Quirky and Hilarious Rock Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.
"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"
Grandpa's Rocking Chair
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'
Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....
...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for something larger, and he finds an old railroad tie. He lifts up the railroad tie and chucks it down the hole. Still no sound.
Then out of NOWHERE, Harry sees a goat charging at him full speed from behind. Harry dives out of the way, then watches as the goat charges strait down the hole.
Harry is sitting there, perplexed, when a farmer approaches Harry and asks
Farmer: "Hey son, you haven't seen a goat around here have you?"
Harry: "Actually, Yes I did! It was the strangest thing, a goat just charged me full speed! I was just able to get out of the way. THEN the goat ran strait down that hole over there" as Harry points to the hole.
Farmer: "That's impossible, I tied that goat to a railroad tie"
A trucker and a blonde.
A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician?
To the airport please
Which four-member rock group doesn't sing or play music?
Mount Rushmore.
Over the past year, my s**... fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse.
But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realised I'd hit rock bottom.
So this atheist explorer is in trouble...
...with a tribe of savage cannibals. He's cornered with no possible way out when he exclaims in his desperation 'God, I'm s**...!'
Suddenly the clouds part and a booming voice says 'No son, you are not. Take that rock near your right foot and throw it at that old cannibal with the large headdress!'
The explorer obeys, and the chief of the tribe lies dead on the ground.
The voice says 'NOW you're s**...!'
I knew that s**... fetishes could get more and more perverse over time, but...
...it wasn't till I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
If Al Gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm
The difference between a rock band and a jazz group
The rock band will play 3 chords in front of 1000 people.
The jazz group will play 1000 chords in front of 3 people.
You can explore rock igneous reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rock gneiss dad jokes. There are also rock puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?
Because everyone there hates integration.
What do you call a rock group of 4 men who don't sing or play music?
Mount Rushmore.
^^Or ^^Nickelback. ^^I'm ^^so ^^sorry.
The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"
No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.
Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...
... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."
What's the difference between rock and jazz?
Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.
Why can't l**... have s**... at concerts?
Because rock beats scissors.
I lost my pet rock in Morocco
Where did Morocco?
My s**... desires have been getting out of control...
But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
what is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music
mount rushmore
Three men are captured by canibals
The canibals say that they will be killed and their skin will be made into a canoe, and that they can choose how they die.
The first one jumps off a rock, the second one cuts his t**....
The third one takes a fork, starts stabing himself and yelling 'NO CANOE FOR YOU!"
My friend and I were hiking
Me: "That's a huge rock over there!"
Him: "Boulder."
Me: **"That's a huge rock over there."**
How do they play Pokemon Go in Gaza s**...?
They grab a round rock from the ground and say: "Pick-a-jew"!
If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a Nickelback.
I'll let myself out.
I got a new job at a quarry today, and the foreman was showing me around when
I saw this huge rock. I told him, "Wow! That's a really big rock!"
"Boulder." He says.
**"WOW!!!! THATS A REALLY MASSIVE ROCK,"** I say while puffing my chest out.
Medusa was the hottest woman ever.
Every man who looked at her got rock hard.
Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth?
Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.
At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks
This joke brought to you by my ten year old son
If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who.
If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.
What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician?
A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people
Life is hard in a band
Me and the guys started a rock band, we call it 1023MB. But no matter how hard we look we cant find a gig.
What rock group has four men that don't sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Letting go of a loved one is hard...
But sometimes it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.
That's a nice shamrock you've got there.
It would be a shame if someone replaced the -rock with an e.
What do you call a gay-p**... starring Dwayne Johnson and Johnny Depp?
"*Rock Beats Scissors*"
Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa?
Because you made me rock hard
How do you stop 2 l**... from having s**...?
With a rock. Rock beats scissors.
A Rock Band Plays 3 Chords for a 3000 Person Crowd
Where as a jazz player will play 3000 chords for a 3 person crowd.
I saw a rock the other day that has been painted on..
The words: Turn me Over ----->
I turn the rock over then it says:
"You just took orders from a rock
Are you s**...?"
Which rock group has 4 men that can't sing?
Mount Rushmore
The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed
The label says the expiry date is June 2018.
I'm so glad they dug it up just in time
I like metal bands with female lead singers...
Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.
Have you heard of the Saudi Arabia gay pride anthem?
We will, we will rock you!
I tried rocking my newborn daughter to sleep.
Apparently she isn't a big Zeppelin fan.
What is the name of a rock group that has four members yet none of them sing?
Mount Rushmore
Casting Dwayne Johnson in a movie is a bold decision...
Casting The Rock is a boulder decision.
If I s**... Dwayne Johnson...
does that mean I hit Rock bottom?
Three hawks had a hunting contest
The first one went and came back with blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that tree over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a rabbit near it".
The second one went and came back with even more blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that rock over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a deer near it".
The third one went and came back with blood all over him. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that lamppost over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I didn't."
Three young boys are exploring the woods near a river
One of the boys is crouched behind a rock and is looking at something.
He calls the other two over to look with him.
In the river is a beautiful n**... woman bathing.
One of the boys immediately starts running in the other direction screaming.
What's wrong? Says one boy.
My mom told me if I ever saw a n**... woman I would turn to stone! He says And something's already turning hard!
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it every day.
I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
During the annual cavemen conference ...
Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .
Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender
Greg " that's not it ,chief "
And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand
" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .
How do you discipline your pet rock?
You hit rock bottom
How does The Rock pee?
He Dwaynes his Johnson.
Me: "What do you call a big rock?"
Person: "Boulder."
**Me:** **"What do you call a big rock?"**
Medusa is so hot
Every time I look at her I'm rock hard
What do rocks use for personal hygiene?
Geoderant!
Medusa must have some really s**... eyes
I mean they get everyone rock hard
Me: *staring at Medusa's b**...*
Medusa: "Hey buddy, my eyes are up here."
Me: *already rock hard*
The sexiest mythological creature is Medusa
Whenever I see her I get rock hard
What rock group has 4 guys who don't sing?
Mount Rushmore...
Wait, if you slap Dwayne Johnson's b**......
Do you Hit Rock Bottom?
I was sad when I lost my rock collection.
It had a lot of sedimental value.
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
Why did Dwayne 'the rock' Johnson's family get tested for COVID-19
They couldn't smell what the rock was cooking.
Two cavemen are waiting at the doctor's office
The first says, "Me name Phil. Me get bee sting. Why you here?"
The second one, covered in blood, smiles and says, "Me name Mike. Me get hit by boulder during rock slide."
The first says, "That must hurt! Why you look so happy?"
The second says, "Me celebrating. It's Mike Ache Day!"
what happens when you slap Dwayne johnson in the b**...?
You hit rock bottom.
What happens when you touch Dwayne Johnson's b**...?-
You hit rock bottom.
Bill Cosby walks out of prison...
..and gets on a bus, and rides it to a long rock wall. Next to a big oak, he finds a letter.
He follows it to Mexico, where he finds Jeffrey Epstein working on his boat.
A geologist was driving down a country road
A geologist was driving down a country road when he saw this beautiful rock formation. He pulled over to get a closer look. As he was admiring the rock, an old farmer drove up. The geologist asked if he knew how long the rock had been here.
The farmer says "in fact, I do! It's a million and 7 years old"
The geologist stunned a bit says "that's oddly specific, how do you know that?"
The farmer goes "well, another feller like you came to look at this same rock and he said it was a million years old. And that was about 7 years ago"
When I met the Rock, he seemed quite shy.
I expected him to be a little bolder.
My grandfather used to play in a rock band called "The Hinges".
They usually opened for The Doors.
What rock group has four men but none of them sing?
Mount Rushmore
Why did the coward suddenly feel brave after touching a big rock?
Because he felt a little boulder.
I bought a diamond ring on St. Patricks day but found out it was a fake
They gave me a sham rock
My 11 yo son got out the car at school the other morning, right at the moment the gritter was driving by us spraying rock salt everywhere..
He got straight back in the car, looked at me with a completely serious face and said I've just been assaulted .
ETA: thank you so much for the awards, I showed him some (SOME!) of the comments 😂 and it made his day, he was delighted that people actually enjoyed his joke to even just upvote and comment on it but actually couldn't believe that people actually awarded it too ( people gave Reddit awards to it?? For my joke?? Like, did they actually mum or are you just saying that?! so yea, thank you kind Redditors for making my 11yo extremely happy! You guys are the best 😊
1980's joke by my dad. What do you call a Nicaraguan rock group playing stolen instruments?
Contraband
What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A rock guitarist plays 4 notes in front of 1000 people, while a jazz guitarist plays 1000 notes in front of 4 people.
Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom.
Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.
I want my, I want my, I want my NFT.
What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
The rock musician plays three chords for thousands of people, the jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords to three people.
Rock, paper and scissors have entered a race.
Rock has begun to roll, but paper and scissors remain stationery.
A twofer
A priest and a lawyer are on a ferry boat along with a bunch of kids who are on a field trip. The ferry boat hits a rock and starts to sink. The priest and the lawyer lower a lifeboat. The lawyer jumps in, and yells, "Get in! Hurry up!"
The priest says, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer says, "Screw the kids!"
And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Dwayne Johnson wants to move to a peninsula south of Spain.
He wants to be the Rock of Gibraltar.
you're dumb as a rock, you know the difference between you and a brick?
A brick gets laid
I once saw Medusa on a cam girl site
I was rock hard the entire time
Why is Chris Rock like a used anvil?
They both got hammered by a blacksmith.
When you slap Dwayne Johnson's a**...
You truly have hit Rock Bottom
I was arguing with a guy at a bar who said he was a big rock star in the 80's
I didn't believe him, but he was Adamant.
A failed rapper, a failed rock star, and a mediocre country singer walk into a bar
He tells the bartender "anything but Budweiser."
It's important not to confuse metamorphic with igneous rock
After all, you can't just take this schist for granite.
