Robbed Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars.

The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.

If you watch an Apple store get robbed,

Does that make you an iWitness?

A naked woman robbed a bank..

No one could remember her face.

Yesterday I robbed the oversized board game store

It was a huge Risk that I was willing to take

A hot naked woman robbed a bank

Nobody could remember her face

A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day...

...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.

A naked women robbed a bank

Nobody could remember her face

A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,

She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.

15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"

The son replied, "No, what? I was masturbating and I shot the dog."

A psychiatrist finds a man lying by the road who has been robbed and beaten senseless.

The psychiatrist says, "My god, whoever did this needs help!"

An Apple store near where I live got robbed

$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars

The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

If you see an Apple store getting robbed....

Does that make you an iWitness?

A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors

But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.

Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen.

Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.

A woman was robbed...

...but upon coming home she discovered that nothing was stolen apart from her lightbulbs.

She was delighted

Last night a movie theater was robbed of $1000 dollars.

The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal and a pack of skittles.

A dyslexic man robbed a bank

He walked in, pulled out a gun, and yelled "Air in the hands motherstickers! This is a fuck up!"

If I had a dollar for every racist comment I ever made.....

I'd probably get robbed by a black guy.

I don't use pepper spray when I'm being robbed

I just open my wallet and blow the dust into their eyes.

I went to go see a psychic the other day..

I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.

Police calls man at work

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.

A moment of silence passes and the guy says,
I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!

An Apple store I was at today just got robbed.

I guess that makes me an iWitness.

A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull.

I don't know how these people can sleep at night.

I just saw an apple store getting robbed

So later the police called me as an iwitness.

Help! I've been robbed!

They stole everything except my deodorant, shampoo and hand soap.

Dirty bastards

My local cinema was robbed last night of Β£754.

The thieves took a bag of maltesers, a pick n mix and a large drink...

Did you hear about the Viagra truck that got robbed last night?

They are looking for a band of hardened criminals.

A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy

The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda

If life was like middle school

Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?

Criminal: Nope

Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.

Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!

Judge: I don't care who started it.

One shop owner turns and asks another...

So, have you had any reactions yet to your ad that you're looking for a night guard?

He replied.
Yeah, we got robbed tonight.

A man was walking in the street one day when he was brutally beaten and robbed.

A psychologist ran up to him and exclaimed, "My God! Whoever did this really needs help!"

In London, a man gets robbed every 4.5 minutes.

And he's getting fed up with it.

A man was delighted when his home was robbed

Every lamp in the house had been stolen.

Campus bookstore robbed

The Campus bookstore was just robbed of $25000. The criminal was seen taking a sweatshirt and 4 textbooks

Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He came in with buns glazing.

A Jew gets robbed

The thief points a gun threateningly at the Jew, "Your money or your life!"

The Jew stops in his tracks and does nothing.

The thief waves the gun. "I said, your money or your life!!!!"

The Jew says, "I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.

They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.

The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.

The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.

The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"

Did you hear about the baker that robbed a bank??

He went in all buns glazing

The pathology lab was robbed last night. The stool samples were gone!

The supervisor couldn't believe it. He lost his shit.

A hobo got robbed

A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.

"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"

"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.

"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"

If I had a dime for every time I said a racist comment......

I'd probably get robbed by a black guy.

John robbed some coffee from Starbucks the other day.

The police are charging him for mugging.

If I had a dollar for every time I said a racist comment, I would have 0 dollars

Because some black guy would have robbed me

I've just been robbed by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

Though ironically, he wasn't wearing a mask so I don't know which one he was.

A man robbed me of all my milk, cream, cheese, and butter.

How dairy..

One day four nuns are called to the priests chambers...

One day four nuns are called to the priests chambers. The priest tells the nuns that since they have been good and have upheld the standards of the church, they can do whatever they want for 24 hours.

After 24 hours, the priest calls the nuns back in and asks what they did. The first nun says, ''I had sex with two men at one time.''

The priest says, ''Quickly drink the holy water and God will forgive you.'' The second nun tells the priest, ''I robbed a bank for $25,000.''

The priest says, ''Quickly drink the holy water and God will forgive you.''

The third nun tells the priest, ''I killed a woman that I have wanted dead all my life.''

The priest says, ''Quickly drink the holy water and God will forgive you.''

The priest said to the fourth nun, ''Okay, what sin did you commit.''

The fourth nun says, ''I pissed in the holy water.'''

To the software thieves who robbed me last night.

Don't think you can get away with taking Microsoft Office away from me. I will find you. You have my Word.

I just successfully robbed a bank!

Now what to do with all this sperm...

A pregnant woman is standing in line at the bank...

Suddenly, the bank gets robbed. She gets shot 3 times. Quickly she's being rushed to the hospital. There she learns her unborn babies survived. A few months later she bears 3 children, 2 daughters and a son. Each one has a bullet in them. The doctor tells her they'll pee it out eventually.

13 years later one of her daughters runs over screaming to her. "Mommy mommy I went to pee and a bullet came out of me". She then proceeds to explain the whole ordeal. The same happens with her second daughter.

Then her son comes running over with a startled look on his face. "I see what happened, you pee'd and a bullet came out of you.", said the mother. "No, I was masturbating and I accidentally shot the dog."

How do you know if an Asian person has robbed your house?

When you come home, your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway.

A Russian, German and Polak just robbed a bank. They all jump on a train to get away from the cops...

They all climb on board a cargo car carrying pets and supplies. The crew hears the the conductor coming and hides. The Russian hides near some dog cages, sees the conductors flashlight and barks a few times. The conductor moves on, and shines his light towards the cat cages where the German hid. Right away, the German meowed and the conductor moved on without pause. Finally, as the conductor moved towards the back of the car, he approaches a sack of potatoes the Polak has hid in. He kicks the sack and the Polak yells out "PO-TA-TO"!

Three men meet a genie and are given a single wish.

The first man wishes to be invisible, poof! he turns invisible but gets run over by a truck and drops down dead.

The second man wishes for 100 million dollars, poof! he gets the money but is robbed and shot and drops down dead.

The third man sees this and figures out that the other men were selfish and that's what got them killed so he wishes for world peace, poof! and 7.3 billion people drop down dead.

My local movie theater was robbed of $200 last night.

They stole a tub of popcorn, two sodas and a box of Milk Duds.

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead have just robbed a bank are are on the run with the police hot on their tails. They run down an alley and find three empty boxes, so they each jump in a box. The police round the corner and approach the boxes. They kick the first box, containing the brunette. She yells out: Woof woof! . Oh, it's only puppies , says the police officer. They kick the second box. The redhead yells out Meow meow! . Oh, it's just kittens , says the officer. They kick the third box. The blonde yells out: Potatoes potatoes!

Did you know you're 10 times more likely to be robbed in your home town than in New York city?

That's because you don't live in New York City

The FBI is interviewing a bank manager who's been robbed 3 times by the same guy.

The agent says, "did you notice anything distinct about him when he came into the bank?"

Manager replies, "only that each time he showed up, he was much better dressed."

I work at Ben & Jerry's, often late at night, but never get robbed.

Because ice cream.

It's getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it.

"It was pump #5," I replied.

The Apple store in town got robbed last night

the police have sent out an appeal for iWitnesses

An Apple store in the town centre was robbed last night

The police have sent out an appeal for iWitnesses

I saw an old man get robbed by three guys today, so I decided to step in.

He didn't stand a chance against the four of us!

What are the funniest robbed jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Robbed? Well, here are the best Robbed puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Robbed pick up lines to share with friends.

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