Rights Jokes

Following is our collection of slavery humor and rightful one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Rights puns for adults, dirty royalties jokes or clean righ gags for kids.

There is an abundance of amendment jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 89 funniest jokes on rights. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any ownership witze you can hear about rights.

The Best jokes about Rights

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

The Best Actually Racist Joke I know

*I hate myself for repeating this. But I heard this when I was living in Texas.*

Two rednecks are admiring their firearms. One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.

That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.

Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped Rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement

He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."

I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!"

They must be scared of the dark or something.


I got fired from my job at the library...

Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.

What do you call a girl that raps about women rights?

Feminem.

God is talking with the presidents.

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"

Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"

"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."


Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"

Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."

"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."


Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"


Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

How to prevent WW3

Just give valve the rights to 1 and 2.

Ray Rice doesn't believe in giving women rights.

However, he has no problem giving them a couple lefts


I'm have mixed feelings about abortion.

On one hand, I love killing babies, on the other I hate giving women rights.

I got kicked out of the library today

I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.

When God created women...

He told them: "Women from all the corners of the world should have equal rights to men."

Ironically he made the Earth round.

I don't see why so many Americans are anti-gay rights.

For a country with 4 dads, you would think they'd be more accepting.

What does the r in women stand for?

Rights

Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups...

And ask to speak to the man in charge.

Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"?

Because women have no rights.

*Sorry of this is rude/offensive and if its a repost, I just wanted to share.*


Decided to have my girlfriend dress as a cop and read me my rights

Because everything I say can and will be used against me at a later date

You wanna know why I got kicked out of the library?

I moved all of the women's rights books to the fiction section.

As a kleptomaniac, I demand my rights...

And that guy's rights... And his pen...

Did you know that in North Korea, the soldiers always march to the left?

That's because there are no rights.

At the second annual UK women's rights meeting...

a lady from Birmingham stood up and said,

"Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer cook for my husband. On the first day, I saw nothing. On the second day, I saw nothing. On the third day, my husband cooked a wonderful meal, and has continued to cook every night since."

She recieved a generous round of applause.

Another lady, from London, stood up next and said,

"Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer wash my husband's clothes. On the first day, I saw nothing. On the second day, I saw nothing. On the third day, my husband washed his clothes *and* mine, and has continued to do so every week since."

She, too, recieved a round of applause.

Finally a lady from Barry (my hometown) stood up to address the audience.

"Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer cook for my husband *or* wash his clothes. On the first day, I saw nothing. On the second day, I saw nothing. On the third day, I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

A man was protesting against gay rights...

His reasoning was very straight-forward.

I used to be in an animal rights group...

But that was before i screwed the pooch.

I like my women how I like my stock images...

Rights free

My dads a women's rights activist.

Your dad? Not your mum?

No, dad wouldn't allow that.

*Courtesy of u/hihellow*

So i got fired from my job at the library, today

Apparently the books about womens rights, do not belong at the fantasy department..

A marriage contract does not make the wife the property of the man.

It does, however, give him exclusive drilling rights.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to her Women's Rights meeting

Get to the bunker, a nuclear bomb is dropping

"You can't force me in a bunker, I am an American, I have rights"

At the annual women's rights convention the speaker got up and said...

At the annual women's rights convention the speaker got up and said "last year we talked about making our husband's do more of the work often considered women's work, let's hear how that went."
First a lady from the USA got up and said "I told my husband I wasn't going to do any more cleaning until he helped. On the first day I didn't see anything, on the second day I didn't see anything, but on the third day he cleaned the whole house from top to bottom." Everyone cheered.
Next a lady from Britain stood up and said "I told my husband I wasn't doing laundry until he helped. On the first day I didn't see anything, on the second day I didn't see anything, but on the third day he not only did his laundry, but mine as well." More cheers.
Then a lady from Australia got up and said "I told my husband I wasn't going to do any more grocery shopping until he helped. On the first day I didn't see anything, on the second day I didn't see anything, but on the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye"

George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.

Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.

Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.

God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.

Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights for all, and sustainability.

God invited him to take the seat to His left.

Trump said "I believe you're in my seat"

TIL that North Korea is one of few countries where women Truly have equal rights to men.

That is that they both equally don't have any.

If two wrongs don't make a right, then what do three rights make?

a left.

An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo...

...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.

Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties

He said they punched his rights out.

This gay rights thing has gone too far.

Even my local cafe is selling a Bi, Lesbian and Transgender sandwich.

I don't understand why there's confusion arround the civil rights movement.

It's a black and white issue.

I'm pretty sure my electrician supports LGBT rights.

Just the other day I heard him talking about his transister.

Apparently there's a voluntary organization trying to gain legal rights for apes.

I guess you could say their work is Pro-Bonobo.

What was the name of the political committee that worked to protect the rights of wine enthusiasts?

The Bacchus Caucus

What do you call a civil rights activists who's also a shower sponge?

Martin Loofah King

What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights?

Protractor

Will get downvoted like mad but Im drunk so I dont care (higly racist)

Why do Beyonce sing "to the left to the left"???

Cause black people have no rights...

Im sorry

Why are North Koreans always left handed?

Because they have no rights.

Valve should have the rights to the world wars

That way they will never make a third

Historians have discovered that human rights activist Malcolm X was actually just called Malcolm

He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.

Women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia now, however they can only turn left ...

Because you know... There are no women's rights there...

I really don't have a clear stance on abortion

On one hand I'm all for killing babies.

But on the other hand I don't support women's rights.

Saudi Arabia...

...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

I really don't like Saudi Arabia's human rights record.

I won't beheading there anytime soon.

So they told me I couldn't live in the gym but I told them...

Squatters' rights.

So what's your take on abortion?

Well, on one hand I love killing babies, but on the other I really hate women's rights.

Equal Rights for Duplicates

Clones are People Two!

My Aunt is a firm believer that Mucous Membranes have rights.

She calls herself a Phlegminist.

If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

I'd have enough money to buy the rights for this joke.

Feminism Joke

Man: So what do you want?

Feminist: I want equal rights and liberties as men.

Man: I couldn't agree with you more... because if I did, you would have a problem with that.

My dad was a very active advocate for women's rights...

My mom wanted to be as well, but my dad wouldn't allow it.

what's a political campaign we can all get behind?

gay rights

I vacationed to an island for the deaf

The people there enjoyed all the rights of any of us, but the freedom of speech was not aloud

I got fired from my job as an animal rights activist

All I said was that sometimes it feels like you're beating a dead horse when you try to get people to donate

Why is Saudi Arabia so late to givng rights to women?

Because they have been living under Iraq.

If Donald Trump had sex with a White House intern

would they call him Bill of rights?

How do you make a woman drive in a circle?

Take away her rights.

I'm split on the topic of abortion....

On one hand I don't want to give women rights.
But on the other hand I love killing babies.

What does the H in Saudi Arabia stand for?

Human rights

If I saw my son playing with a Barbie I'd slap it out of his hands.

Because they are manufactured in China and I can't support products that are offshoring labor to a country with numerous human rights violations. Not to mention, that's super gay.

['90s] Did you hear McDonalds just bought the naming rights to that new hockey stadium?

They're calling it the Mac-Arena.

I'm not sure how I feel about abortion.

I love killing babies, but I hate the idea of giving women rights.

What do you call a scientist who wants equal rights for all elements?

A chemenist!

While humans get their Miranda rights, what does a Zombie get when they are arrested?

They get habeas corpus.

I saw a deaf rights protest the other day; I had never heard of such a thing before.

Neither have they.

My Dad and I walk outside in sub-zero temperatures, and he's wearing a t-shirt.

Me: "Dad, it's really cold, don't you want to wear a coat?"
Dad: "I'm just exercising my second-ammendment rights."
Me: "........."
Dad: "My right to bare arms."

What do you call a white civil rights activist?

Talcum X

Everyone keeps talking about how Rosa Parks stood up for civil rights.

I thought the whole point was that they DIDN'T stand up??

Why yes I'm also a member of PETA and an animal rights person

Yup I'm a Preferred Eater of Tasty Animals and all animals have a right to be served on my plate.

I care about gay and transgender rights, but not enough to vote or do anything about it.

I'm passive progressive.

Today my dad asked what I was talking to

"My imaginary friend"
"Oh what's their name?"
"Womens rights"

Superbowl Commercial Concept

*Queue dark, stormy night*


"There comes a time when we must all step up for equality"


*Flash of civil rights marches, gay pride parades and protests in the middle east*


"A time when we cannot accept bigotry and hatred"


*Rain pours on multi-ethnic protesters linked arm in arm*


"A time to proclaim that an era of love and understanding is here"


*People celebrating good news outside the Supreme Court*


"Arm and Hammer Baking Soda, the choice of a new tomorrow"

My dyslexic support group held a slam poetry competition

Doug got first with a great piece about racial tensions in America.

Anna got second with a touching monologue about women's rights.

I got third by smashing an urn.

Why couldnt the guy hold a conversation with the female transgender marine biologist?

They didn't agree on a lot of things, but a big part of it was he didn't speak whale.

Note: In my defense I don't discriminate except by how I know a person. I have friends on all sides of the NFL hype, sexual rights hype, and abortion debate. But this joke gets laughs among them all.

Did you hear abute the organization that advocates for Canadians' gun rights?

The NR, eh?

Rosa Parks is a bad role model...

she did not stand up for her rights

What do you call a group of anuses fighting for their rights?

A bowel movement

What do you call a Mexican supremacist organization against civil rights?

The Que Que Que.

A group of animal rights activists attempted to poison a barbecue

However, the poison didn't work. Should have tested it on animals.

Why does America keep going in circles

Because they're all about their rights

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes