The Best 81 Ring Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Ring jokes. There are some ring chime jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ring lord of the ring puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Ring Jokes and Puns
If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't.
An elderly woman decides she wants a husband...
An elderly woman decides its time she starts looking for husband, so she puts out and ad in the local news paper stating:
LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND HE MUST:
•not beat me
•not leave me
•be good in bed
So with these simple requirements she waits a few days with no response, but then one morning she hers her doorbell ring and goes to answer it. Standing at the door is a man with no arms and no legs. She asks him, "Are you here about the ad?" he replied, "Yes, I meet all the requirements see, I have no arms therefor I cannot beat you, and I have no legs therefor I cannot leave you." she asks, "well are you good in bed?" the man responds, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
My mother told me this one...
One day a lonely woman decided to call the dating service. They asked her what she wanted in a man. She replied "I want a man who won't hit me, I want a man who won't leave me, and I want a great lover!" They said ok he will be there in one hour. So the woman gets ready for her date, and an hour later she hears the doorbell ring. She goes to the door but no one is there. When all of a sudden she hears "down here!". She looks down and sees a man with no arms and no legs lying on the doormat. She asks "can i help you?" He says "I am from the dating service." But she does not believe him. He sees this and says "just tell me what you want in a man. She says "I want a man who won't hit me". "Lady I ain't got any arms". "I want a man who wont leave me". "Lady I ain't got no legs". "And I want a great lover" she says. To which he replies "lady, how do you think I rang the doorbell?"
What do you get when Gandalf and Bilbo are your network engineers?
A Tolkien Ring Network
A man buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for xmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
So, my girlfriend won't let me wear my mood ring anymore...
...I'm not really sure how I feel about it
I was mugged today...
I was mugged in an alley today, all they took was my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Bellboy
Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.
"Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face rings a bell."
A man looking for work
A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"
My wife wasn't happy.
True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."
Hi, how much for this torture device?
Sir, that's a wedding ring.
You can explore ring bracelet reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ring hasselhoff dad jokes. There are also ring puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I lost my mood ring this morning.
I don't know how I feel about that.
A man is sitting at the doctor's office
As he is doing this, he playfully rotates the wedding ring on his finger. An older gentleman across from him beckons and whispers "Son, there ain't no combination that's gonna unlock that thing".
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
First asks for a beer, second asks for half a beer, third asks for a quarter of a beer...
Barmen says "Got it, no need to continue" and proceeds to ring up two beers.
I'm not saying it's a mistake letting my girlfriend control the thermostat...
But two Hobbits just showed up and threw a ring into our bedroom.
What do a woman and a grenade have in common?
Pull off the ring and the house is gone.
A wife is like a hand grenade...
remove the ring and your house is gone!
What do you call a ring of iron atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
A wife is like a hand grenade
you take away the ring, and there goes your house
Wives are like grenades...
Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
Women are like hand grenades
If you take off the ring you lose your house and half your belongings
My wife is so sweet
Every time she goes to a bar alone she gives me her wedding ring so I can think about her all night long.
[OC] Why did Pavlov ring a bell every time a breeze entered his room?
Air Conditioning
I recently watched my wedding video backwards.
I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.
i really like the name saturn
it has a nice ring to it
What has a ring but no fingers?
The former owner of a Note 7
My mom just took away my mood ring.
I don't know how I feel about it.
So a man dies and goes to heaven...
When he got there, he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates.
St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?"
"Uh, well, I saw some huge bikers harassing an old lady outside a bar once, so I went up to the biggest, baddest guy and ripped out his nose ring."
Impressed, St. Peter asked, "Well, when was all this?"
"Uh, about 5 minutes ago."
My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring".
So I bought her nothing.
How are a grenade and a wife similar?
If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone
Somebody stole my mood ring...
...I don't know how I feel about that.
Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship?
The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring
Just got a diamond ring for my girlfriend
Fair trade if you ask me
Someone stole my mood ring...
I'm not sure how I feel about that....
A wife is like a hand grenade...
Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.
Every marriage has 3 rings. First is the engagement ring. Second, the wedding ring.
Then comes the suffering.
I lost a good friend and long time drinking buddy a few days ago in a tragic accident
he got his finger caught in a wedding ring
I played my wedding video backwards today.
It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.
Somebody stole my mood ring
I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.
Sauron is a great name
It has a nice ring to it
My girlfriends birthday is in a week and she said "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring!"
So I got her nothing
Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tears to my eyes
I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.
Getting married is great. But, before you do it, there are some things you have to consider.
On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't.
I can't believe my neighbor had the audacity to ring my doorbell at 2 in the morning.
Lucky for him though I was still up playing my bagpipes.
I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.
A friend of mine said, I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?
She did, I replied, But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
I watched the video of my wedding backwards.
I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!
My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain
He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician
Students are smart
Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?
Student: No
Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?
Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn't put it in.
I was taught there are 3 rings in life.
The engagement ring. The wedding ring. And the suffering.
I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...
A man went into the doctors with both ears severely burned...
The doctor said 'Christ man, how did you manage that?!'
The man replied 'Well, I was doing the ironing when I suddenly heard the phone ring. I can't believe that I did this, but I accidentally pressed the iron to my ear instead of the phone!'
The doctor thought for a moment and said 'that explains one ear, but how did you burn the other one?'
The man replied 'Well, I burned that one trying to call an ambulance!'
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it every day.
I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
My girlfriend kept insisting that I give her a ring...
It took a while to get comfortable with the idea \(it was a really big decision for me\), but finally I got enough courage to dial the number and have an actual telephone conversation with her.
If a ring for a toe is a toe ring...
Then shouldn't a ring for a finger be a *fingering*
So I lost my mood ring yesterday...
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
My girlfriend is mad because I keep getting free drinks around town by saying I'm engaged
She said "Why is it that every time you say your engaged people congratulate you and buy you a drink, but when I say it they charge me double?"
I told her that when she says it they expect to see a ring but when I say it they expect to see an empty wallet
What does a wife and a hand grenade have in common?
Remove the ring and your house is gone
I bought my wife a mood ring.
Found out if she's in a good mood it turns green.
If she's in a bad mood it leaves big red circles on my forehead.
If I had a dollar for every gender there was...
...I would have 2 dollars and run a counterfeit money smuggling ring.
I had to really consider my boyfriend's proposal before giving an answer.
On one hand, I'd get a really nice ring.
On the other hand, I wouldn't.
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week
She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.
My boss walks over to my desk as the phone is ringing…
Boss: Why aren't you picking that up??
Me: I pick it up on the third ring, makes me seem cooler.
Boss: PICK IT UP!!
Me: [rolls eyes] fine. 911, what's your emergency?
Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.
You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.
What do a ring, a baby, and a threesome have in common?
None of them are going to save your relationship.
Have you heard about the man who goes around knocking on doors?
"Doesn't ring a bell"
"That's him!"
*Phone rings at work*
Boss: Why don't you answer it?
Me: I'll let it ring for a while. That way they'll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.
Boss: ANSWER IT GODDAMMIT!
Me: 911, what's the emergency?
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
Why is there a ring of salt around the rim of a margarita glass?
To keep the spirits from escaping.
Bought my wife a beautiful big diamond ring.
She asked, "Why didn't you buy me a new car ?"
I told her, "They don't make fake cars."
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath,
"Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
Quasimodo is about to ring the bell for 3pm when the rope snaps.
He knows he has to ring it but doesn't know how. Then he has an idea. He takes a big run up and uses his face to ring it. Bloodied and cut he does it again. Battered and bruised he does it one more time, but the bell swings back and knocks him off the tower down to the floor below.
Lying dead in a bloody heap, he's surrounded by towns people. One guy says "who's that?"
His pal said "I don't know, but his face rings a bell."
Woman about to step into bath hears a ring at the door.
"Who is it?" she shouts.
"Blind man", comes the answer.
Assured that her modesty will not be compromised, she opens the door naked.
The man at the door says, "Nice tits lady, now where do you want these blinds."
A wife is like a hand grenade.
You take off the ring and you will have lost the house!
Inspired by post on reddit/ technology
Police stop a guy.
-Name
Wankbreak
-Excuse me?
Wankbreak....Fred Wankbreak.
-Listen mate you're coming down to the station if you carry on like that.
No seriously I work in the Warehouse over there give them a ring they'll vouch for me.
Cop sighs but can do without the paperwork. Gets the number from Fred and rings.
-Hello Acme Warehouse?
Yes
- PC Plod here just doing a check.
OK
- So do you have a Wankbreak there?
A wankbreak.... you're joking...we don't even have f**king tea break here mate!!
I bought a diamond ring on St. Patricks day but found out it was a fake
They gave me a sham rock
Girlfriend: "Honey, would you give me a ring on our wedding day?"
Boyfriend: "Sure, what's your number?"
There were a group of Ents who did join Sauron.
After the War of the Ring, they were tried for treeson.
I lost my mood ring
Not sure how I feel about it
Amazon is Suing FromSoftware.
Elden Ring will have to change its name to Elden Doorbell
What's the similarity between a hand grenade and a wife?
If you remove the ring, the house is gone
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ring pinky jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
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