The Best 59 Rifle Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rifle jokes. There are some rifle ammo jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rifle glock puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Rifle Jokes and Puns

I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in

"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"

"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.

"No, only one."

He starts cleaning the rifle again.

I saw an ad for a vintage French military rifle today

Never fired, dropped once

What do you call a communist who's good with a rifle?

A marxman.

jokes about rifle

So a French WW2 rifle came up for sale at an auction, the description read...

French rifle, never used, dropped once.


Classified ad

I was reading the paper today and saw a nice firearm at a good price. "French rifle: never been fired, only dropped once."

Network administrator

A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.

After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"

"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."

The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.

"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"

Rifle joke, Network administrator

A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.

They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"

Jon was excited about his new rifle..

... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over.Β Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.Β The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.Β Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there.Β The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"Β 

Two armed guards were standing at a street corner...

They see a man walking casually on the other side of the street. The first guard raises his rifle and shoots the pedestrian, killing him instantly.

The second guard says to the first, "What was that for?"

"He was out past curfew." Replied the first guard.

"What do you mean?" Said the second guard, "It's not curfew for another hour."

"Yeah, but I knew the guy," Said the first guard, "He could never have made it home in time."

Three stat professors were out hunting...

...when they came upon a deer by a river.

The first professor fired his rifle, and the shot went three feet to the left.
The second professor fired, and the shot went 3 feet to the right.

The third stood and exclaimed "Alright! We got him!"

You can explore rifle firearm reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rifle fires dad jokes. There are also rifle puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Whose point is it anyway?

A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."

The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."

The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."

The doctor said, "My point exactly!"

A man goes hunting...

He is an Atheist. He is in the woods when he trips and drops his rifle down a cliffs edge, and a Bear corners him. Knowing its his last line of life, but un willing to ask for god, he thinks of a witty idea, he says "If there is a god, please make this bear a christian!".The bear stands up and says "Dear lord, thank you for this meal im about to eat".
Hueh.

I'm selling a WWII relic....

A beautiful French rifle. It's never been fired and only dropped once.

How do you advertise a French rifle?

Never fired, dropped once.

Selling a french WW2 rifle

Never fired, only dropped once.

Rifle joke, Selling a french WW2 rifle

French rifle for sale.

Never fired. Dropped twice.

What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use?

A salt rifle.

A black man walks into a gun store in Texas.

"I would like to see that glock on the display wall"
"I am sorry sir we are out of stock for those" replied the salesman.
"Ok, show me the one beside it, the rifle"
"We are out of those, as well"

Suspecting the salesman is a racist he goes to a lawyer.
When the lawyer, who is white, walks into the store and asks, "what have you got against blacks..." when he is interrupted.
"Well we have handguns, rifles, shotguns..."


What is a chefs weapon of choice?

A salt rifle

What did the soldier use to season his fries?

A salt rifle.

Why the different branches of the military can't work together:

The reason why the services don't get along? They don't speak the same language. For example, if you tell a soldier to "Secure the building." he's going to set up claymores and machine gun nests with interlocking fields of fire. If you tell a Marine to "Secure the building." he's going to pie every room with his rifle in his hands and his Ka-bar on his waist. If you tell a sailor to "Secure the building." he's going to lock all the doors and windows and put all the sensitive documents in a furnace. If you tell an airman to "Secure the building." he's going to sign a lease agreement with an option to purchase.

When is the only time you're smiling and winking at your mother in law?

When you're looking at her through a rifle scope.

I call my wife Bambi and she thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

Actually, it's because I shot her mother with a hunting rifle...

What do you call a weapon made of sodium chloride?

A salt rifle.

In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors

If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British

If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German

If they retreat, they're French

If they switch to your side, they're Italian

If they apologize, they're Canadian

If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American

Rifle joke, In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors

A psycopath goes into a store

He approaches the person at the counter and asks:

-Hello sir, may I have an assault rifle, 3,000 rounds, a scope, and a box of penicillin?

-Sorry sir, I can't sell you penicillin without a prescription.

When I was in the army, I broke my rifle and had to pay 600$.

I guess that's why the captain always goes down with the ship.

Everyone jokes that everything in Australia can kill you.

You know what probably won't kill you?

An Assault rifle.


I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army.

I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I'm starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.

The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an uzi. What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

I have a French WW2 rifle for sale

Never been fired, only dropped once.

When I was in the army, I lost my rifle and had to pay $865 for a new one

Now I'm starting to understand why navy captains always go down with their ship

What do you call a gun made fully from concrete?

An asphalt rifle

Solid joke right?


In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle.

That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

For sale: French Rifle

Condition: never fired, dropped once.

Finally realized why the end of my rifle always tastes so salty

Because whenever I put it in my mouth I'm always crying

*assault rifle tips fedora*

M'16.

Now that most of California has banned the use of straws,

I just going to have to drink my frappuccino through this assault rifle.

A guy enters in a bar...

A angry guy enters in a bar with an assault rifle in his hands. When they saw him, every customers went silent in fear. The angry guy screamed : " where is the guy that slept with me wife?!? " Every customer stared at each other, then started laughing. "What's so funny?", asked the one holding the gun. A customer at the back of the back then yelled : "No chances you have enough ammo in there! "

A guy enters in a bar, angry af, with an assault rifle.

The whole place goes silent as he slams the door.

Angry guy : Who in here slept with my wife?!?

Some random guy at the back of the bar starts to laugh.

Angry guy : What's so funny?!?

Random guy : No chance you have enough bullets in that gun !

Israelis and Palestinians are fighting a battle.

From the israeli side, a machine gun fires, bang bang bang bang bang bang bang.

From the Palestinian side, a rifle goes bang bang

This goes on for a bit until suddenly, the Palestinian side goes quiet.

A head pokes out of the Israeli foxhole. Hey Muhammad! You run out of ammo?

Yeah!

Well come on over, i'll sell you some!

A soldier was rushed to the hospital with a horrific bayonet wound.

Unfortunately, he was pronounced dead on a rifle.

I recently bought a gun

It can only shoot NaCl bullets because it's a salt rifle.

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.

The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.

The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.

The statistician yells "We got him!"

Soviet Curfew

A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

What did you do that for? he asks.

Curfew violation, the other guard says.

Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!

I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.

Why is the National Rifle Association filing for bankruptcy?

Because schools are closed.

What is more difficult than getting an assault rifle in the U.S.?

Getting a water bottle in a Georgia voting line

I think my wife is putting glue on my rifle collection.

She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

Karen's 911 call

Karen was cleaning Kyle's rifle and shot him by accident. She calls 911.

"It's my husband," said Karen. "I've accidentally shot him... I've killed him," she sobbed.

"Please calm down, ma'am," the 911 operator tried to sooth her. "Can you please make sure he's actually dead?"

\[Click\] BANG!

"Okay, I've done that. What now?"

I call my wife Bambi, she thinks it's because she is cute with big brown eyes.

But in reality I just hope someone shoots her mother with a hunting rifle.

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.

The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.

But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.

When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.

The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!

The old man said, That's stupid! The bullet must have been shot by another person.

That's exactly right, said the doctor.

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85.

That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

A wealthy man on a business trip calls home and the butler answers the phone: Can I talk to my wife, please?

The butler answers that she is currently in the bedroom with a man. What?!! Take the rifle in my study, go to the bedroom and shoot them both - I'll stay on the line

Very well, sir , the butler answers and he walks away from the phone. After about a minute, the man hears two gunshots and a moment later, the butler returns to the phone.

I shot them both, sir. What should I do with the bodies?

I don't care, throw them in the pool

We don't have a pool, sir

Ah, sorry, wrong number

Doctor, please help, my friend broke his leg.

Sorry, but I'm a vet, I specialize in horses.

Come on, please, it can't be that big of a difference?

Ok fine, just let me get my rifle from the car.

The scope fell off my rifle.

I feel so aimless...

Why was the rifle unemployed?

Because it was fired

For any collectors out there, I saw an ad in the paper for a WWII French Rifle

The ad read in good condition. Never fired. Dropped once.

I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she is so cute, with big brown eyes.

Actually, it's because I would like someone to shoot her mother, with a hunting rifle.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rifle revolver jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rifle target piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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