Road Trip Jokes
92 road trip jokes and hilarious road trip puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about road trip that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Road Trip Short Jokes
Short road trip jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The road trip humour may include short field trip jokes also.
- It makes my heart race when my GF puts her head in my lap during long road trips So now I only let her do it when it's my turn to drive
- I mean, nhl teams have father-son road trips all the time I don't think they're as common in the NBA though...
- My son came to pick me up for a road trip. He had a new luggage rack on top of his car. He said, See this, it's Iraq. It's for your Baghdad.
I was so proud. - I love long road trips with music.. ..Until the acid wear off and i realize i'm in an ambulance with the siren on.
- In which month should you not trust a Jew? July!
-bored on a 28 hour road trip. It was the best we could do. - Unidan and I are planning a summer road trip. I don't think I'm going to enjoy it. Every place I suggest we stop at I'm outvoted 5 to 1.
- My trip to the zoo I just went to this zoo while on a road trip and it was the worst. It only had 1 animal, a normal house dog.
It was a shitzu - I was on a road trip, and I saw roadkill on the side of the road. I got super freaked out when it screamed for help.
- An Italian stallion was tripping down a old bumpy road. When a woman drove past. A little while later she thought: " Well, that certainly was Rocky. "
- My friends were concerned that my old car may break down during our road trip throughout Canada. I told them not to worry. I have Triple Eh.
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Road Trip One Liners
Which road trip one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with road trip? I can suggest the ones about car ride and camping trip.
- Where does a sheep sit in the car during a road trip? In the Ba a a ack
- Have you ever taken a road trip to the Seagate factory? It's a hard drive.
- Why are amputees so good at road trips? They're always on the last leg.
- What state did the programmer start her road trip in? Maine
- Why was the rug so well-behaved during the road trip? Because it's a car pet!
- I recently drove through the town of Covert, New York on a road trip. I didn't notice.
- I took shrooms while driving... Now I am on a road trip.
- Why are psychics useful on road trips? They always read the signs.
- Anyone wanna road trip to Tennessee? I hear Gatlinburg is pretty lit
- I once got diarrhea on a road trip but I went on, undeterred.
- A group of cattle are taking a road trip; who drives? The steer.
- What does Dracula say when he takes his family on a road trip? RV having fun yet?
- Why should you never go on a road trip with a German? They like to Fahrt a lot.
- Guacamole and I want to take a road trip across America... We don't avocado.
- Why did JFK go on a trip? His mind was on the open road.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Road Trip Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about road trip you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean family vacation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make road trip pranks.
There are three blondes who are on a road trip.
As they are driving through the desert, their car breaks down. They have no phone to call anyone, so they decide to walk to the nearest city, several miles away. They each decide to take one thing to make the journey better. The first blonde takes the radio and says, "If we get bored, we can put the radio on and listen to music." The second blonde decides to take a wheel, "In case one of us gets really tired, we can go inside the wheel and be rolled." The third blonde takes the car door, "In case it gets too hot, we can roll down the window!"
Jim is up north on a trip and his car breaks down.
He checks it out for a minute and being a mechanic he pretty quickly knows he needs a tow truck.
He opens his phone and has no signal so he starts walking.
A few minutes later he here's the bass of a car coming in the distance, bht dum dum do buh dum dum do.
He waits and sees a low riding car pull up next to him.
The windows roll down and smoke pours out.
He sees a bunch of empty beer bottles.
The driver and his 3 passengers ask "hey man! Need a lift? We saw your car up the road?"
He thinks for a minute and decides not to go with them.
The ask what's wrong with the car the mechanic replies "uhh just piston broke that's all" the driven than replies "eh so are we man hop in!"
I like when flies won't leave my car on long road trips. Have fun moving to Kansas, you tiny idiot.
Bottle of Wine
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
'Good trade.'
Two conjoined twins walks into a pub
The bartender is amazed: "You're not from around here"
The siamese on the left side:"No, we're french, every summer, we come to the UK, rent a car and start a road trip"
"So, you really seem to like the country?"
"Not that much, but once a year, my brother can drive".
Three guys on a road trip.
It's late at night and they need a place to sleep. The only hotel that has a room has one double bed. So, they take it. In the night, the guy on one side wakes up, saying "I just had the most vivid dream that I was getting a h**...". The guy on the other side wakes and says "me too!" The guy in the middle wakes up and says "I just dreamed I was skiing".
There was a guy on a road trip who stopped at a rest stop at an Indian reservation
While paying for his items he asked that clerk about a strange man standing out front. The cashier said that's Running Wolf, he remembers everything. On his way out the man deciding to try out the Indians memory asks him what he had for breakfast. The Indian replies "Eggs". The man is slightly impressed but decides he has no better questions and leaves. Years latter the man unknowingly stops at the same rest stop and when he sees an old Indian man he greets him by saying "How". The Indian replies "Scrambled".
The Lonely Widow
Jack and Joe go on a road trip, but after driving for an hour, the car breaks down. They get it working, but they're seriously delayed and will never make it to the hotel they were going to stay at in time.
Upon seeing a farmhouse just off the road, they drive in, and ask if they can park in the barn and stay in their car for the night, to keep warm. The woman who owns the farm is unsure and says "I am a widow, people will talk if you stay here overnight" but the men assure her they'll be gone before sunrise, and no one will ever know, so she lets them stay.
About 9 months later Jack rings Joe and asks,
"Did you sneak off that night we stopped in a barn on our road trip, to go and see the widow?"
Joe responds, "Well, actually I did, yes, why do you ask?"
"Did you give her my name and address Joe, instead of yours?"
"Well, um, yes, I'm afraid I did, why, is there a problem?"
"Oh no it's fine." replies Jack, "She died and left everything to me."
Why did people hate going on road trips with Kurt Cobain?
Because he always called shotgun
What happened when the car took l**...?
It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!
A penguin is on a road trip and his car breaks down
He pulls off to the nearest mechanic to get it looked at, and the mechanic tells him it's gonna be about an hour before he knows anything. So the penguin decides to walk a couple blocks to a shopping center.
It's really hot in this place and the penguin's not used to that at all, so he starts looking for ways to cool off. He sees a Baskin Robbins and decides to go in and get himself an ice cream cone. He goes outside and sits down to enjoy it, and it's delicious. The heat starts to melt it and he gets ice cream all over himself, but he doesn't care because it's cold and reminds him of home. He's happy as can be, just l**... away and making a total mess of himself, until the cone is gone and he realizes it's almost time to get his car back.
So he goes back to the mechanic, the guy has just finished up and the penguin asks, "Well, what was the problem?" The mechanic replies "It looks like you just blew a seal."
The penguin is shocked and cries, "No it's just ice cream, I swear!"
Three guys on a summer road trip…
As they were driving down a long desolate highway, their vehicle being to sputter along and finally died. Unable to start it up, the three guys decided it was a good idea to make the long trek to the nearest city. o**... said, Lets each take one thing with us to help us on this long walk. All agreed and begin searching.
The first guy picked the cooler they brought, If we get thirsty, we have something to drink! The other two replied, Great idea!
The second guy looked around, I know what I will take! I will take the car seat, so if we ever get tired we can take a load off. Great idea! the others said.
Third guy, looking and looking, could not figure out what he wanted to take. Finally he gets an idea. I'm going to take the car door The other two, giving him a funny look.
Well if it gets hot, we can roll down the window!
AZ Hitchhiker
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. 'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: 'Good trade....'
A husband and wife went on a road trip.
They were driving by some plains when they sighted some wild pigs. The wife jokingly asked her husband," Are those relatives of yours?" Too which the husband replies," Yup! Those are my in-laws!"
A penguin takes a road trip
A penguin decided to take a road trip. Halfway through, his car breaks down and he gets it towed to the nearest mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will take about 20 minutes to diagnose the problem, so the penguin decides to walk around a bit and check out the small town. It's hot out, and being a penguin, he's used to cooler weather, so he stops and buys himself a huge ice cream cone. He's eating the ice cream as fast as he can as he's walking around, but it's hot out, and a lot of it melted all over his hands and face. 20 minutes go by, and he heads back to the mechanic. When he gets there, the mechanic says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal", and the penguin says "Nah, man, that's just some ice cream"
What did the boulder say to the other boulder?
I rock. You Rock. We Rock.
Disclaimer: This joke was made during a 6 hour road trip with the family. My only scenery was rocks.
pint of guiness
On my last trip home I found myself in a pub in Edinburgh.
A group of American tourists came in. One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Scots think your great drinkers. I bet 5,000 pounds that no-one hear can drink 30 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."
The bar was silent, the American noticed one Scot leaving, no-one took up the bet.
40 minutes later the Scot returned and said "Hey y**..., is your wee bet still on?"
"Sure" said the American, "30 pints in 30 minutes for 5,000 pounds."
"Aye" replied the Scot, "pour the pints and start the clock."
It was very close but the last drop was consumed with seconds to spare.
"Ok y**..., pay up." said the Scot
"I'm happy to pay, here is your money" said the American.
"But tell me, when I first offered the wager I saw you leave. Where did you go?'
The Scot replied, "Well sir, 5,000 pounds is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it."
Joke of the day
There are three blondes who are on a road trip. As they are driving through the desert, their car breaks down. They have no phone to call anyone, so they decide to walk to the nearest city, several miles away. They each decide to take one thing to make the journey better. The first blonde takes the radio and says, "If we get bored, we can put the radio on and listen to music." The second blonde decides to take a wheel, "In case one of us gets really tired, we can go inside the wheel and be rolled." The third blonde takes the car door, "In case it gets too hot, we can roll down the window!"
A blonde , brunette, and a readhead.
Are going on a road trip when they accidentally trespass into a secret military base and the punishment is viable by shooting. So they bring the readhead and make her stand against the wall . The captain exclaims .
"Ready ! Aim "
the read head than turns around and says.
" Tsunami!" and all the soldiers fall for it and the readhead escapes.
Next is the brunette. Same deal she lines up and the captain than says. " Ready ! aim ! ". The brunette than turns around and says .
" Tornado!" all the soldiers fell for it and she escapes.
Last is the blonde. "Ready ! Aim !" just when the captain is about to finish the blonde yells .
" Fire !"
A deaf couple are on a road trip
My deaf professor told me this joke (in sign language) in college:
A deaf couple are on a road trip. The wife signs to the husband that she is tired, and they should look for a motel for the night. The husband pulls over into the next motel, and they reserve a room.
In the middle of the night, the husband wakes up with a splitting headache. He signs to his wife his wife if they have any ibuprofen. The wife groggily replies to check the glove compartment in the car.
The man, half asleep, gets out of bed, walks out to the car, and finds the pills in the glove compartment.
He gets out of the car to make his way back to the room, but immediately forgets which room is his. So he gets back into the car and SLAMS on the horn and holds it.
Little by little, every room in the motel turns on their light. All but one. That's his room!
Knock-Knock joke my wife came up with near the end of our 10 hour road trip
Knock-Knock
Who's There?
P.
P Who?
No, not P Who, P.U.!
I'm sure someone somewhere has probably thought of this before but we thought it was hilarious at the time. :)
*edited for formatting
Life Before The Computer
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy ..
... you just hoped nobody ever found out!!
I heard they were making a new rocky movie where he goes on a difficult road trip
There calling it rocky road
Did you know those round bales of hay you still see in fields were outlawed?
Yep. The cows weren't getting a square meal.
**Great road trip joke—never gets old* ^(to ^me)
Did you hear about the depressed man going on a cross country road trip?
He's weeping the nation.
I heard Hotel California for the 6th time on the radio during my cross country road trip.
You can change the station any time you like, but the song never leaves
Why can't silverware go on good road trips?
Because every time they set out, they eventually come to a fork in the road.
What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?
Recalculating route.
The Cemetery
One day, Timmy and his dad were on a road trip. When they passed a cemetery, Timmy asked, "How many dead people do you think are there?"
"Hopefully all of them" replies his dad.
What did the pea wonder before an 8 hour road trip?
To pee or not to pee.
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
Edit (back story): the origin of this joke came from a road trip back when I was in highschool (about 17 years ago). My buddy left the car door open and the dash displayed "the door is ajar". He thought it was funny, since we're use to seeing the "door open" icon and wouldn't stop telling the joke.
Not surprised it's been heard / told before but just happen to never hear it from any other source.
Give me your best PG/dad jokes.
I'm going on a short road trip with a friend and I always tell him jokes as we drive and I need a few of your best.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are on a road trip...
Their car stops running in the middle of nowhere and they can all take one thing to the nearby abandoned factory for survival. The redhead takes water in case they get thristy. The brunette takes food in case they get hungry. The blonde takes the car door, in case they get hot she can roll down the window.
A jealous woman, while on a road trip with her friends, would call her husband everyday to check on him.
Her: Where are you?
Him: At home hun.
Her: Don't trust you. Can you run the food processor for me so I know you are home?
Him: Sure Hun .
Whirrrrrrrrrr
Him: There you go.
Her: Ok. Talk to you later...
This went on for a few days. She would call him and ask him to run the food processor, which he would do.
One day she called her children and asked : Where is dad?
Kid: No idea. He leaves early in the morning and comes back late in the night.
But he takes the food processor along wherever he goes.
The Whale Joke
Two whales are on a road trip, and they decide to stop at a gas station to get some snacks.
So they go into the candy aisle,
And they pass the snickers,
They pass the kitkats
The skittles,
The starburst,
The airheads,
The milky ways,
And finally they see the m&ms.
And one whale says to the other:
Waoaoaooaooaooaoaowwwoaoaw
And the other whale says:
Waoaoaoaoaoaoaaaaooaoaoaawwww
Can't rely on emails!
A man goes away on business. He emails his wife from the road and says he'll be home that night because the trip wrapped up earlier than expected. When he gets home, he walks into the bedroom to find his wife in bed with another man. Without a word, the husband leaves the room and goes down to the local bar. He explains the whole situation to the bartender.
Well, why don't you call her and talk to her. Maybe there is an explanation for all of this.
The man picks up his cell phone and calls his house. His wife answers and before she can say a word he yells, Why did I come home to find you in bed with another man? The wife calmly responds, Because I just got around to checking my email.
Did you hear about the time Nirvana went on a road trip?
All I know about it is that Kurt called shotgun.
David Bowie and Freddie Mercury were on a road trip
When one of their tyres blew out.
Turns out it was under pressured.
Three friends are on a road trip and stop at a motel for the night.
Three friends are on a road trip and stop at a motel for the night. The receptionist tells them there is only 1 room available with 1 bed in it.
The guys are exhausted and just decide to share the bed. In the morning, the one who slept on the left side of the bed says "I just had the best dream last night, a hot girl was giving me a h**... and it felt so real". The one who slept on the right side says "That's weird, I had a similar dream."
They both turn to the friend who slept in the middle and ask him "What about you? Same dream?"
"Nah, I had a dream that I was skiing in the Alps"
Engineers are using tracking to try to distinguish an autonomous vehicle on a cross country road trip from a human-driven car.
They call it the Touring Test.
Took a road trip to Texas
I ended up in a city where every dude in the Corp was named Chris T.
What did the Lettuce Father say to his Lettuce Family when they started on their road trip?
"Lettuce travel!"
What do you call a group of shy friends going on a road trip?
An Introverted Extroversion Excursion
Everyone criticizes Apple Maps, but I enjoyed using it for my road trip from New York to Florida.
There's a lot to do in Chicago.
Bill & Hillary are on a trip back to Arkansas..
They're almost out of gas, so Bill pulls into a service station on the outskirts of town. The attendant runs out of the station to serve them when Hillary realizes it's an old boyfriend from high school.
She and the attendant chat as he gases up their car and cleans the windows. Then they all say good-bye.
As Bill pulls the car onto the road, he turns to Hillary and says: "Now aren't you glad you married me and not him? You could've been the wife of a grease monkey!"
To which Hillary replied: "No Bill. If I would have married him you'd be pumping gas, and he would be the President."
Mental hospital
A nurse at a mental hospital checks in a room to find patient Bob pretending to drive a car.
- Bob, what are you doing?
Asked the nurse curiously.
- I'm on a road trip to Canada.
Bob replied.
The nurse wishes him a pleasant journey and proceeds to patient Gary's cell to find him m**....
- Heavens, Gary! What are you doing?!
Asked the nurse.
- I am having s**... with Bob's wife while he's in Canada.
Gary replied.
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.
But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.
A wife and husband are going on a road trip
After a few hours, the wife decides thay she is tired
Wife: Y'know honey, i think i might take a nap
The husband gives her a nod, and after putting her chair into a comfortable position for sleeping, she dozes off
A while later, she wakes up,and notices that they are completely off road and in some place she doesn't recognize
Wife: Where the h**... are we!
Husband: I dont know, i just woke up Too
A little boy walked up to the farmer watching over cows in his field.
Boy:wow! Would you look at that bunch of cows!
Farmer: Herd
Boy: Heard of what?
Farmer: Herd of cows
Boy: Of course I've heard of cows
Farmer: No, a cow herd
Boy: what do I care what a cow heard? I got no secrets from a cow.
(No punchline but my dad used to say it every time we passed cows on road trips and it still makes me smile)
It was going to be a long road trip. I popped on my headphones, pulled up a movie on my phone, and got lost in the action as the car headed down the highway.
The passengers probably wished that I'd waited until I wasn't driving to do that.
The Italian Game
Pulled this on my wife on a road trip
Rules: In a thick Italian accent, you say "Imma A" and your target says "Imma not A" after you. You both go through the alphabet that way together
Me: Imma A!
Wife: Imma not A (confused)
Me: Imma B!
Wife: Imma not B
Me: Imma C!
Wife: Imma not C
Me: You're a *WHAT*?!
She groan-screamed and pretended i didnt exist for 10 miles
When I was road tripping through Maine I saw a shack at the side of the road with a sign saying $2 Lobster tails.
I thought this sounded like a bargain so I stopped, I paid my $2 and the old man at the window says "once upon a time there was this lobster..."
The Irish farmer
While on a trip in Europe, the farmer from Texas was driving through Ireland. He came to a farm and saw a man repairing a fence by the road. The Texan stopped and asked the man if this was his farm. Oh yes answered the Irish farmer, everything you see from the river down there to the hills up there is mine. The Texan smiled and said – well on my farm back in Texas I can drive my car the whole day without reaching the other side.
Now it was the Irish mans turn to smile while he said - Oh, I used to have a car like that too.
