Rocket Jokes

What are some Rocket jokes?

Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged

I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.

The best jokes also teach you something.

In 1954 John Stapp broke a huge record. Using a rocket powered sled that was going 632 mph, he came to a full stop in just over 1 second. He experienced 46.2 G's making his 168 pound body feel for an instant like it was 7,700 pounds and he STILL only felt half as fat as yo mamma.

I hate it when people get simple stuff wrong

I mean, it's not rocket surgery

What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist?

A stroke of genius.

Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Falcon Heavy rocket.

I guess the real joke is in the comets.

Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!

Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.

I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well that was when the trouble started.

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.

It's a cannibalistic missile.

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket

NASA sends a redneck and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL life support systems.
3)....Prepare laboratory for analysing samples.
4)....Put on space suit, step outside of rocket on to the surface, collect soil and rock samples, return to laboratory, conduct tests on samples and report back to Houston giving us your "best guess" as to whether or not the Moon is adequate for terraforming.

The chimp clicks out of his file & runs off to do his duties. The redneck then sits in front of the computer and clicks on *his* file:-
1)....Feed the chimpanzee.

Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.

Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."


BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."

What was the motto of the German rocket program?

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll hit London.

Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..

he can call him missile toe.

Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.

Can anyone help me with starting a rocket science club at school?

I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.

I always wondered why Pikachu's electric shock blasts off team rocket but not Ash.

I guess Ash is just better grounded.

The Americans are using a new type of rocket that constantly updates its Facebook status until it reaches its target.

It's an attention-seeking missile.

Why did the Russians lose the space race?

Their rocket kept Stalin!

So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.

They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.

It was a herd shot round the world.

The Falcon Heavy is now the world's most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or your mom into deep space.

How do you put a baby alien to sleep?

You rocket

The Moon landings were staged...

... specifically, they had three stages, which were discarded in sequence as the rocket ascended to space to save on mass.

If Elon Musk made love to a woman while on his rocket to Mars...

Would that be SpaceX space sex?

Is it hard to get a degree in hocking loogies?

Well, it's snot rocket science.

A man goes golfing

And he hits the most incredible drive, an absolute rocket. 100 down range a bird flies into the middle of the fairway, gets smoked by the ball and drops down dead. The man walks up to the bird and sees that the ball has gone right through!
This begs the question, is it a birdie or a hole-in-one.

It's isn't rocket science

A patient on the dentist's chair was scared and quite apprehensive about the procedure he was going to undergo.

He asks a lot of questions and details from the dentist.

The dentist says, reassuringly:

"Relax, it's not brain surgery....Unless I slip."

What did one sub-orbital jet propulsion engineer say to the other?

This ain't exactly rocket science.

Once a man went to a rocket station and asked for ticket to the moon.

The attendant said, " Sorry sir, the moon is full just now."

Elton John was asked if he'd like an iceberg lettuce in his salad

he thought for a moment and replied "no thanks, I'm a rocket man"

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rocket scientist..

Nowadays, I just sell weed.
It's not too far off, though. I still get people very high.

The Kardashians are all in a rocket set to launch, you can press a button to stop the launch.

Would you order a cheese or pepperoni pizza?

The common phrase to express somethings simplicity is

"its not rocket science...". But what do rocket scientists say to each other? "Come on Doug, its not.....sex."

What do you call a bee in a space rocket?

bracket

Will Trump ever apologize for calling Kim Jong-Un a "rocket man"?

Well I think it's going to be a long, long time...

Where do you file uncategorized rocket items?

Under missile-enious.

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

What is Kim Jong Un's favorite video game?

Rocket League

List of cheesy jokes

How do you organize a space party- you planet

What do you call a cow with no legs- ground beef

What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars- T Rex

What do you call an everyday potato- commentator

How do you put a baby alien to sleep- you rocket

Why do Scarecrows Make Great Rocket Scientists?

...because they're out-standing in their field!

My friend told me that his DIY liquid rocket made it to space...

I told him to quit being hypergolic.

Rockets? Maybe. But the Chinese haven't contributed to aviation.

After all, two Wongs don't make a Wright.

What happens if a rocket does not do its job?

It gets fired.

I'm an aerospace engineer.

I'm an aerospace engineer. If I had a dollar for every time I heard "it IS rocket science..." it still wouldn't be as much as my salary. Take that liberal arts majors.

Kim Jong-Un was very impressed with Donald Trump's rocket man remark...

In fact he was so impressed that he decided to name his youngest son 'Al Ton-Jong'.

This will ruin some of your childhoods. How did Reggie Rocket's brother die?

Otto Rocket Asphyxiation

What did Rocket Raccoon say after getting stabbed in the back by the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy?

Et tu, Groote?

SpaceX will reuse their rocket. Blue Origin will reuse their rockette. Neither is an advance.

For 83 years, Radio City has reused theirs.

Height matters

For example, a difference in how high the rocket flew determined the years the scientists spent in a labor camp.

99% of humanity Works on the principle of rocket science.

It does not mean , we always aim for the sky;

it means that we do not start work unless our tail is on fire.

What happens to a rocket when it doesn't launch?

It gets fired.

I have absolute confidence in Jeff's Bezos rocket company Blue Origin

Jeff has already achieved good separation.

What did the soviet rocket say as it took off?

Soyuz guys later

Rocket Ship

Did you hear about the rocket ship that didn't go up to space?

It had projectile dysfunction

A five year old just made up this joke.

Q: Why do astronauts eat so fast?

A: Because they're on a rocket ship. Duh.

Say what you will about Hamas...

...but their education system is top notch. Over 90% of the children in Gaza become "Rocket Scientists".

The astrophysics class I wanted to take filled up. Now I need to figure out what other course will work for my schedule and major.

It's not rocket science.

If North Korea released a rocket launch blooper video...

It'd be a feature-length film

Rocket Scientists really know how to...

Rock it out!

why was team rocket looking into your window?

they wanted to take a Pikachu

The secret of recent explosion of Antares rocket

The decades old Soviet rocket engines it used were engineered to fly TO America, not AWAY from it.

I bought a bag of rocket salad today....

It went off before I could eat it.

What does Team Rocket and a Peeping tom have in common?

They are both always trying to get a Pikachu.

I would tell a rocket joke...

But I don't wanna launch myself into that conversation.

Did hear about the hipster that became a rocket scientist?

He only wanted to work on retrorockets.

I am a muslim and i beat my wife daily

In Rocket League. She is a terrible player.

When is Kim Jong Un going to launch his rocket?

I think it's gonna be a long long time.

What do you call an object used as seating that can fly?

A rocket lawn-chair.

Why do some people think the falcon heavy launch was fake?

Well, the rocket WAS staged

How to make $500 fast

Attach it to a rocket

Cr

Mechanical engineers

They're not rocket scientists but they are sprocket scientists.

If you're squeamish, take a rocket to space

Because in space, no one can hear you squeam.

How would rocket raccoon react if groot joined forces with Thanos in Infinity War?

"et tu Groot?"

I know I'll never be a rocket scientist...

because the amount of math they have to do is astronomical and I'm not very stellar at it.

Why are rockets shaped like penises?

Because they provide maximum thrust.

Remembering idioms is easy

It's not rocket fuel

What do you get when you cross a kid who's eaten enough sugar to send a rocket into orbit, and the meanest boy in the whole world?

Hyperbole

You think it's difficult to plug one nostril and blow out the other?

It's snot rocket science.

How to make Rocket jokes?

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