Rise Jokes
140 rise jokes and hilarious rise puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rise that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for a good laugh as we explore the humor behind words like pay rise, petrol price rise, price rise, rise and shine, rise of Gru, and rise of kingdom. We'll explore the ascent and decline of jokes from around the world and have you rising to the occasion with a hearty chuckle.
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Funniest Rise Short Jokes
Short rise jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rise humour may include short raise jokes also.
- With the rise of self-driving vehicles... With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too
- No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II. I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
- My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise? -Because the other fish were crying.
- airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control. But cases continue to rise.
- Apparently there's a beef shortage on the rise. Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn't be affected.
- Have you heard about the rising political tensions between yogurt and penicillin? One side is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic. They're calling it a culture war.
- I got a pay rise in my job. At the end of the day, I went to the pub and bought a drink for everyone there.
I like to be generous, even if they did feel a bit weird sharing the same pint. - I saw al gore talking about rising sea levels the other day... He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.
- Vaccination awareness is rising Last night I saw a young man vaccinate himself behind a dumpster
- For Halloween I was going to dress up as the rising Covid cases But that doesn't seem to scare anyone
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Rise One Liners
Which rise one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rise? I can suggest the ones about increase and peak.
- What happens when Catwoman takes off her suit? The Dark Knight Rises!
- The price of balloon is said to rise. It's only logical with all the inflation.
- This morning I was wondering why the sun wasn't rising... And then it dawned on me
- Bread is a lot like the sun.. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
- Is your refrigerator running? Because refrigerator obesity is on the rise.
- What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight rises.
- Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China? They need clean air.
- What do you get if you cross shoe polish with yeast? Loafers that rise and shine
- Torrential rainfall? Rising floodwaters?! No escape?!! Don't worry... I Noah guy.
- Insulting Bakers is Good Fun You can really get a rise out of them.
- I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me
- Why is business good on Easter? Because prophets rise
- What happens when Batman is fighting Harley Quinn? The dark knight rises.
- Man, I sure am mad about the rising bullet prices... Now I get less bang for my buck!
- Support the war on crack. Stop wearing low rise jeans.
Price Rise Jokes
Here is a list of funny price rise jokes and even better price rise puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If food prices keep rising The five second rule will be replaced by the not fuzzy yet rule.
- As a result of rising gas prices... kidnap victims will no longer be taken to a second location.
- When pigs fly, the price of bacon will rise. And so will the pigs.
- Why can't clowns afford balloons anymore? Because balloon prices are rising due to inflation.
- Why did the guy from Sweden bring a ladder to the grocery store? The prices might rise.
- Anti-vaxxers aren't all against science Some are just against paying the rising price of learning science at a university that's all
Pay Rise Jokes
Here is a list of funny pay rise jokes and even better pay rise puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm going to buy a field. Then I'm going to go and stand in it. While I'm there, I'm going to ring my boss and tell him I deserve a pay rise because I'm out standing in my field.
- I'm in line for a promotion and huge pay rise at the Ministry of Defence where I work, after finally perfecting the invisibility suit. Well they think I have, I've just not turned up for three weeks.
- I used to work in a messy glue and munitions factory. I asked for a pay rise, but management stuck to their guns.
Rise And Shine Jokes
Here is a list of funny rise and shine jokes and even better rise and shine puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the girl eat yeast and shoe polish before bed? She wanted to rise and shine in the morning!
- Just before bed I take a dose of yeast with some Lemon Pledge. It helps me rise and shine in the morning.
- What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine.
- What did the darwinist farmer say to the other darwinist farmer? Rise and shine, let's get this bred
Comedy Rise Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about rise you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grow jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rise pranks.
Online dating sparks a rise in tablet use with young singles.
I've been using tablets for dating since the 80's - Bill C
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the rise of the USSR....
v**... prices were raised. One day a man came home, and was complaining about it. In response his daughter asked, "Daddy, does this mean you're gonna drink less?"
he responded, "no this means you're gonna eat less."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A tale of two young men
There is a young man walking a tight rope between two high rise buildings. In the same city, at the same time, there is another young man receiving o**... s**... from from a 80 year old woman. They both are thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. What could it be?
DO NOT LOOK DOWN!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lots of Russian jokes recently, here is another one.
A boy sits on his couch and sees a newspaper there. Curious he picks it up and reads the front headline: "v**... Prices on the Rise." He shows this to his dad and says:
"Dad does this mean you are going to drink less?"
Dad: "No son, this means you are going to eat less."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How much of Mecca did the Muslims retake after their rise as a religion?
Allah-f it
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy
who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
Tragedy in Poland
The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.
So far 374 bodies have been found.
Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.
Late to bed and late to rise . . .
Makes a man who will serve french fries.
A new spin on an old cliché
I was sitting on a team call for work. We were discussing team restructuring. The question was asked about team leaders.
My boss said, "The cream will rise to the surface."
I replied, "So will the foam. The insubstantial, shiny bits that disappear completely when placed under any load."
...I need to mute the phone more often.
What did the angry dough ball say to the other dough ball?
You trying to get a rise out of me!
Came up with while I was making pizza.
I don't what all the fuss is about the helium shortage...
The helium supply will always be on the rise.
THANK YOU GOODNIGHT
I was watching a documentary on the Ferguson, Missouri riots...
... and half way in I realized I was watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
Did you hear about the baker who always fantasized about being a king?
He walked into his bread oven room and said, "All rise."
Landmine
A recently recruited soldier approaches his training officer and asks him:
-Sir, I have a question. What do I do if I step on a landmine?
-Well, son, the standard procedure in this case would be to rise about 20 feet into the air and then spread around a large territory.
The last one on the news
After the protests from the taxi drivers against uber, prostitutes from all over the world started to rise against tinder
What makes the Pillsbury Doughboy rise every morning?
His girlfriend gave him a yeast infection!
I was wondering why it gets bright even before I see the sun rise in the morning. Then it dawned on me.
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
My wife is always trying to pick a fight by making fun of my impotence.
Well she won't get a rise out of me.
What saying is discouraged in both the USA and North Korea?
The South Will Rise Again
How to raise a kid?
I injected my kid with yeast and put him in the oven for 30 minutes but he didn't rise. Any suggestions?
Christianity became a thing in Westeros. In communion, they say...
"What is bread may never rise"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The priest asked the church to rise at a nudist's f**.....
None of the men would stand up.
Through voting, users determine what posts rise to the top of community pages and, by extension, the public home page of the site
...until the mods wake up.
Disney Donates $1 Million to Orlando Shooting Victims
the resulting rise in demand for Crocs may devour the competition
Kevin is woken up for school.
Kevin is woken up by his mother.
"Rise and shine, Kevin! Time to go to school!"
"But mom, I don't want to get up."
"No, you're getting up now, no excuses."
"Name me two good reasons for why I should get up now and go to school.."
"First of all: You're 54. And second of all, you're the principal!"
*Source: Hamburger Abendblatt issue #124*
Did you hear they're making a movie about Hillary Clinton's rise to political power?
It's gonna be called "The Devil Wears Pant Suits"
Why does Steven Hawking hate the band Muse?
Because he can't stand their song Uprising, it wants him to rise up and take the power back.
9/11 gave rise to "Truthers", Obama gave rise to "Birthers", so...
... would a movement to determine whether Hillary Clinton actually carries hot sauce in her purse be called "Saucers"?
Have you ever eaten Jesus bread?
It's good but it takes 3 days to rise.
'C' has just been promoted to the second letter of the alphabet!
However R & D believe the rise in C levels will result in a loss of B's.
Early to Bed and Early to Rise proves that .
The Person has no Internet Connection...;-p
Due to the rise of suspicious clown activity, Party City has removed all associated costumes from its' shelves...
... Clinton and Trump are furious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Center for Disease Control: overconsumption of beta-carotene linked to dangerous rise in pH of blood
In other words, pumpkin spice lattes make you basic.
Why was Doughman the only hero to rise up and help?
because he was kneaded.
Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud
You just said "Razor Blades" in an Australian accent
My girlfriend is like bread.
It's easy to get a rise out of her.
Early to bed, early to rise...
... this guy neither has WiFi nor wife.
People used to say my jokes were bad until I put a cape on them
Now they're super bad
What's a brothel/bakery's slogan?
You bring the dough we will make it rise!
The problem with Easter cakes
Is that they take three days to rise.
A recent study shows that church attendance rates are down
I say give it three days and they'll rise again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Know what's good about Easter s**......
I get to rise again.
Investigation finds rise in complaints regarding worker incompetence at Quiznos locations
> "Whoops, wrong sub"
A training plane with 4 people crashes
into a graveyard. 79 victims were found dead in the first hour of search and rescue. Authorities fear that the number may rise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I'm writing a paper on s**..., namely falling to death
Its called "Jumping off Buildings: The Rise And Fall"
Dyslexic procrastinators, it's time to get together and rise up
Get on your work boots and untie
An Asian man decides to move to Manhattan to start a business, but when he gets to New York there are no high rise buildings. Where is he?
Rong Island.
I was trying to bake the world's fluffiest cookie...
But it didn't rise to the occasion.
The South shall rise again!
Hopefully, above sea-level this time.
People often make fun of me for swallowing helium
But I rise above it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do so many politicians have s**... indiscretions?
Because they like to see their poles rise.
Jesus and Mary Magdalene were having difficulties in the bedroom. After the 2nd try, Jesus said...
"Don't worry, it'll rise again".
Step 1. Predict the Sun will rise in the morning
Step 2. ???
Step 3. Prophet
Do you know who I blame for the rise of drugs in schools?
The supply teachers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Cow performs an act worthy of being knighted . . .
you may now rise, Sir l**....
Oh my good and fellow Christians! It has been foretold our Lord and savior will once again rise from the dead and bless us all this Easter!
April Fools!
Selling free air is hot right now!
It's on the rise!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If He has risen...
...does that mean Jesus isn't kosher for Passover?
Why isn't Matzah popular outside the Jewish community?
Because it's never been on the rise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The recent rise in minimum wage is a bit sexist...
What about the mini dads?
I've concluded that bread is better than Jesus.
Bread only takes a few hours to rise.
What do you say to the Movie Producer?
Will the defendant please rise.
Programmer's son asks his father: -Dad, why do the sun rise on the east and set on the west?
Father: It works? Don't touch it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After a fatal river rise, what did the commander b**... say to all the other beavers?
Dam it.
Been working on better socializing my dog. Think I've done too well
All he wants to do is rise up and seize the means of pawduction.
A man was trying to calculate when the sun would rise...
.... and then it dawned on him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Venereal diseases are on the rise in the south.
Texans are contracting a lot more than just you-all
Future Headline: Trump refuses to rise to take the oath at his trial.
He heard you can't arrest a sitting president.
