Robbing Jokes
104 robbing jokes and hilarious robbing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about robbing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the light hearted side of robbery with a collection of jokes, puns, and stories. From robbing a bank to "robbing the cradle", no topic is off limits. Join us as we also explore the funny side of shoplifting, grave robbing, and a possible iWitness to a crime. This is sure to be a collection of light hearted jokes and stories about the not so funny topic of robbery.
Quick Jump To
- Short Robbing Jokes
- Robbing One Liners
- Robbing Bank Jokes
- Robbing House Jokes
- Grave Robbing Jokes
- More Robbing Jokes
Funniest Robbing Short Jokes
Short robbing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The robbing humour may include short robber jokes also.
- Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.
- Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "is this whiskey?" The other says "yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank"
- Two burglars are robbing a liquor store. One turns to the other and asks, "Is this whiskey?"
The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank." - After calling 5 different home security companies... ....I've decided it's cheaper to get robbed.
- Who is this Rorschach guy??? And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
-Rob DenBleyker - Yesterday I robbed the oversized board game store It was a huge Risk that I was willing to take
- Two men are robbing a liquor store… One says, 'Is this whisky?'
'Yes', the other replies, 'but not as whisky as wobbing a bank' - A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day... ...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.
- A psychiatrist finds a man lying by the road who has been robbed and beaten senseless. The psychiatrist says, "My god, whoever did this needs help!"
- Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.
Share These Robbing Jokes With Friends
Robbing One Liners
Which robbing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with robbing? I can suggest the ones about stealing money and mugging.
- Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
- If I had a dollar for every racist thing I said a black guy would probably rob me.
- If I got $1 every time somebody called me a racist black people would rob me
- If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness?
- In Soviet Russia, you rob banks... in Capitalist America, banks rob you!
- How many Lowes would Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowes? Who Knowes
- What did the redditor say after robbing a jewellery store?
- Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone
- What do you call it when a white person robs you? Capitalism.
- An Apple store I was at today just got robbed. I guess that makes me an iWitness.
- I just saw an apple store getting robbed So later the police called me as an iwitness.
- Rob zombie is opening an authentic Chinese restaurant It's called 'More Hunan Than Hunan'
- Why couldn't the amputee rob the bank... Because he was unarmed
- Why do people rob 7/11 instead of restaurants? Because it's more convenient.
- In London, a man gets robbed every 4.5 minutes. And he's getting fed up with it.
Robbing Bank Jokes
Here is a list of funny robbing bank jokes and even better robbing bank puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked God for money I later found out that God doesn't work that way.
So I robbed a bank, then asked for forgiveness. - A man tries to rob a bank Man: "Where is the money!"
Teller:
Man: "Where is the money!"
Teller:
Penn: "He always does this." - A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.
Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man. - Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank once. Give a man a bank... ... and he'll rob everyone for the rest of their lives
- I tried to rob a bank using jello cast in the shape of a gun The police charged me with carrying a congealed weapon
- Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank? He came in with buns glazing.
- What's the hardest part about being black and jewish? Having to rob your own banks.
- Two Chinese guys rob a brewery. The one asks the other, "Is this whiskey?" The other man replies, "Not as whiskey as whobbing a bank."
- Two Chinese men are robbing a distillary The first one says "it this whiskey?"
The second replies "yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank" - Two men are robbing a liquor store... The other one asks: "Isn't this whisky?"
The other answers: "Well, it's less whisky than a bank whobbewy."
Robbing House Jokes
Here is a list of funny robbing house jokes and even better robbing house puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man was delighted when his home was robbed Every lamp in the house had been stolen.
- How do you know if an Asian person has robbed your house? When you come home, your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway.
- A Burglar got into the house of a Lawyer the other day... After a terrible struggle, the Lawyer succeeded in robbing him.
- Some dude broke into my house and robbed me of my limbo stick. Seriously how low could he go?
- A guys house gets robbed A guys house gets robbed. All the thief took was every single lamp in the house. You'd expect the house owner to be mad. But no. He was quite delighted.
- An Asian person robbed my house. 1. My homework is done.
2. My computer is upgraded to its maximum potential.
3. There's a person trying to back out of the driveway. - What did the strawberry say before robbing a house? "Hands up, this is a stroberry."
- What did the body-builder say after his house got robbed? No whey...
- Why does cutting the power to a house save it from being robbed? It gets a black out
- Burglar was robbing his own house. When asked what are you doing ? He said "working from home"
Grave Robbing Jokes
Here is a list of funny grave robbing jokes and even better grave robbing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Most people call it grave robbing... I prefer to call it crypto-currency
- Why is it that every time I get ahead in life someone arrests me for grave-robbing?
- I knew a woman who made a living grave robbing Nigerian princes. Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger...
Comical & Quirky Robbing Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about robbing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean armed robbery jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make robbing pranks.
A burglar
While robbing a home a burglar hears someone say "Jesus is watching you."
To his relief he realizes it is just a parrot mimicking something he heard. The burglar asks the parrot "What is your name?"
The parrot says "Moses"
The burglar goes on to ask "What kind of person names their parrot Moses?"
The parrot replies "The same kind of man that names his rottweiler Jesus."
Robbing a bank in Greece is like raiding a food warehouse in Uganda.
You look s**... and you get nothing out of it.
Making Sense of What's Happening in Europe
A policeman enters an interrogation room, in Athens, Greece.
He tells the perp: "You are accused of robbing the Bank of Greece, tell us where the money is!"
The perp reaches into his pocket and takes out a five-euro note.
"Here you go."
What do you call a group of cows robbing a Skyscraper?
A high-steaks mission.
A knight and his men return to their castle...
...after a long hard day of fighting.
"How are we faring?" asks the king.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."
In the process of robbing a bank, a robber's mask came off
He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face. She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.
He then turned to a man, who just happened to be in the bank at the time of the robbery, then he asked if the man saw his face.
The man replied with, "No, but I'm pretty sure my wife did."
A man in a baklava that covers his face is robbing another guy...
- "GIVE ME YOUR WALLET!" he yells as he looks menacing with a knife.
The other man gives him the wallet, and the robber opens it to take the money out...
- "Only 3 dollars?, what do you do for a living?"
- "Im an engineer"
The robber takes off the baklava and says:
- "dude... what year did you graduated?"
How much cash can you make robbing an Indian restaurant?
As much as you can curry.
After robbing a bank, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead
duck into an alley where they hide in potato sacks. The cops first go to the sack with the brunette in it and kick it. The brunette says, "Meow." They go to the sack with the redhead and kick it. She says, "Woof, woof." Last, they kick the sack with the blonde, and she says, "Po-ta-to."
What does robbing a Scotsman get you?
Kilt
o**... Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and h**... are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy
I've been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog.
It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime.
2 men are robbing an apartment...
...when they hear sirens outside the building.
"We need to jump!" says the first man.
The second man replies "But we're on the 13th floor!"
"This is no time to be superstitious!" exclaims the first man.
Why did the thieves get caught after robbing the Louvre?
Cause they didn't have the Monet to get Degas to make the van Gogh.
Quickly after robbing my bakery, a man got a severe headache
Serves him right. It's not his grain, it's migraine
Did you hear the one about the guy accused of robbing the art museum?
I heard he got framed
A Man named McMurphy is accused of robbing a bank...
On the last day of his trial, the foreman of the jury stands up.
"Have you reached a verdict?" asked the judge.
"We have your honor..." replied the foreman. "Not guilty!"
"Excellent!" shouted McMurphy "Does that mean i get to keep the money?"
What do you call a person who's skin falls off while robbing you?
l**...-con. Happy st pattys day!
Taking a stroll in the park is like robbing an Asian kitchen.
Either way, you're taking a wok.
Did you hear about the indignant thief who was caught robbing a furniture store?
He claimed he was being penalised for merely taking a stand.
I like to steal from the poor and give to the rich
It's called robbing the hood.
A man is arrested for robbing a guitar store.
The policeman reports him as a 'first offender; thief'.
"No", says the man, "first I stole a Gibson, then a Fender."
What do you call a fruit that has been caught for bank robbing?
a waterfelon
What did the man robbing the zoo say to the police?
Don't come any closer, I've got ostriches!
What does a snow man say when he's robbing a bank?
Stick 'em up!
Sir Dimalot strode into the throne room and bowed before the king.
"Your majesty," he said, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the villages of your enemies in the north."
The king looked perplexed. "But I do not have any enemies in the north."
"Ah," replied the knight, realising his mistake. "I fear you do now."
Farmer and Son
A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.
Four robber are robbing a bank
After opening the safe, the only thing they found is a box with about 200 yogurts. Furious because they didn't find the money, they eat all the 200 yogurts, thinking it'd upset the owner. As they were leaving, they ask the security where was all the money, to which the security answered: "What do you mean where's all the money? This is a s**... bank"
Was in line at the bank today
When a man walked in wearing sunglasses and holding a white and red walking stick, demanding all our money.
He was robbing us blind!
I was robbing a shop last week in Alabama
When I heard a loud speaker "Its the police, we have all the exits covered, so come out with your hands up "....
I escaped through the entrance. Not too bright, Americans
I got arrested for robbing a prosthetic store.
I decided to fight the charges. The way I see it, they don't have a leg to stand on.
Detectives finally arrest two men suspected of robbing a 3M plant.
But they couldn't find any evidence that would stick
If I see someone robbing an Apple Store...
Does that make me i-Witness?
Indians Robbing a Bank
An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him Where's the money? And why do you have so many computers? The bank robber replies They thougth I was tech support.
What's a bank robbing dogs favorite weapon?
A pawed-off shotgun.
A Vampire walks into a bank and pulls a gun out
Hands up, this is a robbery! He declares, as he starts forcing the teller to fill a sack with cash.
One of the customers, cracking slightly under the pressure asks; Hey, shouldn't you be robbing a blood bank?
The vampire turns to them and grins.
No, see, I'm cursed. He explains.
Cursed?
Yep, I can only feed on smartasses, and there's always at least one when I pull this stunt.
I got arrested today for robbing a McDonald's with a plastic knife.
I'm currently facing ten years in jail for armed burgerly.
Did you hear about the outlaw pornstar that lived in the forest robbing the rich to give to the poor?
Throbbin Wood - Prince of Beaves
A man is robbing a bank
The bankrobber comes out of the bank and sees a man watching him. He runs to the man and asks him: "Did you just see me come out of that bank?"
The man says yes, and immediatly gets shot by the bankrobber.
He turns around and sees a couple standing there shocked. He runs to them and asks the man of the couple: "Did you just see me come out of that bank?"
The man answers: " I didn't saw you, but my wife did"
The cops picked up a couple of spices for robbing a bank. Oregano says he won't talk,
But only Thyme will tell.
Credit to u/hawt_pawket for helping me.
What did the pizza maker say before robbing a bank?
"I may love making pizza, but I still knead the dough."
ME: Dial 999. Police, please
POLICE: Police
ME: Hi. Two hooded men are robbing my shed.
POLICE: Sorry, we have no resources. There's nothing we can do.
ME: They are standing less than 1 metre apart.
POLICE: Keep them there - we'll be there in 5.
Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?
He cleaned out every crook and nanny.
Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back,
"This is no time to be superstitious."
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were robbing a pet sore...
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were robbing a pet store.
Suddenly the cops show up and they all quickly hide in sacks.
The cops kick the first sack with the Englishman in and he goes "meow".
They move on and kick the second sack and the Scotsman goes "woof".
They then kick the third sack with the Irishman in and he says "potatoes".
I remember when I was on trial for robbing a joke shop
Prosecutor should've checked his chair before he sat down
A perfect robbery
Three men are being chased by the police after robbing a store
They find a barn and run into quick, where they find 3 barrels
They each jump into a barrel
The police come into the barn and tap on each barrel
On the first barrel the officer taps
He hears "woof woof"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a dog"
On the second barrel, the officer taps tree times
He hears "meow, meow"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a cat"
On the third barrel, the officer taps again
This time he hears "PO-TAY-TO"
The officer says "it's just an Irish parrot"
A man gets woken up by intruders in his house.
He phones the police and says "There's people robbing my house, please send help".
They dispatcher says there's no cars or police available.
The man hangs up and phones back 2 minutes later.
"I just shot the guys. They're both here with bullets in them"
2 minutes later, police cars, helicopters, armed forces, counter-t**... police turn up and raid the house, catching the burglars in the act.
The police looked confused and asked "You said you shot them!"
The man replied "You said there were no police available."
For extra cash consider robbing s**... offenders.
Their address is easy to find, and they can't own guns.
Only downside is politicians usually have good security.
Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel.
The first one said - I hear sirens. Jump.
The other replied - But we are on the 13th floor.
The first one yelled - This is no time to be superstitious.
2 Russians are robbing a bank...
2 Russians are robbing a bank... Everything went successful, quickly and silently. However, before existing the bank, one Russian stops another one: "Hey, what kind of a robbery is it if no one got injured or killed?"
Russian 2: "You're right, kill that woman that's sitting over there!"
Russian 1 (to the woman): "What's your name?"
Woman: "Sofia"
Russian 1 (to Russian 2): "I can't kill her... My wife has the same name..."
Russian 2: "Then kill that kid that's sitting beside her."
Russian 1 (to the kid): "What's your name?"
Kid: "Billy, but everybody calls me Sofia"
A man tried robbing a bee farm without success.
He broke out in hives when he broke into hives.
Why was the blind man so good at robbing banks?
He felt safe doing it.
Warning: 2 professional women thieves
Guys, recently are 2 good looking women robbing people on the street, while one makes out with you, the other robs your stuff, be careful guys, i have already been robbed 6 times
Did you hear about the man who went out for some exercise and ended up robbing a Chinese restaurant?
Police say he told his wife he was just going to take a wok.
