Robe Jokes

Following is our collection of corset humor and skimpy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Robe puns for adults, dirty naked jokes or clean garb gags for kids.

There is an abundance of gown jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 68 funniest jokes on robe. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any nightie witze you can hear about robe.

The Best jokes about Robe

Sherlock's son tugs at his robe, screaming: "Daaad, dad!"

Sherlock looks at him and says: "Watson?"

Robert Khardasian was OJ Simpson's lawyer

And thus began the family tradition of getting black men off.

So an old couple was getting ready for bed...

...when the old lady throws off her robe, revealing the skimpy negligee that she was wearing, jumps on her husband and yells "SUPER SEX!".

The man takes one look at his wife and says, "Well if you don't mind, I would like the soup."

A Buddhist monk walks upto a hotdog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."

Despite this being an overused statement, the vendor serves him a hotdog as he is a customer. When the monk asks if he has 27 cents, the vendor replies "Change comes from within."

The monk then pulls out a pistol from his robe and shoots the vendor. After this, he states "I have found my inner piece."

Why is Robert Pattison so pale?

There's no sunlight in the closet.


Two cannibals are chatting

and the first cannibal says "I killed and ate a missionary yesterday, but I think he gave me an upset stomach."
The second cannibal says "That's too bad. How'd you cook him?"
The first cannibal says "Oh, I threw him in the giant pot of boiling water like always."
The second cannibal says "Makes sense. And what did he look like?"
The first cannibal says "The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals."
And the second cannibal says "Well there's your problem. You boiled him, and he was a friar."

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.....

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.... "Why are you down here at this time of night!?"

The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15," he said solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses....... The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?"

"I remember that, too" she replied softly...

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

Husband and wife are in bed one night...

when the doorbell rings. The wife says "I'll get it" and goes downstairs and opens the door and it's the next door neighbor. Neighbor whispers "look, I'll give you a hundred bucks if you just open your robe for me..." so the woman shrugs and opens her robe for a few seconds and the neighbor smiles and gives the woman a hundred dollar bill. Wife gets back in bed and husband goes "who was it?" And the wife says "oh it was just the neighbor." And the husband goes, "did he give you the hundred bucks that he owes me?"

An old-timer told me this so it can't be that fresh but I had never heard it and thought it was good.

20 years

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes I do" she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'either you marry my daughter, or will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...... "I would have gotten out today."

Praying and Sleeping

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name, where he is from, and what he did in life.

The man answers that he is John Smith and that he was a taxi driver in New York City.

St. Peter looks through his book, then gives the man a luxurious silken robe and a golden staff, and bids him welcome into heaven for his eternal reward.

St. Peter then asks the second man the same questions. He replies that his name is Thomas O'Malley, and that he was a Catholic priest in Chicago. St. Peter looks in his book, then gives him a cotton robe and a wooden staff, and bids him to enter into heaven for his eternal reward.

Father O'Malley says, Wait a minute! Why did that taxi driver get a silken robe and golden staff while I, a Catholic Priest and a man of God, got a cotton robe and wooden staff?

St. Peter told him that the rewards in heaven are based on results, and while Father O'Malley preached, people slept, but while John Smith drove, people prayed!

What does a king call his robe?

His reign jacket


A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.

Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"

St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

There's an apartment with 4 floors...

... on the first floor there is an artist, on the second there's a plummer, the third there is a blind man, and on the fourth there is a woman taking a shower. The woman taking a shower hears a knock on the door, she gets out of the shower, puts her robe on and opens the door. It's the artist, "I just sold a painting for thousands of dollars!" he exclaims.
"That's wonderful, congrats!" she replies. Then the woman closes the door and gets back into the shower. A few minutes later she hears another knock. She puts her robe on and opens the door. It's the plummer.
"I finally opened my own pluming business, and will be making much more money," the plummer says.
"That's great, congrats!" the woman replies. she then gets back into the shower. Just a few moments later she hears another knock. She thinks it must be the blind man. So she gets out of the shower but decides not to put her robe on. She opens the door and it's the blind man.
"Guess what?" the blind man yells.
"What?" the woman asks.
"I can see again!"

A Cab Driver and a Priest

A Cab Driver and a Priest are going to Heaven. The Cab Driver steps up to St. Peter, states his name and how he died. St. Peter checks him off the lists, and turns around. He grabs a beautiful silken robe, and a golden staff encrusted in jewels, before turning back around. "Here, enjoy Heaven."

The Cab Driver walks away as the Priest steps up to state his name and how he died. St. Peter grabs a Burlap Sack and a Wooden Stick.

"Wait, wait, wait a minute." The Priest argues. "I've been a man of God all my life. How did the Cab Driver get more than me?"

"Well," St. Peter replied. "When you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."

Black Testicles

An older man is in the hospital. A nurse walks in and he asks, "Are my testicles black?" The nurse, taken by surprise replies, "I'm sorry?" So he asks again "Are my testicles black?" Nurse shakes her head but decides to check for him, after all she is a nurse. She lifts his robe, takes his testicles in hand, lifts and inspect them. She lowers his robe, raises back up to him and says " Mr. Johnson, you'll be happy to hear your testicles aren't black." He looks at her, removing his oxygen mask and says, "That's great and all but are my test results back?"

Mailman's last day on the job

A mailman is on his last day of the job after 20 years delivering the mail on the same route. He is going about his regular routine, when he is greeted at the door by a stunning blonde. She's wearing nothing more than a skimpy robe and beckons him inside. Without a word she leads him up the stairs and into the bedroom and proceeds to give him the best sex of his life. After they both get dressed, she takes his hand and leads him downstairs. There is a gourmet meal prepared on the table and she pulls out a chair and indicates for him to sit down. Without a word he sits and they eat until they cannot eat another bite. He finishes eating and slumps back in his chair. The woman stands up and walks over to him, slipping a $1 bill in his front pocket. Bewildered the man finally asks "What in the world is all of this for?". The woman responds, "I heard it was your last day and asked my husband what we should do for you. He said 'Fuck him, give him a dollar'. The breakfast was my idea".

A cabbie and a priest die at the same time

... and arrive at the gates of heaven. St. peter looks at the cabbie's records and exclaims, "welcome to heaven good sir!" before giving him a golden silk robe and keys to a villa.

Looking at the spectacle in front of him, the priest thinks he's set. When he arrives, St. Peter looks at his chart and says, "you'll do" before giving him a somewhat old robe and keys to what looked like an apartment.

The priest looks astonished and asks the angel why he, a priest, is getting this second hand treatment while a cabbie gets the best of the best. St. Peter looks at him and says, "When you preached, people slept; when he drove, people prayed."

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom.

I sprinkled some more over the bed.

I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table.

I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening she's ever had, I was slightly nervous.

Now all I need is the perfect line to introduce myself.

A Priest dies and is waiting in line at heaven's gate.

God to the guy: Who are you?
Guy: I am a Thrissur to Kozhikode Bus driver.
God: Oh! Take this golden robe and enter the kingdom of heaven.

God to the Priest:Who are you?
Priest: I am a Priest. I've spent 35 years preaching good to people.
God:Oh!Take this cotton robe and enter the kingdom of heaven.

Priest: God,How is that the foul mouthed,rash driver gets a golden robe and I who spent all my life preaching about goodness, get a cotton one?

God: Results, my son, results.
While you preached,most people slept. When he drove everyone prayed!


Robert E. Lee once said: "I like whiskey. I always did. And that is why I never drink it."

That's just generally speaking.

My first posted joke.

It's about 2 in the morning and the wife wakes up and notices her husband is not in bed next to her. She puts on her robe and goes down to the kitchen to find her husband sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, a single tear under one eye. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asks. He replies, "Do you remember that day 20 years ago when you and I were in the back of my car and your dad stuck a shotgun in the window and said marry her or you're going to jail?" The wife is touched and replies, "Oh yes my dear, I remember that day. Why are you crying?"

"Today's the day I would have gotten out."

A buck wearing a robe and clutching a bible was found dead near a rural highway...

The person who found the animal exclaimed "Deer Lord" upon its discovery.

Robert Kardashian taught Kim an important lesson.

You can become famous if you help a black guy get off.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician

An engineer wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Panicking, he leaps out of bed in only his robe and slippers, kicks over the wastebasket, and stomps out the flames, spreading ash and cinders all over his bedroom.

A physicist wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. A bit startled, he hurries to the kitchen and returns with a large dinner plate. He places the plate over the wastebasket and waits for the fire to extinguish.

A mathematician wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Coolly, he sits down at his desk with a pen and paper and scribbles some formulas. He scratches out his work, then lights a cigarette and sits back to consider. Suddenly thoughtful, he looks at the glass of water sitting on his desk. He takes one last drag from his cig, then drops it in the glass and watches it go out. "Aha!" he exclaims, "a solution exists!" and then returns to bed.

Boy Walks In On Parents

who are in the middle of having sex. The mom was on top of the dad when he enteres and immediately jumped off when she saw the son enter. The boy turns and runs from the room and goes back to his bedroom to think about what he just saw. The mom grabs her robe and come into his room to try and explain what he saw.

Mom: Son, I know you are confused about what you saw but its really simple. You know your dad has a big stomach so every night I sit on it to make it go down.

Son: well thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Mom: (shocked) Well what do you mean?

Son: Well thats stupid because every day you go to work the neighbor comes over and blows it right back up.

Variations of a nail joke. (Heard at a Ren Faire, modified)

The Goldman Nails company is trying to bolster business. They start a contest to create an advertisement for the business. The first submission is from an older lady.

It starts with a man with a beard in a white robe hammering away at wood. The shot pulls back to reveal an massive wooden ship and the figure turns and says "I'm Noah and I use Goldman Nails."

The second submission is from an elderly gentleman. It opens with a king sitting surrounded by men working on a great temple. The king says "I am king Solomon and all of my men wisely use Goldman Nails."

The last submission was by little Johnny. It opens on a desert. A man runs across the screen. He has a crown of thorns on this head and blood is coming out of his side. It is clearly Jesus. He runs off and two Roman Centurions run into focus. They look at each other; winded, one says to the other "We should have used Goldman's nails"

An ancient Greek playwright walks into a tailor.....

....and approaches the counter holding a robe. He shows the tailor a large hole torn in the side. The tailor looks at him and said "Euripides?"

The playwright responds, "Eumenides."

If robert frost was bisexual...

He would have gone both ways.

Robert walks into the bar down the street from his house...

He proceeds to drink his fill and is quite drunk, tries to stand up, gets his feet and proceeds to fall face first onto the floor. Jake the barkeep says "Robert can I help you get home?" No No Robert replies, my wife will be home in the morning and I need to get home so she doesn't she suspect anything. So Robert crawls to the door gets to his feet and proceeds to fall flat on his face. The barkeep again asks "Robert let me help you get home" Robert's reply I'll manage and the door closes. Robert proceeds to crawl down the street all the way to his house, up the stairs and into bed all before his wife gets home.

Robert wakes up the next morning to his wife with a stern look on her face. Robert knowing that he got home before her asks "what?" She says I see you were at the bar drinking last night and were quite drunk. Robert perplexed at how she knew this asks "how did you know?" His wife replies "Jake called this morning to say that you forgot your wheel chair at the bar last night..."

Robert Kraft doesn't always have a use for massage parlors.

But sometimes they come in handy.

Robert De Niro has six children,

That's mucho de niro.

2 monsters started talking

2 monsters were talking, one said he loved eating humans, the other disagreed. the first monster asked how he was cooking his humans. The second answered "I boiled him."So the first monster then asked if the second could describe the human he was trying to cook the second responded with "well, he was bald with a ring of hair, he wore a brown robe, with a rope around his waist like a belt." The second monster replied "well there's your problem! He was a FRIAR"

If Robert Kardashian hadn't gotten OJ off,

eventually one of his daughters would have.

A little girl came home from sunday school and told her dad, "Daddy, the priest made me do something naughty today"

"WHAT??? WHAT HAPPENED???", he bellowed.

"Well, he took me back to his room and told me to take off my dress" said the girl.

"AND THEN WHAT??", he asked, his face turning purple.

"He took off his robe"

"HE DID WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT?", he demanded, starting to breathe heavily

"Well, that was it" said the girl.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? MAKE SOMETHING UP, THEN, I'M ALMOST FINISHED!!!"

Pumping up his stomach

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex and the mother throws on a robe and rushes him out of the room. "I was just hopping on daddy's big belly to make it smaller" she says, but the little boy tells her "That's useless because every time you go shopping the neighbor lady comes and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"

What did Robert Palmer say to the light when he flipped the wrong switch?

I didn't mean to turn you on.

Robespierre, Trotsky, and Mao walk into a bar.

There are no survivors.

Robert Kraft's lawyer:

It's gonna cost you a whole lot more for me to get you off, big guy.

So Robert Frost and his wife are lost in the woods

Robert Frost remarks to his wife "We've got miles to go before we sleep"
And his wife replies "Well maybe if we hadn't taken the road less traveled by we'd be there already"

Why did Robert Oppenheimer's wife go to the beach naked?

There was no bikini atoll

Two Words Every Three Years

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.

The head monk said, You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.

The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, What are your two words?

Food cold! the man replied.

Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said What are your two words?

Robe dirty! the man exclaimed.

Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, What are your two words?

I quit! said the man.

Well, the head monk replied, I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!

Robert asks a televangelist to pray for his hearing

After five minutes of violent shaking and trying to push the man backwards, the televangelist inquires Robert on the state of his hearing, to which he replies "I don't know, my hearing isn't until Tuesday at the courthouse."

Robert died...

He was working on the local brewery and fell inside the beer tank, drowning. It is believed he didn't suffer as footage shows him leaving the tank twice to take a leak.

What's Robert Kraft's favorite wing flavor?

Dry rub!

A priest and a taxi driver go to heaven

While they're at the pearly gates God talks to them about their time in Earth. When he's done talking to the cab driver, he hands him a gold staff and a beautiful silk robe as he walks in

Once he's finished with the priest however, he hands him a wooden staff and a cotton robe. The priest says to God "excuse me, but you gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe, but I only got a wood staff and cloth robe. There must be some mistake"

God responds, "No, I don't make mistakes. When people were riding with the cab driver, they prayed. When they were with you, they slept"

Answered the door in my bath robe today...

Funny place for a door.

If Robert Duvall had everything stolen from him, what would that make him?

Rob Duvall his possessions

Robert Mueller has uncovered that Donald Trump dropped Quaaludes with the entire USSR hockey team prior to their stunning defeat to the US at the 1980 Olympics "Miracle on Ice" in Lake Placid, NY. So what's the crime in that?

Trump Quaaluded with the Russians

What do you call a brewmaster that wears a bright purple robe and carries around an enormous recipe book?

An Ale Chemist.

Robert Kraft - 7 rings.

Robert Kraft:

- 2001 Super Bowl Ring
- 2003 Super Bowl Ring
- 2004 Super Bowl Ring
- 2014 Super Bowl Ring
- 2016 Super Bowl Ring
- 2018 Super Bowl Ring
- 2019 Prostitution Ring

What is Robert Kraft's favorite football play?

The rub and tug in the end zone.

Why is Robert Palmer bad at tennis?

He's addicted to love

What do you do when you are at the bottom of the robe and things are happening to fast?

You use belay tactics

What does Robert Mueller like to drink?

Just ice.

Robert Mugabe admits to playing World of Warcraft

You are not in this Presidential group.
Please leave office or you will be teleported to the nearest graveyard in 59..58...57

Robert Mueller goes before Congress..

Rhetorically, he asks who would be so low that they would sell our country and values for personal profit?

All of the republicans stand to volunteer.

What was Robert Mueller's favorite childhood game?

Donnimoes.

Why couldn't Robert Plant play the 25 cent slot machine?

No quarter

I went to Church for the first time last week.

I asked my cousin: "So, when does the Priest do his magic trick?"

"What?"

"You know, making the altar boy disappear under his robe."

So Robert Kirkman saved telltale's The walking Dead Final season from being cancelled

Fans will never forget that

Roberto Osuna

...must have thought Red Sox batters were domestic partners, the way he was hitting them.

White robe with a cone top was really popular among the members of KKK.

It was a cult classic.

Robert Mueller is looking at Don Jr. and Ivanka's involvement in Trump Tower Moscow

This is a family separation I can get behind!

Robert McCall and John Wick walk into a bar...

And say "Ouch!"

A Priest dies and..

... is waiting in line at heavens gate.

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God to the guy : Who r u ?

Guy : I am Bus driver "Express Service"

God : Take this gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.

God to the Priest : Who r u ?

Priest : I am a priest & spent 40yrs preaching good to people.

God : Take this cotton robe and enter heaven.

Priest : God, how come that foul mouthed, rash driver gets a gold & I spent all my life preaching good get cotton.

God : Results, my son, results.

While you preached, people slept, when he drove, people really prayed...

Its Performance, not Position that Counts !!

Robert Ebert was asked to reflect upon his career as a movie critic...

He described it as a jaw-dropping experience...

How to make a lot of money by predicting the future

1) Wait until your 80+ years old

2) Dress up in a robe with a hood

3) Find dumb superstitious customers

4) Prophet

What did Robert Plant say to his blistering hot soup?

You neeeeed cooooooolin'!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes