Road Sign Jokes

108 road sign jokes and hilarious road sign puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about road sign that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Short Road Sign Jokes
Road Sign One Liners
More Road Sign Jokes

Funniest Road Sign Short Jokes

Short road sign jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The road sign humour may include short traffic sign jokes also.

My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing,
but when I got home, the signs were all there.
Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland ... and came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
My dad got fired as a road worker because of stealing. I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home.
All the signs where there.
I didn't wanna believe that my dad was stealing from his work as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"
I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker... But when I got home, all the signs were there....
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, I don't know how I never noticed that all the signs were there..
Never Wanted to believe I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker,
but when I got home all the signs were there

Share These Road Sign Jokes With Friends

Road Sign One Liners

Which road sign one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with road sign? I can suggest the ones about traffic signs and stop sign.

Why didn't the number 3 cross the road? He saw a sign that said no trespassing.
Why did the blind driver have no hands? He was reading road signs at 50 miles per hour
Why did the rooster cross the road? He saw a sign that said "Chicken strips for a buck"!
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? Trying to read the road signs!!!
How did Helen Keller break her arms? She tried to read a road sign going 45mph
Driving today I kept seeing protest signs. They all said "End Road Work."
I saw a sign that said "road work ahead"... And I thought, "Well yeah, I hope it does..."
How did Hellen Keller break her arms? Reading road signs at 70 mph.
Why are psychics useful on road trips? They always read the signs.
The stop road signs in Siberia don't say Stop They say Freeze
Road sign on the highway Don't drive if you are tipsy, buzzed, or blitzen
What's a sign for road work and virgins? Slow down bumps ahead
What do you call a car with a driver that can't read road signs? A Dyslexic Scalextric

Howlingly Hilarious Road Sign Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about road sign you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean parking sign jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make road sign pranks.

A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!" The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie."

A man bought a new car.
Next day he is driving his car to office.
On the way he was waiting for the Signal.
Suddenly he opened the door and got down.
Then he went to the Traffic Police and asked him, "How much should I pay to turn right?"
The Policeman was astonished and asked, "Why are you asking like this?"
Then man showed him the sign board which was in the corner of the road: "Free Left Turn"

Someone accused my dad of stealing from his job in the roads department...

...I thought it was nothing to worry about but when I got home the signs were everywhere.

3 old lady's

3 old lady's are driving in the car. Two in the back and one driving. The lady driving notices that there is a cop with sirens on trying to pull them over. So they pull to the side of the road. As the officer approaches them he doesn't look surprised. The officer says to the women driving. Mam do you know how fast you were going there? She says yes I was going 15 mile per hour. The officer shakes his head and told the lady no mam I think you are looking at the freeway sign that says "highway 15". The women said oh no! the officer looked back at the two women in the back and saw that the to women are shaking and scared. The officer asks what's wrong with them? And the women says oh, we just got off the 125.

Cop pulls over a car for driving too slow

Cop walks up to the car & sees an elderly woman behind the wheel.
Cop: *Excuse me ma'am, can you tell me why you were driving so slow on the highway?*
Driver: *Officer, I was only going the speed limit. There was a sign back a half mile that said the it was 14mph.*
Cop: *Ma'am, the speed limit is 55mph, the sign you saw was for this road, Highway 14.*
Driver: *Oh my, that makes a lot of sense now. I apologize & I'll make sure I look closer at the signs.*
The cop then looks around the car & notices that all of the passengers look like they've seen a ghost.
Cop: *Is everyone alright?*
Driver: *Oh yes. They'll be fine. They always have that look on their face after I drive on memorial highway.*
Cop: *You mean highway 151?*
------
(Edit spelling / punch line. re: comments)

A priest and a pastor...

... are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, 'The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!'
They hold up the sign to cars passing by.
"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yells the first driver as he speeds by.
From around the curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.
"Do you think," says the priest to the pastor, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)

Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.
Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"
Big Catholic news, the Pope recently stated that it is possible for atheists to go to Heaven. However, what he didn't say is once they get there, they have to spend all eternity helping Buddha squeeze into his yoga pants.
In entertainment, "Fast and Furious 6" critics say the film did not live up to the hype. Especially when the first 45 minutes of the film were Vin Diesel sitting in his Dodge Neon scanning Tokyo radio for a Limp Bizkit station.
Bad news, a m**... tax bill stalled in Colorado. Glossy-eyed congressmen promise they'll finish the bill as soon as this rad 'Stairway' solo is over.
In a recent speech, Biden hinted that government research is often wasteful. Such as Biden's $3 million study on if he saw Bigfoot getting the paper yesterday or just Sarah Palin before her morning shave.
And finally some science news. A recent marine study found that fish can use sign language. However, what was more surprising was the terrifying gang signs used by the east L.A. river fish crew, "Gills that Kills".
Thanks for reading! Been pretty busy lately so I'm making sure I produce some material for you guys to check out.

Falling rock

Waay back in the day the Indians had a child named Falling Rock, lovely kid. As soon as the white man came to their land Falling Rock disappeared. They couldn't find him anywhere, still even to this day we have signs on the road that say "watch for falling rock"

A rabbi and a priest stand on the side of the road...

A rabbi and a priest are standing on the side of the road with a big sign next to them reading: "CAUTION: THE END IS NEAR."
A car drives by, and the driver yells, "Keep your religious babble to yourselves!" A few moments later he drives right off the end of the road into the river with a huge splash.
The rabbi turns to the priest & says, "I told you we should have just written 'CAUTION: THE BRIDGE IS BROKEN.'"

My Chinese friend's jokes about Socialism and Capitalism

* A Russian, an American, and a Chinese person are walking down a path. Suddenly, they come to a fork in the road. One path has the sign "Capitalism," and it's brightly lit and beautiful. The other is labeled "Socialism," and it's dark and frightening. The American chooses first, marching confidently down the brightly lit path. The Russian is next. Determined, he starts to go down the dark path, but then turns back halfway and runs toward the bright path. The Chinese person is last. After thinking a moment, he chooses the bright path - but first he changes the signs.
* Stalin, on his deathbed, is talking with his successor-to-be, Khrushchev. Stalin, with his dying breath, says "But what if the people won't go with you, comrade?" Khrushchev replies, "Don't worry! If they don't go with *me*, I'll make sure that they're going with *you*."
* An American and a Russian are waiting for their friend, a Chinese guy. The Chinese guy finally arrives twenty minutes late. "Sorry," he says, "I was standing in line to buy some sausage." The American says, "What's a line?" and the Russian says, "What's a sausage?"

Saw a guy on the side of the road with a "will work for food" sign.

So I threw him a coconut.

Driving Miss Daisy

A car full of old ladies cruising along Route 30 and they get pulled over by a police officer. "What is the matter officer". "You know its dangerous and an offence to drive too slow" responded the officer. "That is the road sign not the speed limit". Then he glances further into the car to see all the old ladies with their hair standing straight up on their head. "What is the matter with them he asks? "Oh we have just come off Route 189"

Helen Keller

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her??
Rearrange the house..
Why was Helen Kellers hand broke?
Trying to read the speed limit signs going down the road.

Usain Bolt retires from running...

He has been bored and looking in to a new sport to take up. He's looking through his newspaper when he sees an advert for a new golf course in his home town. He takes a walk down and asks the receptionist about signing up.
Usain Bolt Hi, I'm here to see about joining your new golf course
Receptionist Hmmm I'm not so sure if that would be allowed sir
Usain Bolt Can I ask why? Have you sold all memberships?
Receptionist I'm afraid not sir, you see the owner of the course is rather racist and he won't allow black members. There is another golf course just 15 minutes down the road, I'm sure you can join them
Usain Bolt That is horrible! Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!
Receptionist Ah ok the other course will only be 5 minutes down the road then

Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle...

Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over.
His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that." "Just put the jacket on backwards." His friend advised.
They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out. A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call the police.
They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?" "Well," the farmer explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"

A group of priests stand by the road...

... holding a sign "IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO TURN BACK. THIS PATH IS DOOMED!!" Most people just drive by but then suddenly someone stops and yells at the priests: "No one will belive this religious b**...! You're wasting your time!" After that one of the priests says: Maby we should just write "The bridge has fallen!"?

I saw a construction sign today that said, "road rehab".

It must've been addicted to crack.

I knew this guy who was so dumb...

he saw a road sign that said, "Disney Land Left", so he turned around and went home.

Chemistry Hotel

So I was driving down the road, getting pretty tired on my way home and saw a sign that said "Chemistry Hotel"
the sign said:
*"Cheap Day Rates, and Even Cheaper NO3-'s"*

Teacher to Student: Why are you late?

Student: Because of the sign on the road.
Teacher: What type of sign?
Student: The sign that says, School Ahead, Go Slow.

Two hunters were driving down a narrow two lane road in an off-road jeep, and saw a sign that said 'Bear Left'...

They turned around and went home.

Two Polish guys are hunting for bears in the woods.

They come across a fork in the road with a sign that says "BEAR LEFT" They both turn around and go home.

A couple of Irishmen are walking down a country road . . .

They see a sign that says "Tree Fellers wanted".
One of them turns to the other and says, "d**.... Too bad there's only two of us."

I'm beginning to believe that my road worker friend is a kleptomaniac..

So I went to his house to confront him and all the signs were there.

I just couldn't believe anyone when the told me that my dad had been stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I got home

All the signs were there...

p... and m... see a sign

Walking down the road in Ireland, p**... and m**... see a sign see a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted".
p**... sighs and says, "It's a shame Ryan wasn't with us, we could have gone for that job!".

Well out driving with my father we came across the sign that said U-turn okay.

I told my father I thought it was a bit pretentious for a road sign to be judging people on their driving abilities.

I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job...

but when I got home all of the signs were there.

I didn't believe it when I first heard that my dad was stealing from his job as a road repairmen...

But when I got home, all the signs were there

eeny, meeny, kanye, flo

you come to a fork in the road. the path to the left sports a sign guaranteeing a gruesome end to all trespassers. the one to the right looks clear, except for a skinny guy with a hat who freestyles rhyming insults at you. do you risk certain doom… or chance the rapper?

A priest and a pastor are standing on the side of the road

They are holding a sign that reads "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!"
A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts!" and speeds past them.
From around the corner they can hear screeching tires- then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should just put a sign up that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

You know the signs that say "End road work"?

Have you ever seen the protestors that put them up?

A guy is driving along when he spots a gypsies caravan on the side of the road with a sign saying, "readings $10 per person".

He pulls over thinking this could be a laugh, and enters the caravan.
The gypsy immediately grabs his hands, looks at them for a couple of seconds and looks up into the guys eyes.
She says, "Thriller, pretty woman, when doves cry ,stairway to heaven."
"wow", said the guy, "those are my favourite songs!"
"impressive", he continues, "please, tell me my future"
"can not" exclaims the gypsy, "I am just a four tune teller"

Pennsylvania and New Jersey changed their state mottos today in order to cut their highway budgets.

Now they both proudly display "Road Work Ahead. Expect Delays" on their welcome signs to better reflect the status of their roadways.

George and the Dragon

A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.
The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.
"No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she snapped again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!"
By this time, she was fairly shouting.
The vagabond tried again: "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

"Do you suppose I might have a word with George instead?"

I was once driving down the road..

..where I read a sign which said,
Speed limit 30km
I slowed down to 30km/h
A little further, another one
Speed limit 20km
I had to slow down even more,
Moving on, I saw another one
Speed limit 10km
My speedometer had come down to 10km/h
Not long after that, there was another
Speed limit 1km
I pulled over and started pushing my car to a point where I finally saw the last sign,
Welcome to Speed Limit

A farmhand hits a pig with his truck

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off.
About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the wiggling pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"

I was driving along the road and I saw a coffin on the curb with a sign that said "FREE"

I thought to myself, "this is the last thing I need."

A man runs through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a cop

"You are supposed to stop at a stop sign" the cop says.
"But I slowed down." The driver says
"that's the same thing."
The officer then drags the guy into the road and beats him with his baton
"Now do you want me to stop or slow down?!"

I didn't want to believe that my uncle had been stealing from the roads and traffic department ...

... but when the police raided his apartment, all the signs were there.

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road...

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The end is near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.
One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"

Two Irish fellas, p**... and Murphy are looking for a job

They are walking down the road when they see a sign saying "Tree fellers wanted - apply within"
p**... says "Hey Murphy, if we find another person we can apply for that".

A farmer tries to liven up his sleepy town

Thinking himself a funny guy, he decides to put a joke of the day on the fence post next to his vegetable stand by the side of the road. Not long after, a man with a s**...-eating-grin on his face comes walking up the driveway towards the farmer's house. Knocking on the door, the passerby says to the farmer, "hey, just so you know your sign fell down out there and I fixed it for you." "oh really?" replied the farmer. "did you read it, and did you like it?" "Oh yes it's great! I read it, therefore I reposted it."

A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink

The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdained, points to a sign clearly labelled: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.
The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.
Wiping the inside of a glass, the bartender approached and asks the chicken Are you part of this joke?
Yeah. the chicken replies.
Again, he points to the sign: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
The chicks argues Well then how's a chicken supposed to get his beak wet?
The bartender pointed out the window and said There's another bar across the road.

A highway patrolman pulls over an elderly woman for speeding.

"Ma'am," he tells her, "I clocked you doing 72 MPH. The speed limit on this road is 55."
"But, Officer, the sign back there said it was 75!"
"No, Ma'am, that wasn't a speed limit sign, that was the route sign. You're on State Highway 75. I'm sorry for your confusion, but I still have to write you a ticket."
"Oh, that's okay, Sonny; I understand. I'm just glad I didn't run across you back there on Route 135."

I saw the strangest protest sign driving to work today

I know all the construction can be inconvenient but seriously, End Road Work ?
Happy Father's Day everyone!

My buddy got fired from the road department

He was accused of stealing traffic signals.
When the cops went to his house, all the signs were there.

A guy was driving down the road when he seen a stop sign..

He looked around and didn't see anyone so he slowed down a little bit but kept going. Then next thing he knew, he was being pulled over. So he pulls over, and the cop just drags him it the car and goes to beating him with his nightstick.. and in all the confusion the cop says "now do you want me to STOP, or just slow down a little bit and keep going?"

A cow stumbles into p**... field,

The steaks have never been higher.
(Not original from the road sign from somewhere )

I've seen 'End Road Work' signs all over the place since I was a kid...

I don't think the protest is working.

Two Blondes were on their way to Disneyland.

Two Blondes were on their way to Disneyland.
They reach the road junction, and the sign display "Disneyland Left".
So, sadly, they went home...

When Canada legalizes cannabis, there's gonna be new signs on the roads

Saying "speed up".

Why did the priest cross the road?

In order to give the road a blessing you have to do the sign of the cross.

My friend was fired from his job at the road department for stealing.

I have to say I saw it coming. The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.

I wanted to impress a girl

I wanted to impress a girl who hates road signs...
So I pulled out all the stops.

A man got parking ticket

A man was charged in court for parking his car on the wrong side of the road.
Judge: Why did you park your car in a no parking area?
Man: Your honour, the sign read, Fine for Parking. So I thought it was fine to park my car there!

I never thought my dad ad would steal from his job as a road worker...

but when I got home I found all the signs...

I really think road signs should start adding punctuation.

Here are some examples:
STOP!
Slow, children playing.
Deer Crossing,

It's been many moons since I've felt your touch. The nights are short, and the days are hard. All I want is to get back to you, but I fear I may not make it out alive.

A gypsy is doing his driving test.

The instructor asks him: What road sign is that?
The gypsy replies: Aluminium

I live near h..., Michigan. Driving home today, we went past a sign pointing down a road that leads to h....

My dad pointed to it and said, That road goes to h**.... Know how you can tell? This is asphalt and that's good intentions.

A new driver is driving down the road...

He stops at a stop sign. After a while, his instructor yells at him, saying "Why aren't you accelerating, you have the right of way?!" The driver responds "I was waiting for the sign to turn green."

A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.
Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".

A rabbi, a priest, and an imam stand on the side of the road holding signs saying the end is near .

A truck drives by and the driver shouts you dumb religious wackos , makes the turn and drives off the cliff. The rabbi turns to the priest and imam and says you think we should change our signs?