River Jokes
150 river jokes and hilarious river puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about river that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your friends laugh with these hilarious river jokes about some of the world's most famous rivers, like the Nile, Mississippi, Amazon, Virgin, and Hudson Rivers. Discover jokes about the river's size, location, and creatures that swim in them. Plus, hilarious puns about denial, swamps and the Seine.
Quick Jump To
Funniest River Short Jokes
Short river jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The river humour may include short lake jokes also.
- Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain. Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea River
- What did Zelensky reply to Putin when he called him to complain about the exploded bridge? Crimea River!
- There's a greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity. The river sticks
- At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade
- My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river… I did it but it broke my heart.
I quite liked her dad… - Justin Timberlake has volunteered to fight along side ukrainian Forces His first task… Crimea River
- All my CDs are in my ex's car. I'd get them, but I don't want to face her. Plus I don't have the equipment for diving to the bottom of the river.
- Picking a Supreme Court Justice is a lot like crossing a river... It all comes down to Roe v Wade
- No joke will ever be too soon for Joan Rivers thread. Joan Rivers died doing what she loved to do best. Surgery.
- What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sail.
Share These River Jokes With Friends
River One Liners
Which river one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with river? I can suggest the ones about railroad and rain.
- Why does France have so many rivers? Water follows the path of least resistance.
- Where does Justin Timberlake go swimming when he's in the Ukraine? The Crimea River
- Why is a river really rich? It's got two banks.
- Why did the American start shooting the river? He learned fish swim in schools
- Justin Timberlake visits the ukraine. Where does he visit first? Crimea River
- What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide!
- A fish swimming in a river hits into a wall and yells Dam.
- What did Putin say to Ukraine after invading? Crimea River.
- What did the river say when it saw beavers approaching? Well I'll be dammed...
- What is Putin's favorite justin timberlake song? Crimea River...
- Why don't hipsters like rivers? Too mainstream
- What do you call small rivers in Egypt? Juveniles
- Why does the river Thames run through London? If it walked, it'd get stabbed.
- What is Putins favorite song to play for Ukraine? Crimea-River
- What's the least sympathetic body of water? The Crimea River
Crimea River Jokes
Here is a list of funny crimea river jokes and even better crimea river puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Bought a Russian car... The salesman said it was the krem de la kremlin, but every time it's putin gear, it keeps stalin. My wife said, "Crimea river, I'm not lenin you my car!"
- So apparently Justin Timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine. It's going to be called 'Crimea River'.
- Justin Timberlake is bad at geography He sings this song, "Crimea River", but I checked, and Crimea is a peninsula, not a river.
- Trump calls Putin on the phone Trump says, "You need to stop annexing territory in Ukraine"
Putin responds, "Crimea river" - What flows through Ukraine and doesn't care about your feelings? Crimea River
- Which river is always sad? The Crimea River
- What is Justin Timberlake's Favorite vacation spot in the Ukraine? Crimea River
- Biden to Putin: Stop planning the invasion of Ukraine. Putin: Crimea River.
- What did Stalin say to all the thousands of people he killed? Crimea river
- So, you're the leader of a country who wants access to the Eastern Mediterranean, Balkans and Middle East, but you're not able to get it? Oh, Crimea river.
Nile River Jokes
Here is a list of funny nile river jokes and even better nile river puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An Egyptian man won't accept that he is a bad swimmer, so he jumped into the river... He's still in the Nile.
- The egyptian man wouldnt admit he'd fallen in a river I guess he was in de Nile
- A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back, "Naw man, you're in de-nile"
- A man fell into a river. Why did he refuse help? He was in The Nile
- If rivers could speak, which river would always say no? Da Nile
- I never thought I'd be drowning in a river. I think I was in the Nile
- My friend fell in a river in Egypt last week, but swears he didn't. He's in De Nile.
- How long is the longest river in Africa? I don't know, but it goes on for niles!
- If an alligator lives in a river and thinks he's a crocodile There's a good chance he's in da-nile!
- After Ryan got pushed into a river, he kept yelling that he wasn't wet. He was in de-Nile.
River Flows Jokes
Here is a list of funny river flows jokes and even better river flows puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In which state does the Mississippi river flow? Liquid.
- Sometimes when I take my money out at a bank, I walk outside and throw it in the river I like watching my cash flow.
- What did the fish say when the river stopped flowing Gosh dam it
- Which word describes someone that refuses to believe that rivers can flow from south to north? de-Nile
- What did the peninsula say before it was split in half by a flowing mass of water? Crimea River
- What do you call a river that's an actor? Russell Flow
- What do you get if you cross a baby sheep in a river? A lamb in a flow
Mississippi River Jokes
Here is a list of funny mississippi river jokes and even better mississippi river puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A fully loaded tractor-trailer carrying 80,000 pounds of Tylenol skidded off an icy bridge, and ended up in the mighty Mississippi. ...Resulting in river failure.
- Why is it a bad idea to swim in the Mississippi River? Because it has pp in it.
- How do rivers measure time? One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, Three Mississippi...
- My brother got roaring drunk, and his car went off the bridge right where the Mississippi and Missouri rivers come together. He was arrested for driving under the confluence.
- Why does the Mississippi river see so well? (Because it has 4 eyes!)
- How many nuns swam across the Mississippi River in 1973? nun.
Amazon River Jokes
Here is a list of funny amazon river jokes and even better amazon river puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yesterday I thought I was in the Amazon river Turns out I was in denial
- "Denial isn't just a river in Brazil." "That's the Amazon."
"No, I refuse to believe that." - A 64 years old male tourist swept away in Amazon river, where did he end up? Local Brazilian newspaper...
Happy River Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about river you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stream jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make river pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true
The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a bridge here.
A little lizard
A little lizard is walking through the jungle one day and spots a koala bear up in a tree.
"Hey, what are you doing?" asks the little lizard. Koala bear replies, "I'm getting high, come up and join me."
So the little lizard climbs the tree and shares a joint with the koala bear. Pretty soon the little lizard gets thirsty, he spots the river and says he's going to go get a drink. So the little lizard climbs down the tree, walks over to the river and as he is drinking he ends up falling in. An alligator saw this and rushes over to help the little lizard out of the water.
"What the heck are you doing?" asks the alligator.
"Well, I was getting high with the koala bear in the tree and then I got thirsty and then...."
"Whoa, wait a minute. You were getting high with a koala bear? I've got to see this." Says the alligator as he goes walking off into the jungle.
The alligator spots the koala bear in the tree and shouts up "Hey, what are you doing up there?"
The koala bear looks down and says "Shiiiiiiiiiiit, Dude, how much water did you drink?"
Hipster Jokes!
Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
Because the river was too mainstream.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Some obscure number you've never heard of.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth when he ate pizza?
Because he ate it before it was cool.
Why didn't the hipster want to see the Saint John River and the Penobscot River?
They're two Maine streams.
My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat
So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
fishing by the river
A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a f**... procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."
My favourite joke -
Two blondes are standing either side of a river, one asks the other
"how do you get to the other side?"
The other replies
"You are on the other side...?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint...
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey Hey! what are you doing? The monkey says Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so s**... that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the s**... lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?! The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says Hey, MONKEY! The Monkey looks down and says FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?
Three stat professors were out hunting...
...when they came upon a deer by a river.
The first professor fired his rifle, and the shot went three feet to the left.
The second professor fired, and the shot went 3 feet to the right.
The third stood and exclaimed "Alright! We got him!"
An Englishman and an Irishman are standing on opposite sides of a river
The Englishman asks "How do I get to the other side?"
The Irishman yells back "What'r ye talkin about? you're already there!"
Sunday in church after St. Patrick's Day
It was a sunday after St. Patrick's day in the church of a small village in the west of Ireland. Obviously all the people were more or less hungover, which infuriated the pastor of the village.
"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"
There was a wave of murmur among the churchgoers.
"If I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river as well!"
The people put their heads down in guilt, thinking about what they had done.
"If I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"
Now the church was completely silent.
After a short while, the musical conductor of the church spoke up, "Now let us sing hymn number 369, *'Shall We Gather at the River?'*"
---
I heard this story from the ambassador of Ireland in Finland.
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic on a really hot summer day and wanted to dip in the river to cool off. They had not thought to bring bathing suits, so decided to skinny dip instead.
The river was flowing rapidly and both clergy were washed a short distance downstream before getting out. After climbing out of the river they had just started to make a run for it to get to their clothes, when many members of their congregation came into view.
The Priest covered his privates with his hands and put on a burst of speed, but the Rabbi covered his face instead. "What are you doing?" the Priest asked. "I don't know about you," the Rabbi answered, "but my congregants recognize me by my face."
A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...
The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"
The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.
Crossing the Border
A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"
3 blonde girls is at the side of a river
And they're trying to get to the village on the other side
1 blond girl ask god to make her smart,so god turn her into a brunette and she swims across the river
the other girl ask god to make her smarter than the girl that just swam,so god make her into a redhead and she built a raft and paddle across
The last girl ask god to make her smarter than the other two girls,so god make her a man and he uses the bridge
my wife tried to tell me that I'm in denial...
So I told her to go back to school and learn geography because I'm standing nowhere near a river in Egypt
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for dinner.
She said, "Somewhere that has fish."
So I pushed her in the river.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Imperial Wizard of the k**... was just found dead near a river in Missouri...
Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping w**... in our water.
Two Rastafarians go to the river in Egypt and one of them gets in and says "Ey, mon, me not get wet"; his friend replies
"Ya right, mon, you in denial"
A man is standing on a bridge over a dangerous river,
constantly saying "63, 63, 63..." over and over. Suddenly a tourist comes by and asks why is he just standing there repeating that number. The man didn't answer, instead he just pushes the tourist off the bridge into the river and says: "64, 64, 64..."
Cr
An elephant was drinking out of the river one day...
When he spotted a turtle lying fast asleep on a log.
The elephant walked over and kicked the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river.
A passing giraffe who happened to see this happen asked the elephant, "Why did you do that?"
The elephant replied, "Because I recognized it as the same turtle that bit my trunk 38 years ago."
The giraffe said, "Wow, what a memory you've got!"
"Yes," said the elephant, proudly. "Turtle recall."
It's been 5 months since my best friend drowned in a river in Egypt.
....and he's still in denial.
A bus full of wives going on a picnic
fall into a river and all die.
The husbands saddened cry for a week while one husband continued to cry for more than two weeks.
When asked why he misses his wife so much he replied miserably...
"My wife missed the bus!!"
Is joke from Latvia. I tell now.
Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde is walking by a river
She sees an another blonde on the other side of the river.
-Hey! - she yells.
-Yes? - the other one responds.
-How can I get to the other side? - she asks.
-Fool! You are already on the other side!
A man on one side of the river shouts out to a man on the other side of the river, Hey! How do I get to the other side of the river?!
The other man yells back, You are on the other side of the river!
A man decided to visit a fortune teller...
After looking into his hand and into the crystal ball, the fortune teller says in a dramatic tone:
You sir, will be responsible for the death of millions
Shocked and taken aback, the man goes back to his home. Along the way, he passes near a river and sees a small boy drowning helplessly.
Well, if millions of people are going to die because of me, I might at least save one life.
He jumps into the river and pulls the boy out. The shocked mother comes in tears and says:
Oh my dear god, thank you so much Mr., you are a saint. Adolf, you should thank this gentleman yourself.
Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster:
Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster. Moses makes the water split and walks on dry land to the other side. Jesus tries to walk on water, but glug... glug... glug... he starts sinking. "What's the matter?" asks Jesus, "I walked on the water quite well 2000 years ago..." "Well," replies Moses, "that was before you got those holes in your feet..."
My friend and I took a trip to Egypt. While we were sightseeing, he slipped and fell into a river. I told him he needs to get out as soon as possible but he refused to acknowledge his predicament.
He was in denial.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dr visits an Indian Tribe
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
My girlfriend told me to stop watching Disney movies and be a man.
Does anyone know how to be swift as the coursing river?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?
He was one of the heroes who fought in the t**... War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did one b**... say to the other b**... when he fell in the river?
d**...
Why did the squirrel cross the river on his back?
Too keep his nuts dry.
One day Achilles and Testiclles are talking
Testiclles said "Why is your name Achilles?" and Achilles said "When my mother dipped me in the river, she held me by my heel. My tendon is my only weak spot" and then he said "And why is your name Testiclles?"
I once fell into an African river but refused to accept it
I was in denial
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not knowing what to do stands cluelessly until a tribesman explains to him: " Use the donkey".
The doctor: " what?"
"Yes use it, mount it"
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc? We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
Why does the river Clyde run through Glasgow?
If it walked, it would get stabbed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The b**... says "I didn't build that, Your Honor."
The judge points at the picture of the pile of logs in the river and says "we have damming evidence against you"
I'll see myself out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A big city doctor visits an indigenous tribe of only men,
He asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
The leader of the tribe says "Since you're our guest you get to go first.".
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey.
15 min pass, then one of the tribeman in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend said he saw a nocturnal mammal d**... in a French River
I told him that's bat s**... in Seine
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.
Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.
**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.
The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".
Moses, Jesus and an old man are playing golf together.
Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus "I hate playing with your dad."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cannibals meet one day.
The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**.... I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge
Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.
\- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks
\- 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently
The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:
\- Guess I'm swimming then...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
and oldie but a goodie
back in ancient china, before the populations number a million, a monk lived near his friend, who was on the other side of the river. he wrote a long poem, full of phrases like "the seven winds could not move me" and was very proud of it. he sent it to his friend via dove.
when his friend sent it back, he had written one word in the corner of the scroll "f**..." fuming, the monk stomped over to his friend's dwelling and demanded an explanation. to this his friend simply said "the seven winds could not move you, and yet a single f**... sends you all the way across the river"
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
I read about a guy that blocked an entire river with nothing but legumes
Dam thats nuts
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monkey and a Lizard are sitting on a tree smoking some w**....
After some time the lizard becomes thirsty and decides to go to the river to drink some water.
When he gets there, he falls in and is saved by a crocodile. After Explaining how he got high, The Crocodile decides to investigate.
When the crocodile reaches the tree, he calls out to the monkey. Still high, the monkey looks down and almost falls in shock: "Yo Man, How much water did you drink?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone knows the story of Achilles, but no one remembers his twin brother Bophadese.
Their mother Thetis, dunked them both into the River Styx to make them immortal. She held Achilles by the heel and Bophades by the t**..., and while everyone has heard of Achilles Heel, very few are familiar with Bophades Nuts.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "There is a 99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
Will the ex pop up again?
A gal walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What have you been up to today?" the bartender asks. "Funny you should ask. My horoscope said that my ex would pop up today," the gal says. "I've been down at the river all day, and luckily, no sign of him so far."
I wanted to tell my children a story about a ship that brings cars from one side of the river to the other
But then I noticed that they're too old for ferry tales.
The Irish farmer
While on a trip in Europe, the farmer from Texas was driving through Ireland. He came to a farm and saw a man repairing a fence by the road. The Texan stopped and asked the man if this was his farm. Oh yes answered the Irish farmer, everything you see from the river down there to the hills up there is mine. The Texan smiled and said – well on my farm back in Texas I can drive my car the whole day without reaching the other side.
Now it was the Irish mans turn to smile while he said - Oh, I used to have a car like that too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know that Justin Timberlake is not from America?
He's actually from the Crimea River.
