The Best 66 Robbed Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Robbed jokes. There are some robbed thief jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these robbed police puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Robbed Jokes and Puns

One shop owner turns and asks another...

So, have you had any reactions yet to your ad that you're looking for a night guard?

He replied.
Yeah, we got robbed tonight.

My local movie theater was robbed of $200 last night.

They stole a tub of popcorn, two sodas and a box of Milk Duds.

A hobo got robbed

A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.

"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"

"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.

"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"

Robbed joke, A hobo got robbed

I just successfully robbed a bank!

Now what to do with all this sperm...

In London, a man gets robbed every 4.5 minutes.

And he's getting fed up with it.


A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day...

...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.

So a sloth got robbed by 3 turtles...

When the cops asked him what happened the sloth said,

It. all. happened. so. fast.

Robbed joke, So a sloth got robbed by 3 turtles...

The Apple store in town got robbed last night

the police have sent out an appeal for iWitnesses

I don't use pepper spray when I'm being robbed

I just open my wallet and blow the dust into their eyes.

Campus bookstore robbed

The Campus bookstore was just robbed of $25000. The criminal was seen taking a sweatshirt and 4 textbooks

If life was like middle school

Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?

Criminal: Nope

Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.

Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!

Judge: I don't care who started it.

You can explore robbed criminals reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean robbed bandit dad jokes. There are also robbed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I went to go see a psychic the other day..

I asked her if I'd ever be going to jail some time in the future. She said no, so I robbed her.

I've just been robbed by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

Though ironically, he wasn't wearing a mask so I don't know which one he was.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.

They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.

The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.

The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.

The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"

An Apple store I was at today just got robbed.

I guess that makes me an iWitness.

An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen.

Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.

Robbed joke, An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen.

If I had a dollar for every time I said a racist comment, I would have 0 dollars

Because some black guy would have robbed me

A sloth was robbed by 2 turtles

Sloth robbed by 2 turtles. Cop asks if he could describe the assailants. Sloth replies, "It all happened so fast."

When I was younger, I always heard of people getting robbed at gunpoint.

If there's been so many robberies, why do people keep going to gunpoint?


A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise

The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

Did you know you're 10 times more likely to be robbed in your home town than in New York city?

That's because you don't live in New York City

A man robbed me of all my milk, cream, cheese, and butter.

How dairy..

If you watch an Apple store get robbed,

Does that make you an iWitness?

An Apple store near where I live got robbed

$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy

The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda

How do you know if an Asian person has robbed your house?

When you come home, your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway.

Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He came in with buns glazing.

A Jew gets robbed

The thief points a gun threateningly at the Jew, "Your money or your life!"

The Jew stops in his tracks and does nothing.

The thief waves the gun. "I said, your money or your life!!!!"

The Jew says, "I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

A woman was robbed...

...but upon coming home she discovered that nothing was stolen apart from her lightbulbs.

She was delighted

John robbed some coffee from Starbucks the other day.

The police are charging him for mugging.

Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars

The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn

A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull.

I don't know how these people can sleep at night.

A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors

But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.

Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

If I had a dollar for every racist comment I ever made.....

I'd probably get robbed by a black guy.

To the software thieves who robbed me last night.

Don't think you can get away with taking Microsoft Office away from me. I will find you. You have my Word.

A psychiatrist finds a man lying by the road who has been robbed and beaten senseless.

The psychiatrist says, "My god, whoever did this needs help!"

My local cinema was robbed last night of Β£754.

The thieves took a bag of maltesers, a pick n mix and a large drink...

A naked woman robbed a bank..

No one could remember her face.

The FBI is interviewing a bank manager who's been robbed 3 times by the same guy.

The agent says, "did you notice anything distinct about him when he came into the bank?"

Manager replies, "only that each time he showed up, he was much better dressed."

I just saw an apple store getting robbed

So later the police called me as an iwitness.

I robbed an ohmless man last night.

There was no resistance

Some dude broke into my house and robbed me of my limbo stick.

Seriously how low could he go?

A man was walking in the street one day when he was brutally beaten and robbed.

A psychologist ran up to him and exclaimed, "My God! Whoever did this really needs help!"

Three men meet a genie and are given a single wish.

The first man wishes to be invisible, poof! he turns invisible but gets run over by a truck and drops down dead.

The second man wishes for 100 million dollars, poof! he gets the money but is robbed and shot and drops down dead.

The third man sees this and figures out that the other men were selfish and that's what got them killed so he wishes for world peace, poof! and 7.3 billion people drop down dead.

I work at Ben & Jerry's, often late at night, but never get robbed.

Because ice cream.

A man was delighted when his home was robbed

Every lamp in the house had been stolen.

It's getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it.

"It was pump #5," I replied.

Someone stole my pen today.

I was robbed at ballpoint.

Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars.

The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.

Did you guys hear that Nicolas Cage robbed all the coins from a bank recently? Luckily he got caught and went to jail, plus all of the money got returned!

He's currently in a Nickleless Nicolas Cage Cage

I saw an old man get robbed by three guys today, so I decided to step in.

He didn't stand a chance against the four of us!

Yesterday I robbed the oversized board game store

It was a huge Risk that I was willing to take

A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,

She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.

15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"

The son replied, "No, what? I was masturbating and I shot the dog."

When I got my license I didn't have money for a car, so I robbed a bank. Anyway, as I was being dragged off to jail my mother wanted to know why I did it. So I told her the truth:

"I did it for the car, ma!"

If banks have a penny for every time they robbed someone ...

Oh wait, they do.

Somebody robbed the police department yesterday and stole all the toilets

Sadly, the detectives have nothing to go on

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"

"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"

"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"

Only a bank ATM will charge you $3 to get your money back

Then tell you to cover your pin so you don't get robbed.

Did you hear about the woman who was robbed by an unemployed acupuncturist?

She was stabbed more than 167 times but she felt awesome the next day.

After calling 5 different home security companies...

....I've decided it's cheaper to get robbed.

I robbed a bakery today.

It was dangerous, but I took the whisk.

A movie theater in my town was recently robbed of over $20,000 of merchandise

The thieves apparently stole 5 popcorn/soda combos and 10 boxes of Raisinets.

What do you call a person in an apple store getting robbed?

A paying customer.

Somebody robbed the bakery the other day

Well, that just takes the cake!

A tortoise is crossing the road when he is robbed by two snails.

When the police show up, they ask the tortoise if he can identify the culprits.
The tortoise, still shaking from the incident, cries 'It all happened so fast!'.

Every 30 minutes, a man in New York City is robbed.

That poor guy!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the robbed robbery jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working robbed lost piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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