Rode Jokes
111 rode jokes and hilarious rode puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rode that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Rode Short Jokes
Short rode jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rode humour may include short ride jokes also.
- I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me... Until I rode pasta.
- What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian? The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.
- 100 years ago everybody rode horses around, and only the wealthy could afford cars Today everybody drives cars, and only the wealthy can afford horses
Oh how the stables have turned - A monkey escaped from the petting zoo. He rode out the gates on the back of a baby sheep.
Authorities have stated that he is on the lamb. - A man ask someone why he is limping ? - I rode with the British lancers.
mad laugh ...
- What’s funny ?
- What a name Bengal lancers ... - I rode an elevator today manufactured by a company named Schindler I was on Schindler's Lift.
- Today I was in the elevator with a guy who only rode to the second floor. He couldn't even bother to take one flight of stairs? How lazy. That's probably how he got to be in a wheelchair.
- My wife didn't believe me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
- What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews? Harry Potter rode the train back.
I'm not apologizing. - What did the snail say when he rode a turtle? Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
I'll see myself out.
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Rode One Liners
Which rode one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rode? I can suggest the ones about bike ride and riding horse.
- My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike. I rode on, ruthlessly.
- How did the geologist get down the mountain? 'e rode
- What did the snail say as it rode on the turtle's back? WEEEEEEEEE!
- Last summer I rode a dolphin on accident. Usually it's on porpoise.
- Why did Jesus cross the road? He didn't, he rode the cross.
- What did the Snail say when it rode on the Turtles back? Wheeeeeeee!!!!
- When I rode an elevator, it was really uplifting But it let me down the next time
- To get in shape I had a bike made out of taffy but I never rode it It was a viscous cycle
- What did the snail say when it rode the turtle? WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
- TIFU...... She rode me like a cow girl.
- A cowboy rode in on Thurdsay and three days later he left on Friday. How did this happen?
- Q: Why did the cowboy get a hot seat?
A: Because he rode the range. - You know what the snail said when he rode the turtle? I don't want to die!
- How did he do that? a cowboy rode into town on Friday. two days later he left on Friday.
- I rode to work today in the underground HOV lane... They called it the carpool tunnel.
Happy Rode Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about rode you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rope jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rode pranks.
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son"
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."
He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
Why was the rodeo clown frustrated with his job?
He was tired of all the bull.
Engineering student show up to his lab partner's house with a new bike...
His partner says, "wow.. that's a pretty nice bike you got there."
Engineering student says, "yeah, I was outside my dorm last night when a co-ed rode up on it. She was really drunk. She threw the bike on the ground and took off all of her clothes and said 'you can have whatever you want.'"
Partner says, "it's a good thing you chose the bike... I don't think the clothes would have fit you."
I live near a remidial school,
there's a sign on the rode outside that says, 'SLOW CHILDREN'. I thought to myself, that can't be good for their self esteem. But look on the positive side, they can't read it.
Rodeo Position
Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old m**... the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off d**..., behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.
A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.
The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"
The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"
The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"
Inside the Alamo, Davy Crockett got up from his cot, walked across the dusty dirt floor to the ladder, and climbed to the roof. There, he found Sam Houston and Jim Bowie staring off in the distance...
...as over the hills rode straight toward them a thousand Mexicans. Davy thought for a moment and then said, "Guys...are we laying concrete today?"
Two Engineers were walking to class..
When one asks the other..
Engineer 1: "Hey man that is a nice bike, where did you get it?
Engineer 2: "The strangest thing happened to me yesterday. A girl rode over to me on this bike and suddenly dropped it in front of me. She then took off all her clothes and said, "You can have it all!" So I took the bike."
Engineer 1: "That was a wise choice, her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyways."
Two engineers are talking...
The first engineer says, "Yesterday a girl rode her bike up to me, got off, and then took off her clothes and threw them in a pile. She points at the bike, her clothes, and then her n**... body. She tells me to pick one of the three choices and I can have it. So obviously I picked the bike."
The second engineer says, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyways."
Do you know what rodeo s**... is?
It's when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was better than you...", and try to hold on for 8 seconds!
Be careful of black ice.
I rode my bike over some black ice once. I slipped and fell off, and when I looked up, my bike was gone.
Ever want to have rodeo s**...?
Get on top and call her by the wrong name and try and hold on for 8 seconds.
Heath Ledger
-So if Heath ledger was a method actor, and he killed himself while being the joker, what did he do for Broke Back Mountain? He was a gay cowboy.
-I have to guess he rode more than horses.
I rode the "It's A Small World" ride at Disney World over the holidays.
I sat right next to my next door neighbor.
Two engineers are meeting for lunch
Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.
"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.
The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."
"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Did you hear about the ship wreck survivor that rode a dolphin to safety?
He said he did it on porpoise.
The first time I've had s**... was like the first time I rode my bike
My dad was holding me from behind
How did the man escape from prison?
Well, he rubbed his hands to make them sore,
He used the saw to cut the table in half,
Two halves make a whole,
He jumped into the hole and got out,
Finally he shouted til his voice was hoarse then climbed on the horse and rode back home.
An old one my grandfather told before he died.
Two engineers meet each other on their way into work
One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
What do rodents do after dinner?
Gopher a walk.
Understanding Engineers
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Joke I heard while travelling
One day a young boy rode his bike proudly saying "look Dad! No hands."
The next day the boy rode even more proudly saying "Look Dad no hands and no feet!"
The third day the boy shouted "Look Dad! No teeth!"
The mighty god rode his valiand steed atop the highest mountain..
... raised his hammer high, and declared ''I am Thor!''. To which his horse replied: ''Because you forgot your thaddle, thilly.''
Did you hear about the European Paul Revere?
He rode up and down the continent yelling "THE BRITISH ARE LEAVING!" "THE BRITISH ARE LEAVING!"
Did you know the triathlon was invented by a gypsy
He walked to the swimming pool and rode a bike home
I told my GF I was going to make a bike out of spagetti.
She couldn't believe it when I rode pasta.
Two geeks are talking over lunch.
The first guy says, "You wouldn't believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take whatever you want!' … So I took the bike."
The second guy says, "Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Two Engineers Run into Each Other
One of them is riding a shiny new bike.
Engineer 1: "Where'd you get that bike?"
Engineer 2: "Well, yesterday a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike, took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted.
So, I took the bike."
Engineer 1: "That was smart... the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
I flew the love of my life to the mountains this weekend. I rode her for hours. I had never rode her so hard! In fact I was so tired I decided to stay the night and ended up riding her some more in the morning. I don't think I have ever had such an amazing time.
My GF hates when I talk about my bike trips with her parents.
My brother and I own adjacent farms
The other day he rode over to complain that I was growing m**... on his side of the fence.
I told him to get off his high horse.
Two cowboys were riding their horses through the plains when they saw an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
See that Indian? One of the Cowboys said. "He can hear everything that's going on for miles around."
They rode up to him, and the Indian said, "white pickup. Four people in the front, six in the back. Big party."
"Wow" the other cowboy said. "You can tell all that from just listening to the ground?"
"Nah, I fell off the back."
Where do rodents get high?
In Hamsterdam.
A man rode a bicycle from Utsjoki to Helsinki to raise money for a fundraiser
When a news team came along to interview, all he said was "it was a fun trip from start to Finnish"
A biker went for a ride with his girlfriend Ruth...
As they were riding they came to a low bridge. He ducked, but she didn't. He rode on ruthlessly.
Against the wishes of my dad I bought a motorcycle. The first two times I rode it I ended up in the hospital.
My dad said to me, I warned you not to buy the two s**...!
Two catholic sisters rode bicycles through rough roads of Rome...
One turns to the other and says, "I've never come this way before".
The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones".
I rode my unicycle to the bank today. They told me I have outstanding balance.
I'm not exactly sure how to take it.
I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...
I bought a bottle of r**... and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the r**... before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home
I told my wife I was going to make a bicycle out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
Father Sullivan and Rabbi Cohen were sitting on a park bench discussing the differences and similarities of their respective religions.
After some time, a young boy rode by on a bicycle. Father Sullivan leaned over and whispered to Rabbi Cohen, wow look that kid, I'd really like to screw him.
To which Rabbi Cohen replied, what do you mean 'screw him'? Screw him out of WHAT?
Me at my second rodeo:
This ain't my first rodeo.
My family and I rode Space Mountain as Joy, Disgust, and Anger from Inside Out.
It was a rollercoaster of emotions.
I told my mom that I was going to make a spaghetti bike.
You should've seen her face when I rode right pasta!
World's Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motocycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank.
The End
In the olden days when people rode horses, when your horse broke down...
Did you call triple neigh?
Rodeo s**....
Have you ever tried Rodeo s**...? here is how it goes, you get you're Girlfriend on all fours and mount her, you push in as far as you can and hold on real tight, you then whisper in her ear, you are not as good as you're Sister, see how long you can stay on..
I'm reminded of the story of a man who rode a bike made from trash scavenged at the local dump
he called it recycling.
What rodents can be found in Berlin?
GERbils
2 nuns on bicycles
2 nuns, on bicycles, rode down this street. The second nun called to the first I've never come this way before and the first nun called back it's the cobblestones!
Rodeo s**...
When you're making love to your girl d**... and bend over and whisper in her ear, this is how your sister likes it too , and try and hold on for 8 seconds.
Two engineer students were biking across campus.
One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Ruth rode on my motorcycle, on the seat behind me...
I took a bump at 95, and rode on ruthlessly
I went to a liquor store yesterday on my bicycle.
I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I tied it to my bicycle carrier.
I was about to leave. Then I realised that if I fell off the bike on the way home, the bottle would break.
So I drank all the JD before I rode back.
Finally it turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
Last time I rode the train in London, I taught my dog to play the trumpet.
We went from Barking to Tooting.
(you may need to be British to get this joke but trust me it's amazing)
I decided on riding my unicycle to work from now on
Because whenever I rode my bike I was always two tired when I got to work
Buying my girl an engagement ring was a lot like getting new tires for the truck..
Even though she looks the same, she rode much better afterwards.
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess..."Will you marry me?"
The Princess said "No!" and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and f**... whenever he wanted. THE END
What rodent helps reduce your risk when trading livestock futures?
A hedgehog
Last night I rode my bike to the liquor store
... and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home.
And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home.
Last night I rode my bike to the store and they had my favorite whiskey on sale!
I had to ride my bike home with the bottle in my jacket. On the way back I hit a p**... hole, fell down and immediately felt some wetness under my jacket. You can imagine my relief when I realized it was just blood!
One Day a Cowboy Rode into Town
He t**... his horse and entered a saloon
When he exited the saloon, he found his horse missing
The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, when I'm done, my horse better be returned. If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas."
The cowboy went back inside the bar, got a drink, and returned to find his horse.
As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked,
"Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas?"
The cowboy responded,
"I had to walk home."
P.S. Sorry
A rodent fell into a vat of hot cooking oil.
It turned into a Chris Pratt
Classical joke
I remember once in pre-virus times, I was standing in a fairly long line for a classical music concert. A dude on a skateboard rode up to me and asked what's all the excitement about? Who's playing? I told him Yo-Yo Ma. And he punched me in the face!
The pastor states, Everything in modern day life is explained in the Bible.
Everyone in the congregation is trying to stump the preacher. Finally someone yells out, What about p**...? A hush grows through the church. The pastor answered, That's easy. And Mary rode Joseph's a**... all the way to Bethlehem!
Know your homonyms
As teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset."
She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an a**.... At your age it's time to learn the difference."
Rodeo Position
Tell your wife that is how her sister likes it and then try to stay on for 8 seconds.
A nerd is riding a bike on the college campus when he comes across his friend.
The friend asks, "Where did you get that awesome bike?"
"You won't believe what happened," the nerd says. "I was walking on a trail yesterday, minding my own business, when this really beautiful woman rode up to me. She threw the bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, and said '*take what you want.*'"
"Good choice," says the friend as he nods approvingly. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
