Robbing House Jokes
57 robbing house jokes and hilarious robbing house puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about robbing house that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Robbing House Short Jokes
Short robbing house jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The robbing house humour may include short robbing bank jokes also.
- How do you know if an Asian person has robbed your house? When you come home, your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway.
- A Burglar got into the house of a Lawyer the other day... After a terrible struggle, the Lawyer succeeded in robbing him.
- Some dude broke into my house and robbed me of my limbo stick. Seriously how low could he go?
- A guys house gets robbed A guys house gets robbed. All the thief took was every single lamp in the house. You'd expect the house owner to be mad. But no. He was quite delighted.
- An Asian person robbed my house. 1. My homework is done.
2. My computer is upgraded to its maximum potential.
3. There's a person trying to back out of the driveway. - Burglar was robbing his own house. When asked what are you doing ? He said "working from home"
- a man goes to the police: "Can I see the thief who robbed me last night?"
"Why do you want to do that?"
"He has to tell me how did he get inside the house without waking up my wife." - Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski had his house broken into according to police report. The investigator on the case told the media that he must have forgotten his Rob Gronkhousekey.
- I'm the kind of guy who would feel morally obligated to eat what I kill... So please don't try to rob my house...
- Q: How do you know when an Asian robs your house?
A: Your technology has been upgraded, your homework is finished, but he's still trying to back out of your drive way.
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Robbing House One Liners
Which robbing house one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with robbing house? I can suggest the ones about robbing and robber.
- A man was delighted when his home was robbed Every lamp in the house had been stolen.
- What did the strawberry say before robbing a house? "Hands up, this is a stroberry."
- What did the body-builder say after his house got robbed? No whey...
- Why does cutting the power to a house save it from being robbed? It gets a black out
- A Nihilist's house was robbed last night. Nothing of value was stolen.
- What do you call someone who's robbing your house in the night? Black
- A thief got caught robbing my house He wasn't wearing his Sneakers
- Ever heard of the gipsy with Alzheimer's? They say he robbed his own house.
- How do you know if the guy robbing your house is high? You'll catch him in the pantry.
- How do you know that an Asian has robbed your house? Your mailbox is missing!
- How do you know an Asian has robbed your house? They're still in your driveway
Robbing House Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about robbing house you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean robbed bank jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make robbing house pranks.
Yo mamma's so ugly, when her house was being robbed, the mugger took off his mask and made her wear it.
A Sentimental Robber
A robber goes into a house to, well, rob the place. There he finds a man and his wife. He goes to the woman and says, "I will have to kill you. What's your name?" She replies, "E...E...Elizabeth." "I can't kill you, that's my grandmothers name!" said the robber. He looks at the man and asks for his name. The man replies, "Jim, but uhhh most people call me **Elizabeth**."
I try to tell this joke in english :]
There's a young boy, with no arms, nor legs called Lumpi.
Lumpi plays in front of his house in the sandbox, then a window opens on the 4th floor and Lumpi's mother yells at him "Lumpi time to eat!" and she throws down a rope.
As Lumpi sees the rope hanging out of his window, he starts to rob to the rope and bite's it! He trained hard to hold himself on the rope with his teeth. Lumpi is very hungry and starts to pull himself up only with his teeth. Lumpi pulls and pulls, he's on the 1st floor, the window opens and a young Lady smiles at him, Lumpi smiles back, then pulls again...and again, 2nd floor the window opens and an old man sees him and waves at him, Lumpi shakes his head to greet back, then he start's to pull himself up again. Lumpi, all sweaty and hungry now on the the 3rd floor, near his own window on the 4th floor. The window on the 3rd floor opens and a Lady sees him, then she says "Hi Lumpi! What are you going to eat now?" and Lumpi replies " Pizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!...."
Sry for my bad english, I just tried to tell a joke in english that I know in my own language. :)
A Polish guy walked into a bar...
... in Poland. He announced that he had withdrawn his entire fortune, 100,000 zlotys, from the bank, invested it in gold bars, and put them into a safe in his house.
This was back when a zloty was worth something, so the other patrons immediately started to argue with him:
"You're an idiot! What if you get robbed? It's much safer in the bank."
"The banks are about to fail," he responded.
"But they can't fail, they're backed by the Polish government!"
"... which doesn't have so much as a grosz and you know it. The government will fall apart along with the banks."
"Fair enough," the other patrons answered, "but our friends the Russians will bail us out."
"The Russian government isn't so stable either. What if it should collapse too?"
"Well, wouldn't that be worth 100,000 zlotys?"
A guy goes to his local golf course...
The club pro asks him if he wants to try out one of their experimental new robot caddies...on the house.
"Sure, why not?" the man says.
He returns after playing 18 holes and raves to the club pro about the caddy. The robot gave him swing tips throughout the round and always chose the perfect club for each shot. It was the best round of his life!
He returns the next weekend and excitedly requests a robot caddy from the club pro.
"Unfortunately, we had to dispose of all seven of our robot caddies recently", said the club pro.
"What!?, why!?" exclaimed the man.
"Well, the chrome plating of the robots was very shiny and, on sunny days, it was distracting some of our older members", said the club pro.
"That's simple! Why didn't you just paint them black??" Screamed the man.
"We tried that", the club pro said. "Six of them didn't show up for work the next day and the seventh robbed the pro shop!"
Jesus is watching you.
A burglar had been planning to rob a couple for awhile. He was sitting outside their house, knowing they would be leaving soon for vacation. They leave, and he enters the house. On the first floor, he's looking around and he hears a voice. "Jesus is watching you. He shines his flashlight around, doesn't see anything, and continues to the next floor.
On the next floor, he's looking around and hears the voice again. "Jesus is watching you." He shines his flashlight around, doesn't see anything, and goes to the last floor.
On the last floor, he's going through their stuff, and he hears the voice again. "Jesus is watching you, and he's not happy. He shines a flashlight around, and sees a parrot.
"So you're the voice I've been hearing"
"Yes, my name is Moses."
"What kind of people name a parrot Moses?" asks the burglar.
The parrot responds with "The same kind of people that name a rottweiler Jesus"
New bikes for "clever" engineers.
Mike, an engineer, rides his new bike to his friends Rob's house who is also an engineer. Rob asks Mike where he got the new bike. Mike tells Rob about the encounter he had that very morning. He said that a beautiful bombshell blonde woman came riding up to his house while he was out front watering the lawn.
He proceeds to tell Rob that she stopped in front of his house on the bike, took off all of her clothes and said take what you want.
Rob looks at Mike and said "Yeah the clothes wouldn't have fit you"
After robbing a house I was informed to flee the scene.
So I picked up their dog and ruffled it's fur.
If thieves were ever to rob my house looking for money...
...I would laugh and look for it too
How do you know if a Korean gang robbed your house?
Because all the rice is gone, and three hours later, they are still trying to back out of your driveway.
Every bottle of milk in my house disappeared overnight.
We must have been robbed by a cat burglar.
Expecting Wife
Just as Dave was about to fall asleep, his wife shook him and said, "I hear someone breaking in."
At least two nights a week for twenty years Dave had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. So, he went out for a routine check.
When Dave entered the living room he was suprised to see a thief. The man held a gun on him and continued to rob the house.
As the theif was about to leave Dave said, "You have to go and meet my wife."
The thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your wife?"
Dave replied, "Well, she's been expecting you since 20 years."
A man robs a bank to get away from his wife...
As he sat on the steps of the bank waiting for the police to come he was relieved with thoughts of never having to see his wife again.
Later In the court room waiting for his ruling, he was excited to finally be somewhere far far away from her.
Seeing this the judge thought of the worst possible sentence that he can give him.
He was given 2 years house arrest.
A group of criminals decide to rob an apple farm
They leave with hundreds of apples in the back of their truck. The owner calls the cops and they quickly set up spike strips further along the path. The criminals hit the strips and their tires are shredded instantly. However they make it back to their safe house and unload the cargo. It was truly a tireless effort, but the results were extremely fruitful.
p**... met Angus in a pub
Over their pints, Angus leaned in and said does ye know what I did last night, eh?
p**... had no idea, and Angus said I'm a very rich man. I robbed a shop full of expensive pictures!
p**... was impressed. He said to Angus wow, that's astonishing! When you sell 'em, give me some money!
Angus said yes, of course. But p**... thought for a bit, and he asked Angus how does ye know they were expensive?
Angus replied ah, well, they got price tags don't they? Cheapest one was €180,000, wasn't it? Picture of some house! 'Course they all were.
p**... thought for a minute, and then said Angus, ye didn't rob the estate agent did ye?
Message from Europe
European: If your house is burning, should firefighters help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get robbed, should the police help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get hurt, should doctors help you?
American: Absolutely not! We dont want socialist p**....
Out of desperation, I robbed a bank dressed as a frog and being a novice, the cops caught me right away. I thought I was going away to the big house for a very long time, but surprisingly, the judge was lenient and let me go...
...because it was the first time I had ever Kermitted a crime.
I thought someone was robbing my house...
So I walked downstairs and that's when it hit me. I woke up two days later with a concussion
My neighbors house was robbed and every lamp in his house was stolen.
For some odd reason he was delighted.
A man had been in jail for robbing a bank for many years now...
The police still haven't located the stolen money. One day his wife sent a letter to him asking, "I want to plant a garden in the backyard, should I do so?" The man, knowing that every letter sent in and out had been read, wrote back "No don't do it in the backyard, that's where my loot is hidden!" A week later his wife send him a letter back saying, "A bunch of police officers came to our house, they dug up the entire backyard!? To which the man responded, "Now plant your garden."
My little sister joke
A s**... man took his door to a door repair services to fix it.
His friends asked he if wasn't afraid that someone might break into the house and rob them.
He said, I am not afraid because I still have the keys.
My house was robbed last night. The burglars took everything except my soap, shower gel, towel, toothpaste, and mouthwash.
Dirty b**....
A robber decides to rob a house.
He comes in silently, doesn't turn on any lights, and starts to look for the valuables. In one room, he suddenly hears a voice say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber looks around frantically in the dark, when he hears the same voice, again say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber takes out his flashlight, and turns it on to see a parrot. He breathes a sigh of relief, and taunts by saying You're just a parrot. What are you going to do? The parrot responds I may be just a parrot, but Jesus is a Doberman.
A man gets woken up by intruders in his house.
He phones the police and says "There's people robbing my house, please send help".
They dispatcher says there's no cars or police available.
The man hangs up and phones back 2 minutes later.
"I just shot the guys. They're both here with bullets in them"
2 minutes later, police cars, helicopters, armed forces, counter-t**... police turn up and raid the house, catching the burglars in the act.
The police looked confused and asked "You said you shot them!"
The man replied "You said there were no police available."
The other day my house caught fire.
The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and theft." Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft." Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed WHILE it's burning down.