Roadside Jokes
29 roadside jokes and hilarious roadside puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about roadside that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Motorists on the side of the motorway no longer have to wait in boredom for roadside assistance. Learn the funniest jokes that have been shared on the pavement to keep passing time entertaining. Get ready to be the life of the sidewalk with these roadside jokes!
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Funniest Roadside Short Jokes
Short roadside jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The roadside humour may include short side road jokes also.
- Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2 I paid my $2 and he says "once upon a time, there was this lobster....."
- I called OnStar for roadside assistance yesterday I told the lady I was stranded on the side of the road.
She said, "At least you have a shoulder to cry on." - Two donkeys are standing at a roadside Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: "So, shall we cross? "
The other shakes his head: "No way, look at what happened to the zebra." - A customer calls AAA about roadside assistance benefits and asks, "How many tows do I get?" Rep says, "Most people are born with 10. That's all you get."
- It does not matter how many times you fall down, what matters is how many times you get back up Unfortunately the officer did not appreciate my grit during the roadside sobriety test.
- Today I saw two dogs make hot streamy love on the roadside. It's really hurtful to see your ex moving on so quickly.
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Roadside One Liners
Which roadside one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with roadside? I can suggest the ones about highway and motorway.
- What do you call "hamburger helper" for road kill? "Roadside Assistance"
- Bought some corn from a roadside pirate. It was a buccaneer.
Fun-Filled Roadside Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about roadside you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sidewalk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make roadside pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Judge: How could you kill 24 people? What the h**... was wrong with you?
Driver:I was driving at 50mph when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a restaurant with outside seating. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realised they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the restaurant.
Judge: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran inside the restaurant so l followed him.
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... is like Kebab. When it's good, it's really good...
...and when I'm drunk I'm willing to pay for it in a roadside turkish buffet.
George and the Dragon
A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.
The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.
"No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she snapped again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!"
By this time, she was fairly shouting.
The vagabond tried again: "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.
"Do you suppose I might have a word with George instead?"
A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...
He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.
The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.
"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."
The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."
The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."
Buddy's been driving all night, sees a roadside bar and stops for a much-needed cold beer.
Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".
....I'll see myself out now.
A circus performer is stopped by the police for having a faulty brake light
As he approaches the car, the policeman spots a set of knives on the back seat.
He asks the man why he has them and doesn't he know it's against the law to carry knives?
The man explains that the knives are used in his act. He juggles them.
The policeman insists the man gets out to show him so he stands at the roadside performing his act.
Just then, another car drives by. The driver of the car turns to his wife and says, Thank goodness I gave up drinking, just look how the police do sobriety tests these days.
The Grass Eaters.
A wealthy man was driving home when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He stopped, asked them why.
They told him they were hungry, and he insisted that they get in the car with him; he will take them somewhere to eat.
They got in the car, thanking him profusely.
He replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is almost a foot tall."
A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside...
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"
Two Ukrainian spies have infiltrated into Moscow and have set up for their plot to kill Vladimir Putin.
They are laying in wait for Putin's private car to pass by, having planted a roadside bomb.
One says to the other, "He is supposed to arrive in 5 minutes. Is everything ready?".
"Yes."
An hour later, no car has passed by.
"Are you sure you got the time right?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Police responded to a call outside the p**... mansion.
Mr. Hefner called the police to remove a group of monks selling daisies out of an i**... roadside stand in front of the p**... mansion. A police spokesperson released a statement "we responded promptly to Mr. Hefner's call because as everybody knows, only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Now that w**... is legal in Canada, I'm getting into so many accidents and getting way more speeding tickets!
There are roadside tests now, so my wife has to drive us everywhere!
A biker pulls up outside a roadside bar in Louisiana after a long day in the saddle.
Stiffly he walks in, gets a beer and sits down.
By his third, he realises some of the locals are looking at him and whispering. The biker walks out and returns a few minutes later with an alligator. He drops it on the floor, drops his pants and flops his tackle in the alligator's mouth. Snap! The jaws shut on his tackle. Teeth gritted, the man counts out loud to ten, then pokes the alligator in the eyes and it lets go. "Right!" shouts the biker, "any of you man enough to do that?" After a moment of silence a voice from the back says: "I will if you promise not to poke me in the eyes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A tourist is driving through the Australian outback
He turns a corner to see a guy having s**... with a sheep on the roadside
Disgusted and shocked he sees a pub up the road and calls in.
As he enters he sees a one legged Australian m**... against the bar.
"Dear God" he says to the barman.."This country is disgusting"
Barman replies "Why is that mate ?"
Tourist says "I've just seen a man having s**... with a sheep and now a one legged man m**... by the bar"
"Be fair mate", said the barman, "You can't expect a one legged bloke to catch a sheep !!"
Super fast Nano
A tata nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights."
They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds pas 150km/hour.
The BMW driver totally forgets about the Nano and guns it after the Porsche.
Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ," calling all stations: you won't believe this, I just saw a BMW and a Porsche racing past about 190km/hour with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to overtake."
(Nano is the cheapest car)
Truck Driver and the Bikers
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
George and the Dragon
A vagabond in 18th century England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."
He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.
"Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she shouted.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!" she shouted again.
The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Alligator Trick
A family from (a r**... town of your choice) was traveling to Florida on vacation. They saw a store on the roadside that advertised Alligator Shows. They stopped and waited for the next show. The Alligator trainer started the show by tapping the Alligator on the head with a stick and the Alligator snapped his mouth shut quickly. He then tapped the Alligator on the head two times with the stick and the Gator slowly closed his mouth very softly not making a sound. The trainer unzipped and pulled out his Doogan and put it in the Gator's mouth. He then tapped the Gator on the head two times with the stick and the Gator slowly closed his mouth and didn't put a scratch on the man's Doogan. The trainer then asked "Would anyone in the audience like to try this?". Becky stood up and proudly said "I would, but just don't hit me too hard with that stick :)
Jacques and Pierre
Jacques was driving much too fast on the highway with Pierre in the passenger seat. Jacques looked down for a second to change the radio station and hit a pothole. The car was sent hurtling towards the roadside trees, and crashed into a particular large one. Both Jacques and Pierre were ejected from the car.
Jacques came to surrounded by emergency responders, the first thing he asked was, "Where is Pierre?" The responders didn't know because they did not know another person was in the vehicle.
"You must go look for him!" exclaimed Jacques, concerned for his friend. So as Jacques was being treated on scene, a few responders went into the woods to search. A minute or two later, one of them walked out looking grim, and holding a decapitated head in his hands.
He goes up to Jacques and says, "I'm sorry to have to do this sir, but is this your friend Pierre?"
Jacques shook his head, saying "Can't be. Pierre is much taller than that!"
