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Rights Jokes

167 rights jokes and hilarious rights puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rights that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the lighter side of civil and human rights. From the Miranda rights to the Bill of Rights, rights jokes explore oppression, slavery, and the Constitution. Laughter is the best medicine and with this collection of rights jokes, you're sure to find something to bring a smile to your face.

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Funniest Rights Short Jokes

Short rights jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rights humour may include short permission jokes also.

  1. Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now. And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.
  2. I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl And I gotta say I counted 17 inaccuracies on my right hand alone.
  3. What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
    Bit of British humour right there ;)
  4. Devil: This is the lake of lava you will be spending eternity in Me: Actually, since we're underground, it would be magma
    Devil: You understand this is why you're here, right?
  5. I used to be Christian.... Her: I used to be Christian.
    Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
    Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine!
  6. What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband's voice just right
  7. I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered: "They're right behind you."
  8. My boyfriend is upset that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
  9. "Yoda, are you sure we are heading in the right direction?" Yoda replies: "off course we are"
  10. A boomer, a millennial and a zoomer walk into a bar That's right- Gen X just got ignored again.

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Rights One Liners

Which rights one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rights? I can suggest the ones about power and privacy.

  1. I know every single digit of pi! I just don't have them in the right order.
  2. Texas: Where a virus has reproductive rights and a woman doesn't.
  3. It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution.
  4. If my wife made a dollar for every sexist joke I make She'd be $.77 richer right now
  5. 90 degree is pretty hot for most people, But for mathematicians, it's just right.
  6. My friend didn't believe me that Slash was in AC/DC C'mon he is right there in the middle
  7. Teacher: what is 4+2? Johnny: 3!
    Teacher: Yes, you are right.
  8. I store drugs right under my nose Don't believe me? Check my stash
  9. What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach? Flop-Flops
  10. What does Chris Rock have on his face right now? Fresh prints!
  11. I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999. Weird right?
  12. Two wrongs don't make a right... ...but two Wrights made a plane
  13. Yodas Logic Han Solo: Yoda are we going the right way?
    Yoda: Offcourse we are
  14. A while back, my father told me an awful dad joke. He said he'd be right back
  15. If 2 wrongs DID make a right... You'd need 4 wrongs to invent an airplane.

Womans Rights Jokes

Here is a list of funny womans rights jokes and even better womans rights puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I went to see a therapist. I said, "I'm not sure if I'm a man or a woman."
    He said, "Right. Just pull your pants down for me."
    I said, "No."
    He said, "You're a woman."
  • I once had a relationship with a blind woman It was very rewarding but also quite challenging.
    It took me *ages* to get her husband's voice right.
  • A woman is swiping through Tinder at work, and her co-worker say, "Honey, you ain't never gonna find your husband on Tinder." "You may be right," she replied. "I found yours, though."
  • The school called a woman and told her: "Your son has been telling lies" "You're right", she replied, "I don't have any kids."
  • All men should make coffee for their woman It says it right in the bible: "Hebrew"
  • I'm a guy who's into Star Wars, Star Trek and Doctor Who. Can you guess what I'm not into right now? A woman.
  • Man: I'm so jealous of your heart right now Woman: why? Man: because it's pounding inside of you and I'm not .
  • Women!!! If a man is alway wrong and a woman is always right, when a man tells a woman she is right is he wrong or right?
  • A woman came in for a job interview wearing an abacus on her head. I hired her right on the spot. It's so hard to find employees who you can count on.
  • Went on a date with a non-partisan woman I gave it to her right down the middle.

Women Rights Jokes

Here is a list of funny women rights jokes and even better women rights puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I got fired from my job at the library... Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.
  • What do you call a girl that raps about women rights? Feminem.
  • Ray rice doesn't believe in giving women rights. However, he has no problem giving them a couple lefts
  • I got kicked out of the library today I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section
  • When God created women... He told them: "Women from all the corners of the world should have equal rights to men."
    Ironically he made the Earth round.
  • What does the r in women stand for? Rights
  • Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups... And ask to speak to the man in charge.
  • Survey gone wrong.. or right?? On a survey for 'which conditioner you use?' 99% of the womens said 'aaahhhhhh.....get out of my shower!!!!'
  • You wanna know why I got kicked out of the library? I moved all of the women's rights books to the fiction section.
  • A women at a women's right protest got mad at me because I told her that women sometimes can't do the jobs that men can do She then got her boyfriend to beat me up

States Rights Jokes

Here is a list of funny states rights jokes and even better states rights puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer." Now we wait.
  • My girlfriend said we should split up. When I asked why, she responded I'm just not in a good state right now so I responded, Utah?
  • I'm absolutely disgusted with the state my life is in right now Florida. I live in Florida.
  • I don't care where states are located If Oklahoma was right next to Maine that would be ok by me.
  • State of the world right now! Young People have Energy and Time...But No Money
    Adults have Energy and Money...But No Time
    Old People have Time and Money... But No Energy
  • TIL of Cunningham's Law It states that the best way to get the right answer on the internet is to ask a question.
  • Just received an e.mail stating $50 dollars to see Cardi B. live. I'm probably not the right person to spam for these types of ransoms.
  • Everything is a states rights issue with Donald Trump. Whatever he states is right. ba-dum-tsssssssssssssss. I'll be here Til Tuesday. In case Aimee is looking for me.
  • Socialism never hurt anyone The very minute it starts killing people and trampling human rights it's no longer socialism it's 'state capitalism'
  • My dad was trying to tell me that Republicans want liberty and justice for their rear ends His exact words were "their pro-states rights"

Parental Rights Jokes

Here is a list of funny parental rights jokes and even better parental rights puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents for example.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right... ...For example, your parents.
    (Saw this spray painted on the back of a van. No idea if it's from something)
  • Did you know that Lil Wayne's parents were murdered right in front of him? It was what inspired him to become the Batman.
  • I told my kids I wanted to be a trans-parent They knew I was joking because they could see right through me
  • Hey kid, you're an orphan right? Yes sir, what gave me away?
    Your parents.
  • How can you tell with 100% certainty that a parent is treating their kid right? The kids cage is cleaned regularly.
  • My parents are really mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and right Bottom Text because you can't post title only jokes
  • My parents kicked me out of the house because I came out of the closet. They thought I moved out three years ago, but I've been hiding in there waiting for the right time to come out.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right... ...just look at your parents.
  • [OC] Why did Caitlyn Jenner lose custody rights of her kids? Her kids couldn't see her anymore, she was a trans-parent.

Bill Of Rights Jokes

Here is a list of funny bill of rights jokes and even better bill of rights puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Imagine if Elon Musk got married to Bill Gates and took his name... Yeah no, you're right... 'Elon Gates' is a stretch.
  • Bill Clinton right now, texting Monica Lewinsky "You up?"
  • Where was Bill Clinton during his presidency? He was right between the Bushes.
  • Go green and cut your energy bills in half! install a wind turbine on your head that runs on all the jokes that whoosh right over it
  • Right to Ignore Being president is like running a cemetery: You've got a lot of people under you, and nobody's listening.
    Bill Clinton
  • First Bill Cosby, then Weinstein, now Kevin Spacey? Spongebob is next. Calling it right now.
  • who needs a bill of rights...? Im bill and im right!!!
  • I got so many bills to pay, I even got to pay: The Bill of Rights
Rights joke, I got so many bills to pay, I even got to pay:

Happy Rights Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about rights you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean equality jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rights pranks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the g**..., make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

Why is Saudi Arabia so late to givng rights to women?

Because they have been living under Iraq.

what's a political campaign we can all get behind?

gay rights

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I don't see why so many Americans are anti-gay rights.

For a country with 4 dads, you would think they'd be more accepting.

My Aunt is a firm believer that Mucous Membranes have rights.

She calls herself a Phlegminist.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why does America have so many boasting Republicans?

Because it needs some bragging rights.

A recent joke from eastern Ukraine

Two friends meet, both native Russian speakers – as is everyone in this region – but one speaks Russian, and the other insists on speaking Ukrainian.
Why are you speaking Ukrainian? asks one friend. Are you afraid Ukrainian nationalists will come and kill you?
No, comes the reply. I'm afraid if Putin hears me speaking Russian, he will come to 'protect' my rights!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I used to be in an animal rights group...

But that was before i s**... the pooch.

Apparently there's a voluntary organization trying to gain legal rights for apes.

I guess you could say their work is Pro-Bonobo.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a Mexican supremacist organization against civil rights?

The Que Que Que.

['90s] Did you hear McDonalds just bought the naming rights to that new hockey stadium?

They're calling it the Mac-Arena.

Rosa Parks is a bad role model...

she did not stand up for her rights

A man was protesting against gay rights...

His reasoning was very straight-forward.

I'm a cop and I got caught choking the chicken in public

I was revoked of my badge and sentenced to three years jail time. The chicken filed a civil rights suit and received 3 million in reparations

My dad was a very active advocate for women's rights...

My mom wanted to be as well, but my dad wouldn't allow it.

Only possible with the mind of a 7th grader...

My brother comes home from school one day and tells me his friend was held after school.
I asked him what for.
He said he moved all the women's rights books in the library into the fiction department.

I'm not a fan of Nascar...

I believe in equal rights.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Feminism Joke

Man: So what do you want?
Feminist: I want equal rights and liberties as men.
Man: I couldn't agree with you more... because if I did, you would have a problem with that.

I'm pretty sure my electrician supports LGBT rights.

Just the other day I heard him talking about his transister.

As a kleptomaniac, I demand my rights...

And that guy's rights... And his pen...

A pirate is sitting at a bar...

In walks in a civil rights activist, a communist, and a dog.
The pirate says, "Well, today's my lucky day! X, Marx, and the Spot!"

Russian Nursery Rhyme

The incy wincy conrade
Was tugging at his chain
About rights of workers
He complain
The secret police
Am get order to restrain
And the incy wincy comrade was never seen again

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Two r**... are admiring their firearms.

One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.
That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.
Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

Saudi Arabia...

...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a civil rights activists who's also a shower sponge?

Martin Loofah King

So they told me I couldn't live in the gym but I told them...

Squatters' rights.

Today my dad asked what I was talking to

"My imaginary friend"
"Oh what's their name?"
"Womens rights"

It's cool how today everyone is applauding patriots for standing up for human rights...

...and by next Sunday everyone will be back to hating the Patriots again

What's a joke that was funny in early America, but is even more hilarious in the present day middle east?

"Women's rights"
*^ba-dum ^ching*

I like my women how I like my stock images...

Rights free

An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo...

...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.

Equal Rights for Duplicates

Clones are People Two!

What do you call a group of anuses fighting for their rights?

A bowel movement

Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties

He said they punched his rights out.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to her Women's Rights meeting

I care about gay and transgender rights, but not enough to vote or do anything about it.

I'm passive progressive.

Did you know that in North Korea, the soldiers always march to the left?

That's because there are no rights.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why couldnt the guy hold a conversation with the female transgender marine biologist?

They didn't agree on a lot of things, but a big part of it was he didn't speak whale.
Note: In my defense I don't discriminate except by how I know a person. I have friends on all sides of the NFL hype, s**... rights hype, and abortion debate. But this joke gets laughs among them all.

I vacationed to an island for the deaf

The people there enjoyed all the rights of any of us, but the freedom of speech was not aloud

I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped Rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement

He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."

God is talking with the presidents.

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good, says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump replies: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

Decided to have my girlfriend dress as a cop and read me my rights

Because everything I say can and will be used against me at a later date

How to prevent WW3

Just give valve the rights to 1 and 2.

A marriage contract does not make the wife the property of the man.

It does, however, give him exclusive drilling rights.

I really don't like Saudi Arabia's human rights record.

I won't beheading there anytime soon.

What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights?

Protractor

My Dad and I walk outside in sub-zero temperatures, and he's wearing a t-shirt.

Me: "Dad, it's really cold, don't you want to wear a coat?"
Dad: "I'm just exercising my second-ammendment rights."
Me: "........."
Dad: "My right to bare arms."

I saw a deaf rights protest the other day; I had never heard of such a thing before.

Neither have they.

Historians have discovered that human rights activist Malcolm X was actually just called Malcolm

He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.

Valve should have the rights to the world wars

That way they will never make a third

My dads a women's rights activist.

Your dad? Not your mum?
No, dad wouldn't allow that.
*Courtesy of u/hihellow*

I don't understand why there's confusion arround the civil rights movement.

It's a black and white issue.

What do you call a white civil rights activist?

Talcum X

In these troubling political times with gun violence peaking, human rights scandals on us soil, and ongoing corruption investigations, it's always important to find the silver lining in things...

International Relations with Russia have never been better!

What was the name of the political committee that worked to protect the rights of wine enthusiasts?

The Bacchus Caucus

What does the H in Saudi Arabia stand for?

Human rights

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A group of animal rights activists attempted to poison a barbecue

However, the poison didn't work. Should have tested it on animals.

What do you call a scientist who wants equal rights for all elements?

A chemenist!

Today I got thrown out of the library

It's because I put the "women's rights" book under fiction.

Why yes I'm also a member of PETA and an animal rights person

Yup I'm a Preferred Eater of Tasty Animals and all animals have a right to be served on my plate.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

If Donald Trump had s**... with a White House intern

would they call him Bill of rights?

Everyone keeps talking about how Rosa Parks stood up for civil rights.

I thought the whole point was that they DIDN'T stand up??

Why does America keep going in circles

Because they're all about their rights

Did you hear abute the organization that advocates for Canadians' gun rights?

The NR, eh?

If two wrongs don't make a right, then what do three rights make?

a left.

I got fired from my job as an animal rights activist

All I said was that sometimes it feels like you're beating a dead horse when you try to get people to donate

My dyslexic support group held a slam poetry competition

Doug got first with a great piece about racial tensions in America.
Anna got second with a touching monologue about women's rights.
I got third by smashing an urn.

While humans get their Miranda rights, what does a Zombie get when they are arrested?

They get habeas corpus.

My teacher said we have the ability to clone we just don't know what kind of rights they should have.

I simply replied copyright

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Get to the bunker, a nuclear bomb is dropping

"You can't force me in a bunker, I am an American, I have rights"

Did you hear about that Feminist boxer who lost all her matches?...

... She blames it on her rights...

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why does China always drive on the left

they don't have rights

A blonde was watching the news when she suddenly hears American rights are being violated

She sighs and thinks to herself thank god I'm a leftie!

Rights joke, A blonde was watching the news when she suddenly hears  American rights are being violated

jokes about rights