Ring Doorbell Jokes
101 ring doorbell jokes and hilarious ring doorbell puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ring doorbell that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Ring Doorbell Short Jokes
Short ring doorbell jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ring doorbell humour may include short doorbell jokes also.
- My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician - I can't believe my neighbor had the audacity to ring my doorbell at 2 in the morning. Lucky for him though I was still up playing my bagpipes.
- The doorbell rings and the son walks to open the door. - Who is it?
- It's the landlord, I'm here to collect rent.
- Mom! It's the landlord. Do you have money or should I go play outside again? - Why do dogs always bark when someone ring the doorbell? No, seriously. It's almost never for them.
- Pavlov sits in his house on a Saturday afternoon, drinking his tea. When someone rings the doorbell.
He stands up quickly.
"I have to feed the dog!" - My dog and I both freak out whenever the doorbell rings but we run in opposite directions.
- What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am? It's your dad.
- A nutritionist throws a party A few minutes in, the doorbell rings. One guest walks up to the door and says,"It's Thomas from work!"
"Well," replied the nutritionist, "In-vitamin." - I always forget that holiday that comes at the end of October. Then the doorbell rings... Witch reminds me.
- The doorbell rings... A man opens the door and there's his mother-in-law on the front step.
She asks, "Can I stay here for a few days?"
The man says, "Sure you can." And shuts the door.
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Ring Doorbell One Liners
Which ring doorbell one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ring doorbell? I can suggest the ones about bell ringer and bell ringing.
- Every time my doorbell rings my dog stands in the corner He's a boxer
- Amazon is Suing FromSoftware. Elden Ring will have to change its name to Elden Doorbell
- How do you know when you need a doorbell repaired? Ring rong.
- What do Swiss people say when someone rings the doorbell? YODEL-AYY-HEE-WHO'S THERE?
- How do Asian's name their children? They ring the doorbell.
- Did you hear the doorbell ring? No? Oh, I guess that was just you being a ding-d**....
- How do you name an Asian baby? Ring the doorbell
Ding d**...
Ring Doorbell Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about ring doorbell you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bells ringing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ring doorbell pranks.
A man is at the bar, blind drunk. Some of the customers decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. They pick him up off the floor and drag him out of the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car, and he falls down four more times. They ring the doorbell and a woman answers. “Here’s your husband!” “Thanks,” says the man’s wife. “What did you do with his wheelchair?”
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper.
“Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
This guy's at a bar, and it's really late.
He's been drinking hard all night, and is so tanked he falls backwards right off the bar stool onto the floor.
He slowly climbs back up, takes another swig and slides right back onto the floor.
Finally, this other guy is sympathetic and offers to drive the guy home.
On the way out to the car, the drunk falls over a few times, and crawls the rest of the way to the car.
When they get to his house, he can't even walk, and falls five times on the way to his own front door.
The good samaritan helps him the rest of the way, and rings the doorbell.
The drunk's wife opens the door.
He says, "Sorry to wake you m'am. Your husband's had a few too many, so I drove him home for you."
The wife gratefully responds, "Thank you, sir, that's very kind of you."
"Where's his wheelchair?"
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.
10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: "Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom."
One day her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door.
He says: "I am here to answer your ad in the paper. I have no arms so I will not hit you and no legs so I cannot run away."
She says: "What about the good in bed part?"
He says: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Yo' Mama is so poor, when you ring her doorbell, she sticks her head out the window and yells, "DING d**...!"
A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover
The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed."
A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I'm Dave. I have no arms so I won't beat you, and no feet so I won't run away."
"What makes you think you're great in bed?" the woman retorts.
Dave replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
A man is sitting on his couch watching TV...
...when he hears the doorbell ring.
He opens the door, and sees a snail on the doorstep.
"What do you want?" says the man.
"Sir, I am wondering whether you may be interested in some new roller shutters for your home."
The man, furious at being constantly harassed by salesmen, takes a step back, winds up, and kicks the snail as far as he can, then slams the door.
Two years later, the man is sitting on his couch again, when he once again hears the doorbell. He opens the door, and there on the doorstep is the snail, looking puffed out and disheveled, who says to the man,
"What did you do that for?!"
A farmer has three daughters...
A farmer has three daughters who are all going on dates tonight. The doorbell rings and the farmer answers it. The boy says 'Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo. We are going to see a show. Is she ready to go?' so Flo leaves with Joe. The doorbell rings again and the boy says 'Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty. We are going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?' so Betty leaves with Eddy. The doorbell rings a third time and the boy says 'Hello I'm Chuck....'. The farmer promptly shot him.
Need a push
A few months ago, in the middle of the night my doorbell rings. I schlep down the stairs and open the door to find some guy there who was obviously drunk. He says to me "can you give me a push"? Of course, being the people person that I am, I said "Dude, it's 3:00am, and it's raining".
So I slammed the door in his face and went back up the stairs. My wife asked who it was and I told her. She scolded me, saying "don't you remember that time we broke down and someone helped us? You need to get down those stairs and help that poor man."
I opened the front door and didn't see him, so I called out "Hey, are you still here"? I heard him answer "yes". So I called out "do you still need a push"? He answered "yes". I called out "Where are you?"
He said "Over here. On the swing."
After 3 failed marriages, an old woman decides to try an online dating site..
She sets up an account with all her info and says she is looking for "a man who will not beat me, Will not walk all over me, and is great in bed." After 2 weeks no one has replied. Then, one day some one rings the doorbell. The woman gets up and opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs sitting there. He says "Hello, I'm here about your online dating profile." the woman says to him, "well I want a man who won't beat me.." the man says "I have no arms, therefore I can not beat you." the woman says "well I want a man who won't walk all over me." the man replies "I have no legs, so I can't even walk." the woman says "well, I want a man who's great in bed.." the man replies "hey, I rang the doorbell didn't I?
An elderly woman decides she wants a husband...
An elderly woman decides its time she starts looking for husband, so she puts out and ad in the local news paper stating:
LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND HE MUST:
•not beat me
•not leave me
•be good in bed
So with these simple requirements she waits a few days with no response, but then one morning she hers her doorbell ring and goes to answer it. Standing at the door is a man with no arms and no legs. She asks him, "Are you here about the ad?" he replied, "Yes, I meet all the requirements see, I have no arms therefor I cannot beat you, and I have no legs therefor I cannot leave you." she asks, "well are you good in bed?" the man responds, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
The simple rules of dating
A farmer, Bill, finds out that his three daughters all have dates on the same night. Being protective, as a father is of his girls, he does the respectable thing, and walks to the door each time with his shotgun. At 7pm, the doorbell rings. Bill answers the door and asks the boy there what he wants. The boy nervously says "Hello sir, I'm Eddie. I've come to get Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?" Bill decides this boy has good intentions and lets Betty go out. At 8pm, the doorbell rings again. Again, Bill walks to the door with his shotgun and questions the boy. He answers "Hello sir, my name is Lance, and I've come to take Nance to the dance. The theme is Paris, France". Bill decides that Lance is also a nice boy and lets them go on their way. Finally, at 9pm, the doorbell rings as his last daughter's date arrives. Bill opens the door and sees a delinquent-looking kid. He asks him what he plans to do with his daughter. The boy replies "Hey Pops, the name's Chuck, and I like to-"
And Bill shot Chuck.
A young man shows up...
...to pick up a girl, Carrie, for their first date. When he rings the doorbell, Carrie's father answers the door and says, "Carrie is still getting ready, but she'll come downstairs in a few minutes. Why don't you come in and tell me what your plans are for this evening?"
The young man replies, "Well, sir, I guess I just figured we'd go to a soda shop or see a movie or something."
To which the father replies, "Well, those are nice ideas, but you know what Carrie really loves? She loves to screw. Why, she'd screw all night if you let her. Why don't you two do that?"
To which the young man delightedly replies, "Well, yes, that sounds like a great idea!"
Just then Carrie comes down the stairs and the couple leaves.
A few minutes later she bursts back into the house, slams the door and yells, "d**... Daddy, it's called the twist!"
My mother told me this one...
One day a lonely woman decided to call the dating service. They asked her what she wanted in a man. She replied "I want a man who won't hit me, I want a man who won't leave me, and I want a great lover!" They said ok he will be there in one hour. So the woman gets ready for her date, and an hour later she hears the doorbell ring. She goes to the door but no one is there. When all of a sudden she hears "down here!". She looks down and sees a man with no arms and no legs lying on the doormat. She asks "can i help you?" He says "I am from the dating service." But she does not believe him. He sees this and says "just tell me what you want in a man. She says "I want a man who won't hit me". "Lady I ain't got any arms". "I want a man who wont leave me". "Lady I ain't got no legs". "And I want a great lover" she says. To which he replies "lady, how do you think I rang the doorbell?"
It was an old man's 80th birthday...
It was an old man's 80th birthday and his friends wanted to get him a special gift. After some discussion they decide to have a h**... come to his house that night and give him the time of his life. Later that evening as the old man was getting ready for bed he hears the doorbell ring. He opens the door and sees a h**... standing there in a s**... outfit. The h**... says to the old man "I'm here to give you super s**...!" The old man thinks for a second and says to the h**... "I'll take the soup".
A man is getting into the shower...
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands n**... in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
A farmer has three daughters who all have dates tonight...
The doorbell rings and the farmer, armed with a shotgun answers the door to find a boy. The boy says, "Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer thinks that the boy is very clever so he calls to Flo and sends her off with Joe
The doorbell rings again a little later and it's another boy. He says, "Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're going to eat spaghetti, do you know if she's ready?" The farmer thinks that Eddy is just as clever as the first boy so he calls for Betty and sends the couple on their way.
The doorbell rings a third time and at the door is another boy. The boy says, "Hello I'm Chuck..." So the farmer shoots him in the face.
Farmer Joe's Three Daughters
There was once a farmer who had three daughters who all decided to go on their first date at the same time.
The farmer being protective of his daughters, decided to meet all their suitors at the front door with a shotgun.
The doorbell rang and the father answered the door. The lad said "Hi my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show. Is she ready to go?"
The father looked him over, decided he seemed like a nice guy, and sent the kids on their way.
The second guy comes and rings the doorbell. The father answers the door and the guy says "Hi My name is Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going to get some spaghetti. Is she ready?"
The father looks him over and decides this one's ok too. So he sends them on their way.
The third guy comes and he rings the doorbell. The father answers the door again. The young man starts. "Hi! My name is Chuck!" and the farmer shot him.
Jehova
This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."
A Drunk
A drunk is in a bar, lying on the floor and looking the worse for wear. Other bar patrons decide to be good samaritans and to take him home.
They pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car and he falls down four more times. Mission accomplished, they prop him against the door jam and ring the doorbell.
"Here's your husband!" they exclaim proudly.
"Where's his wheelchair?" asks the puzzled wife....
A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."
Did you hear the joke about the UPS guy?
So one day a UPS worker, Jim, gets an unusually large box to bring on his daily route. He checks the address, which was not in his assigned area. However, without thinking much of it, he starts driving there. As he pulls up to the curb he sees that the house looks deserted, with boarded up windows and a dead tree in the yard. Despite a little bit of superstitious fear, he manages to get the box to the door.
When he rings the doorbell, he hears a creaking from inside the house. When the door opens, there is no one there.
Timidly he says "H..hello? Is anyone there?"
Just as he finishes saying that a---
No, no, no, I can't say the punchline, I'm not very good at telling jokes.
This one is really all about the delivery.
Granny's boyfriend
A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man.
The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom b**... her boyfriend."
I hate it when people bother me...
I'm tired of people ringing my doorbell at all hours of the day and night, asking for donations. This morning it was some woman from the s**... bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful!
How I got slapped in the face by a nun.
So a couple of months ago, my friends and I decided to start a laundry business. After we bought a store and the requisite machinery, we decided that we needed some publicity. There was an Old Convent about a mile out of town, and we decided that doing their laundry for free would surely get our name in the papers. So one afternoon, I drive there and ring the doorbell. The mother superior answers, and I ask "Hi there, I was wondering if the nuns had some dirty habits?"
An old widow decides to place a personal ad...
An old widow decides to place a personal ad. It reads, "Older woman seeking a man who won't beat me, won't run out on me, and who is still good in bed." The next day her doorbell rings. She answers it, and to her suprise there is a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. The man says "I'm here about the ad." The old lady says, "But you have no arms." The man replies, "Therefore I cannot beat you." The old lady says,"But you dont have any legs." The man replies, " So I can't run out on you." The old lady says "Well, are you still good in bed?" The old man smiles and replies, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Donation
Dilly Dump is the manager of the Last Resort Old People's Home. One morning, he is going from house to house collecting donations throughout the nice, mediocre American suburb called Yuppy Acres.
Dilly walks up to the Poke household and rings the doorbell. When Porky Poke answers the door, Dilly says, Good morning, sir. Would you like to make a contribution to the Last Resort Old People's Home?
Okay, replies Porky. Then he turns around and calls back to the house, Hey, Grandma! Get your hat and coat on!
Yo' daddies house is so old. . .
. . . that when you ring the doorbell the toilet flushes. Booyah!
A woman had been in a bunch of bad relationships...
So she puts an ad out.
"I want a man who isn't violent, won't run away from commitment, and can satisfy me in bed." Simple and to the point.
The next day, her doorbell rings, and she answers the door. On her doorstep is a man with no arms or legs. She has a skeptical look on her face, but before she can say anything, the man interrupts.
"Before you say anything, I want to say that since I have no arms, I can't hit you. I have no legs, so I'm certainly not running from anything..."
"Well, how do I know you can satisfy me?" She asks.
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
One day, a 7 year old boy went to visit his grandmother.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said: "Grandma, why don't you have a boyfriend now that grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV-set is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs makes me feel good and the comedies makes me laugh. I'm happy with my it as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV-set, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting knobs, trying to get it focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood his grandpa's old friend, now the grandma's minister.
The minister said: "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied: "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend!"
I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate
But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this w**... in the river can't swim.
The Blind Man
A girl was about to get into the shower, having stripped off her clothes, when she heard the doorbell ring. She yelled downstairs, "Who is it?". "It's the blind man!" came the reply. As she didn't feel like putting all her clothes back on, she went downstairs in the n**... to see what he wanted. When she opened the door, the man gasped, "Where do you want the blinds?"
A man saw a little kid struggling to ring a doorbell.
A man was walking down a street when he saw a little kid struggling to reach and ring a doorbell. The man decided to help the boy and rang the bell. After doing this, he smiled and asked the boy:
"what now?"
The boy said:
"now, we run".
Newspaper ad - RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:
1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."
The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"
To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
In the World of Punctuation, Asterisks give a party...
In the World of Punctuation, Asterisks give a party.
The party is for Asterisks only, and only Asterisks can enter.
At some time the doorbell rings. One Asterisk opens the door and sees a Dot.
The Asterisk says to the Dot:
"I'm sorry, you cannot enter, this party is for Asterisks only"
And the Dot says: "idiot, it's me! I put gel in my hair!"
A widow puts out an ad for a man...
She put out an ad for a man that would not beat her, not run away, and could satisfy her s**.... A few days later the doorbell rings. And in the doorway is a man with no arms or legs. He told her he was there to answer her ad, and she asked him why he thought he fit the criteria.
"Well, I have no arms so I will never beat you. I have no legs so I can't run from you."
"How do you suppose that you can satisfy me s**...," she asked with a puzzled face.
"Well, I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
A man rings your internet doorbell..
Says: "Can you spare 5 minutes to talk about Bernie Sanders?"
A man goes to apologize to his girlfriend
He buys a big bouquet of flowers, goes to her house and rings the doorbell. As his girlfriend opens the door he says:'' uhm well I'm sorry''. The girl responds:'' great, and now I suppose I have to spread my legs?!!?'' on which he says:''don't you have a vase?''
Husband and wife are in bed one night...
when the doorbell rings. The wife says "I'll get it" and goes downstairs and opens the door and it's the next door neighbor. Neighbor whispers "look, I'll give you a hundred bucks if you just open your robe for me..." so the woman shrugs and opens her robe for a few seconds and the neighbor smiles and gives the woman a hundred dollar bill. Wife gets back in bed and husband goes "who was it?" And the wife says "oh it was just the neighbor." And the husband goes, "did he give you the hundred bucks that he owes me?"
An old-timer told me this so it can't be that fresh but I had never heard it and thought it was good.
Found this one on Wikipedia of all places
Two young women are drinking tea together. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. One of the women opens the door and finds a courier with a big great bouquet of roses. She walks inside and reads to her friend: *"Much love from your boyfriend!"* She immediately groans out: *"You know what this'll mean? This'll mean I'll be lying on my back with my legs spread wide open for the next two weeks!"* To which her friend says, *"Don't you have a vase?"*
A plumber rings the doorbell
"Come in", says the homeowner, Stacy.
"Hi, I am the plumber, sorry for being a bit late"
"That's fine, my sister must have called for you"
"Alright. So where's that disgusting clogged up mess?"
"Her name actually is Rita, and she's not home at the moment".
My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings:
1. m**... 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating...
Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating dressed as a pirate. He rings the doorbell of the first house and an old lady answers the door, bowl of candy in hand.
She takes one look at him and exclaims, "Oh, such a handsome pirate. And where are your Buccaneers?"
Little Johnny looks up at her and replies, "Under my Buckin' hat!"
A woman decides to try online dating
Setting up her new profile she starts looking for the exact opposite of her ex-husband who used to beat her before running away with another woman.
She states her new man must 1) Never hit her 2) Never run away and 3) Be great in bed.
A few days later the doorbell rings. When she answers there is a man with no arms and no legs. He says "I'm here to take you on a date, as you can see I've got no arms to hit you and no legs to run away"
Intrigued she replies "But what about number 3? Are you great in bed?"
He says "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Woman seeks man
A woman, tired of being single puts out an ad seeking a man who won't beat her, won't run out on her and is a fantastic lover. One day, she hears the door bell ring and to her surprise, at the door is a man with no arms or legs.
"May I help you?" She asks.
"I'm here about your notice." The man replies.
"But you have no arms!" The woman exclaims.
"Well then you know I'll never beat you."
"But you have no legs!"
"Well then you know I'll never run out on you."
"Ok, but the notice said I wanted an amazing lover."
"Lady, how do you think I rang the doorbell?"
A blonde is in need of money.
The blonde decides to go to a rich neighborhood and do tasks for money. She arrives at a house and rings the doorbell. A man comes out and the blonde says, "Are there any jobs I can do?"
The man replies with, "Can you paint my porch for me? I'll pay you $50."
The blonde agrees and gets to work. The man thinks it should take an hour or two due to the fact he has a large porch. After about 20 minutes, the blonde finishes.
Impressed, the man hands her $50. However as she's leaving, she says, "By the way, it's a Ferrari not a Porsche."
A Classic
A woman puts a love wanted ad in the local paper: She says she is looking for 3 things. First, a man who will treat her nicely. Second, a man who won't leave her, and finally a man who is a great lover. Some time goes by and the woman begins to give up hope. A few more days go by when the doorbell rings and she opens it to find an armless, legless man in a wheelchair. He says, I am here about your love wanted ad. He explains. I don't have any arms so I will never be able to hurt you. I don't have any legs so it will be very hard to leave you. She looks at him, and how are you as a lover? He answers, how do you think I rang the doorbell?
Grim Reaper
A man and his wife are at home watching TV when suddenly the doorbell rings.
The man opens the door to see the Grim Reaper standing in front of him.
He turns around to his wife and says "Honey, it's for you!".
A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date
A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.
The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
Is she ready to go?"
The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.
The second man to show up says,
"Hello, I'm Eddy.
I'm looking for Betty.
We're gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Is she ready?"
The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.
The third man rings the doorbell says,
"Hey, my name's Chuck."
And the farmer shot him.
Woman in a Bath
A woman is laying in her bath, taking her mid-day break. She was relaxing when she heard her doorbell ring. The woman was about to pretend she wasn't there when she heard: "Hey! Anybody home? I'm the blind guy".
"Oh!" she thought. "If he's a blind guy then theres no need to get all dressed then!". She exited the bath and went over to the door to ask what the blind guy wanted.
Wow, said the guy waiting there, you should be on a fitness studio advertisement! Now, where should I put these blinds?
A woman looking for a new man
There was a woman who had a husband that beat her up and then ran away. So she put out an advertisement that she was looking for a man that won't beat her up, won't run away and who is good in bed. About a week later someone rings her doorbell. When she opens the door the man says
"I saw your ad and I think I'm the guy for you. I have no arms so I can't beat you up and I have no legs so I can't run away"
"What makes you think you're good in bed?" Asks the woman.
The man smiles and replies
"I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
A dad is waiting with his shotgun for his daughters' dates to arrive...
A dad is waiting with his shotgun for his daughters' dates to arrive.
The doorbell rings and the father opens the door to the first young man who says "Hi, I'm Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?" Strange kid but harmless, thinks the dad, and he lets the boy in.
The doorbell rings again. The dad answers the door and the new young man says, "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" The father lets him in.
The doorbell rings for the third time. When the father opens the door, the date says "Hi, I'm Chuck..." KABLAM!
A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell
She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"
"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"
A farmer was at home watching TV when his doorbell rings...
A young man was at the door. "Hi, my name is Freddy. I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going to have spaghetti. Is she ready?"
The farmer lets the boy in and says "no, you can wait over there."
The doorbell rings again. "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?"
The farmer lets the boy in and says "no, you can wait over there."
The doorbell rings again. "Hi, I'm Chuck." The farmer shoots him.
Woman and the news paper( kinda short)
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. Looking for a man with three qualifications: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed. Two days later her doorbell rings. Hi, I'm Tim. I have no arms so I won't beat you, and no legs so I won't run away. What makes you think you are great in bed? the woman retorts. Tim replies, I rang the doorbell, didn't I?
Dog Mom Is Always Right
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them.
A woman places a personal ad in the papper...
Ad goes as follows...
"Woman seeking man with strong arms to hold me. Must enjoy long walks on the beach, and above all else, is good in bed."
A few days later her door bell rings. She answers the door to a quadriplegic man in a wheel chair. He says, " I here because of the ad." Which she replies to " Well you have no arms to hold me, and no legs to walk. How are we suppose to make this work?". Which he replies, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?".
Sorry for formatting, on mobile.
Doorbell rings
My dog: EVERYONE CALM DOWN, WE'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS, WE'RE GOING TO BE OKAY.
Just trying to be nice...
I saw a guy at the bar, whom looked really drunk, so just trying to be nice, I offered to take him home.
We pulled up to his house, I walked around and opened his door. As I helped him out of the car, he just falls down on his face. I picked him back up and he falls down again. This happens all the way to the front door. Finally, I ring the doorbell. His wife comes to the door and I say, "Ma'am, I brought your husband home from the bar, and he seems to be really drunk". She says, "Thanks, but where is his wheel chair?"
Come over
A guy and a girl had been flirting for sometime.
One day the girl says come over there's no one at home
So the guys quickly goes to the girls house and starts ringing the doorbell. He knocks and rings the doorbell again several times but... nobody answered
A woman, tired of living alone, decides to put an ad in the local paper.
She asks for three things:
1. A man who will treat her nicely,
2. A man who won't leave her, and
3. A man who is good in bed.
Several weeks go buy without a result, and the woman is resigned to life without a man who can embody those qualities. Then, the doorbell rings and she opens it to find an armless, legless man in a wheelchair. He says, "I'm here about the ad in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms, so I can't beat you, and I have no legs, so I can't run away from you." The woman is skeptical, and asks, "Yeah, but are you good in bed?" The man answers, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
A woman posts an ad in the paper looking for a patner
In the ad, the woman stats that the man has to be loving, loyal, and good in bed. After 2 weeks of no one responding to the ad she starts to lose hope of ever finding a lover. The next day her doorbell bell rings, the woman opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs on her porch. The man had seen her ad and starts listing why he is her perfect partner; "I have no arms, so I can never beat you and I have no legs, so I can never leave you." The woman asks "But are you good in bed?" And he says "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
A widow places an ad in the paper
"Lover Wanted: must not run around behind my back, must not beat me, and most importantly, must be good in bed!"
A few days later, her doorbell rings. Excited, she rushes to the door and yanks it open, only to find a man with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
"Who are you?" She asks, disappointment setting in.
"I'm here about your ad in the paper. I'd like to be your lover."
"But you have no legs!"
"So I can't run around behind your back."
"But you have no arms!"
"So I can't beat you."
Annoyed, she asks "But how could you possibly be good in bed?"
Smiling, the man says "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
A crazy girl just called me a stalker and then blocked me
I don't know what her deal is but I'm about to ring her doorbell and find out
A priest notices a little boy down the street
Trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
When i'm going to work early in the morning, I ring all my neighbours doorbells.
Shared pain, half pain.
Which Camelid animal rings the doorbell before bringing the margarine?
Rama Lama Ding d**....
A married couple is getting ready to go out for the evening. The husband is in the shower and the wife is just getting out of the bathtub when the doorbell rings.
The wife hurriedly wraps herself in a towel and answers the door. It's their neighbor, Bob. Bob looks at the wife, who is quite beautiful, and says, I'll give you $800 to let that towel drop. The wife thinks about if for a bit, then lets the towel fall. Bob gives her a thorough visual inspection, then reaches into his wallet and hands her $800. She goes back inside. Who was at the door, honey? asks the husband. Oh, it was our neighbor Bob, she says. Great, says the husband. Did he happen to mention the $800 he owes me?