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Robert Jokes

120 robert jokes and hilarious robert puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about robert that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover some of the funniest jokes involving people named Robert, from Robert Mugabe to Robert Downey Jr. to Robert Lewis. Learn why pitbulls and elephants make people named Robert laugh and read some of Ajit Robert and Eddie's best jokes about the name.

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Popular Robert Short Jokes

Short robert jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The robert humour may include short robert name jokes also.

  1. Wife: "Who's the new Batman?" | Me: "Robert Pattinson" Wife: "So vampire do turn into bats."
    (I have no idea if she heard this elsewhere, but I def laughed at breakfast.)
  2. "Yesterday, my wife left me for my best friend" "Who is your best friend?"
    "Robert"
    "Since when is Robert your best friend?"
    "Yesterday."
  3. Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat
  4. Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin agreed to take care of each other's garden. This means Roger Waters Robert's Plants.
  5. Robert Khardasian was OJ Simpson's lawyer And thus began the family tradition of getting black men off.
  6. Patrick Rothfuss, Robert Jordan, and George RR Martin walk into a bar... I'll finish writing this later
  7. Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever. Took him 15 years to figure out how to turn himself into a bat
  8. Robert E. Lee once said: "I like whiskey. I always did. And that is why I never drink it." That's just generally speaking.
  9. Robert Kardashian taught Kim an important lesson. You can become famous if you help a black guy get off.
  10. My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night Aftwerwards I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

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Robert One Liners

Which robert one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with robert? I can suggest the ones about bob and john.

  1. Stranger: "Bob? Is that short for Robert?" Bobert: "No."
  2. Why is Robert Pattison so pale? There's no sunlight in the closet.
  3. If Bob's my nickname.. Then Robert's my Nicholasname
  4. I just learned Robert E Lee had a father. Apparently.
  5. White Nationalist should honor the true legacy Robert E. Lee And surrender.
  6. Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever. It took him 12 years to transform into a bat.
  7. If robert frost was bisexual... He would have gone both ways.
  8. Robert De Niro has six children, That's mucho de niro.
  9. In high school, what was Robert E Lee voted? Most likely to secede
  10. If Robert Kardashian hadn't gotten OJ off, eventually one of his daughters would have.
  11. My dad has a brother named Robert I guess Bob's my uncle.
  12. What's Robert Kraft's favorite wing flavor? Dry rub!
  13. What do you call a shish-kebab at a fancy restaurant? A Shish-ke-Robert
  14. Which African Dictator extorts flying insects Robert Mug-a-bee
  15. What is Robert Kraft's favorite football play? The rub and tug in the end zone.

Robert Name Jokes

Here is a list of funny robert name jokes and even better robert name puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I met the inventor of the bobble head His name is Robert Bullhead. His friends call him Bob
  • It was cruel of Mark Addy (Robert Baratheon in GoT) to name his son Paul. Poor laddie.
  • What do a woman who wants to speak to the manager and amputee named Robert have in common? Am asymmetrical bob.
  • If iron man had down syndrome his name would be... Robert Downey Jr
  • What is the formal name of the Bobby Pin? The Robert Pin.
  • When my son has downsyndrom I'm gonna name him... ...Robert
  • TIL In the late 90's, Edward Norton left a man to die in his home. His name is Robert Paulson.
  • What do you call the gay couple who are both named Bob? o**... Roberts!

Robert Kraft Jokes

Here is a list of funny robert kraft jokes and even better robert kraft puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Robert Kraft doesn't always have a use for massage parlors. But sometimes they come in handy.
  • Robert Kraft's lawyer: It's gonna cost you a whole lot more for me to get you off, big guy.
  • I ordered a steak prepared à la Robert Kraft at a steakhouse outside Gilette Stadium. It was well-aged meat, massaged with an Asian rub, publicly grilled and roasted.
  • People are giving Robert Kraft a hard time for paying someone to give him a tug, but let's be honest... Giving _yourself_ a tug isn't that comfortable when you've got 6 rings on.
  • All this mockery of Robert Kraft Is really gonna rub people the wrong way
  • How much does Robert Kraft pay the refs? A Brady bunch.
Robert joke, How much does Robert Kraft pay the refs?

Robert Mugabe Jokes

Here is a list of funny robert mugabe jokes and even better robert mugabe puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Robert Mugabe admits to playing World of Warcraft You are not in this Presidential group.
    Please leave office or you will be teleported to the nearest graveyard in 59..58...57
  • News from the Zimbabwean Lotto and for a magical 100,000th time the winner is...
    Robert Mugabe
  • Poor old Robert Mugabe is possibly the greatest president the world has ever seen.... What other premier can claim to have turned almost all of his countrymen into millionaires?
  • Dear Sepp Blatter... There's only one Robert Mugabe... Yours Truly... Life

Robert Downey Jr Jokes

Here is a list of funny robert downey jr jokes and even better robert downey jr puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Top 5 highest Paid Black Actors 1. Terry Crews $800,000,000
    2. Bill Cosby $400,000,000
    3. Will Smith $350,000,000
    4. Robert Downey Jr $300,000,000
    5. Denzel Washington $280,000,000
  • Rob Lowe, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Robert Downey Jr. Walk up to the bar at the Governors Ball.... The bartender looks at Sarah Jessica Parker and says "Why the long face?"
  • Rest in Peace Robert Downey Jr. I'm sure you had a long day.
  • Robert Downey Jr. went on a trip to the v**... Islands Now it's just called " The Islands."
Robert joke, Robert Downey Jr. went on a trip to the v**... Islands

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about robert can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of robert puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Robert Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about robert you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean roger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make robert prank.

What do you get when you combine Robert Frost and James Bond?

The Road Not Shaken but Stirred.

My dad loves telling this joke to women

Robert is walking down the street and sees two hearses followed by hundreds of men walking. At the front of the line, one man is walking his dog.
Robert walks up to the man and asks,
>"What happened?!"
The man- "My wife and mother in law died."
Robert - "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How did they die?"
The man - "My dog bit them."
Robert - "Your dog bit them and they died?!"
The Man - "Yup"
Robert - "...Can I borrow your dog?"
The man simply smiles and says, "Get in line."

My friend Robert showed me a cross between a cabbage and a turnip...

I said, "That's cool, Robbie!"

What did Robert Plant say to his blistering hot soup?

You neeeeed cooooooolin'!

An art museum in Virginia...

An art museum in Virginia recently opened an exhibition of Robert Mapplethorpe's male n**.... The display of that kind of art in a conservative state has lead to a great deal of local controversy, with local church groups picketing the museum, along with counter-demonstrators by art lovers, civil libertarians, and gay rights groups.
The local paper has begun referring to it as the Battle of Manasses.

I accidently ordered a "Robert Palmer" instead of an "Arnold Palmer" and now there is a sullen waitress dancing behind me.

You had to be there

I accidentally ordered a "Robert Palmer" instead of an "Arnold Palmer" and now there is a sullen waitress dancing behind me.

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

Why couldn't Robert Plant play the 25 cent slot machine?

No quarter

Did you hear that Robert Plant got in a car wreck?

Now he's Robert Vegetable.

What do you call a Robert on a stick?

A keBob!

Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas, which, given enough time, turns into people.

\- Edward Robert Harrison, *Smithsonian Magazine*, December, 1995.

I can't believe they're still using that guy as a Subway spokesperson!

Robert Griffen III is terrible!

You're like an opera singer....

Cause it's all about me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-meeee ----Robert Kelly

I don't get why Robert and Cersei never seemed to get along...

They didn't even have a legitimate issue.

What's the difference between Kim and Robert K?

Robert never got a famous black guy off all by himself ...

Why did Robert Oppenheimer's wife go to the beach n**...?

There was no bikini atoll

Which scientist invented the nuclear powered floor cleaner?

J. Robert Moppenheimer

My time-travelling uncle died.

RIP Robert Mack, 1968-1834

Great Scot!

Waiter: Are you here for a special occasion?
Campbell: Aye, we won the third prize in the annual Robert Burns contest... A haggis dinner for two.
Waiter: What were the other prizes?
Campbell: Second prize was a single haggis dinner, and if you won the first prize, you didnae have to eat the haggis.

So apparently Robert Downy Jr came out as trans recently,

I had a feeling he was Fe-male

If Robert Duvall had everything stolen from him, what would that make him?

Rob Duvall his possessions

Robert asks a televangelist to pray for his hearing

After five minutes of violent shaking and trying to push the man backwards, the televangelist inquires Robert on the state of his hearing, to which he replies "I don't know, my hearing isn't until Tuesday at the courthouse."

Why is Robert Palmer bad at tennis?

He's addicted to love

So Robert Frost and his wife are lost in the woods

Robert Frost remarks to his wife "We've got miles to go before we sleep"
And his wife replies "Well maybe if we hadn't taken the road less traveled by we'd be there already"

What do the Russians and Robert Mueller have in common?

They never have any trouble getting any secrets out of Donald Trump.

I'm reading 'Antigravity' by Robert W. Williams...

It's an amazing book, impossible to put down.

What was Robert Mueller's favorite childhood game?

Donnimoes.

How does a Turk say Okay to a guy called Robert?

'Kebab'.

Robert Mueller has uncovered that Donald Trump dropped Quaaludes with the entire USSR hockey team prior to their stunning defeat to the US at the 1980 Olympics "Miracle on Ice" in Lake Placid, NY. So what's the crime in that?

Trump Quaaluded with the Russians

I took the road less travelled by

But so did everyone else because they saw it on Google Maps and now we're all stuck in traffic. -Robert Frost

A woman goes to the fortune teller.

A woman goes to the fortune teller, who tells her, "Two men want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?" The fortune teller answers, "You will marry Robert, David will be the lucky one."

Hey Robert, have you ever had Five Guys?

No, but I've had five guys!

„Mom, I'm almost 18 now. Ashley and Nicole always wear the hottest outfits in school and their parents don't mind. So please, please can I wear the short black skirt and the cute white top tomorrow?

„For the last time Robert, no!!!

Robert died...

He was working on the local brewery and fell inside the beer tank, drowning. It is believed he didn't suffer as footage shows him leaving the tank twice to take a leak.

Robert McCall and John Wick walk into a bar...

And say "Ouch!"

Robert Mueller goes before Congress..

Rhetorically, he asks who would be so low that they would sell our country and values for personal profit?
All of the republicans stand to volunteer.

Pittsburgh shooter Robert Bowers was arrested trying to sneak the pistols back into his gun cabinet.

At least he remembered to put the Glocks back.

What does Robert Mueller like to drink?

Just ice.

Did you hear Robert DeNiro and Ben Stiller are gonna be in the sequel to Throw Momma from the Train?

It's called Yeet the Parents.

What did Robert Palmer say to the light when he flipped the wrong switch?

I didn't mean to turn you on.

New England Patriots' Robert Craft is charged with soliciting prostitution.

He just wanted to show the masseuse where he wears his 6th super bowl ring.

Robert Kraft - 7 rings.

Robert Kraft:
- 2001 Super Bowl Ring
- 2003 Super Bowl Ring
- 2004 Super Bowl Ring
- 2014 Super Bowl Ring
- 2016 Super Bowl Ring
- 2018 Super Bowl Ring
- 2019 Prostitution Ring

In alternate universe, Robert De Niro was a special council assigned to investigate the election. Once his report was done,

he released the report at least 3 times, at least 3 times, at least 3 times.

Robert, caring child

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

An all boys high school teacher was doing the attendance roll call one morning

She went through the list of names and each student replied, Yes miss as their name was called.
James?
Yes miss, replied James.
Is Robert here?
Yes miss, replied Robert.
Jack?
After about 5 seconds of silence, Jack hadn't replied.
The teacher continued, j**... today?
The whole class in unison, Okay we will miss.

sarcastic jokes

* Stephen:- Knock knock !!
* Robert:- Who's there !!??
* Stephen:- Yah !!
* Robert:- Yah who !!??
* Stephen:- No I prefer Google !

Beware of DNA tests!

In England, young Robert Keystone Townsend II, was given a DNA test from a friend for his birthday, which revealed a terrible family secret: His father was not his actual father, but still related somehow. When confronted with the question of why this horrible truth was hidden from him for so long, his parents replied that they told him hundreds of times that "Bob's your Uncle!"

The camouflage test

\- **Soldier**: Hello commander Robert!
\-**Commander**: Hello! I didn't see you at the camouflage test...
\-**Soldier** :Thanks commander Robert!

Robert joke, Top 5 highest Paid Black Actors

jokes about robert

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these robert jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.