Ripe Jokes
29 ripe jokes and hilarious ripe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ripe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you in the mood for a good laugh? Check out this compilation of hilarious jokes all about things that are ripe! Find out what’s so funny about cherry ripe, ripe bananas, oranges, cherries and even immature jokes!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Ripe Short Jokes
Short ripe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ripe humour may include short berry jokes also.
- "Wanna hear a really good joke about half-grown bananas?" "Nevermind, now's not the ripe time!" 😉
I made this myself, instead of sleeping at night. - Living beside a groundhog means you get one prediction every morning. Yesterday I learned that my tomatoes will be ripe in 6 weeks.
Today I learned that my dementia is onset and early. - Mr. Pineapple and his Honey Melon are berry in love.. "Sweety, we are ripe for a wedding! Let's invite olive our fruity friends!"
"Are you sure we cantaloupe?"
Share These Ripe Jokes With Friends
Ripe One Liners
Which ripe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ripe? I can suggest the ones about pear and fruit.
- What does Matthew McConaughey say when he's picking fruit? All ripe, all ripe, all ripe.
- If you eat a banana without it's consent Does that make it Ripe?
- In Jamaica, how do you know if a mango is ripe? Pokémon Go!
- My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique. - What does a sick-orange say to a ripe orange? "I dont peel so well"
- I bought some green apples about a week ago I can't believe they're still not ripe
- What do you calls a life insurance agent ripe with flesh eating bacteria? A lepper-con
- What do you say when someone hands you a nice, ripe blunt in Germany? Danke
- What do you call a smelly surfers hair? Ripe curls
- RIPE David Bowie People are treating it as a rock and roll s**...
- Why is money green? Jews pick it before its ripe.
Silly & Ridiculous Ripe Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about ripe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pickle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ripe pranks.
My grandfather swore by adding a spoonful of gunpowder to his tea every morning.
He said it was a very old remedy to help him live longer, and it worked: he lived to the ripe old age of ninety-seven.
He left a widow, two children, fourteen grandchildren and a fifty-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
The secret of long life
A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you'll live to a nice, ripe old age."
So the young man did this religiously every day for the rest of his life, and sure enough, lived to the age of 100.
When he died he left behind 6 children, 10 grandchildren, 56 great-grandchildren...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Patients in an insane asylum are eating plaster off the walls,
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Jonny was sitting on a park bench enjoying a cigarette.
A woman stopped, excuse me young man, but I'll have you know that those can take years off of your life.
No disrespect ma'am, but I'll have you know that my grandfather lived to the ripe old age of 104.
Did he smoke also?
No, he minded his own f\*\*king business.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you do when you see a green alien?
Wait until they are ripe!
* I'm either really tired, or this is so s**... it's hilarious
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Two Drunkards
Two drunkards are from their usual drinking spree on their way home when they spot a mango fruit up the tree, they start tossing stones at the fruit to fell it, after what seems like a life time missing the target, one says to the other, ''Maybe it is not even ripe, let me scale up the tree and take a closer look" the other agrees.
He tediously scales up the tree and gently squeezes the fruit to feel if it is ripe, he comes down joyfully to his friend and say "yeap, the fruit is d**... ripe, let's get it".
And they continue tossing the stones to the fruit
My neighbor has a 15 acre farm, he breeds dogs to do work on them. He grows cantaloupe, and come harvest time the dogs sniff out the ripe ones and bring them back to the barn.
He says the breed are Melon Collies
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three vampires decide to hold a race
Whoever can get a mouth full of blood the quickest wins. The first vampire flies out and comes back in 10 minutes with his mouth full of blood.
"You see that college there? I like the fresh blood"
The second vampire flies out and comes back within 5 minutes, blood dripping out of his mouth.
"You see that retirement home? I like the ripe blood"
The third one flew out and come back withing a minute, his face covered in blood.
"How did you do that!" The others asked.
"You see that tower there? Well, I didn't"
