Robber Up Jokes
110 robber up jokes and hilarious robber up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about robber up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Robber Up Short Jokes
Short robber up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The robber up humour may include short robber jokes also.
- While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.
- Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "is this whiskey?" The other says "yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank"
- Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber He died last week
surrounded by his family - The first joke I made up at age 7 - found in my first grade journal Q: Where do robbers go to the bathroom
A: Arrest-room - I´m at the atm when a robber holding his gun at my back... He asks: do you want to see your family again?
I said "no".
We both had a good laugh. - What did one Mexican robber say to the other when they got to the "No Trespassing" sign? "It's ok because there is only two of us."
- Did you hear about the robbers who broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats? It happened last week and the cops still don't have anything to go on.
- My local ski resort was ripped off last week for around $900. The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.
- Why did the robber go to the circus? To steal the show. This joke was brought to you by my 2nd grade daughter. ;)
- A robber attacked a man and said: -Give me all your money!
The man said:
- You do know I'm a politician,right?!
-OK , give me all of MY money then! the man replied.
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Robber Up One Liners
Which robber up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with robber up? I can suggest the ones about armed robber and grave robber.
- A robber broke into my house last night looking for money So I woke up to look with him.
- Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed? He got caught taking a leek
- Whats the difference between an archeologist and a grave robber ? Nationality
- How did the bank robber choose his next target? He used Google safe search.
- I've heard of a lot of dumb criminals... but bakery robbers take the cake
- Did you hear about the sensitive robber? He takes things personally.
- When the robber tried to rob a board game store at gunpoint.. He was asking for trouble
- Why did the robber shave his entire body? So he could be a smooth criminal
- What did the robber say when he blew up the bank?
- What do you call a robber with good skin? A Smooth Criminal.
- What do you call a duck that likes to steal? A Robber Ducky!
- why do bank robbers make hostages kneel down? cause it's a fell-on-knee
- Say what you will about bank robbers... At least they wear masks
- Why do mathematicians make horrible robbers? They always leave all the proofs.
- Was at the ATM withdrawing money, then a robber tried to rob my balance I fell.
Robber Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about robber up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean armed robbery jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make robber up pranks.
One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, "Acts 2:38: 'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'" The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police. While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?" The robber said, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Sentimental Robber
A robber goes into a house to, well, rob the place. There he finds a man and his wife. He goes to the woman and says, "I will have to kill you. What's your name?" She replies, "E...E...Elizabeth." "I can't kill you, that's my grandmothers name!" said the robber. He looks at the man and asks for his name. The man replies, "Jim, but uhhh most people call me **Elizabeth**."
A masked thief bursts into a bank...
As he climbs over the counter his balaclava catches and comes off for a second, before he quickly puts it back on.
The thief says to the cashier "did you see my face?", the cashier says "yes, I did!". Then the thief shoots her dead.
The thief then goes up to a customer and says "did you see my face?", the customer says "yes", then the robber shoots him right in the head.
The thief then runs up to a couple and says to the man "did you see my face?", then man says "no, but my wife did!".
My dad's favourite joke.
This is the joke that my dad has been telling for as long as I can remember:
A robber goes into a McDonald's and points a gun at the cashier. "This is a robbery. Give me all the money!" The cashier looks at him with a blank stare and says: "Would you like fries with that?"
How does one robber ask another how they're doing?
"How are you holding up?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Masked man robs a s**... bank...
... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"
Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a s**... bank, we don't have any money here."
I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.
"Now drink this viel!"
"But sir this is s**...!"
"I said drink!" and the nurse drank with disgust.
"Drink another!" and she emptied another viel with less resistance.
The robber reveals his face and nurse found out that the robber was actually her husband.
"Now Sharon, was it really that hard?"
So a guy walks into a bank with a gun and walks up to the teller...
Bank Robber: Put all your money in this bag or you're geography!
Bank Teller: Don't you mean history?
Bank Robber: Hey! Don't try to change the subject!
Russian burglar
What does a Russian burglar wear? ( In a Russian accent ) robber boots
Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...
Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'
Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."
A man in a baklava that covers his face is robbing another guy...
- "GIVE ME YOUR WALLET!" he yells as he looks menacing with a knife.
The other man gives him the wallet, and the robber opens it to take the money out...
- "Only 3 dollars?, what do you do for a living?"
- "Im an engineer"
The robber takes off the baklava and says:
- "dude... what year did you graduated?"
An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away....
A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
What did the cheese vendor say to the robber?
"Hey! That's nacho cheese!"
What do you call a robber who looks like David Beckham?
Bandit like Beckham
How did the grave robber perish when he became trapped in a pyramid?
He died of asphinxiation!
A father has 4 sons in his house. 3 have a phd, but one is a robber. Why won't he kick out the robber?
Because he's the only one making money
I am a bank robber...
I took a pen from the teller
You hear about those robbers who steal shoes for fun?
It's how they get their kicks.
A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller.
"Give me the money! One false move and you're geography!"
The teller said "Don't you mean history?"
The robber screamed "Don't change the subject!"
Does anyone know any good gags?
Said Kim's robber.
What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?
One's a pro, and one's a con.
A robber runs out of a store with a stolen TV.
The blonde cashier runs after him yelling, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
A white girl is getting robbed...
The robber points his gun at her and tells her to count to ten.
"1...3...5...7...9" She says.
"Why did you skip all the even numbers!? " yells the robber.
"Because I can't even!"
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!
Police baffed by grave robber
Local police were having a hard time catching a grave robber. He figured he would minimize his time in the graveyard by taking the whole corpse so he could take fillings out at his leisure. To hide the evidence he was adopting out the skeletons to worthy goths on Craig's List.
Turns out that was a dead give away.
My armless uncle was a bank robber for 40 years and th e police couldn't ever capture him...
Apparently, they couldn't arrest him for armed robbery.
Two robbers were running away from the crime scene when a bus gets sandwiched between them.
The one in front got tired, and the one behind got exhausted.
Why did the robber take a bath?
Because he wanted a clean getaway..
What's the difference between a bank and a bank robber?
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, but give a man a bank and he can rob the whole world.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Quaker home defense
one night john had come home for the day, exhausted from being plain and keeping thoughts to himself and went straight to bed. During the night someone broke in and this roused him from his sleep. leaping into action john grabbed his musket and charged downstairs. upon meeting the robber he leveled his musket and yelled
"friend I don't mean to alarm you but you're standing between me and where I want to shoot"
An artist lives next to a Marsh.
Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four robber are robbing a bank
After opening the safe, the only thing they found is a box with about 200 yogurts. Furious because they didn't find the money, they eat all the 200 yogurts, thinking it'd upset the owner. As they were leaving, they ask the security where was all the money, to which the security answered: "What do you mean where's all the money? This is a s**... bank"
A guy storms into a bank, pulls out his gun, points it at a teller and hollers, Give me all your money or you're geography! Trembling, the teller stammers, D...d...don't y...y...you m...m...mean h...h...history?
The robber screams, Don't change the subject!
What do you call a robber with poor social skills?
An asperglar.
What did the library robber have to do when he was caught?
He had to book it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So robbers broke into my house and stole all the soap,
Dirty b**..., but than the cops came and did a full report. The cops said they got away clean.
So i just saw a bank robber jump down some stairs while yelling about how terrible the cops were
guess you could say he was condescending
A robber went into someone's house and stole all the lamps
To his surprise, he later found the owner of said house de-lighted
Indians Robbing a Bank
An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him Where's the money? And why do you have so many computers? The bank robber replies They thougth I was tech support.
What do a bad author and a grave robber have in common?
They both create a lot of plotholes.
What's the difference between Amy Schumer and a bank robber?
A bank robber steals something of value.
Dave: Then the robber came through the door holding a gun
Dave: Then the robber came through the door holding a gun
Cop: Was it a revolver?
Dave: No he just pushed it open and walked through like normal
So a graverobber decides to dig up Mozart,
He digs down, opens the coffin, and finds, not a dead body but a very old Mozart rapidly erasing music sheets. The grave robber says "Mozart, is that you? What are you doing?" Mozart responds, "I'm decomposing."
Recently a robber stole 300 cups worth of coffee beans
How does he sleep at night.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A robber breaks into a house where two people are just finishing having s**....
The robber ties the man and woman up. He starts looking around the room for valubles. When he doesn't find any, the robber asks the man
"Where's the good stuff!"
The man replies, "I'll tell you, just untie her and let her go."
Robber: "you love your wife that much huh?"
The man: "No, that's my neighbors wife, mine's on her way home!"
A robber needs to get past a security camera...
He thinks about how he could get by. The he had an idea.
He took off all his clothes and walked by.
The camera immeadiately noticed him and he was arrested.
When the cops were asking him why he did the crime one of the cops asked, Why did you take all your clothes off before passing the camera?
The man said, Well after I took off my clothes in front of my girlfriend she said she couldnt see me anymore!
What's the difference between an archaeologist and a grave robber?
The robber does the crime, then does the time. The archaeologist does the time, then the crime.
Funny joke, I think.
A robber who had no arms tried to rob me, good thing he was unarmed.
A man forgot his glasses before executing a robbery.
Because he couldn't see, he was easily captured and arrested. A month later, his trial began and he pleaded guilty.
Later, his friend walked up to him whom he hadn't seen since before the robbery. His friend said, Why did you do this? The robber replied, I didn't know it was against the law, i'm legally blind!
Dirty hands are a sign of clean money....
Unless you're a grave robber
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the bank robber die having s**... with the vault?
They didn't know the safe word.
As the robber was standing in my house I begged once more, "Please, I have three children and a wife!"
He answered: "For the last time dude i'm not going to shoot you"
A shop keeper fought off a robber with just a price gun!
The police are now looking for a person with a price on their head
A robber enters an old couple's home in the middle of the night...
As he is grabbing things, the couple wake up and confront him. The robber has a gun and says he would have left quietly but now he is gonna have to kill them.
"But before I do that," says the robber, "I want to know your names. What's your name, woman?"
"Linda," the wife replies meekly.
"Well, that's my mother's name. I can't kill you." Then he turns to the husband and says, "And what's your name?"
"Frank, but everybody in town calls me Linda."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My uncle died of hypothermia. Robbers took him and locked him inside a freezer of which the temperature was just slightly below 4 degrees.
It was the worst case of 3rd degree m**... I've ever heard of.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dave was getting robbed in the desert
he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.
he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"
after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"
"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"
"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"
The wife and I went to a bank robber-themed fancy dress party last night.
Well I did. She stayed in the car, keeping the engine running.
Who stole the soap from the bathtub
The robber ducky
A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun and robs the teller. He then turns the gun on the on the first man standing in the tellers line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man stammered, "Yes."
Bang! The robber shoots him.
He then turns the gun on the married couple next in line, points the gun at the husband and demands, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The husband quickly responds, "No....but my wife did!"
Two peanuts were walking down the road...
Suddenly a robber jumped out and one was assalted
A robber decides to rob a house.
He comes in silently, doesn't turn on any lights, and starts to look for the valuables. In one room, he suddenly hears a voice say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber looks around frantically in the dark, when he hears the same voice, again say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber takes out his flashlight, and turns it on to see a parrot. He breathes a sigh of relief, and taunts by saying You're just a parrot. What are you going to do? The parrot responds I may be just a parrot, but Jesus is a Doberman.
A man named his children second, minute and hour, and thus he was nicknamed father time
One day, they was all in their house and a robber burst through the front door and said, 'nobody move!' When recalling the event, second said, it was like time stood still'
My dad was driving a tourist bus filled with Japanese tourists in the 1990s.
A robber came in and stole my dads cash register at one stop. Luckily the police got 500+ photos of the robber as an evidence.