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Rifle Jokes

107 rifle jokes and hilarious rifle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rifle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make everyone in the room laugh with these hilarious rifle jokes! From jokes about air rifles to Winchester rifles, bullets and recoils, these jokes about firearms are sure to be a hit.

Funniest Rifle Short Jokes

Short rifle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rifle humour may include short pistol jokes also.

  1. I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes... But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle
  2. In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
  3. My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection.. She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
  4. I call my wife Bambi and she thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes... Actually, it's because I shot her mother with a hunting rifle...
  5. I call my wife Bambi, she thinks it's because she is cute with big brown eyes. But in reality I just hope someone shoots her mother with a hunting rifle.
  6. I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she is so cute, with big brown eyes. Actually, it's because I would like someone to shoot her mother, with a hunting rifle.
  7. A soldier was rushed to the hospital with a horrific bayonet wound. Unfortunately, he was pronounced dead on a rifle.
  8. I think my wife is putting glue on my rifle collection. She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
  9. I'm selling a wwii relic.... A beautiful French rifle. It's never been fired and only dropped once.
  10. What is more difficult than getting an assault rifle in the U.S.? Getting a water bottle in a Georgia voting line

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Rifle One Liners

Which rifle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rifle? I can suggest the ones about firearm and handgun.

  1. Why is the National Rifle Association filing for bankruptcy? Because schools are closed.
  2. Why was the rifle unemployed? Because it was fired
  3. What is a chef's favorite gun? A-salt-rifle
    I'll show myself out
  4. Selling a french ww2 rifle Never fired, only dropped once.
  5. What do you call a communist who's good with a rifle? A marxman.
  6. I have a French WW2 rifle for sale Never been fired, only dropped once.
  7. French rifle for sale. Never fired. Dropped twice.
  8. What do you call a gun that shoots salt. A-salt rifle.
  9. For sale: French Rifle Condition: never fired, dropped once.
  10. What did the soldier use to season his fries? A salt rifle.
  11. What do you call a gun made fully from concrete? An asphalt rifle
    Solid joke right?
  12. *assault rifle tips fedora* M'16.
  13. What do you call a weapon made of sodium chloride? A salt rifle.
  14. What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use? A salt rifle.
  15. How do you advertise a French rifle? Never fired, dropped once.

Assault Rifle Jokes

Here is a list of funny assault rifle jokes and even better assault rifle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Now that most of California has banned the use of straws, I just going to have to drink my frappuccino through this assault rifle.
  • Everyone jokes that everything in Australia can kill you. You know what probably won't kill you?
    An Assault rifle.
  • Everything in Australia can kill you Except for one thing, an assault rifle
  • Pakistani proverb. Optimistic students take English. Pessimistic students take Chinese. Realists take Kalashnikov assault rifle.
  • French assault rifle for sale: Never fired, dropped only once.
  • What do you call a racist cake shaped like a Soviet assault rifle? A cake AK.
  • What's the difference between a liberal disagreeing with a republican and a republican disagreeing with a liberal? a pound of c4 and an assault rifle.
  • I don't own any assault rifles Just defence rifles
  • The most likely place to find an assault rifle is... on the spices rack, next to the apepper rifle.
  • What goes good with an assault rifle? Pepper spray

Winchester Rifle Jokes

Here is a list of funny winchester rifle jokes and even better winchester rifle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Winchester announced a new rifle: "The Dockworker"
Rifle joke, Winchester announced a new rifle: "The Dockworker"

Uproarious Rifle Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about rifle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean machine gun jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rifle pranks.

An old ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in

"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"
"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.
"No, only one."
He starts cleaning the rifle again.

I saw an ad for a vintage French military rifle today

Never fired, dropped once

So a French WW2 rifle came up for sale at an auction, the description read...

French rifle, never used, dropped once.

Classified ad

I was reading the paper today and saw a nice firearm at a good price. "French rifle: never been fired, only dropped once."

French Joke

Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!

Network administrator

A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"

A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.

They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"

Jon was excited about his new rifle..

... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?" 

Two armed guards were standing at a street corner...

They see a man walking casually on the other side of the street. The first guard raises his rifle and shoots the pedestrian, killing him instantly.
The second guard says to the first, "What was that for?"
"He was out past curfew." Replied the first guard.
"What do you mean?" Said the second guard, "It's not curfew for another hour."
"Yeah, but I knew the guy," Said the first guard, "He could never have made it home in time."

Three stat professors were out hunting...

...when they came upon a deer by a river.
The first professor fired his rifle, and the shot went three feet to the left.
The second professor fired, and the shot went 3 feet to the right.
The third stood and exclaimed "Alright! We got him!"

Whose point is it anyway?

A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."
The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it."
The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear."
The doctor said, "My point exactly!"

A man goes hunting...

He is an Atheist. He is in the woods when he trips and drops his rifle down a cliffs edge, and a Bear corners him. Knowing its his last line of life, but un willing to ask for god, he thinks of a witty idea, he says "If there is a god, please make this bear a christian!".The bear stands up and says "Dear lord, thank you for this meal im about to eat".
Hueh.

Three people are given the death sentence...

They are given a choice, guillotine or rifle for their execution.
The first convict states he will take the guillotine. When they setup and release, the blade gets stuck and the sheriff states "it is not your time, you may go."
The second decides on guillotine as well, the blade gets stuck and they also let him free.
The third says "Well, since the guillotine isn't working, I will take death by rifle."

A woman went to a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.

Women: "It`s for my husband.
Shopkeeper: "Did he tell you what type should buy?"
Women: "Are you kidding? ,"He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him today!"

A Chemist, An Engineer, and A Statistician

A Chemist, an engineer, and a statistician are out in the woods hunting. The chemist says" Watch this" and fires his rifle. His shot lands five yards short of the deer. The engineer laughs and says "Watch this" and calculates for wind resistance. His shot lands five yards over the dear. The statistician suddenly stands up and screams "WE GOT HIM"

I found a very lucrative deal on the firearms section on Craigslist.

A French MAS36 rifle. Never fired, dropped once.

A black man walks into a gun store in Texas.

"I would like to see that glock on the display wall"
"I am sorry sir we are out of stock for those" replied the salesman.
"Ok, show me the one beside it, the rifle"
"We are out of those, as well"
Suspecting the salesman is a racist he goes to a lawyer.
When the lawyer, who is white, walks into the store and asks, "what have you got against b**......" when he is interrupted.
"Well we have handguns, rifles, shotguns..."

What do you call a rifle that has been fired recently?

A shotgun

What is a chefs weapon of choice?

A salt rifle

Why the different branches of the military can't work together:

The reason why the services don't get along? They don't speak the same language. For example, if you tell a soldier to "Secure the building." he's going to set up claymores and machine gun nests with interlocking fields of fire. If you tell a Marine to "Secure the building." he's going to pie every room with his rifle in his hands and his Ka-bar on his waist. If you tell a sailor to "Secure the building." he's going to lock all the doors and windows and put all the sensitive documents in a furnace. If you tell an airman to "Secure the building." he's going to sign a lease agreement with an option to purchase.

I'm selling an authentic French rifle..

It was never fired and only dropped once.

When is the only time you're smiling and winking at your mother in law?

When you're looking at her through a rifle scope.

In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors

If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American

A psycopath goes into a store

He approaches the person at the counter and asks:
-Hello sir, may I have an assault rifle, 3,000 rounds, a scope, and a box of penicillin?
-Sorry sir, I can't sell you penicillin without a prescription.

For sale,

A French WW II rifle, never used, dropped once...

The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an u**.... What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

I built the most American guitar ever

Made completely out of mirror polished, stainless steel from the World Trade Center in the shape of a bald eagle carrying a rifle.
Only has one octave, but I enjoy playing it, from C to shining C.

Want to buy a French rifle?

Never fired, dropped once.

What's a chef's favorite weapon?

A salt rifle.

Finally realized why the end of my rifle always tastes so salty

Because whenever I put it in my mouth I'm always crying

I miss my ex-wife

Next time, I'll use a better rifle

A guy enters in a bar...

A angry guy enters in a bar with an assault rifle in his hands. When they saw him, every customers went silent in fear. The angry guy screamed : " where is the guy that slept with me wife?!? " Every customer stared at each other, then started laughing. "What's so funny?", asked the one holding the gun. A customer at the back of the back then yelled : "No chances you have enough ammo in there! "

A guy enters in a bar, angry af, with an assault rifle.

The whole place goes silent as he slams the door.
Angry guy : Who in here slept with my wife?!?
Some random guy at the back of the bar starts to laugh.
Angry guy : What's so funny?!?
Random guy : No chance you have enough bullets in that gun !

My grandfather has a French rifle from WW2 for sale on eBay

The description reads "never fired. Dropped once "

Say cheese.

Person I just met: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I take professional headshots.
Person: Oh, you're a photographer?
Me: (tucks s**... rifle behind my back) No, not exactly...

Israelis and Palestinians are fighting a battle.

From the israeli side, a machine gun fires, bang bang bang bang bang bang bang.
From the Palestinian side, a rifle goes bang bang
This goes on for a bit until suddenly, the Palestinian side goes quiet.
A head pokes out of the Israeli foxhole. Hey Muhammad! You run out of ammo?
Yeah!
Well come on over, i'll sell you some!

Girlfriend: your friends must call you M 16.

Boyfriend: Why, because I'm like a rifle in bed?
Girlfriend: no, because you b**... in three seconds

Hunter: Wanna get shot by a rifle?

Duck: Sure, I'm game.

So three women escape from a prison, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.

They hide under a tarp on a work truck. The security guard is checking the tarp at the gate. He pokes his rifle at the brunette and she goes "meow, meow". He pokes his rifle at the red head and she goes "woof, woof". He pokes his rifle at the blonde and she goes "potato, potato".

I recently bought a gun

It can only shoot NaCl bullets because it's a salt rifle.

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"

Soviet Curfew

A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.
What did you do that for? he asks.
Curfew violation, the other guard says.
Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!
I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.

Karen's 911 call

Karen was cleaning Kyle's rifle and shot him by accident. She calls 911.
"It's my husband," said Karen. "I've accidentally shot him... I've killed him," she sobbed.
"Please calm down, ma'am," the 911 operator tried to sooth her. "Can you please make sure he's actually dead?"
\[Click\] BANG!
"Okay, I've done that. What now?"

What do you call a firearm made out of salt?

A salt rifle.

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.

The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.

A wealthy man on a business trip calls home and the butler answers the phone: Can I talk to my wife, please?

The butler answers that she is currently in the bedroom with a man. What?!! Take the rifle in my study, go to the bedroom and shoot them both - I'll stay on the line
Very well, sir , the butler answers and he walks away from the phone. After about a minute, the man hears two gunshots and a moment later, the butler returns to the phone.
I shot them both, sir. What should I do with the bodies?
I don't care, throw them in the pool
We don't have a pool, sir
Ah, sorry, wrong number

Doctor, please help, my friend broke his leg.

Sorry, but I'm a vet, I specialize in horses.
Come on, please, it can't be that big of a difference?
Ok fine, just let me get my rifle from the car.

The scope fell off my rifle.

I feel so aimless...

For any collectors out there, I saw an ad in the paper for a WWII French Rifle

The ad read in good condition. Never fired. Dropped once.

Three statisticians go hunting

Once they're in the forest, they see a deer.
The first statistician raises his rifle, fires, and misses by ten feet to the left.
The second statistician raises his rifle, fires, and misses by ten feet to the right.
The third statistician jumps up and down. "We got him!"

AK-74 rifle for sale

Near mint condition. Never fired dropped once near Izium.

This p**... off guy bursts into a bar full of people with a rifle.

Who the h**...'s the a**... who slept with my wife?!
Some guy answers:
Woah! Woah dude! You're gonna need more bullets.

A biologist, a physicist and a statistician went hunting

After a good, long while, they found a deer.
The physicist lifted his rifle, took aim, fired, and hit three feet to the left of the animal.
The biologist fired too, and sent the bullet three feet to the right of the deer.
The statistician lifted his rifle triumphantly in the air, and exclaimed: 'We got it!'

A drill sergeant was drilling the recruit squad in the use of the rifle

Everything went smoothly until blank cartridges were distributed.
The recruits were instructed to load their pieces and stand at the ready, and then the sergeant gave the command:
"Fire at will!"
Private Lunn was puzzled. He lowered his gun.
"Which one is Will?", he asked.

Rifle joke, What do you call a gun that shoots salt.

jokes about rifle