Robber Up Jokes
111 robber up jokes and hilarious robber up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about robber up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Robber Up Short Jokes
Short robber up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The robber up humour may include short robber jokes also.
- While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
- Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "is this whiskey?" The other says "yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank"
- Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber He died last week
surrounded by his family - The first joke I made up at age 7 - found in my first grade journal Q: Where do robbers go to the bathroom
A: Arrest-room - I´m at the atm when a robber holding his gun at my back... He asks: do you want to see your family again?
I said "no".
We both had a good laugh. - What did one Mexican robber say to the other when they got to the "No Trespassing" sign? "It's ok because there is only two of us."
- Did you hear about the robbers who broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats? It happened last week and the cops still don't have anything to go on.
- While driving down the road, two robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
- Two Robbers hold up a liquor store One of them picks up a bottle and asked, "Is this Whiskey?!". The other one replies "Well not as whiskey as wobbing a bank".
- My local ski resort was ripped off last week for around $900. The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.
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Robber Up One Liners
Which robber up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with robber up? I can suggest the ones about armed robber and grave robber.
- A robber broke into my house last night looking for money So I woke up to look with him.
- A Robber entered my home in hopes of finding money..... I joined the search with him.
- Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed? He got caught taking a leek
- Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train robber? He had loco motives
- Whats the difference between an archeologist and a grave robber ? Nationality
- How did the bank robber choose his next target? He used Google safe search.
- Why are Karen's so bad robbers? Because they don't wear a mask
- I've heard of a lot of dumb criminals... but bakery robbers take the cake
- Did you hear about the sensitive robber? He takes things personally.
- When the robber tried to rob a board game store at gunpoint.. He was asking for trouble
- Why did the robber shave his entire body? So he could be a smooth criminal
- What did the robber say when he blew up the bank?
- What do you call a robber with good skin? A Smooth Criminal.
- I woke up this morning to a robber in my house searching for money... I joined him
- Did you hear about the two robbers who stole the calendar? They each got six months.
Robber Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about robber up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean robbing bank jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make robber up pranks.
A Sentimental Robber
A robber goes into a house to, well, rob the place. There he finds a man and his wife. He goes to the woman and says, "I will have to kill you. What's your name?" She replies, "E...E...Elizabeth." "I can't kill you, that's my grandmothers name!" said the robber. He looks at the man and asks for his name. The man replies, "Jim, but uhhh most people call me **Elizabeth**."
So a guy robs a bank...
When he runs out and down the street, he comes across another guy walking the opposite direction.
Robber points his gun at the man and says "Hey, did you see me rob that bank?"
Guy says "Yes."
The robber shoots him and runs down the street.
He comes across a man and his wife walking toward him.
The robber points his gun at them and says "Did you see me rob that bank?"
The husband points to his wife and says "No, but she did!"
A masked thief bursts into a bank...
As he climbs over the counter his balaclava catches and comes off for a second, before he quickly puts it back on.
The thief says to the cashier "did you see my face?", the cashier says "yes, I did!". Then the thief shoots her dead.
The thief then goes up to a customer and says "did you see my face?", the customer says "yes", then the robber shoots him right in the head.
The thief then runs up to a couple and says to the man "did you see my face?", then man says "no, but my wife did!".
My dad's favourite joke.
This is the joke that my dad has been telling for as long as I can remember:
A robber goes into a McDonald's and points a gun at the cashier. "This is a robbery. Give me all the money!" The cashier looks at him with a blank stare and says: "Would you like fries with that?"
What do you call a duck that likes to steal?
A Robber Ducky!
Guy robs a bank...
While holding all of the customers hostage, he asks o**..., "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer says that he did and the robber shoots him in the head.
He then asks another customer, "did you see me rob this bank?" and the guy says, "no, but my wife did."
Masked man robs a s**... bank...
... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"
Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a s**... bank, we don't have any money here."
I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.
"Now drink this viel!"
"But sir this is s**...!"
"I said drink!" and the nurse drank with disgust.
"Drink another!" and she emptied another viel with less resistance.
The robber reveals his face and nurse found out that the robber was actually her husband.
"Now Sharon, was it really that hard?"
So a guy walks into a bank with a gun and walks up to the teller...
Bank Robber: Put all your money in this bag or you're geography!
Bank Teller: Don't you mean history?
Bank Robber: Hey! Don't try to change the subject!
In the process of robbing a bank, a robber's mask came off
He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face. She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.
He then turned to a man, who just happened to be in the bank at the time of the robbery, then he asked if the man saw his face.
The man replied with, "No, but I'm pretty sure my wife did."
Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...
Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'
Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."
A Bank Robber Forgot His Mask
A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but he forgot to bring his mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.
One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the bank robber did what he said he would... he shot him. The robber asked the crowd if anyone else had seen his face...
One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse."
An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away....
A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
A masked man goes into a s**... bank.
A masked man goes into a s**... bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says,
Open the safe.
She says, This isn't a real bank; it's a s**... bank.
He says, Open the safe or I'll shoot.
She opens the safe, and he says, Now take one of the bottles and drink it.
After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is
her husband.
He says, Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?
What's the difference between a robber and a politician?
Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.
A father has 4 sons in his house. 3 have a phd, but one is a robber. Why won't he kick out the robber?
Because he's the only one making money
Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and put a gun to his head. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this — I'm a US Congressman!"
"Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!"
A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller.
"Give me the money! One false move and you're geography!"
The teller said "Don't you mean history?"
The robber screamed "Don't change the subject!"
Mugged in D.C
A mugger stops a well-dressed man with a gun to his ribs and says "Give me your money"
The man replies back "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!"
"Oh! In that case," says the robber, "Give me MY money!"
What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?
One's a pro, and one's a con.
A robber runs out of a store with a stolen TV.
The blonde cashier runs after him yelling, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
My Entire Family are Police Marksmen, Apart from my Granddad, who was a Bank Robber.
He died recently, surrounded by his family.
During a bank robbery
The robber asks the first person in line if they just saw how he robbed the bank.
"Well, obviously I did, I mean it's not that I'm blind or anything" the man says and BOOM the robber shoots him dead.
"And you, did you just witness this robbery?" he asks another man in the line.
"No, I didn't, but my wife here did!"
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!
A bank robber's mask falls off mid-heist.
He makes eye contact with a hostage directly facing him and shoots him. He puts his mask back on and turns to face the other two hostages, a man and a woman. "Did either of you see my face?!" He yells.
The man answers, "I didn't, but I think my wife might have..."
A bank robber gets hold of the cash he needs but before fleeing the scene he demands the regular customers to stand in a line
The bank robber ask the first guy in line: "did you see what happened here?"
First guy: "I sure did! And I'm gonna tell the police exactly what happened and what you look lik..."
The bank robber shoots him in the head and ask the next in line the same question.
Second guy: "I assure you I did not see a thing... but my wife here did"
A bank robber just finished his heist
Unfortunately, his mask accidentally dropped for a few seconds. He picked it up, put it back, then asked a guy kneeling next to him.
"Did you see my face?" Asked the robber.
"Yes, but I swear I won't-" A bullet went through the guy's head. Then the robber asked the next guy kneeling next to his wife.
"And you? Did you see my face"
"No, sir. But my wife did"
My armless uncle was a bank robber for 40 years and th e police couldn't ever capture him...
Apparently, they couldn't arrest him for armed robbery.
I went to the bank with my wife when an armed robber walked in, pulled on a balaclava and pulled out a gun.
He went up to a customer and asked "did you see my face?" The customer said "yes", so the robber shot him.
He asked another customer "did you see my face?" The customer said "yes" so the robber shot him.
He asked me "did you see my face?"
"No, but the wife did"
Two robbers were running away from the crime scene when a bus gets sandwiched between them.
The one in front got tired, and the one behind got exhausted.
What's the difference between a bank and a bank robber?
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, but give a man a bank and he can rob the whole world.
Quaker home defense
one night john had come home for the day, exhausted from being plain and keeping thoughts to himself and went straight to bed. During the night someone broke in and this roused him from his sleep. leaping into action john grabbed his musket and charged downstairs. upon meeting the robber he leveled his musket and yelled
"friend I don't mean to alarm you but you're standing between me and where I want to shoot"
A man robs a bank.
Robber: Give me all your money or you're geography!
Employee: Don't you mean history?
Robber: Don't change the subject...
An artist lives next to a Marsh.
Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."
All my family are police officers. Except for my uncle who is a bank robber.
He died recently, surrounded by his family.
Four robber are robbing a bank
After opening the safe, the only thing they found is a box with about 200 yogurts. Furious because they didn't find the money, they eat all the 200 yogurts, thinking it'd upset the owner. As they were leaving, they ask the security where was all the money, to which the security answered: "What do you mean where's all the money? This is a s**... bank"
A guy storms into a bank, pulls out his gun, points it at a teller and hollers, Give me all your money or you're geography! Trembling, the teller stammers, D...d...don't y...y...you m...m...mean h...h...history?
The robber screams, Don't change the subject!
A robber attacked a man and said:
-Give me all your money!
The man said:
- You do know I'm a politician,right?!
-OK , give me all of MY money then! the man replied.
So i just saw a bank robber jump down some stairs while yelling about how terrible the cops were
guess you could say he was condescending
Why did the robber go to the circus?
To steal the show. This joke was brought to you by my 2nd grade daughter. ;)
A robber corners a well-dressed man in an alleyway...
Take out your wallet and give me all your money! The robber says, holding a gun to the man's chest.
You can't do this! says the well-dressed man. I'm a senator in the U.S. Congress!
The robber doesn't lower his gun and replies:
Well in that case, take out your wallet and give me all MY money!
A robber broke into my house the other day looking for money
So I woke up and looked with him
A robber went into someone's house and stole all the lamps
To his surprise, he later found the owner of said house de-lighted
Indians Robbing a Bank
An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him Where's the money? And why do you have so many computers? The bank robber replies They thougth I was tech support.
Dave: Then the robber came through the door holding a gun
Dave: Then the robber came through the door holding a gun
Cop: Was it a revolver?
Dave: No he just pushed it open and walked through like normal
A robber breaks into a house where two people are just finishing having s**....
The robber ties the man and woman up. He starts looking around the room for valubles. When he doesn't find any, the robber asks the man
"Where's the good stuff!"
The man replies, "I'll tell you, just untie her and let her go."
Robber: "you love your wife that much huh?"
The man: "No, that's my neighbors wife, mine's on her way home!"
Why do mathematicians make horrible robbers?
They always leave all the proofs.
As the robber was standing in my house I begged once more, "Please, I have three children and a wife!"
He answered: "For the last time dude i'm not going to shoot you"
A robber breaks into a house to see a n**... couple at it......
He quickly ties them up at gunpoint and goes around the whole house collecting all the valuables, when the t**... man pleads "Please untie her and let her go, you can keep me t**... for as long as you want"
"Do u love you your wife that much? "
"No!" sighs the man "she's the neighbours wife........... it's nearly time for my wife to return from work!!"
The mugger
One night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this- I'm a US Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given
the money, he turns to a customer and asks,' Did you see me rob this
bank?'The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him and killed him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man,
'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!
Was at the ATM withdrawing money, then a robber tried to rob my balance
I fell.
Say what you will about bank robbers...
At least they wear masks
A robber enters an old couple's home in the middle of the night...
As he is grabbing things, the couple wake up and confront him. The robber has a gun and says he would have left quietly but now he is gonna have to kill them.
"But before I do that," says the robber, "I want to know your names. What's your name, woman?"
"Linda," the wife replies meekly.
"Well, that's my mother's name. I can't kill you." Then he turns to the husband and says, "And what's your name?"
"Frank, but everybody in town calls me Linda."
An angry robber at a Russian bank threatens to kill everyone. Goes up to a teller "I'm gonna kill you! I'm so angry. What's your name?"
"Olga," replies the terrified teller.
"Oh, I'm not gonna kill you, my mother's name was Olga"
Turns to a 6'4'' security guard
"I'm gonna kill you then. What's your name?"
Guard: "My name is Boris, but my friends call me Olga"
Dave was getting robbed in the desert
he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.
he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"
after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"
"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"
"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"
Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back,
"This is no time to be superstitious."
A man robs a bank
When he leaves the bank, he asks a man if he saw everything. He says "Yes".
The robber shoots the man.
The robber continues walking and asks the next man if he saw everything. He also says "Yes".
The robber shoots the man.
The robber goes on and asks the third man if he has seen everything.
The man says "No", but my wife saw everything.
The wife and I went to a bank robber-themed fancy dress party last night.
Well I did. She stayed in the car, keeping the engine running.
A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun and robs the teller. He then turns the gun on the on the first man standing in the tellers line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man stammered, "Yes."
Bang! The robber shoots him.
He then turns the gun on the married couple next in line, points the gun at the husband and demands, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The husband quickly responds, "No....but my wife did!"
Two peanuts were walking down the road...
Suddenly a robber jumped out and one was assalted
A robber decides to rob a house.
He comes in silently, doesn't turn on any lights, and starts to look for the valuables. In one room, he suddenly hears a voice say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber looks around frantically in the dark, when he hears the same voice, again say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber takes out his flashlight, and turns it on to see a parrot. He breathes a sigh of relief, and taunts by saying You're just a parrot. What are you going to do? The parrot responds I may be just a parrot, but Jesus is a Doberman.
why do bank robbers make hostages kneel down?
cause it's a fell-on-knee
A robber enters a house and holds the wife at gunpoint and threatens the husband to hand over all the money and jewellery..
The husband sobs " Please take whatever you want, but leave her alone" .
Robber : " Wow you must really love your wife ".
Husband " Actually she is my neighbour's wife. Mine will come back from shopping any minute" .
A robber was preparing to break into a butcher's to steal meat.
He decided not to in the end, as the stakes were too high.