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Risk Jokes

141 risk jokes and hilarious risk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about risk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you ready for some laughs and some fun with risk jokes? Join us as we take a look at the riskiest jokes in town! We'll explore topics like credit risk, operational risk, risk management, risk assessment, and even a risk board game! Find out how these jokes can be both hilarious and hazardous, and learn how to measure the probability of a good laugh.

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Funniest Risk Short Jokes

Short risk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The risk humour may include short danger jokes also.

  1. Yesterday I robbed the oversized board game store It was a huge Risk that I was willing to take
  2. I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday it was a risk I was willing to take
  3. When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin. Just so I can say the words Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.
  4. A black man, a blue man, a green man, a pink man, a red man and yellow man walk into a bar... The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here. Too much Risk."
  5. LPT: NEVER hang your drivers license from your rearview mirror! You risk being pulled over for driving with a suspended license.
  6. If a cup has had holy water in it, a vampire should never drink from it again. There's too much risk of cross contamination.
  7. I nearly got caught stealing a board game the other day It was a risk I was willing to take.
  8. I wasn't allowed to bring my board game onto the airplane They told me the risk was too big.
  9. What do successful businessmen and aids patients have in common They both take risks and get positive results
  10. I have now stolen 56 copies of the board game "Risk" from local retailers. When they eventually catch me, I'll say "Life is all about taking Risks."

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Risk One Liners

Which risk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with risk? I can suggest the ones about threat and confidence.

  1. Why don't vegans take risks? Because their life could be at steak.
  2. I know a friend who keeps stealing board games... He's such a risk taker
  3. If James Bond led such a high-risk lifestyle... why wasn't he James Stock?
    -Caroline
  4. I broke lockdown rules and went to a games night yesterday There was a lot of risk
  5. Why did the judge deny the ghost bail? Too much of a fright risk.
  6. Why are prisoners not allowed to have email? Don't want to risk someone attaching a file.
  7. R. Kelly has been denied bail The judge believed he was a flight risk.
  8. I was arrested for stealing board games, in my defence... In life, you should take risks.
  9. Hard work never killed anyone... ...but better not risk it.
  10. Why can't pigeons have a military? Because the risk of a coup is too high
  11. What is the No. 1 health risk for vegans? ....
    Telling other people they are vegans
  12. What rodent helps reduce your risk when trading livestock futures? A hedgehog
  13. At the risk of getting egg on my face and being too cheesy. Omelette au fromage.
  14. Hark work never killed anybody But why take the risk.
  15. Pilot held without bail. Judge concerned about the risk of flight.

Risk Board Game Jokes

Here is a list of funny risk board game jokes and even better risk board game puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife told me that if i buy another board game she will dump me Maybe i shouldn't take that risk
  • I'm a kleptomaniac with a proclivity for stealing strategy board games. I like to take Risks.
  • I didn't know which board game to buy, so I chose at random... It was worth taking the risk.
  • I was seriously considering stealing a military strategy board game from the store yesterday... ...but i didnt. Im not much of a Risk taker.
  • My mate got fired from his job recently. He was working in a board games shop, he got fired for stealing.
    He was taking a lot of risks.
  • My dad, contemplating Brexit and the board game Risk, "Well, Europe has always been hard to hold."
  • My lawyer friend loves board games... ...but he has been sad lately, ever since he started that Risk-free 30-day trial.
  • I wasn't allowed to bring a board game in on an airplane. The Risk was too big.
  • I've never lost a game of Risk. I've lost a lot of pieces flipping the board over and storming out, though.
  • Hear about the thief who robbed a board game store? He took a Risk and got Life.

Reducing Risk Jokes

Here is a list of funny reducing risk jokes and even better reducing risk puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • "Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip." Me: Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip.
    Dispatcher: Go ahead.
    Me: Flossing daily reduces your risk of tooth decay.
  • How do you reduce the risk of mesothelioma? You take caution when using insulation asbestos you can
  • Why did the actuary bring a bomb onto the plane? To reduce the risk of there being a second bomb.
  • Why did God make p**... curly? To reduce the risk of eye injuries
  • Studies show that lithium can significantly reduce s**... risk. But I always want to kill myself when the battery dies
Risk joke, Studies show that lithium can significantly reduce s**... risk.

Increased Risk Jokes

Here is a list of funny increased risk jokes and even better increased risk puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A recent study has shown you should NOT vaccinate kittens It increases their risk of awww-tism
  • Yo momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
  • People who eat bacon... People who eat bacon have a higher risk of a heart attack.
    People who don't have an increased risk of bringing the twin towers down.
  • What do African-Americans and Jews have in common? An increased risk for pancreatic adenocarcinoma.
  • What's the similarity between light beer and having s**... in a canoe? They both increase the risk of drowning.
  • Great Medical Fact about Girls. A glass of wine every day increases the risk of a s**.... Allow her to finish the bottle and she might s**... you off as well.
Risk joke, Great Medical Fact about Girls.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about risk can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of risk puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Howlingly Hilarious Risk Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about risk you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean potential jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make risk prank.

The doctor said I was at a high risk for having a s**...

Hpoe I ok wikl be fnie

A man went to confession.

"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

I changed my major from being an actuary.

I just couldn't handle the risk.

A man visits his doctor...

and asks him how to improve his s**... performance because he has a date with his girlfriend the next day. The doctor suggests m**... a couple of hours before a s**... encounter.
After leaving the doctor's office, he decides he needs to find a window of time to do the deed. He can't risk doing it at work for fear of being fired, and he can't do it at home because he is meeting his girlfriend at a nice restaurant and won't have time to stop. After a little more thinking, he devises a brilliant plan: he will pretend he is fixing the underside of his car and do it there so no one can see him.
The next day, the man leaves work and heads to the restaurant. He pulls over to the side of the busy highway, discreetly slides under his car, closes his eyes and begins furiously slapping the salami. Some time goes by when another car pulls up behind him. A police officer steps out and says, "Excuse me sir, can I ask what you're doing there?"
"Oh, I'm just fixing my axles." The man replies.
The officer responds, "Well you might want to fix your brakes too, because your car rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

The warning sign

There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".

This Friday millions of people will risk getting trampled to get the best seat on a car

This is commonly referred to as 'Rebecca Black Friday'.

"m**... can help relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-esteem, as well as reduce the risk of prostate cancer."

And apparently that is not the correct answer to give when being questioned by the police as to why I was jacking off while riding the bus.

There once was a dog who like to walk the railroad tracks

One day he was a little too close as a train came by and it clipped off the end of his tail. Wondering where it went, he peered over the tracks and the train took his head clean off.
The moral of the story, never risk your head for a little bit of tail.

Birds can be dangerous. Do you know what's the primary risk that woodpeckers pose to women?

Splinters.

I always go for a run after s**....

Can't risk getting caught

Two men are discussing their relationships the one man says to the other "I've been married for 25 years to the same woman! I'm getting tired of the same hole"

The other man says "Well have you thought about flipping her over and trying the other hole?" Appalled the first man says "What? And risk getting her pregnant?"

Isis and the Christian man

An ISIS member stopped the car of a Christian couple.
ISIS member: Are you Muslim?
Christian man: Yes, I'm Muslim.
ISIS member: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.
ISIS member: Ok yallah go.
Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.
Why did u tell him that we are Muslims?
If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us."
"Do not worry! If they knew the Quran they would not kill people" answered the Husband.

If you don't wear ear protection, do you run the risk of getting Hearing AIDS?

COOL HUSBAND :D :P :)

Husband & wife went to Jerusalem. Wife died there.

Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $10000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".
Man:"........ I'll take the body home!!!"
Priest:" Why the costly option?"
Man: " Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day. I CAN'T TAKE THE RISK" !!!

I told my blond friend, that they have higher risk of cancer.

The next day she colored her hair black.
courtesy: Choke by Chuck palahniuk

Why did the black man walk backwards?

I have no idea, Your Honor, but he was coming right at me and I felt my life was at risk.

LPT: Play the Game of Thrones theme tune before you have s**... if there is a risk of being overheard.

Got me and my SO through the recent family stay overs during the festive season.

There I was, risking my life to save my girlfriend from a fire-breathing dragon!! And all she had to say was..

"You have a drug problem."

I once killed 19 birds with one gunshot, people asked why didn't I round up to 20

Do you really think I would risk getting caught lying just for 1 bird ?

The Dad joke pay-off [not actually a joke, sorry]

Dad, a little after lunchtime: "Are you hungry?"
Son: "No."
D. "Really? You've hardly had anything to eat all day."
S. "Okay, really I am, but I don't want to say it because then you'll do that joke again."
Son hates joke so much he would rather go hungry than risk hearing it one more time. Now my legacy is in place, I may die a happy man.

Doing crystal m**... lowers your risk of dying from cancer…

by raising your risk of dying from crystal m**....

At first I wondered why Colin Kaepernick would risk his career by disappointing so many of his fans…

…then I realized he plays for the 49ers - their fans are used to disappointment.

What are you watching tonight?

The game where players make enough money to risk getting brain damage, or the debate where the players already have brain damage?

A man gets a STD test from his doctor...

...and while the doctor is filling out paperwork, he asks the man several questions to determine his risk of infection.
"Alright, last question, you're looking great so far." says the doc "Have you ever paid for s**...?"
The man thinks for a moment, and glancing out at his wife and kids through the examination room window, sighs, and says, "Every time..."

There is a 50/50 risk of loosing your hand during your life...

Either you loose it or you don't. The probability on the other hand... is unsure.

A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Indian man were waiting outside the delivery room.

The matron comes out and explains that the hospital has accidentally mixed up the babies.
The Scot goes straight in and picks up the brown baby.
The Indian says "Are you sure that's your baby?"
The Scot says "No, but there's no way I'm going to risk leaving here with an English baby."

two foreigners in america are applying for citizenship

They're lined up outside the Citizenship and immigration office, along with many others, not wanting to risk deportation now that Trump is in office.
>Guy #1: I've had enough of this waiting, save my place, I'm going to shoot Donald Trump myself.
several hours later he returns.
>Guy #2: well? did you get him?
>Guy #1: no, The line for that was even longer than the one here.

Why is it risky to tell secrets on a farm?

The corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beanstalk.

My teacher asked me to write about a time I took a risk in life.

Apparently c**... isn't a valid answer.

eeny, meeny, kanye, flo

you come to a fork in the road. the path to the left sports a sign guaranteeing a gruesome end to all trespassers. the one to the right looks clear, except for a skinny guy with a hat who freestyles rhyming insults at you. do you risk certain doom… or chance the rapper?

Why do risky people s**... at origami?

Because they never fold

Today I found out that I have an additional risk factor for heart disease.

Apparently I am on an o**... contraceptive.
Every time my wife is in the mood for s**..., I say something s**... and suddenly she has a headache.

A wise man once said, "Nothing worth doing is without risk..."

Well, he almost did, but he was worried someone might laugh.

The Catholic church is considering going all-in on gluten-free wafers

At risk is cross-contamination.

I asked my friend if he's ever tried putting it in the other hole.

"Are you crazy?!" He replied, "I don't want to risk getting her pregnant!".

What do h**... and tattoo artists have in common?

The minimum is $60, unless you're willing to risk catching a disease.

A blonde and her husband are watching the news...

News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.
The blonde bursts into tears
Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.
Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?

My wife just caught me in bed with her sister

It's a risk you take with Siamese twins.

My doctor told me yesterday that I'm at high risk for either Alzheimer's or Dementia...

I can't remember which.

Why are trees constantly paying attention to their surroundings?

Because inattentive trees risk becoming a little board.

My dad decided that he would start a business protecting famous comedy acts from financial risk

Hilarity ensured.

A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a t**... b**... it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

I recently found out I'm a hypochondriac ...

Which totally s**... because I hear that puts me at risk for a TON of other serious diseases

What do you call a risk or a negative implication related to The Large Hedron Collider?

A concern

It is a little risky to download Come Sail Away or Satisfaction from the internet. Turn, Turn, Turn is perfectly safe however.

Styx and Stones may break your phones, but The Byrds will never hurt you.

My friends ask why I never come to their game nights.

I would, but there's too much Risk involved.

An elderly woman is driving 17 mph on a highway

A cop pulls her over and says Ma'am, you should know driving too slow is as much of a risk as driving too fast.
The woman pointed to a sign and said But Officer, I was going exactly the speed limit!
The officer says That's the route number. You're on US-17. He notices another elderly woman passed out in the backseat. Who is your passenger and why is she passed out?
The woman says Oh dear, we just got off State Route 112!

Apparently people who exercise have been shown to recover better and be less at risk from mental health issues...

So who said you can't run away from your problems.

There's a bottle full of methanol in a chemistry lab...

...there's a note attached to it: "don't drink it, or else you will go blind."
The next day, the bottle is half empty and someone added to the note: "I will risk one eye."

A man survives Hiroshima and wakes up in the hospital

Man: What happened and why am I here?
Nurse: hiroshima was hit by a bomb and despite all odds you survived. Right now you are at the hospital getting treated but you have no risk of dying so no worries.
Man: Thank god. But how about my family? Are they ok also?
Nurse: Don't worry, they all evacuated safely and are waiting at the reception room
Man: That is great news. So where am I?
Nurse: Nagasaki

What is the riskiest dish to order from a Japanese restaurant?

Fish of the north star.

A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling.

When he asked the bartender about it, the bartender said, If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are ok the house for the night. But if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next 2 hours. Do you want to try?
The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.

The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!

An irish dwarf and a doctor walk into a bar

An irish dwarf and a doctor walk into a bar, its about 5 in the afternoon but they start putting down drinks like no other. The dwarf not wanting to risk it and drive home decides to call his wife for a ride. He tells her "i was just with a doctor, and I'm a wee bit smashed" and she tells him "Really? I just thought you were born that way."

It is being reported that black and ethnic minority groups are at higher risk to Coronavirus

As if this virus wasn't bad enough, it turns out it is racist too.

Studies have shown that people with more curves have a much higher risk of catching the virus.

Scientists are working hard to flatten the curve.

Don't be mad about the police. They risk their life everyday, going out

On another note, so does everyone in the USA.

Red neck decision making

A r**... family has already 4 kids when the husband announces to the wife that he will get a vasectomy.
Perplex to understand his sudden decision the wife asks him why. He replied i read that 1 in every 5 Americans is Hispanic, and I cannot bear the risk of getting one into this family

Risk joke, Red neck decision making

jokes about risk

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these risk jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.