rocket Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious rocket puns

Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged

I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.

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The best jokes also teach you something.

In 1954 John Stapp broke a huge record. Using a rocket powered sled that was going 632 mph, he came to a full stop in just over 1 second. He experienced 46.2 G's making his 168 pound body feel for an instant like it was 7,700 pounds and he STILL only felt half as fat as yo mamma.

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I hate it when people get simple stuff wrong

I mean, it's not rocket surgery

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What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist?

A stroke of genius.

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Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Falcon Heavy rocket.

I guess the real joke is in the comets.

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Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!

Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.

I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well that was when the trouble started.

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I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.

It's a cannibalistic missile.

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How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket

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NASA sends a redneck and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL life support systems.
3)....Prepare laboratory for analysing samples.
4)....Put on space suit, step outside of rocket on to the surface, collect soil and rock samples, return to laboratory, conduct tests on samples and report back to Houston giving us your "best guess" as to whether or not the Moon is adequate for terraforming.

The chimp clicks out of his file & runs off to do his duties. The redneck then sits in front of the computer and clicks on *his* file:-
1)....Feed the chimpanzee.

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Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.

Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."


BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."

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What was the motto of the German rocket program?

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll hit London.

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Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..

he can call him missile toe.

Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.

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Can anyone help me with starting a rocket science club at school?

I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.

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I always wondered why Pikachu's electric shock blasts off team rocket but not Ash.

I guess Ash is just better grounded.

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The Americans are using a new type of rocket that constantly updates its Facebook status until it reaches its target.

It's an attention-seeking missile.

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Why did the Russians lose the space race?

Their rocket kept Stalin!

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So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

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If you don't believe me...

Two drunkards met in the morning after a party. One of them is all bandaged and looks really bad.
- What happened? - the first guy asks.
- Yesterday, when you left, I was walking home when suddenly, a horse jumped over me out of nowhere and broke my spine. I tried to get up and all of a sudden a train hit me. I tried to get up again - and there's a fucking rocket flying straight at me. If you don't believe me, ask the carousel's owner.

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Team Rocket Were Caught Performing a Lewd Sex Act...

Ass to Meowth

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You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.

They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.

It was a herd shot round the world.

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The Falcon Heavy is now the world's most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or your mom into deep space.

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The Moon landings were staged...

... specifically, they had three stages, which were discarded in sequence as the rocket ascended to space to save on mass.

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How do you put a baby alien to sleep?

You rocket

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If Elon Musk made love to a woman while on his rocket to Mars...

Would that be SpaceX space sex?

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Is it hard to get a degree in hocking loogies?

Well, it's snot rocket science.

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A Paris cheese shop is hit by a German rocket moments after being evacuated by the Americans. "Watch out for debris!" shouts the owner to a GI standing in the ruins of the crumbling shop.

"Fuck off and save your own damn Brie" the GI called back, moments before being killed by a falling piece of masonry.

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North Korea has lowered its missile back down after pointing it up for a few hours.

Turns out Viagra and MSG make for bad rocket fuel.

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It's isn't rocket science

A patient on the dentist's chair was scared and quite apprehensive about the procedure he was going to undergo.

He asks a lot of questions and details from the dentist.

The dentist says, reassuringly:

"Relax, it's not brain surgery....Unless I slip."

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A man goes golfing

And he hits the most incredible drive, an absolute rocket. 100 down range a bird flies into the middle of the fairway, gets smoked by the ball and drops down dead. The man walks up to the bird and sees that the ball has gone right through!
This begs the question, is it a birdie or a hole-in-one.

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In the middle of the desert, an Arab's camel lamed.

Fortunately he quickly found a garage to fix it. They slowly led the camel over a pit, whacked its balls with a pair of bricks and like a rocket ran into the desert.

"Great work", the Arab said, "but how am I supposed to get to my camel now?"

"Slowly walk over the pit..."

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The Kardashians are all in a rocket set to launch, you can press a button to stop the launch.

Would you order a cheese or pepperoni pizza?

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Elton John was asked if he'd like an iceberg lettuce in his salad

he thought for a moment and replied "no thanks, I'm a rocket man"

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Once a man went to a rocket station and asked for ticket to the moon.

The attendant said, " Sorry sir, the moon is full just now."

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When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rocket scientist..

Nowadays, I just sell weed.
It's not too far off, though. I still get people very high.

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What did one sub-orbital jet propulsion engineer say to the other?

This ain't exactly rocket science.

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What are the most funny Rocket jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Rocket? Well, here are the best Rocket dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Rocket pick up lines to share with friends.

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