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Rocks Jokes

153 rocks jokes and hilarious rocks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rocks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh away with these funny jokes about rocks! Get ready for puns about sedimentary, metamorphic and igneous rocks, plus a few extra from Dwayne the rock and gravestones to schist stone. Have a rock solid time with these rock jokes!

Funniest Rocks Short Jokes

Short rocks jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rocks humour may include short geology rock jokes also.

  1. Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom. Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.

    I want my, I want my, I want my NFT.
  2. What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist? A rock guitarist plays 4 notes in front of 1000 people, while a jazz guitarist plays 1000 notes in front of 4 people.
  3. What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician? A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people
  4. If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.
  5. What is the name of a rock group that has four members yet none of them sing? Mount Rushmore
  6. Why did Dwayne 'the rock' Johnson's family get tested for COVID-19 They couldn't smell what the rock was cooking.
  7. The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed The label says the expiry date is June 2018.
    I'm so glad they dug it up just in time
  8. Every N.W.A song Verse 1: Sellin' crack rocks and shootin' muthafuckas!
    Verse 2: Police pull me over just 'cause I'm brown.
  9. Why don’t comedians like hanging out with Will Smith? Because he’s always improving their punchlines.
  10. A failed rapper, a failed rock star, and a mediocre country singer walk into a bar He tells the bartender "anything but Budweiser."

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Rocks One Liners

Which rocks one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rocks? I can suggest the ones about rocking and rock and roll.

  1. The sexiest mythological creature is Medusa Whenever I see her I get rock hard
  2. How does The Rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson.
  3. What rock group has four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
  4. If al gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm
  5. Have you heard of the Saudi Arabia gay pride anthem? We will, we will rock you!
  6. I saw a sign that said "Falling rocks" I tried. It doesn't.
  7. What does Chris Rock have on his face right now? Fresh prints!
  8. Which rock group has 4 men that can't sing? Mount Rushmore
  9. What's the difference between Chris Rock and Will Smith? Chris Rock can take a hit
  10. What rock group has 4 guys who don't sing? Mount Rushmore...
  11. what is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music mount rushmore
  12. Medusa was the hottest woman ever. Every man who looked at her got rock hard.
  13. I tried rocking my newborn daughter to sleep. Apparently she isn't a big Zeppelin fan.
  14. Fidget spinners are useless Says the generation that bought 1.5 million pet rocks.
  15. Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa? Because you made me rock hard

Throwing Rocks Jokes

Here is a list of funny throwing rocks jokes and even better throwing rocks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Around this time of the year, I start carrying around a stone with me to throw at people who are singing Christmas songs already. It's my jingle bell rock.
  • What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet.
  • I was wondering why a guy was throwing rocks at me And then it hit me.
  • I always carry a stone with me that I use to throw at people who play Christmas music in October. I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.
  • So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December.... I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.
  • I was going to participate in a competition to see how many times I could throw a rock on the water... But I skipped it.
  • At the beach house, we had a major problem with sea birds. I started throwing rocks at them. I left no Tern unstoned.
  • I was so poor growing up and our house was so small that. you could throw one rock through our front window and hit everyone in the house
  • You throw a red rock into the blue ocean, what does it become? Wet. The rock becomes wet.
  • When I was young I would go and throw rocks at the man doing Taekwondo in the park I would always get a huge kick out of it

Sedimentary Rocks Jokes

Here is a list of funny sedimentary rocks jokes and even better sedimentary rocks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's Sherlock's favourite type of rock? Sedimentary my dear Watson...
  • Watson: Sherlock, what kind of rock do you think this is? Sherlock: Sedimentary, my dear Watson
  • Where do rocks go when they die? The sedimentary.
  • What is Sherlock Holmes' favorite kind of rock? Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
  • Watson: But Holmes, how did you solve the case of the Rock Killer? Sedimentary, my dear Watson
  • If you like igneous rocks more than sedimentary ones... Then you're a raschist.
  • Why are some rocks so lazy? They live a sedimentary lifestyle.
  • Dr. Watson: Sherlock, what type of rocks are these? They seem to made up of smaller materials. Sherlock: Sedimentary my dear Watson!
  • What type of rock is this Holmes? It's sedimentary my dear Watson!
  • what did the stuttering sedimentary rock say to the coplimentary igneous rock? I SHALE! I SHALE!
Rocks joke, what did the stuttering sedimentary rock say to the coplimentary igneous rock?

Pop Rocks Jokes

Here is a list of funny pop rocks jokes and even better pop rocks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Remember when Pop Rocks used to be popular? Sad, they kind of fizzled out.
  • Someone said that all the songs in Moana are pop songs. But it is quite clear that "You're Welcome" is a rock song.
  • A few years ago, I used to live next door to both Dwayne Johnson and the pop group that sang 'Take On Me'. I was stuck between a Rock and A-ha's place.
  • I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.
  • New intelligence data is showing ISIS is using new and dangerous ingredients to make explosives Pop Rocks and Coke
  • What do you call it when a Spanish fisherman creates a pop rock band? Hispanic at the Cisco!
  • Yo mama's so poor, when I threw a rock at a trash can, she popped out and said, "Who knocked?"
  • How do we know ISIS is low on money? Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has pop rocks and coke in his Amazon order history.
  • Pop Rocks reminds me of my dad because my pop rocks!

Rocks And Minerals Jokes

Here is a list of funny rocks and minerals jokes and even better rocks and minerals puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend started a company that digs rocks and minerals.. He's just mining his own business.
  • I'm a geologist that specializes in the resonating frequencies of different minerals. I'm staging a rock concert later if you want to come.
  • How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad? None, they were all minerals.
  • Musical joke. So a miner goes into a cave but then rocks fall on him
    you know what he is now?
    a flat minor
  • Someone was walking down a street. Suddenly a man asked him if he wanted to see his mineral collection. When the man asked why he said Because It's going to rock your world
  • Eating a rock is actually good for you. It's full of minerals!
  • Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet? Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!
Rocks joke, Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Cheerful Fun Rocks Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about rocks you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rock roll jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rocks pranks.

Three vampires walk into a bar...

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a shot of blood. The second one orders blood on the rocks. The third vampire says "I'll have a cup of hot water".
The bartender looks at him strangely and asks "How come you're not having blood like your friends?"
The vampire then pulls out a t**... and says "I'm having tea."

A chemist, a physicist, and an economist...

are all trapped on a desert island, trying to figure out how to open a can of food.
"Let's heat the can over the fire until the can explodes" says the chemist.
"No, no," says the physicist, "lets drop the can onto the rocks from the top of a tall tree"
"I have an idea," says the economist. "First, we assume a can opener..."

Came up with this on the spot tonight

Two rocks walk into a bar. They sit down and the bartender asks them what they would like. One rock, speaking for the both of them says "we'll have two pints please". Astounded by this, the second rock exclaims "Pints?!" He turns to the bartender and tells him "two quartz".

A man knows his marraige is on the rocks and wants to buy a grand gift for his wife...

He offers to buy her a Ferrari but she says no, he offers to get her a massive diamond ring but she declines, he asks her if she wants a huge yacht but she again turns him down. Exasperated, he says 'well what *do* you want?' to which she replies 'a divorce!', the guy goes deathly pale and whimpers 'I wasn't planning on spending *that* much'.

Poor Ajmal.

After playtime, Ms Wilson asks some of her kindergarten kids what they did during playtime.
"What did you do at playtime Tom?"
"I played in the sandpit" said Tom.
"Very good, if you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie!"
Tom spelled sand and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Sally?"
"I played in the sandpit with Tom" said Sally.
"That's nice, if you can spell pit, I'll give you a cookie!"
Sally spelled pit and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Ajmal?"
"I tried to play in the sandpit, but Sally and Tom threw rocks at me!" said Ajmal.
"That sounds like blatant racial discrimination, If you can spell blatant racial discrimination I'll give you a cookie!".

A couple of guys threw rocks at me for smoking w**... in public.

I was s**....

What's the difference between Biggie Smalls and Charlie Chaplin?

One rocks the mic, while the other mocks the r**....

What is a mountain climber's favorite drink?

Anything on the rocks.

I've got a horrible memory.

I couldn't remember what onomatopoeia or metaphor meant and then BAM it hit me like lighting. It was like the time I remembered similes and realized I am dumb as a box of rocks.

How do Malaysian airlines serve all their drinks?

On the rocks

So my brother is dating a mermaid.

Yeah, apparently their relationship's on the rocks.

What's a baby seals' least favourite drink?

Canadian Club on the Rocks

Why are girls like rocks?

You skip the flat ones.

Sandwich Walked Into a Bar

So a Sandwich walked into a bar, hopped up on a barstool and took a look at the drink menu. Bartender walks over. Sandwich says to bartender, "lemme get one of those margaritas, rocks, no salt.". Bartender responds in his most disgusted tone, "Sorry, we don't serve FOOD here…."

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "why? Are they short on electricians?"

Moss and Algae take a liking to each other.

Algae and a Moss took a liking to each other and soon after got married. After a few years they realized their marriage was on the rocks.

How are women like rocks?

You skip the flat ones.

What did the naturalist say when he saw a number of rocks covered in moss?

"I'm lichen what I see"

A gorilla walks into a bar

and says "I'd like a toddler on the rocks, please"

WALKS INTO A BAR... FRUGAL GORILLA

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.
The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.
The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."
The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either.

Paper, Rock, and Scissors were sitting at a table playing Poker

They are playing a hand and Rock goes all in, Scissors places $50, and paper snapped in a half and dies.
Scissors asks, "What happened?".
Rocks replies, "I think he folded".

What Would The Rocks Boyfriend Be Called?

Fruity Pebble..

I just got out of my geology class.

We studied metamorphic rocks which was Gneiss.

At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks

This joke brought to you by my ten year old son

My friend told me I didnthave the confidence to farm rocks.

You should have seen the look on his face when I grew boulder.

Holmes and Watson were investigating a m**... at an archaeological dig-site

Holmes picks up several of the rocks and pebbles surrounding the m**... victim. After a while, Holmes turns to his companion and says "I've cracked the case. The suspect was clearly murdered with a blow to the head by a rock, which then crumbled and scattered into pieces."
"How on Earth can you tell?" exclaims Watson.
"It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."

What do you call huge dancing rocks?

Technotonic plates.

You'd think glass would taste like rocks..

But it just tastes like blood.

Baby Boomers like to call Millenials s**....

Aren't you the guys who were buying "pet rocks"?

How does the siren like her Captain Morgan?

On the rocks...

Three vampires walk into a bar.

The first asks for a pint of blood.
The second asks for blood on the rocks.
The third asks for hot water and as the bartender is about to ask why the vampire pulls out a used t**... and says "I'm just gonna have a tea."

Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks?

Because they're a little meteor

My friend said I was not assertive enough to farm rocks.

You should have seen the look on his face when I grew boulder.

An alcoholic walks into a bar, first thing in the morning,

And sits down at the bar. His friend, the bartender says "Whiskey on the rocks, as usual?"
The man responds, "It's too early..."
The bartender is shocked, "Too early for a drink? For you?" He asks, surprised.
The man looks at him and says,
"No, for s**... questions."

My bacon kept curling in the frying pan

so I took away their little brooms and rocks.

Students are excited to attend the geology class at the local school.

They say it totally rocks.

I once took a bunch of rocks and made a swivel door

I'd made a Stonehinge.

3 Belgians are sitting next to a river

3 Belgians are sitting next to a river, A crocodile swims past and they start to throw rocks at it. The crocodile gets angry and begins to swim towards them. 2 of them run and climb in a tree. They shout to the other "Why are you staying there, you better run before the crocodile comes!"
He replies "Why I didn't throw any Rocks"

I prefer my alcohol like I prefer children

Aged in a barrel and chilled on the rocks in my cellar

What type of rocks are hipsters?

Igneous rocks, because they were magma before it was cool.

How do Gorons take their bourbon?

On the rocks

Geologists really love rocks....

...that's why they date them!

Mary Magdalene is about to be s**... for adultry

Just as the crowd was about to start throwing rocks, Jesus walks up and says "let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Nobody moves, but then a stone comes flying out from the crowd and hits Mary right in the face. Jesus turns to see who threw the stone and says "I told you not to bother me when I'm working mother!"

A kleptomaniac never appreciated how he could exchange stolen goods for rocks.

He took things for granite.

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

I was driving in upstate NY

And I saw a sign that said "Watch For Falling Rocks" so I figured ok, I'll give it five minutes but then I really gotta get going!

My dad is a geologist and has been dating rocks for years...

His best advice is to just be gneiss and try not to be a little schist.

Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...

He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.
"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."
He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.
"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."

My wife just had to have a house on the quarry...

Ever since then our relationship has been on the rocks.

Whats big, red, and eats rocks?

A big-red-rock-eater

Geology rocks,

But geography is where it's at.

We live on a tiny, useless ball of rocks and water, floating through the vast expanse of outer space

But it means the world to us.

I have the best girlfriend i would not trade for anything on earth

but NASA was having this sale on moon rocks at the gift-shop

The highway sign said, Watch for falling rocks.

And I thought, OK fine, but I only have 10 minutes.

What do you call small rocks?

mini-rals.
(found a book of jokes my daughter wrote when she was 8...this was the best of the lot)

A man lost in the desert with his camel

Every day he gets lonelier and lonelier, when it gets to the point he decides he is going to have s**... with his camel, but he couldn't reach, so every day he would try and try again to have s**... with his camel standing on hills and on rocks but the camel would just try to run away. until one day, he comes across a beautiful woman, she asks for some water and will give anything in return so he says, can you hold my camel?

What do rocks use for personal hygiene?

Geoderant!

Chinese and Indian troops have been fighting each other with sticks and rocks...

looks like they decided to go directly to world war 4.

Girls are like rocks

The flat ones are skipped

My sister told me this one

What is the similarity between girls and rocks?
The flat ones get skipped.

I like my relationships like my whisky

On the rocks

Trust me you should never punch rocks

I found out the hard way

What do you call a beached russian submarine

Whiskey on the Rocks

I'm not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks

It makes me boulder

I really like rock puns.

They're something we shouldn't take for granite. I mean, they are pretty solid.
Let's just face it, geology rocks!
PS: I just hit rock bottom, didn't I?

Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.

These are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
What every athlete says after winning: "First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."
Chuck can eat Chinese food with one chopstick.
Chuck threw a few rocks into the Pacific Ocean. These are now known as Hawaii.
Chuck can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass..................at night.
When Chuck is in Rome, they do what HE does.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one questions why.

Why are moon rocks tastier than earth rocks?

Because they're meteor!

Whats a ships favorite drink?

Anything, as long as its not on the rocks!

What's heavier, 1 lb of rocks, or 1 lb of feathers?

The feathers, because you're carrying the weight of what you did to those birds.

A Rabbi, a priest, and a preacher are out in a boat one day.

The rabbi tells the two he's hungry, so he steps out of the boat and walks across the water to land, where he claims his snack.
Shortly later the priest decides he's thirsty, so like the rabbi, steps out the boat and walks across the water to land, getting a bottle of water.
The preacher seeing this decides he could go for a snack and a drink, and tries to do the same as the rabbi and priest. As soon as he exits the boat, he immediately plunged into the water.
On land, the rabbi tells the priest maybe we should've told him where the rocks were

A baby seal walks into a bar.

Bar keep asks, "what do you want?"
The baby seal replies, "anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks."

A few years ago I started a journal of different rocks I've found in the wilderness. For a while I was stuck with 68 entries, until I finally found number 69...

**Gneiss!**

A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma.

For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding.
Finally the old girl passed away.
On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years."
His wife looked at him aghast... "My Aunt Emma?" she cried, "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"

Geology rocks but geography is where it's at...

What did the tectonic plates say when they bumped into each other?
My fault, sorry!

A seal walks into a bar...

The bartender asks, What would you like?
"Anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks."

Rocks joke, A seal walks into a bar...

jokes about rocks