Ripping Jokes
41 ripping jokes and hilarious ripping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ripping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn how to tell a funny joke involving ripped pants! Master the art of comedic timing and delivery, and then fill the room with laughter. Get ideas on how to use a hanger, a bumper, and other funny objects to create the perfect joke.
Funniest Ripping Short Jokes
Short ripping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ripping humour may include short ripped jokes also.
- TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead
- A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots. - I used to like Mitch Hedberg jokes... I still do, but I used to, too.
18 years ago, today, we lost one of the greats.
R.I.P. to a legend. - I think my local garage is ripping me off... does anyone else think £500 for a tesla exhaust is a lot?
- I used to rip off famous comedians' jokes to post on Reddit for easy karma. I still do, but I used to, too.
- I just went to the Air & Space museum. Man do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.
- what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck? Jose and Jos-B
this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom - My wife's locked herself in the kitchen after we had a furious argument over how cheap and pennypinching I've become since we got married… She's in there now, ripping all the plates in half…
- Just got this in a text from my dad. "I've just combined laxative and alaphabet soup... I call it letter rip!"
- Meatloaf (RIP) owned a private forest. At dawn every day, he would collect the condensation and drink it. I asked him if it tastes good. He said "dew outta trees ain't bad!"
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Ripping One Liners
Which ripping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ripping? I can suggest the ones about tearing and ripped pants.
- Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion? CrossFit
- RIP boiling water You will be mist.
- What do you call an overpriced circumcision? A rip off.
- What do you call a cheap circumcision? a rip off.
- The man who invented the "VELCRO" died today.... ...RIP.
- Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar. I am completely dismayed
- The inventor of Velcro died last week. RIP
- RIP to my good friend Brian... ...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombie :(
- I used to miss Mitch Hedburg I still do... But I used to, too.
RIP - My trampoline died today RIP
- R.I.P boiled water... You will be mist
- Do not buy Velcro from anyone. It's a rip off.
- Did you hear that Apple Guy died? R.I.P. Isaac Newton
- What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives? Letter rip!
- I got a cheap circumcision yesterday... It was a rip off.
Ripping Pants Jokes
Here is a list of funny ripping pants jokes and even better ripping pants puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I ripped a hole in my jeans. Now my pants are on their last leg.
- A Greek goes to his tailor with ripped pants The tailor: Euripides?
The customer: Eumenides? - Girlfriend found a hole in her favorite pair of pants.. RIP
- What did the pumpkin do when he ripped his pants? He sewed on a pumpkin patch.
- I tore my pants yesterday. RIP
- What if HULK ripped his pants?
Fun-Filled Ripping Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about ripping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ripped body jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ripping pranks.
A lawyer was in his BMW...
...when he opened the door to get out, an oncoming truck hit the door, ripping it off, and went on. The lawyer calls the cops.
Lawyer (Whining) : Officer, look what happened to my beamer.
Officer : You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so worried about your car that you did not notice that your arm is missing as well.
Lawyer (in shock) : Oh my God! Where's my Rolex?
A man is driving his car when suddenly the door of a parked car is swung open in front of him.
He proceeds to smash into the door of the car, ripping it off. He stops to see another man, in a very expensive suit, jump out of the car and scream at him "you just ripped the door off my lovely Porsche!".
The first man says "You are so materialistic...you didn't even notice that you left arm was ripped off in the accident".
The second man looks down for a second, then screams "my Rolex!"
After a long day's work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary.
Things just went from Bad to Worse.
When I get get home I'm ripping my wife's p**... off
They're starting to chafe
A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"
A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."
He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, c**... it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.
Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"
Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."
I'm tired of people ripping on calculus all the time.
It derives me crazy.
An elephant escapes from the circus
It wanders around and eventually ends uo in an old lady's garden eating the vegetables. The old lady came out and had never seen an elephant before nor did she know what it was. Panicked she ran inside and called the police
"Hello, what is your emergency" said the operator
"There is some sort of large animal ripping up all the carrots in my garden with its tail!"
"Okay...where is it putting these carrots?"
"If i told you, you wouldnt believe me!"
A guy goes to the movies
He buys a ticket and goes in.
5 mins later he returns to buy another ticket.
Another 5 mins later again he asks for a third ticket.
The lady selling the tickets asks "Why do you keep buying tickets?"
"Because they keep ripping mine when I try to go in"
Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?
Because he was de-composing.
I'm in Ireland for St. Patrick's day and asked for an Irish Car Bomb.
The bartender began berating me about how much of an uncultured American I am, how I shouldn't even be allowed to drink with the Irish, and really ripping into me because I got the name wrong. Apparently in Ireland the drink is called a 9/11.
Something stinks on my flight
I can't find it. I know I'm not the only one. Everybody around me has scrunched up faces. Someone hit the flight attendant button. The flight attendant notices quickly as well, and begins searching for the source. She starts ripping open the overhead storage bins, smelling each one cautiously. With a wretch, she grabs one case from above, yanks it to the ground and opens it to find a dead rabbit. The owner immediately jumps up and tells, "Hey, that's my carrion!"
Mary Jane
One night Mary Jane was walking down a dark alley when a strange man appeared and started ripping her clothes off. Mary Jane laughed and laughed though, because she knew her clothes wouldn't fit him.
I hate this new king, my landlord is ripping me to starvation and i might freeze this winter.
Gildford from 13 th century
Interviewer: What would u say is your biggest weakness?
Me: I get weirdly confrontational when people ask me follow-up questions
Interviewer: How so?
Me: \[ripping my shirt off\] do u wanna take this outside?!!!
I was waiting in line at the cheese counter at the local grocery store today when I had to f**....
After ripping a silent one the guy in front of me asks the lady behind the counter which cheese smells such aromatically.
I couldn't quit ripping my jeans cold turkey...
...so I'm on the patch now.
Did you hear about the Native American with a habit of ripping things up?
They left a trail of tears
I asked my wife...
If she wanted to do something i**... and it involves beds tonight. I can't wait to see her face light up when she finds out we're ripping all the mattress tags off this evening.
