Road Block Jokes
35 road block jokes and hilarious road block puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about road block that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Road Block Short Jokes
Short road block jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The road block humour may include short road closed jokes also.
- A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road."
- What do Canadian geese, and Canadian truckers have in common? They block the roads and honk
- I was walking down the road the other day and this guy threw a block of cheese at my head I looked at him and said, that's mature.
- Why couldn't a block of cheese cross the road? Because he was not allowed to leave his *grated* community.
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Road Block One Liners
Which road block one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with road block? I can suggest the ones about road construction and getting blocked.
- People told me I was blocking the road... I replied: "No Way!!!"
- I lost my bicycle license. I didn't block the road for an entire day.
- What did the car say to the cow blocking the road? Beef! Beef!
- What do you tell a cow blocking a road? Mooove
- What do you call a group of chickens walking down the road? A rolling c**...-block
Road Block Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about road block you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traffic jam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make road block pranks.
Took a Cab Home
With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with all of you about drinking and driving.
As you may know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several drinks of Scotch followed by some rather nice red wine... a dry Chianti I think it was. Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something that I've never done before, I took a cab home. Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers...
... and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.
Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home.
Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.
I have never driven a taxi before, and I'm not sure where I got it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ben was a fifth grader notorious for his lack of filter.
One day, he walked into class 10 minutes late. "What took you so long, Ben?" asked the teacher. "Sorry miss, there was construction happening in a w**... nearby so all the roads were blocked."
Suddenly, all the girls in the class, disgusted at Ben, rose up to protest against his v**... rhetoric. "Simmer down, you s**...", Ben replied "they are not taking applications yet."
In the US cops are called pigs, in Russia they call them goats.
A man shows up at a police station in Russia and says there is a dead goat on the road two blocks away. The cops are like There was no need to come here, call the city or whatever. The guy says Well, I thought when somebody dies the first thing they do is inform their relatives.
Two nuns, Sisters Mary and Teresa, are riding their bikes back to the convent from the shops in the old city.
Sister Mary says Up ahead the road is blocked, but if you follow me, I know another route.
Sister Teresa dutifully follows the older Sister as they wind their way through the city streets and down an old lane.
Sister Mary, asks Sister Teresa, do you know this route well?
Aye, says Sister Mary, I take this route often.
I've never come this way before. says Sister Teresa.
It's the cobblestones. replies Sister Mary.
Yesterday, I went to a Christmas Party
I had a few beers, followed by a few cocktails, followed by a few shots...
I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there was a police road block on the way home, and since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was both a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from, and now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.
A warning to all my friends.
Be careful about drinking and driving as we are getting closer to Christmas.
Police are out in full force with loads of road blocks all over. Last night I was out for a few drinks and one thing led to another, and I had a few too many beers which then went on to whiskies. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a bus home.
I passed the police check point where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathaliser tests. Because I was in a bus they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely, no accidents,which was a real surprise because..
I have never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from...
I took a taxi the other night
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.
Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home
Sure enough i pass a police road block but because it was a taxi they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.
I have never driven a taxi before, am not sure where i got it.
I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.
As we know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the various social functions over the years.
A couple of months ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many, and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.
Knowing full well I was over the limit, I did something I've never done before:
I took a taxi home.
Sure enough I passed a police road block, but because it was a taxi, they waved me on.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was amazing because I've never driven a taxi before, and I'm not sure where I got it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"How'd you know?!"
For health reasons this old guy has to quit drinking. His wife is real strict about it, won't even let him to go this local bar, which is just a block up the road.
Then she has to go out of town. She tells him, "Don't you drink one drop, don't you even go down there." And he's thinking whatever, how's she going to know?
So as soon as she's out of the house, he heads down the block to his bar. One pint turns into four, and four turns into eight, and... Realizing how drunk he is, the guy stands up and falls right over. He's so drunk he can't even walk! So he crawls out of the bar, and then has to shuffle on his stomach the whole way home. Finally he gets home and crawls into bed.
The phone rings the next morning. It's his wife. "I *told* you not to go drinking, d**...."
"How did you know?" he sputters.
"The bartender called, you left your wheelchair."
Happy New Year...
With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.
As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.
Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home. Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before. I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it
Taking a Cab Home on NYE
Dear Friends,
With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.
Some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took cab home. On the way home there was a police road block, since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
Take a cab if you're drinking
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you all about drinking and driving after a "social event" with friends.
This past Friday, I was out on a post-Thanksgiving evening with several friends. I had a
few cocktails, followed by several glasses of wine. Despite my jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home. Sure enough, there was a police road block on the highway but, since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was both a great relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from and, now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.
Be safe out there
So a guy is walking in New York City when he sees a penguin in the street...
The man takes the penguin and goes to ask a woman police officer he sees down the road what to do.
He explains to her, "Ma'am I've found this penguin wandering around just a block up the road and I was curious as what to do with it."
The cop then replies, "Well, I would consider taking it to the zoo."
The man says, "Ah yes, of course!" He thanks her and is on his way.
The next day, the police officer sees the man and penguin walking next to each other. Puzzled as to why, she approaches the man and asks, "Hey! What are you doing with that penguin? I thought I told you to take it to the zoo!"
The man answers back, "I did! Now I'm taking him to the movies!"
Holidays
With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.
As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
A visiting preacher in a small town...
is driving around, looking for the town's small church where he will do a community wide sermon. However, he can't seem to find it. As he drove on, he noticed a little boy walking down the side of the road. The preacher pulled over and asked him, "Hello son, what's your name? I need help finding your towns church."
The little boy replied, "Name's Johnny. Take a the next left, go down a block or so, drive past the school, and you'll see the church up on the small hill, sir."
"Why, thank you little Johnny." the preacher replied. Reaching into the glove box, he pulled out a flyer for the sermon. " Say, Johnny, why don't you come over to the sermon at noon today? I will be helping your community look for our savior Jesus Christ."
To which Johnny replied, "Fat chance. You can't even find the church."
(On mobile, sorry for any mistakes)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A penguin is on a road trip and his car breaks down
He pulls off to the nearest mechanic to get it looked at, and the mechanic tells him it's gonna be about an hour before he knows anything. So the penguin decides to walk a couple blocks to a shopping center.
It's really hot in this place and the penguin's not used to that at all, so he starts looking for ways to cool off. He sees a Baskin Robbins and decides to go in and get himself an ice cream cone. He goes outside and sits down to enjoy it, and it's delicious. The heat starts to melt it and he gets ice cream all over himself, but he doesn't care because it's cold and reminds him of home. He's happy as can be, just l**... away and making a total mess of himself, until the cone is gone and he realizes it's almost time to get his car back.
So he goes back to the mechanic, the guy has just finished up and the penguin asks, "Well, what was the problem?" The mechanic replies "It looks like you just blew a seal."
The penguin is shocked and cries, "No it's just ice cream, I swear!"
I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.
I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking
and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to
have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from
the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago,
I was out for a few drinks with some friends
at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather
nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly
over the limit, I did something I've never done before:
I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police road block
but as it was a bus, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as
I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
I want to share a recent experience about drinking and driving.
As you know, some of us have had brushes with authorities on our way home from late night "social sessions". A couple of nights ago I was out with some friends having a few drinks and let's just say I may have had a few too many. Knowing that I was "slightly" over the limit, I did something I had never done before: I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was, they waved it past. So I arrived home safely without incident which was a real surprise, because I have never driven a bus before and I'm not sure where I got it.
Three high school jocks are constantly annoyed
by a mentally challenged classmate. Since he has no concept of coolness, he's always talking to them as if they're his friends and laughing heartily at their attempted putdowns.
Finally they decide to really stick it to him. His father has bought him a new BMW, which only increases their ire. One day as he is cheerfully driving home from school, three cars are blocking the road. It's the bullies, eager to teach him a lesson and get him out of their hair for once and for all.
As he stops, they get out of their cars, all holding a baseball bat. One of them draws a circle in chalk on the road away from the BMW. "Get in the circle," he growls to the poor confused fellow, "and don't let me see you step out of it until we're done."
"OK," he chirps, and steps into the circle.
The bullies start swinging away at his car, busting a few windows and badly denting every side of it. "Now," one of them says, turning to him, "you understand what we think of you. Stay away from us, please!"
The victim hasn't fully comprehended the extent of the damage. In fact, as they turn to him, he's collapsing in laughter. He's snorting and nearly falling over.
"And what's so funny about it?" the angriest guy asks.
"Because while you guys were all busy with that, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was sitting in traffic when a cop knocked on his window.
He rolled down the window and asked the officer: "Why is there such a traffic jam?"
Officer: "A group of terrorists kidnapped a few politicians and are blocking the road. They have threatened to burn the politicians alive in 1000 gallons of gasoline if they don't get a 5 million dollar ransom within the hour. I'm going from car to car collecting donations and would like to know if you'd please help."
Man: "Ok. How much are other people giving?"
Officer: "On average, about two gallons."