Robe Jokes
83 robe jokes and hilarious robe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about robe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Robe Short Jokes
Short robe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The robe humour may include short cloth jokes also.
- Sherlock's son tugs at his robe, screaming: "Daaad, dad!" Sherlock looks at him and says: "Watson?"
- Did you hear about the nun who was caught with cannabis sewn into her robe? She had a drug habit.
- A buck wearing a robe and clutching a bible was found dead near a rural highway... The person who found the animal exclaimed "Deer Lord" upon its discovery.
- The Nuns robes The Nun had tried ever so hard to change the colour of her old robes but to no avail. I guess old habits dye hard.
- When the devil goes out drinking, he makes all the demons wear robes. He likes jinn in tunics.
- What do you call a brewmaster that wears a bright purple robe and carries around an enormous recipe book? An Ale Chemist.
- What do you do when you are at the bottom of the robe and things are happening to fast? You use belay tactics
- I went to Church for the first time last week. I asked my cousin: "So, when does the Priest do his magic trick?"
"What?"
"You know, making the altar boy disappear under his robe." - How to make a lot of money by predicting the future 1) Wait until your 80+ years old
2) Dress up in a robe with a hood
3) Find dumb superstitious customers
4) Prophet
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Robe One Liners
Which robe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with robe? I can suggest the ones about coat and dress.
- What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed? An iWitness.
- What does a king call his robe? His reign jacket
- Where did the sith go to get their robes The shopping maul
- Where does the Empire buy their robes? The Darth Mall!
- How many robed Catholic women does it take to change a lightbulb? Nun
- Why does isis wear robes? Goats can hear a zipper a mile away
- Answered the door in my bath robe today... Funny place for a door.
- How do you call a Fay in black robes? It is a Faygoth
- What goes around in a pointy hat and robes and frightens people at night? Witches
- How do you confectionate lawyer robes? ... With a sueing machine!
- Who has a pointy hat, a white robe, and justifies his words with religion? The Pope!
- What's a white mage wearing under those robes? High heels.
- Who wears robes, cuts off people's hands, and lives in the desert? Obi-Wan Kenobi.
- If Gandalf was a women, what color would her robes be? Red.
- What did Joan Rivers say to God when she arrived? Get a new robe!
Uplifting Robe Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about robe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cloak jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make robe pranks.
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician
An engineer wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Panicking, he leaps out of bed in only his robe and slippers, kicks over the wastebasket, and stomps out the flames, spreading ash and cinders all over his bedroom.
A physicist wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. A bit startled, he hurries to the kitchen and returns with a large dinner plate. He places the plate over the wastebasket and waits for the fire to extinguish.
A mathematician wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Coolly, he sits down at his desk with a pen and paper and scribbles some formulas. He scratches out his work, then lights a cigarette and sits back to consider. Suddenly thoughtful, he looks at the glass of water sitting on his desk. He takes one last drag from his cig, then drops it in the glass and watches it go out. "Aha!" he exclaims, "a solution exists!" and then returns to bed.
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.....
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.... "Why are you down here at this time of night!?"
The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15," he said solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.
The husband pauses....... The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?"
"I remember that, too" she replied softly...
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."
A cabbie and a priest die at the same time
... and arrive at the gates of heaven. St. peter looks at the cabbie's records and exclaims, "welcome to heaven good sir!" before giving him a golden silk robe and keys to a villa.
Looking at the spectacle in front of him, the priest thinks he's set. When he arrives, St. Peter looks at his chart and says, "you'll do" before giving him a somewhat old robe and keys to what looked like an apartment.
The priest looks astonished and asks the angel why he, a priest, is getting this second hand treatment while a cabbie gets the best of the best. St. Peter looks at him and says, "When you preached, people slept; when he drove, people prayed."
There's an apartment with 4 floors...
... on the first floor there is an artist, on the second there's a plummer, the third there is a blind man, and on the fourth there is a woman taking a shower. The woman taking a shower hears a knock on the door, she gets out of the shower, puts her robe on and opens the door. It's the artist, "I just sold a painting for thousands of dollars!" he exclaims.
"That's wonderful, congrats!" she replies. Then the woman closes the door and gets back into the shower. A few minutes later she hears another knock. She puts her robe on and opens the door. It's the plummer.
"I finally opened my own pluming business, and will be making much more money," the plummer says.
"That's great, congrats!" the woman replies. she then gets back into the shower. Just a few moments later she hears another knock. She thinks it must be the blind man. So she gets out of the shower but decides not to put her robe on. She opens the door and it's the blind man.
"Guess what?" the blind man yells.
"What?" the woman asks.
"I can see again!"
Why is Robert Pattison so pale?
There's no sunlight in the closet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So an old couple was getting ready for bed...
...when the old lady throws off her robe, revealing the skimpy negligee that she was wearing, jumps on her husband and yells "SUPER s**...!".
The man takes one look at his wife and says, "Well if you don't mind, I would like the soup."
A Cab Driver and a Priest
A Cab Driver and a Priest are going to Heaven. The Cab Driver steps up to St. Peter, states his name and how he died. St. Peter checks him off the lists, and turns around. He grabs a beautiful silken robe, and a golden staff encrusted in jewels, before turning back around. "Here, enjoy Heaven."
The Cab Driver walks away as the Priest steps up to state his name and how he died. St. Peter grabs a Burlap Sack and a Wooden Stick.
"Wait, wait, wait a minute." The Priest argues. "I've been a man of God all my life. How did the Cab Driver get more than me?"
"Well," St. Peter replied. "When you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."
Praying and Sleeping
Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name, where he is from, and what he did in life.
The man answers that he is John Smith and that he was a taxi driver in New York City.
St. Peter looks through his book, then gives the man a luxurious silken robe and a golden staff, and bids him welcome into heaven for his eternal reward.
St. Peter then asks the second man the same questions. He replies that his name is Thomas O'Malley, and that he was a Catholic priest in Chicago. St. Peter looks in his book, then gives him a cotton robe and a wooden staff, and bids him to enter into heaven for his eternal reward.
Father O'Malley says, Wait a minute! Why did that taxi driver get a silken robe and golden staff while I, a Catholic Priest and a man of God, got a cotton robe and wooden staff?
St. Peter told him that the rewards in heaven are based on results, and while Father O'Malley preached, people slept, but while John Smith drove, people prayed!
20 years
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes I do" she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'either you marry my daughter, or will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...... "I would have gotten out today."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mailman's last day on the job
A mailman is on his last day of the job after 20 years delivering the mail on the same route. He is going about his regular routine, when he is greeted at the door by a stunning blonde. She's wearing nothing more than a skimpy robe and beckons him inside. Without a word she leads him up the stairs and into the bedroom and proceeds to give him the best s**... of his life. After they both get dressed, she takes his hand and leads him downstairs. There is a gourmet meal prepared on the table and she pulls out a chair and indicates for him to sit down. Without a word he sits and they eat until they cannot eat another bite. He finishes eating and slumps back in his chair. The woman stands up and walks over to him, slipping a $1 bill in his front pocket. Bewildered the man finally asks "What in the world is all of this for?". The woman responds, "I heard it was your last day and asked my husband what we should do for you. He said 'Fuck him, give him a dollar'. The breakfast was my idea".
What did Robert Plant say to his blistering hot soup?
You neeeeed cooooooolin'!
Why couldn't Robert Plant play the 25 cent slot machine?
No quarter
Robert Ebert was asked to reflect upon his career as a movie critic...
He described it as a jaw-dropping experience...
I don't get why Robert and Cersei never seemed to get along...
They didn't even have a legitimate issue.
Husband and wife are in bed one night...
when the doorbell rings. The wife says "I'll get it" and goes downstairs and opens the door and it's the next door neighbor. Neighbor whispers "look, I'll give you a hundred bucks if you just open your robe for me..." so the woman shrugs and opens her robe for a few seconds and the neighbor smiles and gives the woman a hundred dollar bill. Wife gets back in bed and husband goes "who was it?" And the wife says "oh it was just the neighbor." And the husband goes, "did he give you the hundred bucks that he owes me?"
An old-timer told me this so it can't be that fresh but I had never heard it and thought it was good.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Robert Oppenheimer's wife go to the beach n**...?
There was no bikini atoll
Robert Hooke was alone in his room and I heard weird noises.
Guess he was playing with his's cork.
If Robert Duvall had everything stolen from him, what would that make him?
Rob Duvall his possessions
Robert asks a televangelist to pray for his hearing
After five minutes of violent shaking and trying to push the man backwards, the televangelist inquires Robert on the state of his hearing, to which he replies "I don't know, my hearing isn't until Tuesday at the courthouse."
Why is Robert Palmer bad at tennis?
He's addicted to love
So Robert Frost and his wife are lost in the woods
Robert Frost remarks to his wife "We've got miles to go before we sleep"
And his wife replies "Well maybe if we hadn't taken the road less traveled by we'd be there already"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Robert E. Lee statue have to reboot his computer?
He partitioned the s**... drive.
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.
Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."
The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"
St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
Robert Mugabe admits to playing World of Warcraft
You are not in this Presidential group.
Please leave office or you will be teleported to the nearest graveyard in 59..58...57
What was Robert Mueller's favorite childhood game?
Donnimoes.
Robespierre, Trotsky, and Mao walk into a bar.
There are no survivors.
How much does Robert Kraft pay the refs?
A Brady bunch.
If Robert Kardashian hadn't gotten OJ off,
eventually one of his daughters would have.
Robert Mueller has uncovered that Donald Trump dropped Quaaludes with the entire USSR hockey team prior to their stunning defeat to the US at the 1980 Olympics "Miracle on Ice" in Lake Placid, NY. So what's the crime in that?
Trump Quaaluded with the Russians
Robert died...
He was working on the local brewery and fell inside the beer tank, drowning. It is believed he didn't suffer as footage shows him leaving the tank twice to take a leak.
Robert De Niro has six children,
That's mucho de niro.
Robert McCall and John Wick walk into a bar...
And say "Ouch!"
Robert Mueller goes before Congress..
Rhetorically, he asks who would be so low that they would sell our country and values for personal profit?
All of the republicans stand to volunteer.
So Robert Kirkman saved telltale's The walking Dead Final season from being cancelled
Fans will never forget that
Roberto Osuna
...must have thought Red Sox batters were domestic partners, the way he was hitting them.
Robert Mueller is looking at Don Jr. and Ivanka's involvement in Trump Tower Moscow
This is a family separation I can get behind!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
White robe with a cone top was really popular among the members of k**....
It was a cult classic.
If robert frost was bisexual...
He would have gone both ways.
What does Robert Mueller like to drink?
Just ice.
A priest and a taxi driver go to heaven
While they're at the pearly gates God talks to them about their time in Earth. When he's done talking to the cab driver, he hands him a gold staff and a beautiful silk robe as he walks in
Once he's finished with the priest however, he hands him a wooden staff and a cotton robe. The priest says to God "excuse me, but you gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe, but I only got a wood staff and cloth robe. There must be some mistake"
God responds, "No, I don't make mistakes. When people were riding with the cab driver, they prayed. When they were with you, they slept"
What did Robert Palmer say to the light when he flipped the wrong switch?
I didn't mean to turn you on.
Robert Kraft - 7 rings.
Robert Kraft:
- 2001 Super Bowl Ring
- 2003 Super Bowl Ring
- 2004 Super Bowl Ring
- 2014 Super Bowl Ring
- 2016 Super Bowl Ring
- 2018 Super Bowl Ring
- 2019 Prostitution Ring
What is Robert Kraft's favorite football play?
The rub and tug in the end zone.
What's Robert Kraft's favorite wing flavor?
Dry rub!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Robert Kraft's lawyer:
It's gonna cost you a whole lot more for me to get you off, big guy.
I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom.
I sprinkled some more over the bed.
I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table.
I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening she's ever had, I was slightly nervous.
Now all I need is the perfect line to introduce myself.
Robert Kraft doesn't always have a use for massage parlors.
But sometimes they come in handy.
Robert E. Lee once said: "I like whiskey. I always did. And that is why I never drink it."
That's just generally speaking.
My first posted joke.
It's about 2 in the morning and the wife wakes up and notices her husband is not in bed next to her. She puts on her robe and goes down to the kitchen to find her husband sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, a single tear under one eye. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asks. He replies, "Do you remember that day 20 years ago when you and I were in the back of my car and your dad stuck a shotgun in the window and said marry her or you're going to jail?" The wife is touched and replies, "Oh yes my dear, I remember that day. Why are you crying?"
"Today's the day I would have gotten out."
A priest dies and goes to heaven....
He greets Saint Peter at the pearly gates and Saint Peter gives him a cotton robe and a wooden staff.
As he walks through he sees a cab driver and stops for a second. And Saint Peter gives the cabbie a gold staff and a gold robe.
The priest goes to saint peter and says "why does he get a gold staff and robe, and I only get a wood staff and a cotton robe?"
Saint Peter replies "Up here, we go by results. While you prayed, people slept, while he drove, people prayed!"
Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire
It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat
Robert, caring child
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever.
It took him 12 years to transform into a bat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and a woman get married and are on their honeymoon.
The woman walks out of the bathroom in a robe and the man says "t**... robe - we're married now!"
Okay, she says seductively while taking off her robe.
Can I take a picture of you?
Why?
"So I can carry you with me.
A few hours later the man comes out of the bathroom in a robe.
The woman says "t**... robe - we're married now!"
Okay, he replied while enthusiastically taking off his robe.
Can I take a picture?
Why?
"So I can have it enlarged!"
A lesson from my life as a monk
I learned a lot during my years at the monastery. One thing I still remember is that our vow of poverty meant that we were expected to go to great lengths to look after our one robe, including mending and from time to time dying them to their regulation dark hue.
One thing that surprised me was how rough and scratchy the dye made the material over many years.
Old habits dye hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever.
Took him 15 years to figure out how to turn himself into a bat
