Rod Jokes
106 rod jokes and hilarious rod puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rod that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is a collection of hilarious hot rod, fishing rod, curtain rod, and lightning rod jokes to keep you laughing. Hear classic jokes about rod knocks, spears, anvils, and lures. Read on for the best rod-related jokes!
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Funniest Rod Short Jokes
Short rod jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rod humour may include short spear jokes also.
- Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
- Fishing & girlfriends Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i'm stuck here holding my rod
- Most people tell me there are many fish in the sea. So till i catch one imma play with my rod
- I was told that you catch more fish if you put maggots in your mouth for 5m before attaching them to your rod. Is this true? I await your replies with baited breath.
- There are plenty of fish in the sea... ...and they're easy to catch if you've got a big rod.
- Jane couldn't quite work out why she didn't like her husband's new hobby. But as he grabbed his bait and rod for the fifth day in row, she new it seemed fishy.
- What do you get when you cross an oven with a car? A hot rod.
NOTE: When I was about 5, I thought this was the funniest joke on earth. - Updoot for blue cheese day! Yayy Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike.
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod. - Someone broke into Alex Rodriguez's house and beat his wife with a pole. Actually it was A Rod
- There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I find the one for me, I'm going to sit here holding my rod..if you know what I mean..
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Rod One Liners
Which rod one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rod? I can suggest the ones about anvil and staff.
- What do you call two guys above a window? Kurt and Rod
- Why do priests love to go fishing with kids? So they have someone to hold their rod.
- What sound does a red metal rod make when it hits a white metal rod? *PINK!*
- How do you catch a steroidal fish? With A-Rod.
- Why couldn't the lightning rod go play with its friends? Because it was grounded.
- On the bright side selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
- Have you heard the joke about the steel rod? No? Let metal you.
- What do you get if you mix plutonium with a fishing rod? Nuclear fission
- How fast can a woman drive? 68 mph, because at 69 they flip over and blow a rod
- My car can only go 68... if it goes 69 the engine blows a rod.
- What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod? You'll never catch me copper!
- Give a man a fish; he eats for a day. Give a man a fishing rod... He chokes on the wood
- What do you call two brothers hanging on your window? Curt and Rod...
- What do you call a man who owns a fishing store? Rod.
What do you call his wife?
Annette. - What do you call a married couple that go fishing together? Rod and Annet.
A Rod Jokes
Here is a list of funny a rod jokes and even better a rod puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and a woman? Inserting a rod into the reactor turns it off.
- Who isn't white or black but shows you no color? A Rod
- How do you make your wife scream after s**...? Wipe your d**... on the curtain.
- What did the curtain rod say to the blinds? Nice shades.
(sorry) - Man walks into a rod He doesn't understand comedy
- She was only the fisherman's daughter But when she saw my rod, she reeled.
- Why do commercial fishermen use nets? With only a rod you lose a fish in sea.
- What kind of cars do rabbits drive?
Hop rods. - How to be Insulting on the Beach: Sit by the water with a fishing rod, and throw revolting lumps of old bread into the water where the children are enjoying themselves.
- If Benjamin Franklin had been a parachutist ... He would never thought about inventing the lightning rod.
Fishing Rod Jokes
Here is a list of funny fishing rod jokes and even better fishing rod puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When rich people go fishing, who hands them their fishing poles? The Rod Stewart
- Why'd the Yiddish chef trade his swimming trunks for a rod and reel? Gefilte fish
- What did the fisher call his new invention: a worm add-on on his fishing rod Clickbait
- Why do fishermen prefer nets to fishing rods Because it's more efficient
- How do you fight wish to master bait? Alone. Bare-handed. With optional fishing rod.
- What does a sarcastic fishing-rod with a broken reeler say? No, reely?
- Did you hear about the man who puts worms on fishing rods? They call him a master baiter.
Metal Rod Jokes
Here is a list of funny metal rod jokes and even better metal rod puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- 3 geese hit their headwalk on a metal rod at the Fowl bar. The fourth one ducks
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Rod Jokes
What funny jokes about rod you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fishing rod jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rod pranks.
The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A curious gentleman came over and asked what he was doing. "Fishing", the old man said simply. "Poor old fool", the gentleman thought, and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.
He felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, so he asked the old man, "and how many have you caught?"
"You're the eighth", the old man answered.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go
The Russian says: we used my fishing rod, so I get first 2 wishes.
First: I want all the *insert some racial slurs* out of my glorious country.
Second: I want a big wall around Russia, nobody can cross.
Then ukrainian has a dialogue with the fish
- Is the wall done?
- Yes
- Is it strong and durable?
- Yes
- Nobody can climb it?
- Nobody
- And nobody but moscovites inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then fill it up with s**... up to the edges
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go
The Russian Says: We Used My Fishing Rod, So I Get First 2 Wishes.
First: I Want All The Capitalists Out Of My Glorious Country.
Second: I Want A Big Wall Around Russia, Nobody Can Cross.
Then Ukrainian Has A Dialogue With The Fish
- Is The Wall Done?
- Yes
- Is It Strong And Durable?
- Yes
- Nobody Can Climb It?
- Nobody
- And Nobody But Moscovites Inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then Fill It Up With s**... Up To The Edges
Engineers
One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down. The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas." The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The computer engineer said, "I think we should all get out and then get back in."
Heard this conversation passing by in college today.
Guy: Do you know why I'm such a good fisherman?
Girl: No why?
Guy: Because I've got a nice rod and I hook all the ladies with it.
Girl: I figured it was because you were a master baiter
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boyfriend is ending it up with his girlfriend on the phone......
Him: Babe, I'm breaking off with you. Your father threatened me yesterday.
Her: oh no! What did he say to you?
Him: he said "If you see my daughter ever again, I'll get a 12 inch iron rod and heat up half of it red hot and put the cold half up your a**..."
Her: why the cold half??
Him: so I won't be able to take it out!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is s**... limited to 68mph?
At 69 you flip over and blow a rod.
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Cheating!!!!
Rod's Wife and Rod Started dieting a week ago.
She proposed that they should have a cheat day today...
She brought home a burger & Rod brought home his Secretary..
From his hospital bed, Rod is wondering when men will ever begin to understand women.😀😜😀😜
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crook walks into a bait and tackle store and sees the cashier is blind.
She asks him for a 50 dollar fishing rod, and he walks over and shows it to her. Then she thanks him and sticks a 100 dollar rod into her cart.
But the blind man isn't s**..., and when she rings it up, he feels the rod and he says "that will be 100 dollars for the fishing rod."
the woman is so embarassed at being caught stealing she rips a loud one.
"and that will be $5.89 for the duck call and $3.29 for the musk scent"
My friend told me of this fish...
My friend told me of this amazing kind of fish, he said it was impossible to catch! He said it broke the string on his rod! I've never seen it. I've fished for days and days... Nothing. You know? I'm starting to think that it's not reel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(adult) What's the max Top Speed a girl can have s**...?
68mph.
Because any faster she'll flip over and blow a rod.
*Wonder how many "hi my name is rod" replies..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get when you cross a fishing rod with mud?
a dirty h**...
I was TAing an electrostatics lab.
The experiment was to see what happens when you rub wool on a bunch of rods of different materials and then bring the rods near scraps of paper. One student's lab report had this observation on what happens when you try to electrostatically charge up a metal rod and bring it near paper: paper remains stationery
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A few nights after his wives f**..., Edward woke up stiff as a rod.
Mourning wood.
Original
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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s**... is like fishing...
You gotta know how to handle the rod!
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We truly are living in an alternate timeline.
I was sure the Deputy District Attorney's name was Rod Rosen**stain**.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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m**... is a lot like master-baiting.
If you can't figure out the fly, your rod isn't gonna be seeing any action.
Why did the ruler of egypt have an iron rod?
Because iron is ferromagnetic.
If *The twilight Zone* had its own currency, what would its motto be?
"In Rod We Trust."
Why did Lt Uhura blush?
She saw Gene's Rod 'n' Berries.
What do you call 2 guys hanging on the wall around a window?
Kurt and Rod.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How is a fishing rod and a woman the same?
You only pay attention when the c**...'s bent over.
Rod and Keith, two linguists, are chatting about life...
Rod and Keith, two linguists, are chatting about life when Rod slips in a linguistic pun. Keith is not impressed and points out why the pun was so bad. The conversation continues and Rod tries to deftly insert another pun. Again, without even cracking a smile, Keith starts pointing out all the flaws of the joke. A little while later Rod throws yet another linguistic pun into the conversation, but once again Keith is unimpressed and points out all the erroneous assumptions underlying the pun.
Frustrated, Rod asks Keith "When are you going to stop criticizing my linguistic puns and just let yourself laugh a little?!"
Keith replies "I'll die a critic."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Two old, drunk friends are in a bar reminiscing about their love life...
Pete: "John when I was 20, and ready to make love, mine was as hard as an iron rod, it was impossible to bend it."
John replies: "Yeah, me too. It was impossible to bend, but when I turned 30 I could bend it a little bit."
Pete: "True, when I turned 40 I could bend it more than a little bit"
John:"Yeah...same here... in my fifties I could actually bend it quite a lot."
Pete:"Me too, but in my sixties I could almost bend it in half."
"same with me" John replies and takes a sip of his beer "..... Pete... how strong do you think we are going to get?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Two fishermen are sitting in a boat indulging in some wordplay.
The first one says, "If I tell you a joke that relies on *casting* the word "rod" in a p**... sense, would you find it *fishy*?"
"Oh," says the second one, "I think I can *tackle* it."
"So... *net-net*, you'd take the *bait*?"
"Oh-h**...! *Hook, line, and sinker*!"
"I don't mean to *lure* you..."
"Ha-ha! Brilliant, old chap! So, let's... *sea*: we've covered fishing tackle, bait, rods... what did we forget?"
"Well, I think we've covered it. After all, the *reel* jokes are in the comments."
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My uncle's star sign was taurus, pretty ironic how he died
He was impaled by an iron rod.
Whats does a fisherman and a teen have in common?
They both fiddle with a rod
A mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer
One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.
The mechanical engineer said, I think a rod broke.
The chemical engineer said, The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas.
The electrical engineer said, I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system.
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, What do you think?
The computer engineer said, I think we should all get out and then get back in.
Divining rod
Ivan, a man living in rural Russia, was quite well known in his community for success in locating groundwater for wells. He utilized a divining rod, but in quite an abnormal way--rather than holding it in his hands he balanced it on his nose, walking whichever way it leaned until it finally fell. Wherever it landed, they dug, and they found water every time. The story made its way to the US and it wasn't long before a journalist was on her way to interview Ivan. "What is your secret?" the journalist asked. "Secret? Is not so special..." Ivan replied, "I get up every morning and eat a well-balanced breakfast."
Fishing not allowed.
Ok, so I remember one from my youth times, hope it´s not too overused. here it goes:
A man is fishing in a forbidden zone, with a clear sign showing, when a police truck pulls over to confront the man. Seeing the officer coming in his direction, he hides his fishing rod, and silently watches the water:
man: Good morning, officer, is it something wrong?
officer: Good morning, do you know you cant fish here?
man: I am not fishing, sir, why would you think that?
officer: Really? so, why the bucket with fish here?
man: Oh, that! That´s my fish, my pets, I take them here to a swim and later I whistle and they come back, jump back to the bucket and we go home!
officer: You don't say... care to exemplify?
man: Well, sure!
The man proceeds to empty the bucket with the fish into the water, and waits.
(awkward silence)
officer: So... ?
man: So, what...?
officer: ARE YOU GOING TO CALL THE FISH OR WHAT?!?
man: What fish?
The rain was pouring . . .
The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle. A tipsy-looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' the old man said simply.
'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub. As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught?'
'You're the eighth one today,' the old man answered.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, I once went fishing with a fishing pole and brick...
...after some time a hot blonde walked up to me and asked:
-"What are you doing?"
-"Fishing"
-"Ok, I get what the fishing rod is for, but whats up with the brick?"
-"Oh, If you have s**... with me, I'll tell you."
She considered for a moment and agreed.
After 2 minutes, when I was done, she asked again:
-"So, now you have to tell me! Whats the brick for?"
-"oh, well... It is easier to fish with the brick."
-"How come?"
-''You are my 4th catch today.''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Once upon a time, there was a computer
Once upon a time, there was a village idiot. He excelled at doing precisely what he was told to do. However, being an idiot, he never questioned his orders.
His parents convinced the village blacksmith to apprentice the idiot.
The blacksmith explains to the idiot, "Grab a rod with these tongs, and put it on the anvil, and I'll hit it with this hammer." The idiot puts the rod on the anvil OK, but it's at the wrong angle. The blacksmith realizes his instructions were a little vague on that point, and he tries giving clearer directions. But it's no use -- he can't explain it precisely enough for the idiot to hold the rod just right.
So the blacksmith says, "Let's change jobs -- **I'll** position the rod and **you** hit it with the hammer." The instant the blacksmith touches the rod to the anvil, before even he has a chance to position it properly, the idiot starts hammering away at the rod.
Frustrated, the blacksmith thinks to himself -- how can he phrase this so there's NO POSSIBLE WAY the idiot can screw up? Aha!
The blacksmith says: "I am going to put the rod on the anvil -- **do not** hit it. When I nod my head, you hit it."
The Fishing Trip
On Friday afternoon, a man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go on a fishing trip with my boss. We'll be gone a week. This is a great chance for me to work on that promotion! Would you please pack some clothes for me and set out my rod and tackle box. I'll swing by the house to pick them up in an hour. Oh! And please pack my new blue pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy, but does exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend the husband comes home very tired, tan and happy. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he has had a good time.
I did! he says as he carries his things into the bedroom. You wouldn't believe all the fish we caught! Some bass, some catfish, and a few trout.
As he tosses his suitcase onto the bed, his wife leans against the doorjamb.
"Really." She says.
Yup, he says. Then he glances up at her, By the way, why didn't you pack my new blue pajamas like I asked?"
The wife crosses her arms and replies, "I did. They're in your tackle box."
The Blind Clerk
A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades.
She says to him, "Excuse me, sir.. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway......
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes......there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ice Fishing Blonde
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.
So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.
So the man c**... says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."
Why did Daredevil's girlfriend break up with him?
He had no rod function.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday....
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb..Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts..
At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way
the blind salesman would tell exactly who had f**....
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."
