The Best 77 Robber Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Robber jokes. There are some robber mask jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these robber cradle robber puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Robber Jokes and Puns

A Sentimental Robber

A robber goes into a house to, well, rob the place. There he finds a man and his wife. He goes to the woman and says, "I will have to kill you. What's your name?" She replies, "E...E...Elizabeth." "I can't kill you, that's my grandmothers name!" said the robber. He looks at the man and asks for his name. The man replies, "Jim, but uhhh most people call me **Elizabeth**."

So a guy robs a bank...

When he runs out and down the street, he comes across another guy walking the opposite direction.

Robber points his gun at the man and says "Hey, did you see me rob that bank?"
Guy says "Yes."

The robber shoots him and runs down the street.

He comes across a man and his wife walking toward him.

The robber points his gun at them and says "Did you see me rob that bank?"

The husband points to his wife and says "No, but she did!"

A masked thief bursts into a bank...

As he climbs over the counter his balaclava catches and comes off for a second, before he quickly puts it back on.

The thief says to the cashier "did you see my face?", the cashier says "yes, I did!". Then the thief shoots her dead.

The thief then goes up to a customer and says "did you see my face?", the customer says "yes", then the robber shoots him right in the head.

The thief then runs up to a couple and says to the man "did you see my face?", then man says "no, but my wife did!".

Robber joke, A masked thief bursts into a bank...

A Robber entered my home in hopes of finding money.....

I joined the search with him.

What do you call a duck that likes to steal?

A Robber Ducky!


Guy robs a bank...

While holding all of the customers hostage, he asks one guy, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer says that he did and the robber shoots him in the head.

He then asks another customer, "did you see me rob this bank?" and the guy says, "no, but my wife did."

Masked man robs a sperm bank...

... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"

Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a sperm bank, we don't have any money here."

I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.

"Now drink this viel!"

"But sir this is sperm!"

"I said drink!" and the nurse drank with disgust.

"Drink another!" and she emptied another viel with less resistance.

The robber reveals his face and nurse found out that the robber was actually her husband.

"Now Sharon, was it really that hard?"

Robber joke, Masked man robs a sperm bank...

So a guy walks into a bank with a gun and walks up to the teller...

Bank Robber: Put all your money in this bag or you're geography!
Bank Teller: Don't you mean history?
Bank Robber: Hey! Don't try to change the subject!

Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

Iยดm at the ATM when a robber holding his gun at my back...

He asks: do you want to see your family again?
I said "no".
We both had a good laugh.

A Bank Robber Forgot His Mask

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but he forgot to bring his mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.

One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the bank robber did what he said he would... he shot him. The robber asked the crowd if anyone else had seen his face...

One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse."

You can explore robber rapist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean robber vault dad jokes. There are also robber puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away....

A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

A masked man goes into a sperm bank.

A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says,
Open the safe.

She says, This isn't a real bank; it's a sperm bank.

He says, Open the safe or I'll shoot.

She opens the safe, and he says, Now take one of the bottles and drink it.

After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is
her husband.

He says, Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?

What's the difference between a robber and a politician?

Politicians run BEFORE they steal your money.

Why was the vegetable store robber embarrassed?

He got caught taking a leek

A father has 4 sons in his house. 3 have a PhD, but one is a robber. Why won't he kick out the robber?

Because he's the only one making money

Robber joke, A father has 4 sons in his house. 3 have a PhD, but one is a robber. Why won't he kick out the robbe

Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and put a gun to his head. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this โ€” I'm a US Congressman!"

"Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!"

A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller.

"Give me the money! One false move and you're geography!"

The teller said "Don't you mean history?"

The robber screamed "Don't change the subject!"

Mugged in D.C

A mugger stops a well-dressed man with a gun to his ribs and says "Give me your money"

The man replies back "You can't do this โ€“ I'm a US Congressman!"

"Oh! In that case," says the robber, "Give me MY money!"


What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

My Entire Family are Police Marksmen, Apart from my Granddad, who was a Bank Robber.

He died recently, surrounded by his family.

During a bank robbery

The robber asks the first person in line if they just saw how he robbed the bank.
"Well, obviously I did, I mean it's not that I'm blind or anything" the man says and BOOM the robber shoots him dead.
"And you, did you just witness this robbery?" he asks another man in the line.

"No, I didn't, but my wife here did!"

My local ski resort was ripped off last week for around $900.

The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this โ€“ I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!

Did you hear about the sensitive robber?

He takes things personally.

A bank robber gets hold of the cash he needs but before fleeing the scene he demands the regular customers to stand in a line

The bank robber ask the first guy in line: "did you see what happened here?"

First guy: "I sure did! And I'm gonna tell the police exactly what happened and what you look lik..."
The bank robber shoots him in the head and ask the next in line the same question.

Second guy: "I assure you I did not see a thing... but my wife here did"

A bank robber just finished his heist

Unfortunately, his mask accidentally dropped for a few seconds. He picked it up, put it back, then asked a guy kneeling next to him.

"Did you see my face?" Asked the robber.

"Yes, but I swear I won't-" A bullet went through the guy's head. Then the robber asked the next guy kneeling next to his wife.

"And you? Did you see my face"

"No, sir. But my wife did"

Why did the robber shave his entire body?

So he could be a smooth criminal

My armless uncle was a bank robber for 40 years and th e police couldn't ever capture him...

Apparently, they couldn't arrest him for armed robbery.

[NSFW]Four robbers break into a bank at midnight.

As they open the vault, there are only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt.

"We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave.

The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."

I went to the bank with my wife when an armed robber walked in, pulled on a balaclava and pulled out a gun.

He went up to a customer and asked "did you see my face?" The customer said "yes", so the robber shot him.

He asked another customer "did you see my face?" The customer said "yes" so the robber shot him.

He asked me "did you see my face?"

"No, but the wife did"

Two robbers were running away from the crime scene when a bus gets sandwiched between them.

The one in front got tired, and the one behind got exhausted.

What did one Mexican robber say to the other when they got to the "No Trespassing" sign?

"It's ok because there is only two of us."

I woke up this morning to a robber in my house searching for money...

I joined him

What's the difference between a bank and a bank robber?

Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, but give a man a bank and he can rob the whole world.

Quaker home defense

one night john had come home for the day, exhausted from being plain and keeping thoughts to himself and went straight to bed. During the night someone broke in and this roused him from his sleep. leaping into action john grabbed his musket and charged downstairs. upon meeting the robber he leveled his musket and yelled

"friend I don't mean to alarm you but you're standing between me and where I want to shoot"

A man robs a bank.

Robber: Give me all your money or you're geography!
Employee: Don't you mean history?
Robber: Don't change the subject...

If you see a robbery happen at an Apple store, what are you?

An iWitness

I saw a robbery at the Apple store yesterday.

I guess that makes me an iWitness.

All my family are police officers. Except for my uncle who is a bank robber.

He died recently, surrounded by his family.

Four robber are robbing a bank

After opening the safe, the only thing they found is a box with about 200 yogurts. Furious because they didn't find the money, they eat all the 200 yogurts, thinking it'd upset the owner. As they were leaving, they ask the security where was all the money, to which the security answered: "What do you mean where's all the money? This is a sperm bank"

A robber broke into my house last night looking for money

So I woke up to look with him.

A guy storms into a bank, pulls out his gun, points it at a teller and hollers, Give me all your money or you're geography! Trembling, the teller stammers, D...d...don't y...y...you m...m...mean h...h...history?

The robber screams, Don't change the subject!

A robber attacked a man and said:

-Give me all your money!
The man said:
- You do know I'm a politician,right?!
-OK , give me all of MY money then! the man replied.

I saw a robbery at an Apple store

I'm the only iWitness

So i just saw a bank robber jump down some stairs while yelling about how terrible the cops were

guess you could say he was condescending

Why did the robber go to the circus?

To steal the show. This joke was brought to you by my 2nd grade daughter. ;)

A robber corners a well-dressed man in an alleyway...

Take out your wallet and give me all your money! The robber says, holding a gun to the man's chest.

You can't do this! says the well-dressed man. I'm a senator in the U.S. Congress!

The robber doesn't lower his gun and replies:

Well in that case, take out your wallet and give me all MY money!

When the robber tried to rob a board game store at gunpoint..

He was asking for trouble

A robber broke into my house the other day looking for money

So I woke up and looked with him

A robber went into someone's house and stole all the lamps

To his surprise, he later found the owner of said house de-lighted

Indians Robbing a Bank

An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him Where's the money? And why do you have so many computers? The bank robber replies They thougth I was tech support.

If you see a robbery at the Apple store...

... does that make you an iWitness?

Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber

He died last week

surrounded by his family

I saw a robbery going on at the Apple store across the street.

I guess now I'm an iWitness

What do you call a robber with good skin?

A Smooth Criminal.

A robber breaks into a house where two people are just finishing having sex.

The robber ties the man and woman up. He starts looking around the room for valubles. When he doesn't find any, the robber asks the man

"Where's the good stuff!"

The man replies, "I'll tell you, just untie her and let her go."

Robber: "you love your wife that much huh?"

The man: "No, that's my neighbors wife, mine's on her way home!"

As the robber was standing in my house I begged once more, "Please, I have three children and a wife!"

He answered: "For the last time dude i'm not going to shoot you"

A robber breaks into a house to see a naked couple at it......

He quickly ties them up at gunpoint and goes around the whole house collecting all the valuables, when the tied up man pleads "Please untie her and let her go, you can keep me tied up for as long as you want"
"Do u love you your wife that much? "
"No!" sighs the man "she's the neighbours wife........... it's nearly time for my wife to return from work!!"

The mugger

One night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this- I'm a US Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given
the money, he turns to a customer and asks,' Did you see me rob this
bank?'The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him and killed him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man,
'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!

A robber enters an old couple's home in the middle of the night...

As he is grabbing things, the couple wake up and confront him. The robber has a gun and says he would have left quietly but now he is gonna have to kill them.

"But before I do that," says the robber, "I want to know your names. What's your name, woman?"

"Linda," the wife replies meekly.

"Well, that's my mother's name. I can't kill you." Then he turns to the husband and says, "And what's your name?"

"Frank, but everybody in town calls me Linda."

I saw a robbery at an apple store today.

They interviewed me because I was an iWitness.

An angry robber at a Russian bank threatens to kill everyone. Goes up to a teller "I'm gonna kill you! I'm so angry. What's your name?"

"Olga," replies the terrified teller.
"Oh, I'm not gonna kill you, my mother's name was Olga"
Turns to a 6'4'' security guard
"I'm gonna kill you then. What's your name?"
Guard: "My name is Boris, but my friends call me Olga"

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"

"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"

"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"

A man robs a bank

When he leaves the bank, he asks a man if he saw everything. He says "Yes".

The robber shoots the man.



The robber continues walking and asks the next man if he saw everything. He also says "Yes".

The robber shoots the man.



The robber goes on and asks the third man if he has seen everything.

The man says "No", but my wife saw everything.

A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun and robs the teller. He then turns the gun on the on the first man standing in the tellers line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man stammered, "Yes."

Bang!ย  The robber shoots him.

He then turns the gun on the married couple next in line, points the gun at the husband and demands, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The husband quickly responds, "No....but my wife did!"

Two peanuts were walking down the road...

Suddenly a robber jumped out and one was assalted

There was a robbery in the laundry room.

Two clothespins held up a pair of pants.

A robber decides to rob a house.

He comes in silently, doesn't turn on any lights, and starts to look for the valuables. In one room, he suddenly hears a voice say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber looks around frantically in the dark, when he hears the same voice, again say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber takes out his flashlight, and turns it on to see a parrot. He breathes a sigh of relief, and taunts by saying You're just a parrot. What are you going to do? The parrot responds I may be just a parrot, but Jesus is a Doberman.

A man named his children second, minute and hour, and thus he was nicknamed father time

One day, they was all in their house and a robber burst through the front door and said, 'nobody move!' When recalling the event, second said, it was like time stood still'

My dad was driving a tourist bus filled with Japanese tourists in the 1990s.

A robber came in and stole my dads cash register at one stop. Luckily the police got 500+ photos of the robber as an evidence.

A robber enters a house and holds the wife at gunpoint and threatens the husband to hand over all the money and jewellery..

The husband sobs " Please take whatever you want, but leave her alone" .

Robber : " Wow you must really love your wife ".

Husband " Actually she is my neighbour's wife. Mine will come back from shopping any minute" .

If you see a robbery at Apple store

If you see a robbery at Apple store,
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It will make you an iWitness

How did the bank robber choose his next target?

He used Google safe search.

A robber was preparing to break into a butcher's to steal meat.

He decided not to in the end, as the stakes were too high.

What did the robber say when he blew up the bank?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the robber bank robbers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working robber culprit piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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