Roads Jokes

84 roads jokes and hilarious roads puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about roads that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Roads Short Jokes

Short roads jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The roads humour may include short railroad jokes also.

  1. Please becareful on the road Lots of people are drinking excessively and having their wives drive
  2. My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
  3. I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.
  4. I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing,
    but when I got home, the signs were all there.
  5. One day I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road, and walked into a bar. Then I realized my whole life was a joke.
  6. A psychiatrist finds a man lying by the road who has been robbed and beaten senseless. The psychiatrist says, "My god, whoever did this needs help!"
  7. Why did the pig cross the road? Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op
  8. A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road."
  9. Why did the EA executive cross the road? Buy the DLC to find out!
    Alternate ending available if you purchase the season pass!
  10. In the US people drive on the right side of the road, but here in Atlanta we drive on what's left.

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Roads One Liners

Which roads one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with roads? I can suggest the ones about rides and street.

  1. Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side.
  2. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because of a rotten banana or whatever.
  3. Why did the chicken cross the road? To take a photo in front of a church.
  4. Why did Bill Barr gas protestors? So the chicken could cross the road
  5. 85% of all Fords made are still on the road today... The other 15% made it home.
  6. Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape Kim Jong Un's long range missiles.
  7. Why the crab cross the road? It didn't, it used the sidewalk.
  8. Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell someone he was a vegan.
  9. Why did princess Diana cross the road She wasn't wearing her seatbelt
  10. Why did the console gamer cross the road To render the other side
  11. Why did the gamer cross the road? Buy the DLC to find out
  12. Why did Goku cross the road? Find out next time on Dragonball Z!
  13. Why did the plant-based chicken cross the road? Idk, it's beyond meat.
  14. Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She didn't wear a seatbelt.
  15. Why did Paul Walker cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing a seat belt.

Roads joke, Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

Hilarious Fun Roads Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about roads you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cars jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make roads pranks.

Someone accused my dad of stealing from his job in the roads department...

...I thought it was nothing to worry about but when I got home the signs were everywhere.

a little french humour

There once was a cat named une deux t**...
One day une deux t**... ran away from home, he found himself at a cross roads and decided that he wanted to see the other side of the river. He got onto the bridge and then a few seconds later. . . . the bridge collapsed!
So une deux t**... quatre cinq

Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?

Because all the roads lead to Rome.

Keep death off our roads

Drive on the pavement. . .

Why are there so many tree-lined roads in France?

Because German soldiers prefer to march in the shade.

Drunk driver

One in three car accidents is caused by a drunk driver. It's time to expel those sober lunetics from our roads!

A farmer has a new handsome assistant

A farmer has a new handsome assistant. One morning they want to go out into the fields to work. At the garden gate the farmer sees that the roads are muddy and realizes that he forgot his rubber boots (Wellingtons for the Brits ;)
He tells his assistant to go get the boots from the house. The assistant returns and finds the farmers very pretty wife, along with the equally pretty daughter sitting in the kitchen. He tells them: "The farmer just said it would be alright if I had s**... with you right now!" The women look sceptical, so the assistant opens the window and shouts to the farmer: "Both?"
Farmer: "Of course both of them, what do you think?!"

Jerusalem by Don McLean

I think the song could be greatly improved if at the line: All roads lead to you, the singer shakes a fist and yells out Take that, Rome!

Why Did the Ebola Patient Cross the Road?

Trick question. There are no roads in Africa.

Three Roads To Ruin

There are three roads to Ruin - Women, Gambling and Consultants.
Women are the nicest, Gambling is the quickest but Consultants are the surest!

Why couldn't the dinosaur cross the road?

There were no roads!

[joke request] Civil engineering jokes, (Bridges, sewers, roads, engineers in general)

What is the best joke you have related to Civil Engineering.

Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads?


Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by,

Because of crippling social anxiety that I would run into other hikers.

The job interviewer asked about my previous experience.

"Well," I began, "I got the bus. Got lost for a while, walked down some narrow roads and I ended up here."

In Mother Russia

A man asked his Russian friend: "Is it true that in Russia, sometimes you can see polar bears walking on the roads?"
His friend replied: "No, no my friend, that is completely untrue. Back in Mother Russia, there is absolutely no such thing as "roads"."

I wrote a paper on Roman roads.

It's pretty straightforward.

Why did Hannibal invade Rome? [OC]

Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

Girls are like roads.

more curves equals more danger.

The Romans once said "All roads lead to Rome"

Much like how the n**...'s said "All railroads lead to Auschwitz"

Where's the best place to get a "roads scholarship"?

two lane University

Snow and Ice

A blonde was driving behind a snowplow, she followed him for over an hour. finally the snowplow driver pulls over and asks her what she was doing, she said that her husband had told her that if the roads were covered in snow or ice to find a snowplow and follow it.
He Said" That's very good advice, but I'm done with the Wal-mart parking lot you want to follow me to the mall?"

I like to study highways

you could say I'm a roads scholar

I like my women like I like my roads..

...straight and with no one else on them!

Two catholic sisters rode bicycles through rough roads of Rome...

One turns to the other and says, "I've never come this way before".
The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones".

Why did the place where two roads diverged in the yellow wood become overgrown quickly?

Because Frost increases soil fertility!

Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying, I'm a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal.

It was at that moment that I suddenly realized just how many gynecologists there are on the roads.

How come there are zero Italian tourist travelling by car?

Because all roads lead to Rome.

What do women and roads have in common?

They both have manholes.

To all of you idiots out there that drive loud cars, we hate you and get off our roads.

We don't care how many heart attack victims you have to take to the hospital.

Be careful on the roads tonight

Lots of people will be drinking excessively and letting their wives drive. Recipe for disaster.

There was a king.

He was having a problem with barbarians in his kingdom, so he began sending guards to patrol the roads at night.
One of his nobles sent some of his city guard to help with the efforts, and a fool to keep the king's mood up.
The king was polite, but full of pride, so he sent the guards back with the message, "I have plenty of guards of my own, but I appreciate the jester."

I didn't want to believe that my uncle had been stealing from the roads and traffic department ...

... but when the police raided his apartment, all the signs were there.

I want to treat the roads with sugar instead of salt

This way, you know... Everyone can have a sweet ride

Australian homophobes were up in arms after the country legalized gay marriage recently

They held a rally to protest with their spouses, walking down the roads chanting " Thats not a woife...this is a woife."

I think I should make a show all about roads..

Every episode will begin with "Let's this road on the showww"

What are the roads like in Greece?


What's the difference between your wife and the car?

Your wife will never fail you, and always go with you
through the toughest roads.

Women can be likened to roads

The more curves, the bigger the danger

The man who invented cats' eyes...

The man who invented cats' eyes to make the roads safer at night got the idea when he saw the eyes of a cat in his headlights.
If the cat had been going the other way, he would've invented the pencil sharpener.

What do you call it when a story mentions terrible roads but never says why?


Ben was a fifth grader notorious for his lack of filter.

One day, he walked into class 10 minutes late. "What took you so long, Ben?" asked the teacher. "Sorry miss, there was construction happening in a w**... nearby so all the roads were blocked."
Suddenly, all the girls in the class, disgusted at Ben, rose up to protest against his v**... rhetoric. "Simmer down, you s**...", Ben replied "they are not taking applications yet."

fast roads gettin it on... fast?

what is it called when a Highway, an Interstate and an Expressway get it on?
A three way

Where do lazy roads put their potholes?


PSA: Be careful on the roads today

Nothing but senior citizens and dead people out there

Why do we fly by air?

Because roads are beneath us.

Be extra safe on the roads today everybody, us men will be drinking

Which means our women will be driving

Everyone be careful on the roads tonight

There will be a lot of drinking so men will have their wives drive for them

an african politician visits an american politician.

Af: That's a big house you've got there, how did you afford it?
Am: See that bridge over there? I kept 10% of the money that went into building it, same goes for most of the roads and bridges that were rebuilt here.
Ten years later, the American goes to visit his old friend.
Am: That's an enormous mansion you've got there, how did you afford it?
Af: See that bridge over there?
Am: No.
Af: That's how.

Why are there so many trees next to the roads in France

The germans like marching in the shade

The roads were so bad after this weekend's snowstorm I was the villain from The King And I...

I was crawlin' home

Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest

And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.
"Did you see the plane c**...?" asked the EMTs.
"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.
"None of them survived?"
"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."

People often complain about the way I drive on icy roads

They're all like, "Why don't you golf somewhere else?"

Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...

But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.


Once after a heavy snowfall i was riding with a female co-worker. The roads had not yet been cleared of snow but we pushed ahead regardless, all the cars following in the same ruts. At the intersection the snowplow passed and left a pile of snow in front of us. We blew through it but it stalled the car and we were nit able to clear the intersection. My lady friend got behind the wheel and i went to push, but no luck. I told her to get out and pretend to push. No sooner than she did, no less then six dudes jumped out of their cars to help her

"TWO ROADS DIVERGED IN A YELLOW WOOD!," she shrieked, as she tears her body hair out by the roots.

She's waxing poetic.

Two pieces of Road walk into a bar

They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.
15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.
The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:
You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path

There are two types of people on Indian roads

Traffic Police and a beggar.
One doesn't leave you until you give some money and other is the begger.
I told this joke to my friend and he was offended because his father was a traffic police. Then we settled the dispute for 25 dollars

Driving down the road today.

I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying:
"I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal."
Suddenly I realized how many gynecologists are on the roads.

Why don't pirates travel on mountain roads?


I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying "I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal."

Suddenly, I realized how many proctologists there are on the roads.

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a h**... and I charge $20 for s**...." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

An American asked a Russian guy about their cars:

\- For what did you make the ZAZ, a copy of the Fiat 500?
\- For rural roads ...
\- What did you make the Moskvich for, a copy of Ford?
"For country roads!"
\- Then what is Lada for, a copy of another Fiat?
\- For city roads!
\- The for what did you invent the Volga for?
\- For the good intercity roads!
\- And what do you go abroad with?
\- We do not go abroad!
"And yet, if necessary?"
\- If necessary - with tanks!

There was this guy on the road

There was this guy on the road who was found painted grey with a white push bike symbol painted on. He said he lays down on roads to camouflage himself waiting for people to ride their bikes over him because he enjoyed the feeling.
This guy was a real cycle path.

What do Canadian geese, and Canadian truckers have in common?

They block the roads and honk

A squad of potatoes is engaged in a firefight after being sent to secure several important roads...

Gunfire and explosions are raining down on the group of potatoes until it's only the sergeant on his radio and a couple of others standing over the crispy skins of their fallen comrades. The General's voice suddenly blares from the radio...
"Sergeant, come in! What is your status, are the routes safe?"

Be careful driving on Christmas

The roads will be crazy. A lot of guys get drunk so their wives will be driving.
I don't agree with this joke. I just heard it and wanted to see the reaction here.

Why did the feminist cross the road?

It doesn't matter. Women have the right to cross roads without having their motives questioned.

Roads joke, Why did the feminist cross the road?

jokes about roads