Right And Wrong Jokes
132 right and wrong jokes and hilarious right and wrong puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about right and wrong that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Right And Wrong Short Jokes
Short right and wrong jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The right and wrong humour may include short correctness jokes also.
- TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer." Now we wait.
- Teacher: how do you spell 'crocodile' Kid: K-R-O-K-I-D-I-A-L.
Teacher: no, that's wrong.
Kid: no, I'm right. Other people might spell it differently but you asked how I spell it. - My British friend asked me, "Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?" I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."
- I told my dad my neck hurt cause I slept wrong He said the only thing you do, you can't do right?
- I finally figured out what's wrong with my brain... On the left side, there is nothing right.
On the right side, there is nothing left. - As I gazed into her eyes, my knees got weak and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach... I knew right then and there, I poisoned the wrong glass.
- A man who recogizes his mistakes when wrong is wise. A man that recognizes his mistake when he is right is... Married.
- Survey gone wrong.. or right?? On a survey for 'which conditioner you use?' 99% of the womens said 'aaahhhhhh.....get out of my shower!!!!'
- To the guy that's bad at building fences... Oops, wrong place for this post.
Figured i'd put it in the right place and re-post it for you. - A man goes to the doctor with a carrot in his nose, cabbage in his ears and ham over his eyes. What's wrong with me doc? He asks. The doctor replies Well it looks like you're not eating right.
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Right And Wrong One Liners
Which right and wrong one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with right and wrong? I can suggest the ones about human rights and moral.
- Two wrongs don't make a right... ...but two Wrights made a plane
- If 2 wrongs DID make a right... You'd need 4 wrongs to invent an airplane.
- I don't think any political ideology is inherently wrong Some are just alternative right
- If two wrongs don't make a right, then what do three rights make? a left.
- Two wrongs don't make a right, and two rights don't make a wrong. They make a U turn.
- If two rights make a wrong, what about a third right? Invades Poland.
- we all know two wrongs don't make a right. but what do two rights make? An airplane
- I'm always right. I thought i was wrong once, But i was wrong.
- Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents for example.
- You know what they say about assumptions, right? They say that they are generally wrong.
- Life is just like a USB port 50% chance of being right and always wrong.
- There's nothing wrong with being left-handed But, there's nothing right about it either.
- Two wrongs don't make a right But two wrights make an aeroplane
- 2 wrongs don't make a right But 3 lefts do
- Two wrongs don't make a right. But three lefts do.
Right And Wrong Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about right and wrong you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ethics jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make right and wrong pranks.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?
I wouldn't recommend it.
Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.
It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don't feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.
You'd be better off giving up, to be honest.
Heard this from a friend
No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between complete and finished. Some say there is no difference the two but there is. For example, when you marry the right man you are complete. When you marry the wrong man you are finished. When your husband likes shopping more than you do, you are completely finished.
A penguin is having car trouble...
A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."
The difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'
When you marry the right girl, you are complete.
When you marry the wrong girl, you are finished.
And when the right girl catches you with the wrong girl, you are completely finished!
Trip to the doctor.
A man walks into a doctor's office and sits down on the hospital bed and says, "Doc, it hurts me on my leg right here, on my arm right here, and on my stomach right here. I don't know whats wrong!
The Doctor turns to the man and says,"You idiot, your finger is broken!"
Well, this is awkward...
A priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. They both look left and right and to their surprise see nothing but Mexicans. After this moment of confusion, the Rabbi turns to the priest and says "You know what? I think we're in the wrong joke...."
A man goes to his doctor because he has a carrot in his ear..
He asks the doctor, "I don't understand, how can this happen? What's wrong with me?!" The doctor pauses for a moment and then says, "Well, you're not eating right."
So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose nostril...
He mumbles to the doctor "I think there's something wrong." to which the doctor replies "I don't think you're eating right."
I think my wife's sewing machine is on the blink.
I'm not sure what's wrong, it just doesn't seam right.
That question from your wife for which either answer is wrong
Apparently the third answer "it's not the dress" isn't right either.
I'll just apologise right now...
A man goes to the doctor. He says, "Doc, I think there may be something wrong with the pills you gave me last time."
The doctor peered over his glasses, "Why do you think that, Mr Jones?"
"I keep veering to the left, then to the right."
"I shouldn't worry about that," replies the doctor. "Those are just side effects..."
"Complete" or "Finished"?
**Here's your English lesson for the day!**
**"Complete" or "Finished"?**
No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.
The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.
Mr. Balgobin's response: When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.
Did you hear about the NASCAR driver who went the wrong way around the track?
It turned out to be all right.
Some gamers think that it's wrong to cheat...
but i think its down right left triangle up square down left square right circle cross
According to Cunningham's Law, the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the right answer and wait for idiots to tell you you're wrong.
A Jewish man is turning 40 years old...
So his mother decides to send him 2 neckties. On his birthday, she calls him.
"Happy Birthday, son!" "Thanks, mom." Replies the man.
"Did you get the ties I sent you?" Asks his mother. "Yes," says the man, "in fact I'm wearing one right now." "So what's wrong with the other one?"
Right and Wrong
Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take an example," Mrs Cameron said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"
Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, "You'd be his wife."
Convert today! $5000
Two elderly Jewish men were walking along when they came across a sign "Convert today! $5000." One of the men was interested and said he was going to see what it was all about. His friend had no interest and said he would wait on a bench. After 8 hours finally the man returns from the church.
"What happened that took forever?"
"Well the priest sat me down and explained to me all the things I have been doing wrong in my life. I realized he was right and I have converted."
"Yea yea but what about the $5000?"
"Jesus Christ is that all you people think about?"
Why are double amputees always wrong?
Because they don't have a leg to stand on.
Note: I'm a right leg amputee and I made this up myself.
Had a fight with the wifey last night.
She exclaimed "Shut up, women are always right and men are always wrong." to which I replied "Yes, you are right".
Three blondes are out on a hike...
when they come across some tracks. The first one quickly says "Let's get out of here, those are mountain lion tracks." The second one says "Don't be silly, those are deer tracks." The third one says "I think you're both wrong, but I'm no expert" right before they all got hit by a train
She's technically not wrong...
This actually happened last night with my girlfriend...
Me: So did you read 1984?
She: Yeah, I did...utopian society right?
Me:No it is the total opposite...do you know the opposite of utopian?
She: yeah..Ethiopia right?
and yes she was being totally serious.
An officer pulls over a car full of nuns...
A police officer saw a car full of nuns going much too slow for the highway they were on. He pulled them over and went up to the driver. "Why are you going so slow?" The nun that was driving then replied "That sign right there says 20." The police officer looked at the sign. "That's the highway number that you are on." "Oh, sorry officer." The police officer looked in the back seat to see three nuns that looked like they were terrified. "What's wrong with them?" the officer asked. The nun that was driving looked back at them. "We just got off of highway 190."
Here in England, we drive on the right side of the road.
If we drove on the wrong side, there'd be a lot more crashes.
A man goes to the doctor...
The doctor asks him what's wrong.
"Doc, my chest has been hurting, and I've had a terrible cough for three days. And I think I've been running a fever."
The doctor looks him up and down and quickly says, "Well I can tell you right now you're going to have to stop m**... immediately."
Shocked, the man says "Why???"
"So I can examine you."
A woman wakes up to her husband crying in bed today
"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having s**... in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."
Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten
As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.
"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher
'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior
"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages
BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."
"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"
BB looks at her as if she's an idiot
"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"
In congested traffic, it's best to stay on the right side of the road.
It'd be a real tragedy if you were on the wrong side.
If I had 60p everytime I got a maths question wrong...
I would have about £6.30 right now.
WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"
WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."
WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"
WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."
Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"
CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"
My friend said that China might be considering assisted s**... for teenagers
He's probably wrong, but if he's right, that would mark the beginning of euthanasia of youth in Asia.
Friend: Whats wrong?
Me: I can't remember how to calculate sine
Friend: ah
Me: No that's cosine
Friend: oh
Me: Right, thanks!
SECRET OF YOUR SUCCESS...
"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" a reporter
asked a bank president.
"Two words"
"And, Sir,what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"And how do you make right decisions?"
"One word."
"And,sir, What is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Wrong decisions"
Drinking beer without alcohol is like eating out your sister...
tastes right, but trust me: its wrong!
The Perfect Man
So one day, a man is sitting at work with his co-worker:
Man: I'm really happy with life right now. Kids are doing great in school, wife loves me and puts out every night, and my doctor says I'm the picture of perfect health.
Co-worker: Wow! That sounds so great! Is there anything wrong with you?
Man: Well my therapist says I'm a compulsive liar, but what does she know?
Two wrongs don't make a right...
...For example, your parents.
(Saw this spray painted on the back of a van. No idea if it's from something)
If you are wrong and you shut up..
You're wise
If you're right and still do it - you're married.
Ever had to force your dog into taking their medication?
It's the worst, right? You try to cover it with peanut butter, even then they know you're up to something. So it gets kinda physical, have to get in there with both hands and hold them open and push it in with your finger, hoping they don't bite you. Turns into a wrestling match, sometimes. But as it turns out, the trick was we were just using the wrong peanut butter. Ever since we switched to creamy, those suppositories just pop right in.
Doing math, it's sometimes very easy to tell what you did wrong.
If you got infinity, it's even easier: You took a wrong turn. Instead of making a right turn, you took aleph one.
No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. I beg to differ because, there is...
When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE."
And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED!"
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED"
Can't tell right from wrong anymore...
s**... names for twins anyway.
A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....
The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.
The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.
The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."
Potato is spelt wrong.
If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
The right way to spell POTATO should be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU
Cole's Law
"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"
"Yeah."
"What is it?"
"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."
"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"
"No, what is it?"
"Thinly sliced cabbage."
(I remember hearing this from my dad, and to this day it makes me giggle like an idiot.)
A woman walks onto a bus
A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby. As she scans her card, the bus driver looks up to her and says, "Have a sea... Whoa, that is an ugly baby!!".
The lady is shocked and shields the baby with her hand and takes a seat. She just sits there getting more and more angry. The man sitting next to her asks what's wrong.
She says, "That bus driver insulted me the moment I stepped onto this bus. He's a government employee!"
"You don't have to put up with that," the man said.
"You know what, you're right! I'm going to go up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"Good for you! I'll hold your monkey."
What is the difference between complete and finished?
When a man marries the right woman, he is complete.
When a man marries the wrong woman, he is finished.
When a man marries a woman who loves to shop, he is completely finished.
Old Man Crying
An elderly man of 78 years was sitting on a bench crying
A man walking by stopped to ask what was wrong.
"Well, I just married the most beautiful woman ever, Nice, young, and curvy in all the right places!" Said the old man.
"Then why cry?" asked the passer by
The old man sighed, "I forgot where I live"
A patient goes to a new optometrist.
What seems to be the problem?
Well something is wrong with my left eye. It doesn't seem right.
Well that's because it's your left. Any other questions?
Homonym Study
When it comes to an improperly placed hominem, is it the right word spelled wrong or the wrong word spelled right?
My wife isn't always right...
... for example; earlier this year she thought she was wrong, but it turned out she was mistaken.
President Trump goes to get a brain MRI
Trump: So, doc, what's wrong?
Doc: Well, on your right there's nothing left. And on your left there's nothing right.
No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between the words complete and finished. However......
"When you marry the right person, you are COMPLETE.
But, when you marry the wrong person, you are FINISHED.
And when the 'right one' catches you with the 'wrong one'
Well .... you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
I found out what's wrong with my brain.
My left side isn't right and my right side doesn't have anything left.
The reason women are responsible for more accidents at intersections....
must be because they don't have as much experience pulling out as men do.
(OC I think? Thought it up when a woman pulled out right in front of me today, and then had a s**... "what did I do wrong" look on her face when I honked at her for it.)
A cop pulls over 3 old ladies
A cop pulls over 3 old ladies doing 20 in a 65mph zone. The cop walks up to the window.
"How can I help you officer?"
"Did you realize you were doing 20 in a 65mph zone?"
"I thought we were doing the speed limit. It says so right there." The old woman pointed to a sign.
"Ma'am thats the sign saying you're on interstate 20." Just then the officer noticed the two women in back looked extremely frightened. "What's wrong with them?"
"Oh we must have just come off interstate 200."
I brought home a bouquet of roses for my wife
She looked at me in disbelief and asked "what did you do wrong"
"What? I just wanted to do something nice for you, buy you a gift, and this is how you act?" I respond
"Yea right, you think I don't know any better, now you want me to lay in bed n**... all week with my legs spread"
"Why" i asked, " you don't have a vase?"
Difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED...
But there is. When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE...
And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED...
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are...
COMPLETELY FINISHED.
A lecturer had reached one of his most important points
"He who gives in when he is wrong is wise: but the man who gives in when he is right is..."
"Married," someone shouted from the audience.
Amazed by the stunning beauty of their new secretary, two corporate executives resolved to make her adjustment to her new firm their personal business...
It's up to us to teach her the difference between right and wrong, said the first executive. Agreed, exclaimed the second. You teach her what's right.
What is the difference between complete and finish?
When you marry the right woman, you are complete.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are finished.
What is the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished' ?
When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!
One evening when I was playing on my console..
One evening when I was playing on my console I noticed my girlfriend, who was sitting right next to me on the couch, looking all gloomy and sad.
Naturally I asked her what was wrong but she didn't answer.
So I turned of my console and she goes "why did you stop ?". I told her there's something much better than my console.
She looked really happy.
Until I turned on my PC.
There are 2 types of people in the world: those that apologize when they're wrong
and those I double down on when I'm right.
Alice took several wrong turns when driving to a new restaurant.
When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?"
"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where you're going when I'm driving."
Old one but a good one
If you marry the right one
You are complete.
If you marry the wrong one
You are finished!
But if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are completely finished!!!
Liberace dies an regains consciousness outside the pearly gates.
St. Peter says, I'm sorry, Liberace, but you can't come in. It says right here you ate a parrot. That's God's favorite bird. There's no way I can let you in. Liberace responds, No, no! You got the wrong guy! I never ate a parrot!...
...Now, I mighta ate a cockatoo...