Robe Jokes
83 robe jokes and hilarious robe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about robe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Robe Short Jokes
Short robe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The robe humour may include short cloth jokes also.
- Sherlock's son tugs at his robe, screaming: "Daaad, dad!" Sherlock looks at him and says: "Watson?"
- Did you hear about the nun who was caught with cannabis sewn into her robe? She had a drug habit.
- A buck wearing a robe and clutching a bible was found dead near a rural highway... The person who found the animal exclaimed "Deer Lord" upon its discovery.
- The Nuns robes The Nun had tried ever so hard to change the colour of her old robes but to no avail. I guess old habits dye hard.
- When the devil goes out drinking, he makes all the demons wear robes. He likes jinn in tunics.
- What do Black and White people have in common? Both cry when they see a man in white robes.
- What do you call a brewmaster that wears a bright purple robe and carries around an enormous recipe book? An Ale Chemist.
- What do you do when you are at the bottom of the robe and things are happening to fast? You use belay tactics
- I went to Church for the first time last week. I asked my cousin: "So, when does the Priest do his magic trick?"
"What?"
"You know, making the altar boy disappear under his robe." - If you have a beard and wear robes, you're a Wizard. If you have a goatee and wear robes, you're a Sorcerer... ...and if you have a mustache and wear robes, you're not allowed near public schools.
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Robe One Liners
Which robe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with robe? I can suggest the ones about coat and pants.
- What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed? An iWitness.
- What does a king call his robe? His reign jacket
- Where did the sith go to get their robes The shopping maul
- Where does the Empire buy their robes? The Darth Mall!
- How many robed Catholic women does it take to change a lightbulb? Nun
- Why does isis wear robes? Goats can hear a zipper a mile away
- Answered the door in my bath robe today... Funny place for a door.
- How do you call a Fay in black robes? It is a Faygoth
- What goes around in a pointy hat and robes and frightens people at night? Witches
- How do you confectionate lawyer robes? ... With a sueing machine!
- Who has a pointy hat, a white robe, and justifies his words with religion? The Pope!
- What's a white mage wearing under those robes? High heels.
- Why do Arab men wear robes? Goats can hear zippers.
- Who wears robes, cuts off people's hands, and lives in the desert? Obi-Wan Kenobi.
- If Gandalf was a women, what color would her robes be? Red.
Uplifting Robe Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about robe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make robe pranks.
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician
An engineer wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Panicking, he leaps out of bed in only his robe and slippers, kicks over the wastebasket, and stomps out the flames, spreading ash and cinders all over his bedroom.
A physicist wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. A bit startled, he hurries to the kitchen and returns with a large dinner plate. He places the plate over the wastebasket and waits for the fire to extinguish.
A mathematician wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Coolly, he sits down at his desk with a pen and paper and scribbles some formulas. He scratches out his work, then lights a cigarette and sits back to consider. Suddenly thoughtful, he looks at the glass of water sitting on his desk. He takes one last drag from his cig, then drops it in the glass and watches it go out. "Aha!" he exclaims, "a solution exists!" and then returns to bed.
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.....
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.... "Why are you down here at this time of night!?"
The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15," he said solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.
The husband pauses....... The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?"
"I remember that, too" she replied softly...
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."
A cabbie and a priest die at the same time
... and arrive at the gates of heaven. St. peter looks at the cabbie's records and exclaims, "welcome to heaven good sir!" before giving him a golden silk robe and keys to a villa.
Looking at the spectacle in front of him, the priest thinks he's set. When he arrives, St. Peter looks at his chart and says, "you'll do" before giving him a somewhat old robe and keys to what looked like an apartment.
The priest looks astonished and asks the angel why he, a priest, is getting this second hand treatment while a cabbie gets the best of the best. St. Peter looks at him and says, "When you preached, people slept; when he drove, people prayed."
Robert walks into the bar down the street from his house...
He proceeds to drink his fill and is quite drunk, tries to stand up, gets his feet and proceeds to fall face first onto the floor. Jake the barkeep says "Robert can I help you get home?" No No Robert replies, my wife will be home in the morning and I need to get home so she doesn't she suspect anything. So Robert crawls to the door gets to his feet and proceeds to fall flat on his face. The barkeep again asks "Robert let me help you get home" Robert's reply I'll manage and the door closes. Robert proceeds to crawl down the street all the way to his house, up the stairs and into bed all before his wife gets home.
Robert wakes up the next morning to his wife with a stern look on her face. Robert knowing that he got home before her asks "what?" She says I see you were at the bar drinking last night and were quite drunk. Robert perplexed at how she knew this asks "how did you know?" His wife replies "Jake called this morning to say that you forgot your wheel chair at the bar last night..."
There's an apartment with 4 floors...
... on the first floor there is an artist, on the second there's a plummer, the third there is a blind man, and on the fourth there is a woman taking a shower. The woman taking a shower hears a knock on the door, she gets out of the shower, puts her robe on and opens the door. It's the artist, "I just sold a painting for thousands of dollars!" he exclaims.
"That's wonderful, congrats!" she replies. Then the woman closes the door and gets back into the shower. A few minutes later she hears another knock. She puts her robe on and opens the door. It's the plummer.
"I finally opened my own pluming business, and will be making much more money," the plummer says.
"That's great, congrats!" the woman replies. she then gets back into the shower. Just a few moments later she hears another knock. She thinks it must be the blind man. So she gets out of the shower but decides not to put her robe on. She opens the door and it's the blind man.
"Guess what?" the blind man yells.
"What?" the woman asks.
"I can see again!"
Why is Robert Pattison so pale?
There's no sunlight in the closet.
So an old couple was getting ready for bed...
...when the old lady throws off her robe, revealing the skimpy negligee that she was wearing, jumps on her husband and yells "SUPER s**...!".
The man takes one look at his wife and says, "Well if you don't mind, I would like the soup."
2 monsters started talking
2 monsters were talking, one said he loved eating humans, the other disagreed. the first monster asked how he was cooking his humans. The second answered "I boiled him."So the first monster then asked if the second could describe the human he was trying to cook the second responded with "well, he was bald with a ring of hair, he wore a brown robe, with a rope around his waist like a belt." The second monster replied "well there's your problem! He was a FRIAR"
What did Robert Plant say to his blistering hot soup?
You neeeeed cooooooolin'!
Variations of a nail joke. (Heard at a Ren Faire, modified)
The Goldman Nails company is trying to bolster business. They start a contest to create an advertisement for the business. The first submission is from an older lady.
It starts with a man with a beard in a white robe hammering away at wood. The shot pulls back to reveal an massive wooden ship and the figure turns and says "I'm Noah and I use Goldman Nails."
The second submission is from an elderly gentleman. It opens with a king sitting surrounded by men working on a great temple. The king says "I am king Solomon and all of my men wisely use Goldman Nails."
The last submission was by little Johnny. It opens on a desert. A man runs across the screen. He has a crown of thorns on this head and blood is coming out of his side. It is clearly Jesus. He runs off and two Roman Centurions run into focus. They look at each other; winded, one says to the other "We should have used Goldman's nails"
Why couldn't Robert Plant play the 25 cent slot machine?
No quarter
Two cannibals are chatting
and the first cannibal says "I killed and ate a m**... yesterday, but I think he gave me an upset stomach."
The second cannibal says "That's too bad. How'd you cook him?"
The first cannibal says "Oh, I threw him in the giant p**... of boiling water like always."
The second cannibal says "Makes sense. And what did he look like?"
The first cannibal says "The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals."
And the second cannibal says "Well there's your problem. You boiled him, and he was a friar."
Robert Ebert was asked to reflect upon his career as a movie critic...
He described it as a jaw-dropping experience...
A Buddhist monk walks upto a hotdog stand and says...
"Make me one with everything."
Despite this being an overused statement, the vendor serves him a hotdog as he is a customer. When the monk asks if he has 27 cents, the vendor replies "Change comes from within."
The monk then pulls out a p**... from his robe and shoots the vendor. After this, he states "I have found my inner piece."
Pumping up his stomach
A little boy walks in on his parents having s**... and the mother throws on a robe and rushes him out of the room. "I was just hopping on daddy's big belly to make it smaller" she says, but the little boy tells her "That's useless because every time you go shopping the neighbor lady comes and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"
I don't get why Robert and Cersei never seemed to get along...
They didn't even have a legitimate issue.
Robert Khardasian was OJ Simpson's lawyer
And thus began the family tradition of getting black men off.
Why did Robert Oppenheimer's wife go to the beach n**...?
There was no bikini atoll
Robert Kardashian taught Kim an important lesson.
You can become famous if you help a black guy get off.
How come Robert Di Nero doesn't work in Mexico?
He's only worth 1 Dinero.
Robert Hooke was alone in his room and I heard weird noises.
Guess he was playing with his's cork.
Black t**...
An older man is in the hospital. A nurse walks in and he asks, "Are my t**... black?" The nurse, taken by surprise replies, "I'm sorry?" So he asks again "Are my t**... black?" Nurse shakes her head but decides to check for him, after all she is a nurse. She lifts his robe, takes his t**... in hand, lifts and inspect them. She lowers his robe, raises back up to him and says " Mr. Johnson, you'll be happy to hear your t**... aren't black." He looks at her, removing his oxygen mask and says, "That's great and all but are my test results back?"
If Robert Duvall had everything stolen from him, what would that make him?
Rob Duvall his possessions
Robert asks a televangelist to pray for his hearing
After five minutes of violent shaking and trying to push the man backwards, the televangelist inquires Robert on the state of his hearing, to which he replies "I don't know, my hearing isn't until Tuesday at the courthouse."
Why is Robert Palmer bad at tennis?
He's addicted to love
So Robert Frost and his wife are lost in the woods
Robert Frost remarks to his wife "We've got miles to go before we sleep"
And his wife replies "Well maybe if we hadn't taken the road less traveled by we'd be there already"
Why did the Robert E. Lee statue have to reboot his computer?
He partitioned the s**... drive.
Robert Mugabe admits to playing World of Warcraft
You are not in this Presidential group.
Please leave office or you will be teleported to the nearest graveyard in 59..58...57
What was Robert Mueller's favorite childhood game?
Donnimoes.
Robespierre, Trotsky, and Mao walk into a bar.
There are no survivors.
If Robert Kardashian hadn't gotten OJ off,
eventually one of his daughters would have.
Robert Mueller has uncovered that Donald Trump dropped Quaaludes with the entire USSR hockey team prior to their stunning defeat to the US at the 1980 Olympics "Miracle on Ice" in Lake Placid, NY. So what's the crime in that?
Trump Quaaluded with the Russians
Robert died...
He was working on the local brewery and fell inside the beer tank, drowning. It is believed he didn't suffer as footage shows him leaving the tank twice to take a leak.
Robert De Niro has six children,
That's mucho de niro.
Robert McCall and John Wick walk into a bar...
And say "Ouch!"
How to make a lot of money by predicting the future
1) Wait until your 80+ years old
2) Dress up in a robe with a hood
3) Find dumb superstitious customers
4) Prophet
Robert Mueller goes before Congress..
Rhetorically, he asks who would be so low that they would sell our country and values for personal profit?
All of the republicans stand to volunteer.
So Robert Kirkman saved telltale's The walking Dead Final season from being cancelled
Fans will never forget that
Roberto Osuna
...must have thought Red Sox batters were domestic partners, the way he was hitting them.
Robert Mueller is looking at Don Jr. and Ivanka's involvement in Trump Tower Moscow
This is a family separation I can get behind!
White robe with a cone top was really popular among the members of k**....
It was a cult classic.
What is Robert Mueller's least favorite drink?
Moscow Muel
If robert frost was bisexual...
He would have gone both ways.
What does Robert Mueller like to drink?
Just ice.
What did Robert Palmer say to the light when he flipped the wrong switch?
I didn't mean to turn you on.
Robert Kraft - 7 rings.
Robert Kraft:
- 2001 Super Bowl Ring
- 2003 Super Bowl Ring
- 2004 Super Bowl Ring
- 2014 Super Bowl Ring
- 2016 Super Bowl Ring
- 2018 Super Bowl Ring
- 2019 Prostitution Ring
What is Robert Kraft's favorite football play?
The rub and tug in the end zone.
What's Robert Kraft's favorite wing flavor?
Dry rub!
Robert Kraft's lawyer:
It's gonna cost you a whole lot more for me to get you off, big guy.
I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom.
I sprinkled some more over the bed.
I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table.
I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening she's ever had, I was slightly nervous.
Now all I need is the perfect line to introduce myself.
Robert Kraft doesn't always have a use for massage parlors.
But sometimes they come in handy.
Robert E. Lee once said: "I like whiskey. I always did. And that is why I never drink it."
That's just generally speaking.
Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire
It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat
Robert, caring child
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever.
It took him 12 years to transform into a bat.
A man and a woman get married and are on their honeymoon.
The woman walks out of the bathroom in a robe and the man says "t**... robe - we're married now!"
Okay, she says seductively while taking off her robe.
Can I take a picture of you?
Why?
"So I can carry you with me.
A few hours later the man comes out of the bathroom in a robe.
The woman says "t**... robe - we're married now!"
Okay, he replied while enthusiastically taking off his robe.
Can I take a picture?
Why?
"So I can have it enlarged!"
A lesson from my life as a monk
I learned a lot during my years at the monastery. One thing I still remember is that our vow of poverty meant that we were expected to go to great lengths to look after our one robe, including mending and from time to time dying them to their regulation dark hue.
One thing that surprised me was how rough and scratchy the dye made the material over many years.
Old habits dye hard.
Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever.
Took him 15 years to figure out how to turn himself into a bat
