Rock Jokes
184 rock jokes and hilarious rock puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rock that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ready to get your chuckle on? Check out this collection of rock jokes for students! These rock jokes about jadagranite, dwane, and igneous rocks will make you laugh. Get ready to make your friends and family laugh too!
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Funniest Rock Short Jokes
Short rock jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rock humour may include short stone jokes also.
- Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom. Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.
I want my, I want my, I want my NFT. - What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist? A rock guitarist plays 4 notes in front of 1000 people, while a jazz guitarist plays 1000 notes in front of 4 people.
- What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician? A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people
- If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.
- What is the name of a rock group that has four members yet none of them sing? Mount Rushmore
- Why did Dwayne 'the rock' Johnson's family get tested for COVID-19 They couldn't smell what the rock was cooking.
- The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed The label says the expiry date is June 2018.
I'm so glad they dug it up just in time - Every N.W.A song Verse 1: Sellin' crack rocks and shootin' muthafuckas!
Verse 2: Police pull me over just 'cause I'm brown. - Why don’t comedians like hanging out with Will Smith? Because he’s always improving their punchlines.
- A failed rapper, a failed rock star, and a mediocre country singer walk into a bar He tells the bartender "anything but Budweiser."
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Rock One Liners
Which rock one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rock? I can suggest the ones about metal and ammo.
- The sexiest mythological creature is Medusa Whenever I see her I get rock hard
- How does The Rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson.
- What rock group has four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
- If al gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm
- Have you heard of the Saudi Arabia gay pride anthem? We will, we will rock you!
- I saw a sign that said "Falling rocks" I tried. It doesn't.
- What does Chris Rock have on his face right now? Fresh prints!
- Which rock group has 4 men that can't sing? Mount Rushmore
- What's the difference between Chris Rock and Will Smith? Chris Rock can take a hit
- What rock group has 4 guys who don't sing? Mount Rushmore...
- what is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music mount rushmore
- Medusa was the hottest woman ever. Every man who looked at her got rock hard.
- I tried rocking my newborn daughter to sleep. Apparently she isn't a big Zeppelin fan.
- Fidget spinners are useless Says the generation that bought 1.5 million pet rocks.
- Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa? Because you made me rock hard
Rock Band Jokes
Here is a list of funny rock band jokes and even better rock band puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I like metal bands with female lead singers... Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.
- The difference between a rock band and a jazz group The rock band will play 3 chords in front of 1000 people.
The jazz group will play 1000 chords in front of 3 people. - Life is hard in a band Me and the guys started a rock band, we call it 1023MB. But no matter how hard we look we cant find a gig.
- My grandfather used to play in a rock band called "The Hinges". They usually opened for The Doors.
- A Rock Band Plays 3 Chords for a 3000 Person Crowd Where as a jazz player will play 3000 chords for a 3 person crowd.
- If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a nickelback. I'll let myself out.
- I'm in a band. We do covers of Stone Sour, Stone Temple Pilots, and The Rolling Stones. We're a rock band.
- I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band I have a Czech one too.
Czech one too. Czech one too. - Why did the Chicken want to join a rock band??? He was the only one with a set of drum sticks...
- What do you call a gun loving, Christian rock band? Guns N' Moses
Hard Rock Jokes
Here is a list of funny hard rock jokes and even better hard rock puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who was the sexiest woman in greek myth? Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.
- Medusa is so hot Every time I look at her I'm rock hard
- Letting go of a loved one is hard... But sometimes it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.
- Who is the most attractive Greek mythological figure? I don't know about you, but Medusa always gets me rock hard.
- Went on a date with Medusa… It was awkward. I was rock hard the whole time.
- Why is Medusa such a good pornstar? Anyone who looks at her will get rock hard immediately.
- I once saw Medusa on a cam girl site I was rock hard the entire time
- I was on a date with Medusa One look into her eyes, and I was hard as a rock.
- What is both flaccid and rock hard at the same time? Michelangelo's David
- Have you ever heard about how beautiful Medusa was? They say that everyone that saw her got rock hard.
Dwayne Rock Jokes
Here is a list of funny dwayne rock jokes and even better dwayne rock puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do Irish people call a Dwayne Johnson impersonator? A Sham-Rock
- I misplaced Dwayne Johnson's cutting tool for the origami workshop... I can't believe I lost the Rock's Paper
Scissors... - Casting Dwayne Johnson in a movie is a bold decision... Casting The Rock is a boulder decision.
- Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool. I lost the Rock's paper scissors.
- I was cornered by Dwayne Johnson in front of a Hallmark store. I was caught between The Rock and a card place.
- Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson just found out 2 of his kids are gay... ...I guess you can say they are fruity pebbles.
- Does Dwayne Johnson purchase bulk shears? No.
The Rock pay per scissors - Dwayne Johnson and his family all contracted COVID.. They figured it out when they couldn't smell what the rock was cooking.
- Why is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson always so sad? Everyone takes him for granite.
- I never realised Dwayne Johnson lived in the apartment above us. All this time we had been living under a rock.
Rock Bottom Jokes
Here is a list of funny rock bottom jokes and even better rock bottom puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you discipline your pet rock? You hit rock bottom
- At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks This joke brought to you by my ten year old son
- what kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean Heavy rock
- Me: Hits rock bottom "welp, it cant get any worse" Rock bottoms older brother: Is this the guy that hit you
Me: oh no - My joke of the day Did you hear of the quarry that went out of buiness?
It hit rock bottom. - I must be a geologist I keep finding a new rock bottom.
- If you give Dwayne Johnson a spanking... It means you've just hit Rock bottom.
- What's the difference between where you pour dirty water and The Rock? One's the the bottom of a sink and the other's a Dwayne.
- I thought life couldn't get any worse after I hit rock bottom Until rock bottom's dad turned up and started hitting me back…
- How do you punish a pet rock You hit rock bottom
Quirky and Hilarious Rock Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about rock you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean earth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rock pranks.
A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.
"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"
Grandpa's Rocking Chair
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'
What do you call a gay rock.
A fruity pebble.
Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....
...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for something larger, and he finds an old railroad tie. He lifts up the railroad tie and chucks it down the hole. Still no sound.
Then out of NOWHERE, Harry sees a goat charging at him full speed from behind. Harry dives out of the way, then watches as the goat charges strait down the hole.
Harry is sitting there, perplexed, when a farmer approaches Harry and asks
Farmer: "Hey son, you haven't seen a goat around here have you?"
Harry: "Actually, Yes I did! It was the strangest thing, a goat just charged me full speed! I was just able to get out of the way. THEN the goat ran strait down that hole over there" as Harry points to the hole.
Farmer: "That's impossible, I tied that goat to a railroad tie"
There once was a man who made dead houses.
There once was a man who made dead houses; Stored them under his home with the bugs and the mouses; The coffins he made were of rich sleek wood; He built them as big, yet as fast as he could; For his caskets were haunted and were said to walk; one night he went to his basement, and one started to rock; It moved towards him, his insides began to soften; So he pulled out some Halls, cause Halls stops the coffin.
A trucker and a blonde.
A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician?
To the airport please
Which four-member rock group doesn't sing or play music?
Mount Rushmore.
What does rock music and my grandpa have in common?
The Strokes
Over the past year, my s**... fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse.
But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realised I'd hit rock bottom.
How does a rock star feel when he nails a groupie?
Fan-f**...-tastic!
So this atheist explorer is in trouble...
...with a tribe of savage cannibals. He's cornered with no possible way out when he exclaims in his desperation 'God, I'm s**...!'
Suddenly the clouds part and a booming voice says 'No son, you are not. Take that rock near your right foot and throw it at that old cannibal with the large headdress!'
The explorer obeys, and the chief of the tribe lies dead on the ground.
The voice says 'NOW you're s**...!'
What is another way of 'saying caught between a rock and a hard place'?
Having a t**... with Dwayne Johnson
I knew that s**... fetishes could get more and more perverse over time, but...
...it wasn't till I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?
Because everyone there hates integration.
What do you call a rock group of 4 men who don't sing or play music?
Mount Rushmore.
^^Or ^^Nickelback. ^^I'm ^^so ^^sorry.
The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"
No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.
Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...
... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."
What's the difference between rock and jazz?
Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.
Why can't l**... have s**... at concerts?
Because rock beats scissors.
What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
It gets wet.
I lost my pet rock in Morocco
Where did Morocco?
My s**... desires have been getting out of control...
But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
I asked my friend "Do you know any other word for a big rock?"
He said "Boulder?"
I said **"Do you know any other word for a big rock?"**
What do you call a rock climbing cow?
A high steak situation
At an AC/DC concert...
Brian Johnson: You guys ready to rock?
Crowd: YESSSSSS
Brian Johnson: I can't hear you!
Three men are captured by canibals
The canibals say that they will be killed and their skin will be made into a canoe, and that they can choose how they die.
The first one jumps off a rock, the second one cuts his t**....
The third one takes a fork, starts stabing himself and yelling 'NO CANOE FOR YOU!"
My friend and I were hiking
Me: "That's a huge rock over there!"
Him: "Boulder."
Me: **"That's a huge rock over there."**
Who's an all male rock group that doesn't sing?
Mount Rushmore.
How do they play Pokemon Go in Gaza s**...?
They grab a round rock from the ground and say: "Pick-a-jew"!
What does a rock put on when it stinks?
Geodorant.
I got a new job at a quarry today, and the foreman was showing me around when
I saw this huge rock. I told him, "Wow! That's a really big rock!"
"Boulder." He says.
**"WOW!!!! THATS A REALLY MASSIVE ROCK,"** I say while puffing my chest out.
I found a 1,700 yard rock the other day....
It was a real milestone.
Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.
Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.
Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.
"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.
"You may have won," replied Vlad, "but I beat you to the Finnish line."
That's a nice shamrock you've got there.
It would be a shame if someone replaced the -rock with an e.
What do you call a gay-p**... starring Dwayne Johnson and Johnny Depp?
"*Rock Beats Scissors*"
How do you stop 2 l**... from having s**...?
With a rock. Rock beats scissors.
What's Sherlock's favourite type of rock?
Sedimentary my dear Watson...
I saw a rock the other day that has been painted on..
The words: Turn me Over ----->
I turn the rock over then it says:
"You just took orders from a rock
Are you s**...?"
What did Tyrion call the passage he built to smuggle w**... into Casterly Rock?
h**...-door.
Rap is like scissors...
It always loses to rock.
When I'm feeling shy, I like to think about my pet rock...
It always inspires me to be a little boulder.
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber?
You can't. A mosquito is a vector, but a rock climber is a scalar.
If I s**... Dwayne Johnson...
does that mean I hit Rock bottom?
Three hawks had a hunting contest
The first one went and came back with blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that tree over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a rabbit near it".
The second one went and came back with even more blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that rock over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a deer near it".
The third one went and came back with blood all over him. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that lamppost over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I didn't."
Three young boys are exploring the woods near a river
One of the boys is crouched behind a rock and is looking at something.
He calls the other two over to look with him.
In the river is a beautiful n**... woman bathing.
One of the boys immediately starts running in the other direction screaming.
What's wrong? Says one boy.
My mom told me if I ever saw a n**... woman I would turn to stone! He says And something's already turning hard!
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it every day.
I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
During the annual cavemen conference ...
Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .
Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender
Greg " that's not it ,chief "
And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand
" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .
Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...
He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.
"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."
He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.
"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."
What's Indiana Jones's least favorite beer?
Rolling Rock
Me: "What do you call a big rock?"
Person: "Boulder."
**Me:** **"What do you call a big rock?"**
What do rocks use for personal hygiene?
Geoderant!
