got on his motorcycle and just muscled through the storm." The second fly responded.

"Oh, well next time, what you should do is find a beautiful woman with a big bush, snuggle in there and you'll be fine the whole trip."


The next day the first fly is waiting at the bar and the second fly comes in shivering and covered in frost again.

"What happened, didn't you take my advice?" he asks.

"I did, I did," the second fly responds. "I went to sleep nestled down in the bush, and when I woke up I was back in the Biker's Mustache again"

An engineer tells his coworkers about his walk to work

"So I'm walking to work this morning through the park, like I always do, but today was a bit different... A beautiful woman on a bicycle rode up next to me and got off the bike. She stripped naked and put her clothes in a pile next to the bike, then looked right at me and said 'You can have anything you want...'"

One of his coworkers asks "So what did you do?"

He replies, "I took the bike."

The coworker says "Yeah, you made the right choice.. Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Joke I heard while travelling

One day a young boy rode his bike proudly saying "look Dad! No hands."

The next day the boy rode even more proudly saying "Look Dad no hands and no feet!"

The third day the boy shouted "Look Dad! No teeth!"

Rodeo Position

Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old missionary position the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off doggie style, behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.

Rodeo Sex

When you're making love to your girl doggy style and bend over and whisper in her ear, this is how your sister likes it too , and try and hold on for 8 seconds.

How did the man escape from prison?

Well, he rubbed his hands to make them sore,
He used the saw to cut the table in half,
Two halves make a whole,
He jumped into the hole and got out,
Finally he shouted til his voice was hoarse then climbed on the horse and rode back home.

An old one my grandfather told before he died.

Two cowboys were riding their horses through the plains when they saw an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.

See that Indian? One of the Cowboys said. "He can hear everything that's going on for miles around."
They rode up to him, and the Indian said, "white pickup. Four people in the front, six in the back. Big party."
"Wow" the other cowboy said. "You can tell all that from just listening to the ground?"
"Nah, I fell off the back."

Today I was in the elevator with a guy who only rode to the second floor. He couldn't even bother to take one flight of stairs?

How lazy. That's probably how he got to be in a wheelchair.

That's one.

As a child my grandfather would tell me story of his great great grandfather's Ignacio crossing the desert in Mexico. He and his wife rode in a covered wagon pulled by donkeys. A few hours into the journey one of the donkeys tripped, and he said, "That's one." Few hours go by and the donkey trips again, and he says, "That's two." Hours go by and again the donkey trips. Ignacio says "That's three." He pulls out his gun, shoots, and kills the donkey.

At this point his wife starts yelling, " What were you thinking! We don't have many donkeys! Why would you shoot him!" Ignacio replied, "That's one."

A nerd is riding a bike on the college campus when he comes across his friend.

The friend asks, "Where did you get that awesome bike?"

"You won't believe what happened," the nerd says. "I was walking on a trail yesterday, minding my own business, when this really beautiful woman rode up to me. She threw the bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, and said '*take what you want.*'"

"Good choice," says the friend as he nods approvingly. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Chastity belt

During the crusades a knight was about to leave for the holy land , but he was worried about his wife. He wanted to ensure her faithfulness till his return. So he had a chastity belt made and tied it around his wife, as he was about to leave he thought , that what if he loses the key in the confusion of battle , what will he do then , so he decides to leave the key in the care of his best friend . As he rode off to the crusades , barely had he gotten a mile from home that he saw his friend tearing after him on a horse , as he got closer he heard his friend saying
"Come back! you gave me the wrong key"

Two engineering students were walking across campus...

...when a third engineer pulls up on a brand new bike. Engineer #1 says, "I've never seen you ride that before, where did you get such a great bike?"

The engineer on the bike replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "You can have whatever you want."

Engineer #2 nodded approvingly, saying, "Good choice; there's no way her clothes would have fit you."

My wife didn't believe me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.

A rodent fell into a vat of hot cooking oil.

It turned into a Chris Pratt

Where do rodents get high?

In Hamsterdam.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews?

Harry Potter rode the train back.

I'm not apologizing.

What do rodents do after dinner?

Gopher a walk.

Be careful of black ice.

I rode my bike over some black ice once. I slipped and fell off, and when I looked up, my bike was gone.

What did the snail say when he rode a turtle?

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I'll see myself out.

Cowboys and Indian.

One day two cowboys are riding down a road when they saw a Native man with his ear to the road.

These Indians are amazing. Said one cowboy. They can hear things from miles away.

As they rode closer they heard the man began to speak. Horse-drawn carriage pulled by two horses, one black and one white. It is driven by a man. His wife is beside him and a son and daughter are in the back.

That's incredible! How did you know all of that?

They ran over me two hours ago.

Why did Jesus cross the road?

He didn't, he rode the cross.

Ruth rode on my motorcycle, on the seat behind me...

I took a bump at 95, and rode on ruthlessly

Another joke translated from my native language

There's recently been many jokes in languages from people around the world. I though I'd give it a go.


Johnny got a brand new bike and was proudly riding it around his house.
He rode past the kitchen window and yelled to his mom: "hey mom, look! I am riding without my legs". A while later he rode past again and yelled: "hey mom, look! I am riding without my hands". A bit later he rode past again and said: "hey mom, look I am riding without my teeth".

The secret to a long marriage

A reporter was doing a human interest story for a local newspaper, and was interviewing an elderly couple celebrating sixty years of marriage. The obvious question the reporter posed was "What's the secret to a long marriage?"

"Oh," the man started. "It's all about perseverance. On our honeymoon, we went to the Grand Canyon and rode on mules down the trail. Well, my new wife's mule bucked her off, and she fell on the ground. She just yelled, 'That's ONE!' and got right back on. A couple minutes, the mule did it again, and she yelled, 'That's TWO!' and got right back on. When the mule did it a third time, she yelled, 'That's THREE!' and she took out a gun and shot the mule dead."

The reporter was shocked at the story, and asked, "How does that relate to a long marriage?"

And the man replied, "Well, I told her that was no way to treat a mule, and she looked at me and said 'That's ONE!'"

When I rode an elevator, it was really uplifting

But it let me down the next time

I told my mom that I was going to make a spaghetti bike.

You should've seen her face when I rode right pasta!

I rode my unicycle to the bank today. They told me I have outstanding balance.

I'm not exactly sure how to take it.

There's this one about two old men in the Explorer's Club...

And the elder of the two was describing his first trip to Africa on safari as a young lad.

"I rode through the jungle with the tribesmen and hunting party for days on end, and suddenly, out of the trees, came this huge tiger!"

His companion said "And what did you do, sir?"

"Well, we were all frozen in fear. And before any of us could aim our rifles, the tiger let out this big roar: RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!
I don't mind telling you, I shat my pants!"

His companion said "Well, sir, I'm not surprised after witnessing that!"

The old man shook his head.

"Not that, when I went RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Why was the rodeo clown frustrated with his job?

He was tired of all the bull.

2 nuns on bicycles

2 nuns, on bicycles, rode down this street. The second nun called to the first I've never come this way before and the first nun called back it's the cobblestones!

What rodent helps reduce your risk when trading livestock futures?

A hedgehog

Rodeo Sex.

Have you ever tried Rodeo Sex? here is how it goes, you get you're Girlfriend on all fours and mount her, you push in as far as you can and hold on real tight, you then whisper in her ear, you are not as good as you're Sister, see how long you can stay on..

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motocycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank.
The End

Two geeks are talking over lunch.

The first guy says, "You wouldn't believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take whatever you want!' … So I took the bike."

The second guy says, "Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Know your homonyms

As teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset."

She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference."

Me at my second rodeo:

This ain't my first rodeo.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes