Ring Finger Jokes
80 ring finger jokes and hilarious ring finger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ring finger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Ring Finger Short Jokes
Short ring finger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ring finger humour may include short stick finger jokes also.
- Wife asks: Why are you watching our wedding video backwards? — I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.
- I played my wedding video backwards today. It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.
- I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.
- I lost a good friend and long time drinking buddy a few days ago in a tragic accident he got his finger caught in a wedding ring
- Wearing Your Wedding! A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman. - It's impossible for the knuckle of your ring finger and the knuckle of your index finger to touch while giving the bird Haha. I just made you flick yourself off.
- Sadly, my best friend of many years lost his life earlier today. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
- "Why do you always wear your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Because I married the wrong woman."
- My friend asked what me what I hated the most on a beautiful girl. Me: The ring on her finger.
My friend: What's next?
Me: The ring on my finger... - A wedding ring is a lot like The One Ring Once it's on your finger none of your friends ever see you again
Share These Ring Finger Jokes With Friends
Ring Finger One Liners
Which ring finger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ring finger? I can suggest the ones about broken finger and middle finger.
- What has a ring but no fingers? The former owner of a Note 7
- My friend had a tragic accident. He got his finger stuck in a wedding ring.
- Putting a ring on a woman's finger... is like pulling the ripcord on an inflatable raft.
- Last night, I gave my girlfriend THE RING. She gave me THE FINGER.
- your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
- JPP is a "oser" (holds middle, ring and pinky fingers to forehead).
- Why is marriage like thin toilet paper? Because you end up with a ring on your finger.
- If a ring for a toe is a toe ring... Then shouldn't a ring for a finger be a *f**...*
- What's worst than f**... your sister? Finding your dad's wedding ring inside.
- What's dirtier then f**... your sister? Finding your dad's wedding ring.
- There's three rings of marriage Engagement ring, wedding ring, and the f**...
- what's worse than a guy f**... her sister? finding the father's wedding ring inside
- I was f**... my sister, when suddenly I find my dads wedding ring.
Hilarious Ring Finger Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about ring finger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pointing finger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ring finger pranks.
A lady noticed her friend was wearing her wedding ring on the wrong finger so she asked, "Why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Her friend replied, "Because I married the wrong man!"
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
Why did the man wear his wedding ring on the wrong finger? Because he was married to the wrong woman.
Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...
so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 s**... it, 1 l**... it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one s**... it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think
Naughty Little Johnny
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with
your gun, how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
l**... her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one s**... her
cone, which one is married?
Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But
I like the way you are thinking".
The Teacher Fainted...
The ice cream cone
Little Johnny was having trouble with math, so his teacher decided to give him some personal attention. The teacher asked, "if there were five birds on a fence, and you knocked one off with a stone, how many birds are there left?
"well," little Johnny answered; "there would be none left because the rest would fly away."
The teacher replied, "actually, the answer is four, but I like the way you're thinking!"
"Okay," little Johnny replied. " I have a question for you now."
This could be interesting, the teacher thought. She said, "well let's hear it then"
"there are three ladies sitting on a bench eating ice cream. One is biting her cone, one is l**... her cone, and one is s**... her cone. Which one is married?"
The teacher is thoroughly puzzled by this. After a couple minutes' worth of thought, she answers, " well I suppose that it would be the one s**... her cone."
"Actually, it's the one with the ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
I Like The Way You Think
One day in school the teacher asks little Johnny,
"If there were five birds on the tree and you shoot two birds with your gun then how many would be left?"
"None because they would all fly away.", replies little Johnny.
"That is incorrect.", says the teacher, "there would be three left, but I like the way you think."
Then little Johnny asks the teacher,
"If there were three women on the bench with an ice cream cone, one bitting on the cone, the other s**... the cone, and the last one l**... her cone, which one is married?"
"The one s**... on the cone," guessed the teacher.
"That is incorrect," replies little Johnny," The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married, but I like the way you think."
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of the math class...
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is l**... it, and one is s**... on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's s**... on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
little Johnny
Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was l**... her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was s**... the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
An American, an Englishman, a German and a Japanese go golfing on their annual meetup...
As they are playing, they hear a ringing sound. The American rushes to his golf bag and pulls out a mobile phone. He answers the phone and when the conversation is done, he explains to his friends, "My company needs to be in touch with me all the time, so I carry this fancy phone around with me." The other golfers are mildlyinterested.
As they continue playing, another ringing sound is heard. The Englishman puts his thumb to his ear and his last finger on his mouth and also has a conversation. When he is done he says "My company also needs to be in touch with me, so they installed a speaker on my thumb and a microphone on my last finger. The antenna is in my hat. The other golfers nod in approval at his technology.
Later in the day, yet another ringing sound is heard. The German tilts his head and starts talking. When he is done he says to the others, "To keep in contact with my company, there's a speaker in my ear canal and a microphone in my tooth. The antenna is in my spine." The other golfers are impressed at such marvels of technology.
As they are playing the last hole, a beeping sound is heard and the Japanese runs into the bushes. After he hasn't shown up for a while, the other golfers look for him and eventually find him squatting on the ground, pants down. "Oh, I'm sorry for intruding." Says one of them. "Oh, it's okay. I'm just waiting for a fax."
Finger l**... Good
Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Two women are talking at a cocktail party
One woman asks, "I noticed that you are wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger, do you usually wear it that way?"
"Yes."
The woman asks, "Why?"
"Because I married the wrong man."
There once was an old cathedral in rural England...
There once was an old cathedral in rural England. It was near a small village and most of the people that lived there attended church every week. This was a sad time for the people of this village, as the much beloved bell ringer for the church had fallen ill and died.
The head minister of this cathedral had taken the death quite hardly, as he had been good friends with the man. Reluctantly, he put up a notice in the village square that they would be needing a replacement bell ringer. He knew that a man for the job was needed before the f**... of the old ringer.
Now, the day after notice was posted, the minister was in his study reading when a young man no older than 20 walked in. The minister looked up and asked, "What can I do for you, young man?"
The man, visibly eager to speak, replied, "I'm here about the posting you've made. I want to be the next bell ringer." There was an enthusiasm on this man's face that caught the minister's attention.
The minister, somewhat recognizing this enthusiasm, inquired, "Well that may be something we could discuss. But first, I must know, have I seen you here at the church or around town? You seem rather familiar."
"No, sir, I don't believe we've met before," the man replied.
"Ah, well then, it's very nice to make your acquaintance," said the minister. He reached out to shake the young man's hand, when he noticed something very out of the ordinary. The man had no arms! The minister pulled back his hand and apologized for the gesture.
"It's no problem, sir, I've been without them for my whole life, I'm quite used to that." The man redirected the conversation back to the job. "Now, I'd really like to talk about becoming the next bell ringer!"
The minister, slightly taken aback, wondered whether the armless man was serious. "My dear boy, surely you must be joking. You've got no arms! I mean no offense, but there is no way you could pull those heavy ropes to ring the bells."
The young man still had an eagerness about him, insisting that the minister give him a shot. "I can do it, let me show you! Please sir, I know I can do it. Come with me up the bell tower and I'll show you!"
At this point, the minister was wondering whether the man had some sort of brain damage as well. There was absolutely no way a man with no arms could ring those bells. But, being the generous man that he was, the minister decided to at least humor the man and go up into the bell tower with him.
Once they reached the top of the tower where the bells were held, the minister asked how the young man was going to ring them. "Like this," he simply replied with an odd smile on his face. The man took some step back towards one open arches that made up the bell tower, disregarding the ropes that hung next to him. He began walking slowly, then burst into a sprint, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG
The minister couldn't believe it. This armless man had just mad the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard come out of that bell. Astounded, he turned to the man and exclaimed, "Dear boy, did you really just do that?"
Unfazed, the young man responded excitedly, "Yes sir! Would you like me to do it again?" Without waiting for an answer, the man once again stepped back to the arch, took a running start, jumped, and smacked his forehead against the bell.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG
Now, the minister was truly speechless. Although his previous thoughts about brain damage were almost certainly proven, he simply could not believe how beautiful the sound was that the bell made. He looked at the man, seeing no sign of harm to his head, but only a smile that showed how confident he was. The minister then made the final decision to make this young man the next bell ringer.
A few days had passed, and it was time for the f**... for the former ringer. Nearly the entire village showed up to mourn his passing. As the f**... dragged on as only funerals can, the newly appointed ringer made his way up the tower to give the bells a good BWONG-ing after the final eulogy had ended. This was his biggest break, his chance to show the entire village that he could be a great ringer. The excitement from that first day had swelled up until this point.
He listed for the sound of the last "Amen" from the congregation. It was his time now. The armless man closed his eyes to take it all in. After a deep sigh, he took some steps back, broke into a run, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell. Then, to his surprise, he tripped on a large old nail as he landed, stumbled toward one of the arches, and, unable to balance himself, fell out of the tower to his death.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG ... ... ... SPLAT!
The f**...-goers heard this strange sound and all rushed outside to see what was the matter. To their surprise, they found the newly appointed ringer dead on the ground. The crowd began talking among themselves, wondering who knew this man and whether any of his family was present. One man thought he had recognized the deceased man earlier with a family, but couldn't quite put his finger on it whether it was him or not. Everyone could agree that this man looked familiar.
As the minister finally reached the body through the crowd, he knelt down and wept beside him. A woman in the crowd asked, "Father, did you know who this man was?"
"No," he solemnly answered, "but his face sure rang a bell."
The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)
Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is s**... her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one s**... the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.
Another Southern Belle Joke:
Four southern belles were discussing their husbands one afternoon
1st Southern Belle: "Well, ah do declare, my husband is so good to me.
He brings me diamonds near' every day of the week. I got a diamond
ring for every finger."
2SB: "My My My"
3SB: "You know, my husbands is the same way. He brings me fur coats
all the time. I got a whole closet full of fur coats."
2SB: "My My My"
4SB: "Mine too. He takes me on cruises and trips. I've been nearly
everywhere on this whole blessed earth."
2SB: "My My My"
(Nervous pause)
1SB to 2SB: "How does your husband treat you?"
2SB: "Oh, my husband is good to me too. He sent me off to finishin' school."
(Nervous pause)
3SB to 2SB: "Finishin' school? What good is goin' to finishin' school?"
2SB: "Well, I used to say 'Fuck you, b**...', now I just say 'My My My.'"
Little Johnny is in math class
And the teacher asks, "If five birds are in a tree and you shoot two, how many are left?"
Ecstatic, Johnny replies, "None, the rest fly away!"
The teacher replies, "No, there are 3. But I like your thinking."
So johnny asks, "There are three women each with an ice cream cone. Thr first just licks the tip, the second licks around the base, and the third licks all over and really gets into it. Which one is married?"
"Why, the third of course."
"No, the one with the ring on her finger, but I like your thinking."
I like the way you think.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
It's been a long time c**...'.....
Cremated Husband....
Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.
Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.
"You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, "Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!"
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Remember that b**... I promised you?"
"Here it comes."
A man is sitting at the doctor's office
As he is doing this, he playfully rotates the wedding ring on his finger. An older gentleman across from him beckons and whispers "Son, there ain't no combination that's gonna unlock that thing".
Little Jhonny and the teacher
Little Jhonny is in class doing a math problem when the teacher asks him :
-If there were 5 birds on that tree there and you shoot one, how many there would be left?
Little Jhonny thinks for a second and says "0!, because one would die and the others would fly away"
The teachers then replies "Thats not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you think!"
Then little jhonny says to the teacher "Now i've got a question for you. There's 3 women on a bench having an ice cream. One is l**... it, another is s**... it and the third one is biting it. Which one is married?"
The teacher stops for a second and says "Well, I'm not sure but I think the one s**... it" and little Jhonny replies "Thats wrong, It would be the one with the ring on her finger, but I like the way you think"
Little Johnny and the math teacher
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny then says, "I have a question for you Sir. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
I got proposed by ring without hole
There is something fishy put i just cant put my finger on it
A guy is f**... his girlfriend...
...after a while, she starts to shift uncomfortably and says "would you mind taking your ring off, please?"
The guy responds: "what ring? That's my wristwatch!"
As I stare at the sliding glass, the reflection isn't my own. A stranger in uniform, with money at his fingers and cameras in the sky.
He looks content to stand, content not to go away. People wait for others, while he waits for everyone. He could survive here. A constant ringing in his ear, as grease forms around him, like a million orders of "Do this, do that." A corporation, his name, on his chest. His body, covered in WHAT he is, not WHO he is. A sad life it must be, to see others come and leave. I look him in his eyes... "and a large fries, please."
I was f**... your sister
And when i pulled my fingers out, your dads wedding ring was on one.
A man gets into an accident in which both his ring fingers are cut off.
Needless to say, his wife was shocked.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
The other replied, Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.
Started with the tips of my fingers..
We got more into it, my fingers got deeper. She says "babe t**... ring its hurting me", I respond "you mean my watch?"
p**... walks into a bar....
and orders his usual. As he's pouring out the Guiness, the bartender notices that p**... looks distraught. Worried about his best customer, the bartender asks, "What's the matter, p**...? You're looking glum".
p**... responds with a sigh and sips his Guiness. After a minute, p**... tells the bartender the source of his dispair. "I lost my best mate m**... today you see", says p**....
"Oh dear p**.... If you don't mind me asking, how did it happen?" asked the bartender.
p**... groaned in discontent.
"He got his finger caught in a wedding ring".
Lotr
Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA.
- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring.
If only Jason Pierre Paul played for the Patriots instead of the Giants...
He would be the first NFL player to have a ring on every finger.
I just lost a good friend of mine in a terrible accident. He got his finger stuck in a wedding ring.
Our marriage was like magic. I put a ring on her finger
and suddenly a chastity belt appeared.
I had a careless shop teacher in High School...
He lost his thumb and ring finger in an accident. What a shocker.
A man can only have so much s**....
A man can only have so much s**....
Do you know how to tell when he's nearing his limit?
He says "I do" and puts a ring on the finger of a woman in a fancy white dress.
Some people tell me the index finger is the wrong one for a wedding ring...
I tell them I'm married to the wrong woman
Put my finger on it
Somewhere I lost my ring and now I can't quite put my finger on it obviously.
A guy gives his girl an engagement ring. She puts it on her finger and slaps him in the face.
He was Au stricken.
I fingered a fat girl last night
She said it was hurting and asked if I could take my ring off.
I agreed, but didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't wearing a ring, it was my watch.
We call rings in ears earrings, in eyebrows eyebrow rings and in noses nose rings. Why don't we apply the same to fingers?
And with this f**... I give you my hand in marriage....
I like to imagine my fingers as the races of Middle Earth...
The thumb is the dwarf because it's stout
The pinkie is the hobbit because it's diminutive
The index is the elf because it's the most dexterous
The ring is the human because they were given the most rings
And the middle is the orc... because it's the rudest
Notice how every g**... buzzfeed has a nose ring?
That's because nobody will ever put one on their fingers
Sue has lunch with her blonde friend, Mary.
Sue offers to pay because she recently got a whole bunch of money. Mary asks her how, and she says a man hit her with his car so she sued him.
The next day, Mary shows up with a wedding ring on her finger. Sue asks what happened, and she says, "a guy hit me with his car, so I did just what you would have done. I Mary'd him!"