Rifle Jokes
104 rifle jokes and hilarious rifle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rifle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make everyone in the room laugh with these hilarious rifle jokes! From jokes about air rifles to Winchester rifles, bullets and recoils, these jokes about firearms are sure to be a hit.
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Funniest Rifle Short Jokes
Short rifle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rifle humour may include short pistol jokes also.
- In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
- My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection.. She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
- A soldier was rushed to the hospital with a horrific bayonet wound. Unfortunately, he was pronounced dead on a rifle.
- What is more difficult than getting an assault rifle in the U.S.? Getting a water bottle in a Georgia voting line
- Vets aren't doctors: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor?
Vet: I treat horses but maybe I can help?
Mom: My son broke his leg!
Vet: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck. - When is the only time you're smiling and winking at your mother in law? When you're looking at her through a rifle scope.
- Now that most of California has banned the use of straws, I just going to have to drink my frappuccino through this assault rifle.
- Everyone jokes that everything in Australia can kill you. You know what probably won't kill you?
An Assault rifle. - I miss my ex-wife Next time, I'll use a better rifle
- What do you call a rifle that has been fired recently? A shotgun
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Rifle One Liners
Which rifle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rifle? I can suggest the ones about firearm and handgun.
- Why is the National Rifle Association filing for bankruptcy? Because schools are closed.
- Why was the rifle unemployed? Because it was fired
- What is a chef's favorite gun? A-salt-rifle
I'll show myself out - Selling a french ww2 rifle Never fired, only dropped once.
- French rifle for sale. Never fired. Dropped twice.
- What do you call a gun that shoots salt. A-salt rifle.
- What did the soldier use to season his fries? A salt rifle.
- What do you call a gun made fully from concrete? An asphalt rifle
Solid joke right? - *assault rifle tips fedora* M'16.
- What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use? A salt rifle.
- The scope fell off my rifle. I feel so aimless...
- What is a chefs weapon of choice? A salt rifle
- I recently bought a gun It can only shoot NaCl bullets because it's a salt rifle.
- AK-74 rifle for sale Near mint condition. Never fired dropped once near Izium.
- Rifling changed firearms forever. It was revolutionary.
Assault Rifle Jokes
Here is a list of funny assault rifle jokes and even better assault rifle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a racist cake shaped like a Soviet assault rifle? A cake AK.
- What's the difference between a liberal disagreeing with a republican and a republican disagreeing with a liberal? a pound of c4 and an assault rifle.
- I don't own any assault rifles Just defence rifles
- The most likely place to find an assault rifle is... on the spices rack, next to the apepper rifle.
- What goes good with an assault rifle? Pepper spray
- Why did the gun shoot sodium chloride? Because it was assault rifle.
- Three rifles walk into a bar... ... and one of them was assault.
Winchester Rifle Jokes
Here is a list of funny winchester rifle jokes and even better winchester rifle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Winchester announced a new rifle: "The Dockworker"
Uproarious Rifle Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about rifle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean machine gun jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rifle pranks.
An old ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in
"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"
"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.
"No, only one."
He starts cleaning the rifle again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Network administrator
A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jon was excited about his new rifle..
... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Two armed guards were standing at a street corner...
They see a man walking casually on the other side of the street. The first guard raises his rifle and shoots the pedestrian, killing him instantly.
The second guard says to the first, "What was that for?"
"He was out past curfew." Replied the first guard.
"What do you mean?" Said the second guard, "It's not curfew for another hour."
"Yeah, but I knew the guy," Said the first guard, "He could never have made it home in time."
Three stat professors were out hunting...
...when they came upon a deer by a river.
The first professor fired his rifle, and the shot went three feet to the left.
The second professor fired, and the shot went 3 feet to the right.
The third stood and exclaimed "Alright! We got him!"
Whose point is it anyway?
A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."
The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."
The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."
The doctor said, "My point exactly!"
My parents missed me when I am away from home.
I'd messed with the sights on their rifle.
Three people are given the death sentence...
They are given a choice, guillotine or rifle for their execution.
The first convict states he will take the guillotine. When they setup and release, the blade gets stuck and the sheriff states "it is not your time, you may go."
The second decides on guillotine as well, the blade gets stuck and they also let him free.
The third says "Well, since the guillotine isn't working, I will take death by rifle."
Who do you give a lost gun to?
The rifle owner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about my cruel psychic Maths teacher called Moe who's great with a s**... rifle?
He's a mean medium, Moe, with range.
I found a very lucrative deal on the firearms section on Craigslist.
A French MAS36 rifle. Never fired, dropped once.
People are freaking out because the Orlando shooter was investigated by the FBI and was able to buy a rifle.
But you can also run for president.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man walks into a gun store in Texas.
"I would like to see that glock on the display wall"
"I am sorry sir we are out of stock for those" replied the salesman.
"Ok, show me the one beside it, the rifle"
"We are out of those, as well"
Suspecting the salesman is a racist he goes to a lawyer.
When the lawyer, who is white, walks into the store and asks, "what have you got against b**......" when he is interrupted.
"Well we have handguns, rifles, shotguns..."
How did Henry V reload his rifle?
Once more into the breech, dear friends
Joke for any location...
I was at a "place of religion or race" the other day going through some magazines...
... I was perfectly happy till my rifle jammed.
Why the different branches of the military can't work together:
The reason why the services don't get along? They don't speak the same language. For example, if you tell a soldier to "Secure the building." he's going to set up claymores and machine gun nests with interlocking fields of fire. If you tell a Marine to "Secure the building." he's going to pie every room with his rifle in his hands and his Ka-bar on his waist. If you tell a sailor to "Secure the building." he's going to lock all the doors and windows and put all the sensitive documents in a furnace. If you tell an airman to "Secure the building." he's going to sign a lease agreement with an option to purchase.
French WWI Rifle for sale.
Unused, like new. Just dropped once.
PS. Like you frech guys anyway ;)
So a bunch of Japanese soldiers walked into a bar
By bar I mean Browning Automatic Rifle
My history teacher told me a joke about WW2 today...
If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.
If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they're German.
If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.
If they surrender, they're Italian.
If there is a mass wave of infantry and tanks, they're Russian.
If there is a bayonet and sword charge, they're Japanese.
If everything is quiet for a minute or two, and suddenly you are in the middle of a massive artillery barrage and air strikes, they are American.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Long Range s**... Rifle: $5,000. Hiring an assassin: $10,000.
Having Mike Pence assassinated? Viceless.
What's a keyboard warrior's favourite weapon of choice?
A salt rifle.
What is a Geologist's favourite gun?
A Basalt Rifle
I saw an American rifle for sale from the Vietnam war
Unfortunately, it was withdrawn.
What did a British rifle say to the shotgun?
Sod off
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
A psycopath goes into a store
He approaches the person at the counter and asks:
-Hello sir, may I have an assault rifle, 3,000 rounds, a scope, and a box of penicillin?
-Sorry sir, I can't sell you penicillin without a prescription.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was looking to buy a s**... rifle at a small arms store
but it was a long shot
Why should you always hunt deer with a high powered rifle?
To get the most bang for your buck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought the M82A1 s**... rifle and I am kinda disappointed.
But I'll Barrett.
I don't understand biathlon...
I mean, how is it possible to have a rifle and yet finish at second place?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everything in Australia can kill you
Except for one thing, an assault rifle
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an u**.... What do they arm the lunch lady with?
A salt rifle
I built the most American guitar ever
Made completely out of mirror polished, stainless steel from the World Trade Center in the shape of a bald eagle carrying a rifle.
Only has one octave, but I enjoy playing it, from C to shining C.
An American goes to a shop.
And asks for a full automatic rifle, 40.000 bullets and a pack of penicillin.
The shop owner says: I am sorry sir, I can´t sell you the penicillin without a prescription.
What do you call a rifle store owner who has an introverted personality.
A loan gunman.
I will never forget where i was when JFK was shot
Looking down the scope of a rifle
I think the lady across the street is after me,
I see her looking at pictures of me through my rifle scope.
A guy enters in a bar...
A angry guy enters in a bar with an assault rifle in his hands. When they saw him, every customers went silent in fear. The angry guy screamed : " where is the guy that slept with me wife?!? " Every customer stared at each other, then started laughing. "What's so funny?", asked the one holding the gun. A customer at the back of the back then yelled : "No chances you have enough ammo in there! "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think that people who say AR-15 stands for assault rifle are s**....
Armalite?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a highly decorated s**... retire his old trusty s**... rifle?
With an honorable discharge.
Losing a rifle in the army can get you a fine over over £500
I am starting to finally understand why navy captains go down with the ship
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pakistani proverb.
Optimistic students take English. Pessimistic students take Chinese. Realists take Kalashnikov assault rifle.
A guy enters in a bar, angry af, with an assault rifle.
The whole place goes silent as he slams the door.
Angry guy : Who in here slept with my wife?!?
Some random guy at the back of the bar starts to laugh.
Angry guy : What's so funny?!?
Random guy : No chance you have enough bullets in that gun !
A child walks into a supermarket in America.
A child walks into a supermarket in America and tries to buy 5 bars of snickers and an assault rifle. The cashier saids, 'I'm sorry, I can't sell this to you'. The child replies; 'Why?' The cashier then saids; 'that's too much chocolate for a little boy to have'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Say cheese.
Person I just met: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I take professional headshots.
Person: Oh, you're a photographer?
Me: (tucks s**... rifle behind my back) No, not exactly...
Israelis and Palestinians are fighting a battle.
From the israeli side, a machine gun fires, bang bang bang bang bang bang bang.
From the Palestinian side, a rifle goes bang bang
This goes on for a bit until suddenly, the Palestinian side goes quiet.
A head pokes out of the Israeli foxhole. Hey Muhammad! You run out of ammo?
Yeah!
Well come on over, i'll sell you some!
What is Guy Fieri's favorite gun?
A salt rifle
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girlfriend: your friends must call you M 16.
Boyfriend: Why, because I'm like a rifle in bed?
Girlfriend: no, because you b**... in three seconds
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hunter: Wanna get shot by a rifle?
Duck: Sure, I'm game.
Soviet Curfew
A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.
What did you do that for? he asks.
Curfew violation, the other guard says.
Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!
I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.
Karen's 911 call
Karen was cleaning Kyle's rifle and shot him by accident. She calls 911.
"It's my husband," said Karen. "I've accidentally shot him... I've killed him," she sobbed.
"Please calm down, ma'am," the 911 operator tried to sooth her. "Can you please make sure he's actually dead?"
\[Click\] BANG!
"Okay, I've done that. What now?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.
The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.
Doctor, please help, my friend broke his leg.
Sorry, but I'm a vet, I specialize in horses.
Come on, please, it can't be that big of a difference?
Ok fine, just let me get my rifle from the car.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This p**... off guy bursts into a bar full of people with a rifle.
Who the h**...'s the a**... who slept with my wife?!
Some guy answers:
Woah! Woah dude! You're gonna need more bullets.
A drill sergeant was drilling the recruit squad in the use of the rifle
Everything went smoothly until blank cartridges were distributed.
The recruits were instructed to load their pieces and stand at the ready, and then the sergeant gave the command:
"Fire at will!"
Private Lunn was puzzled. He lowered his gun.
"Which one is Will?", he asked.
