rings Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious rings puns

A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover

The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed."

A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I'm Dave. I have no arms so I won't beat you, and no feet so I won't run away."

"What makes you think you're great in bed?" the woman retorts.

Dave replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Pavlov is sitting in a bar when the phone rings.

All of a sudden he jumps up and yells: "Shit! I forgot to feed the dogs!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings:

1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Lady jumps out of the shower and door bell rings...

\- "Who is it?" she yells, trying to find her robe.

\- "It's the blind man"

The lady goes to the door topless and opens it.

\- "Nice tits lady! Now, where do you want your blinds installed?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat

The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A woman and a man are lying in bed

A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings.

She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens. She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi. I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrifiic. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up and the man asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me about the great time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A married couple is asleep when the phone rings at 3AM.

The wife answers it, and after a few seconds she replies, "How should I know? We're 300 miles inland."

The husband asks, "Who was that, dear?"

"I don't know. Some dumb bitch asking if the coast is clear."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Pavlov is sitting at a bar...

...when another patron walks in and a bell on the door rings. Pavlov stands up, says, "I forgot to feed the dogs," and leaves.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Friend who lives in Russia told me this joke

(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)



The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.

- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.

- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.

- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.

- Will do.

- Thank you. *hangs up*

- Wait. What do you mean "if"?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man walks into a library

and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy rings his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in. Shes lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly" says the boyfriend "you must have a vase somewhere!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Cheating Partner

A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.

After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My wife told me a joke that I actually laughed at.

A women was in bed with her husbands best friend when suddenly the phone rings. She answered the phone and said to the person have a wonderful time and hung up. The man asks her who was it and she replied that it was her husband, he said that he was at a bar with you.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this…

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
The next day her door bell rings, looking down on her doorstep was a man with no arms and legs.
He says Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away.
She says, What makes you think you are so great in bed?

He smiles and says how do you think I rang your fucking door bell?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Pavlov is sitting in a bar when suddenly someone rings the service bell

"Shit!" Pavlov screams jumping up, "I forgot to feed the dogs"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.

The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship?

The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Milk joke

Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."

First post hope you like it. :)

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Found this one on Wikipedia of all places

Two young women are drinking tea together. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. One of the women opens the door and finds a courier with a big great bouquet of roses. She walks inside and reads to her friend: *"Much love from your boyfriend!"* She immediately groans out: *"You know what this'll mean? This'll mean I'll be lying on my back with my legs spread wide open for the next two weeks!"* To which her friend says, *"Don't you have a vase?"*

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Every marriage has 3 rings. First is the engagement ring. Second, the wedding ring.

Then comes the suffering.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How to anger Lord of the Rings fans?

When you're watching The Two Towers and the ents are marching, shout "RUN, FOREST! RUN!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I was taught there are 3 rings in life.

The engagement ring. The wedding ring. And the suffering.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An old man is in his Volvo driving home from work...

... when his wife rings him on his cellphone.

"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now; some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".

"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:


* Nachos $4


* Hamburger $3


* Hotdog $2


* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3


* Grilled Cheese $2


* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50


* Handjob $10


After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I went to a library and asked for a book on pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat

The librarian said,"That rings a bell, but I'm not sure whether it is here or not."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Pavlov walks into a bar.

Ivan Pavlov walks into a bar.
The bartender rings the bell for last drinks, and he thinks "shit - I forgot to feed the dog"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy is laying in bed with his mistress...

- Shouldn't your husband be coming soon? Cause I'd rather not see him, he's my best friend after all...
- Don't worry, he won't be here before an hour.

At that moment, the phone rings. The woman answers : "Hi honey. Ok honey, yes honey. Bye Honey"

She hangs up and turns towards her lover :

- It was my husband, he'll be an hour late. He's playing pool with you.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Pavlov walks into a bar

As he opens the door the bell rings.
"Oh shit!" Yells Pavlov, "I forgot to feed my dogs!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I was sitting in church when a guy walked in and said hi to me.

He then walked up into the tower of the church and hit his face against the large bell a few times.

#BONG BONG BONG

He then walked back down the stairs and said "See you later mate" and walked out. As he left a few fellow church goers said to me, "Do you know that guy?"

I replied, "I don't think so, but his face rings a bell"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Twelve priests are about to do their final test before being ordained...

In order to confirm their virtue a bell is tied on their penis and they all have to stand in line and watch a naked woman dance in front of them. If the bell rings they have failed and get kicked out of the church.

Eleven priests pass the test but the twelfth fails. The bell rings and falls down. Embarrassed as he is he bends over to pick it up, his robes falls off during the ordeal.. And eleven more bells can be heard.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A traveling salesman walks up to the front door of a house...

...When he rings the doorbell, the door is answered by an eight year old boy carrying a beer in one hand, a Hustler magazine in the other and a huge cigar in his mouth.

The salesman, a bit surprised, says, "Hello, little boy, are your parents home?"

The boy takes a puff of the cigar, blowing smoke in the salesman's face, and says, "What the fuck do you think?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The secret to Pavlov's hair?

Just a classical conditioner.

(I hope the name rings a bell)

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A guy asks a librarian if she has a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat

She says, "It rings a bell but I can't be certain."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's the leading cause of obesity in women?

Wedding rings

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Rings jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Rings? Well, here are the best Rings dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Rings pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes