Rock Paper Scissors Jokes

Following is our collection of Rock Paper Scissors funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Rock Paper Scissors jokes

This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12

Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.


The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.


They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.


The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".


The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.


"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.


"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.... 2.... 1....

He turns around and sees Isaac Newton in plain sight. He tells him:

"Ha, found you, Newton!"

I. Newton responds while nodding:

"You didn't find me, because 1N/1m^2 =1 Pascal. So it's Pascal who you found!"

Bob died...

Harry, Jim and Bob are all building a huge skyscraper. They're sat on one of the high up girders, when Bob has a tragic accident and falls to his death. When Jim and Harry get back down to ground level, they try to decide who should tell Bobs wife. Then Jim has an idea.

"How about, we just do rock, paper, scissors, and whoever loses tells his wife?"

Harry agrees, and loses the game. An hour later, Harry comes back to the building site with a 6 pack of beer beneath his arm.

"How'd you get that" Jim asks, bewildered.

"Bobs wife gave them to me!" Harry replies.

"Why?"

"Well I thought it was best to just tell her it straight. I knocked on the door and said, Mrs. Geldof, I'm afraid you're a widow. She said she wasn't, so I said, care to bet me a six pack?"

A rock and some scissors saw a piece of paper

"What's that?" Asked the scissors.
"Beats me" said the rock.

Paper, Rock, and Scissors were sitting at a table playing Poker

They are playing a hand and Rock goes all in, Scissors places $50, and paper snapped in a half and dies.

Scissors asks, "What happened?".

Rocks replies, "I think he folded".

Politics is like a game of rock-paper-scissors.

Gun beats everything.

Whats a lesbian drug dealers favorite game?

Rock, paper, scissor

Just won the most exciting rock papers scissors match I've ever had

The cop said "Papers" I said "scissors" and inmeditaly after that I drove the f#@€ away.
He must have been crazy for a Rematch because he chase me for 10 min!

I was walking around a shady street late at night, and someone pulled a pair of scissors out at me.

Fortunately, I pulled a rock. Had I pulled out paper, I would've have lost.

How do lesbians settle relationship disagreements?

Rock, paper, scissors!

Which went up to sing karaoke, rock, paper, or scissors?

Rock. He was Boulder.

Husband and wife(moral)

A husband and wife dies, and go to heaven. There, god tells them they have room for only one of them, and they have to rock-paper-scissors for the spot. Wife whispered something to the husband and then prepares to start. They do it once and the husband chooses paper while the wife chooses scissors, so the husband dies. The wife cradling the dead body says to it, I told you that we should both pick rock.

Make a pair of scissors, specifically designed to cut paper, made out of sharpened stone.

Call them "Rock Paper Scissors."

4 gay guys walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left.


One gay guy suggest to play rock, paper, scissors and the other gay guy says.
"Stop all this nonsense. Lets just flip the stool over."

I used to play Rock-Paper-Scissors professionally.

I made money hand over fist.

How does a lesbian couple decide who gets artificially inseminated?

Rock, paper, scissor.

Two lesbians are playing rock, paper, scissors ..who will win ?

No one ... Both of them are choosing "scissors" again and again !

What did scissors say to paper after he beat rock?

You're tearable.

I recently won a professional lesbian Rock Paper Scissors tournament

It was easy because they kept doing scissors

Why does a game of rock, paper, scissors between lesbians always end up in a tie?

Because they will both pick scissors.

I heard about a Pennsylvanian man

Who wanted his students to protect themselves from armed intruders with rocks.

Personally, it sounds like taking Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot too far

I invented a new game similar to rock paper scissors.

You have 3 cards with a color on one side and white on the other.
You and your opponent choose a card, show it face down (white part), and simultaneously switch it to know the winner.
Every player has 3 cards of 3 different colors, representing some natural elements: Blue, Red and Brown, for Water, Fire and Wood respectively.
Narutally, blue beats red, as water extinguishes fire.
Red beats brown, as fire burns wood.
Brown beats Rihanna.

When I play rock, paper, scissors, people think I always choose scissors.

They're wrong. I'm actually flashing a peace sign. Stop the violence.

What is Dwayne Johnsons favourite game?

The Rock, Paper, Scissors

Why are lesbians bad at rock, paper, scissors?

They always go with scissors

What's a game you can always beat Dwayne Johnson in?

Rock paper scissors

You have to be careful nowadays while walking alone

Earlier today, some guy pulled a scissors on me.

I'm glad I was agile enough to pull a rock from my pocket. If I pulled out paper, I would've lost.

I always win against Koreans at rock-paper-scissors.

I pull out a camera, they play scissors, then I play rock.

If you use Chuck Norris in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors, you automatically win.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

Imagining Kid Rock's nemesis

Li'l Paper Scissors

Dwayne Johnson's branded stationary cutting tool

Rock paper scissors

Rock, paper, scissors got complicated.

I was playing it with my deaf cousin, but then he started showing some new signs and I didn't know how to counter them.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes