Riding Jokes
146 riding jokes and hilarious riding puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about riding that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some laughs? Check out this humorous article of riding jokes to make you smile! You'll find jokes about riding a bike, a lawn mower, a horse, a car, a bus and Little Red Riding Hood, plus many more. So get ready to jog, trot, and gallop through these funny jokes today.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Riding Short Jokes
Short riding jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The riding humour may include short ride jokes also.
- Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
- Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he's dressed up as and he responds I'm a snail! That's M'shell on my back
- Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator. I was wrong on so many levels.
- Two nuns went on a bike ride... ...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
"I've never come this way before!"
And the other replies
"yes! It's the cobblestones!" - My 9 year old just told me this one and I had to share. What's the hardest part about learning to ride a bike. The pavement.
- I saw a black guy riding a bike near my house yesterday I thought it was mine. So I checked the garage and it was still chained up, asking for food.
- Two nuns are riding bicycles through the streets of Rome. "I've never come this way before" says the first nun.
The second nun replies: "It's the cobblestones." - Two nuns are riding down a street on bikes One says to the other "I've never come this way before."
The other smiles and says "neither have I. Must be the cobblestones." - Riding with Uber earlier.. The driver said,
"I love my job, I am my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."
Then I said, "Turn Left. - So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".
Share These Riding Jokes With Friends
Riding One Liners
Which riding one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with riding? I can suggest the ones about bike and bike ride.
- "sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." - John. F. Kennedy
- Fastest Bolt at the Olympics? Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?
- What's the best thing about going to auschwitz? Plenty of seats on the train ride home.
- How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?
- How many adhd kids does it take to change a light bulb? LETS GO RIDE BIKES
- how many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? hey let's go ride our bikes
- Why is PTSD like riding a bike? You never forget
- How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb? Wanna ride our bicycles?
- What do you call a porcupine riding a turtle? A slow poke.
- What's Iron Man's favorite carnival ride? The ferrous wheel.
- What do little sisters love to ride? A nissan.
- My wife asked me why hot air balloon rides are so expensive. I said "inflation".
- What do you call a dwarf who regularly rides the Paris Metro? A Metrognome.
- What's the difference between a Tesla and an ambulance? You can afford a ride in a Tesla.
- Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator? It lifts their spirits
happy spoopy day
Riding Bike Jokes
Here is a list of funny riding bike jokes and even better riding bike puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dog is obsessed with chasing people on bikes. I'm honestly just impressed he can ride a bike.
- I crashed my bike the other day and got two punctures. I don't think I can ride my bike again. I'll have to retire it.
- If you ever miss the Tour de France, just go to Amsterdam. It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes.
- Two nuns went for a bike ride and ride down a cobble stone street One says I haven't come this way before.
The other says neither have I just hold on and enjoy it - Two nuns go out for a bike ride They wander through the old part of town.
One nun says, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones." - Losing my virginity was a lot like riding a bike for the first time. My dad was holding me from behind.
- Man, after joining a Biker Gang: Do we or don't we ride our bikes at the same speed? Biker: Yes, we do. But stop calling it synchronizing our cycles.
- I saw a black guy riding a bike... At first I thought it was mine, then I realized mine is at home, washing the dishes.
- l accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked. Now it can ride a bike without
stabilizers. - How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go ride bikes!
(This was approved by a fellow kid with ADD, AKA me)
Riding Horse Jokes
Here is a list of funny riding horse jokes and even better riding horse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Thor Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. He shouts "I AM THOR! I AM THOR!" His horse replies: "That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly!"
- You're riding a horse, a giraffe is running next to you and a lion is chasing you. What do you do? Get your drunk as off the carousel.
- Riding a horse can be difficult. You could always choose to ride a mule instead... but that would be half-assed.
- I have a few female horses, but one of them always starts freaking out while riding at night She's my worst night mare
- I recently bought a female Horse that I was hoping to ride daily, but she only sleeps during the day. She's turning out to be such a Nightmare.
- Husbands are like horses If you're not riding them, they're running off.
- to ride a horse or not to ride a horse that is equestrian
- My grandfather was riding a horse yesterday and its leg broke. So he decided to shoot it. Everyone else on the carousel started freaking out though.
- Thor, the god of Thunder, was riding on his filly "I'm Thor!" he cried.
The horse replied,
"Then uthe a thaddle, thilly!" - I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once. It had its ups and downs.
Horse Riding Jokes
Here is a list of funny horse riding jokes and even better horse riding puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My kids are playing cowboys and Indians. One is pretending to ride a horse and shoot stuff, the other is providing tech support.
- A farmer was riding his horse: The farmer says "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse."
The horse comes to a quick stop and looks at the farmer and says, "Moooooo." - Riding horses is fun and all, but... ...let's be on a steer.
- If the President rides equestrian without a saddle, what do you call the animal he's on? Bare Horse One.
- Why are the cops riding horses? Well, someone has to do the thinking.
- The Thunder God went for a ride. The Thunder God went for a ride upon his mighty steed.
"I'm Thor!" he Roared
The horse replied "Of course, you forgot the thaddle thilly." - I was absolutely devastated when my horse died. I had a lot of money riding on that race.
- My Dad's favorite sports are horse racing, bike racing, and women... ... basically anything where you can put a leg over something and ride it.
- A church father was riding a horse... Or was it the child?
A church father was riding a child... - When I was a kid I wanted to stop riding horses and start playing baseball, but my dad wouldn't let me. I had too many foals.
Riding In Car Jokes
Here is a list of funny riding in car jokes and even better riding in car puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- IF JFK taught me one thing... The best way to clear your head is to take a ride in your car.
- Apple and Google are both working on self driving cars. Personally I don't think I want to ride in a car without Windows.
- What do you call a Barbie on fire? A Barbecue!
Be gentle. First post. And I remember making this up on a long car ride when I was just 4:) - I was riding in my friend's car today when I noticed he didn't have a brake pedal. He said it only slowed him down.
- How does JFK clear his head? He goes for a car ride.
- Why do black people buy old police cars? They never got to ride in the front seat.
- You hear about the nurse who left his uniform in his buddy's car? His scrubs were hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride
- What kind of bug do you find on a long car ride? An I-shoulda-pede.
- Why did Frog need a ride? Because his car was Toad.
- Hot women and exotic cars have a lot in common! U wanna ride both but no one will let you
Riding Lawn Mower Jokes
Here is a list of funny riding lawn mower jokes and even better riding lawn mower puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a Mexican on a riding lawn mower? Promoted.
Hilarious Riding Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about riding you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rowing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make riding pranks.
nuns have desires too
two nuns were riding their bicycles through the back streets and alleys of rome.
one turns to the other and says, "i've never come this way before".
the other nun says, "it's the cobblestones".
What do you do when you are riding a horse, and you look to the left and see a running lion, and you look to the right and see a running giraffe?
What do you do when you are riding a horse, and you look to the left and see a running lion, and you look to the right and see a running giraffe?
**Get off the merry-go-round, you're drunk**
Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.
Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a v**..., and *pretend* the train is running!"
Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?
Better grip.
Happy Halloween :)
So a man rides his camel through New York...
and leaves it to go to a diner. When he comes back, his camel is missing, so he goes to the police.
The police ask a few questions. "Was the camel male or female?"
The man replies, "I'm not entirely sure- Wait! I remember! It's male it has to be!
"How do you know?"
"Well, when I was riding through town people kept pointing and saying "Look at the shmuck on that camel!"
This used to be my Dad's favorite joke. "The End of the World"
The world is ending by nuclear warfare and there are three men riding on a plane to a fallout shelter where they would be safe and ride out the devastation. The three men are: the president, the pope, and a young hippie.
Suddenly, as they are nearing their destination, the plane malfunctions and is going down quickly. The three passengers look at each other, then realize: there are only two parachutes.
The President hastily grabs a bag and before jumping out of the hatch says," I am God's gift to you all! I rule the United States! I am the leader this world will need! I am the SMARTEST man on this planet!"
Realizing they don't have much time the pope quickly says to the hippie, "My son, you have many more years to live than I, it would only be right for you to seize this opportunity and fulfill-"
The hippie begins laughing, startling the pope into silence, and says, "Don't worry Father, the smartest man on the planet just jumped out of the plane with my backpack on!"
A cowboy is riding across the plain one day,
when he sees an Indian chief laying on the ground with his ear pressed firmly to the earth. Never having seen this before, the cowboy says "Hey chief whatcha doin there." The chief in broken english says "Ugg, buffalo come." The cowboy says "That's amazing chief, how can you tell?" The Chief reply's "Ear sticky."
Thor
The god of thunder is riding through the sky on his mighty stallion. With lightning crashing all around, he triumphantly screams, "I'M THOR!" His horse looks up and says, "Of courthe you are, you forgot your thaddle thilly!"
2 nuns take a shortcut
2 nuns are riding bicycles through the Vatican and they decide to take a shortcut down a cobblestone street. The first nun says to the second, "I've never come this way before." The second nun replies to the first, "Nor have I. It must be the cobblestones."
Tribal Wisdom
So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."
A man bought a horse from a pastor of a church...
The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. He wipes his sweat off and says "Phew! Thank God!".
*Old Russian joke my dad used to tell*
If you and jack were horseback riding
Would you help j**... the horse?
Two cowboys are out riding...
Two cowboys are out riding on a dirt trail when they come across a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The men stop and the first cowboy jumps off his horse and approaches the sheep. He then proceeds to take his pants off and have his way with the sheep. When he is done, the second cowboy jumps off his horse. "My turn!" he exclaims, and sticks his head in the fence.
A software engineer, a chemical engineer and a mechanical engineer were riding along in a car.....
suddenly the car stopped. The mechanical engineer said "it must be a problem with the motor", the chemical engineer said "no it's most likely a fuel problem", then the software engineer said "maybe if we all get out, then get back in, it will start"
Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...
And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
What's the hardest thing about riding a scooter?
Telling your parents you're gay
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are riding in a car...
when it breaks down. The mechanical engineer speaks up and says, "It must be the engine!" The electrical engineer says, "No, it must be the wiring." The software engineer finally speaks up and says, "Guys, guys... Let's just all get completely out of the car and then get back in."
A cowboy is riding his horse in the desert...
next to them his dog is running along. Suddenly the dog says:"I'm so hot right now. I cant take it anymore". The surprised cowboy looked at the dog and said: "Wow!I didn't know dogs could talk". Then suddenly the horse says: "Neither did I!!"
The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the prairie. Then Tonto got down from his horse and put his ear to the ground. He looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Buffalo come."
The Lone Ranger looked at him and said, "Wow, that's amazing! How did you figure that out?"
Tonto looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Ear sticky!"
The lone Ranger and Tonto
The lone Ranger and Tonto are riding their horses when Tonto falls off. He lands in a ditch. The lone Ranger walks up and says "Tonto are you ok"? Tonto puts his ear to the ground and remains quiet. The lone Ranger repeats himself and Tonto quiets him and says "buffalo come" the lone Ranger says " you can tell that by listening to the ground"? Tonto says "no, ground very sticky.
Chastity Belt
So, this guy was going to Crusade. He put on a chastity belt on his wife, gave the key to his best friend and said, "if I don't come back in 3 years, set her free." He starts off on his horse. After a while, he sees a big cloud of dust behind him. Someone was riding his horse really fast. So, he waits. The horse catches up to him. It's his best friend.
"You gave me the wrong key", yells his friend.
What's the difference between a formally-dressed man riding a unicycle and a casually-dressed man riding a bicycle?
Attire.
My first time having s**... was just like my first time riding a bike
My dad was holding me from behind.
Four engineers riding in a car -
it stalls. Mechanical engineer suggests a timing problem. Electrical engineer says bad spark. Chemical engineer offers poor fuel mixture. The computer engineer has no idea but "If we get out the car and get back in it may start
Sister Mary and Sister Francis are riding their bikes from the vestibule to the rectory....
Sister Mary says to Sister Francis, "I've never came this way before!"
And Sister Francis says "It must be the cobble stone street!"
A man is riding in the back of a taxi...
and the taxi driver is silent and concentrated on the road. Wanting to ask a question, the man taps the driver on the shoulder and says "Hey, buddy!" The driver screams and loses control of the taxi and crashes into a pole. The man says "Wow I didn't know me tapping you would scare you so much!" The driver replies, "It's not you're fault. This is my first day driving a taxi... last 20 years I drove a hearse!"
Two Engineers Run into Each Other
One of them is riding a shiny new bike.
Engineer 1: "Where'd you get that bike?"
Engineer 2: "Well, yesterday a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike, took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted.
So, I took the bike."
Engineer 1: "That was smart... the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
My grandfather told me this In German so it might already be posted somewhere here, oh and it's translated
Two guys are riding bicycles down the street.
One of the bikes fenders was loose and was making a loud noise.
So the first guy said to the second guy
"Hey your fender is too loud"
The second guy says "what?"
The first guy speaks louder
"your fender is too loud"
The second guy replies "what?"
The first guy yells
"YOUR FENDER IS TOO LOUD"
The second guy yells back
"I CANT HEAR YOU MY FENDER IS TOO LOUD!"
A pair of Scottish nuns were riding in a cab in Edinburgh, and one turned to the other saying, "I've never come this way before." The other nun smiled and said...
"Aye, it's the cobblestones."
Girl about to jump of a bridge.....
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing?
I'm going to commit s**..., she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a b**...? So, she does and it was a long, deep and slow b**....
After she's finished, the biker says, Wow! That was the best b**... I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing s**...?
My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.....
Two young boys go to a store
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.
They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?
What if you have an accident?
The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.
The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.
A Bee on a Fly
(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool
A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.
The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.
The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.
A little boy caught his mom riding his dad.
The little boy said, Mom what are you doing?
She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out.
He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up!
My one and only go-to joke, hope you like it.
A blond is riding a horse, it starts galloping faster and faster. She feels herself beginning to lose her grip and start to slid down the the saddle. She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it.
What's the difference between a wicker basket and wicker box?
Wicker basket is what Little Red Riding Hood carried to Grandma's house.
Wicker box is what Elmer Fudd does to his girlfriend on special occasions.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding through the prairie
When all of a sudden Tonto stops and puts his ear to the ground. The Lone Ranger says, "What are you doing Tonto?" Tonto says, Keemosabi, buffalo come!" The Lone Ranger then says, "How can you tell?" Tonto replies, Ear sticky."
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
Last night I rode my bike to the liquor store
... and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home.
And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home.
I once went to the liquor store at the corner riding my bike
I meant to buy a bottle of whisky
On my way back home I felt like I could fall off my bike and end up breaking the bottle of whisky
So I decided to drink it all at once right there
It was the best decision of my life because on my way back home I fell off my bike like 8 times.
What's Princess Leia's favourite song?
Riding solo - Jason Derulo
Two flies riding on a motorbike.
One says to the other: Stop! Stop! A bug just flew into my eye.
A King had to go on a war but he was worried that his wife might cheat and leave him
He locked her in her room and gave the keys to his minister and ordered him that if I don't come back in 10 days then she is yours. Then the king left. After 20 mins as he was riding on his fast horse he heard someone coming from behind. He stopped for the man and once the other horse rider came close the king saw that he was his minister. The minister came towards the king.
The king said, "didn't I give you a job to do?"
The minister said, " your highness about that.... the keys you gave me are wrong"
Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)
I was riding the bus when I got tapped on the shoulder…
An old lady says to me, Would you like a nut?
I chuckled and said, Sure, thanks.
A couple of minutes after eating the nut, another tap on the shoulder. Would you like another nut?
Well, after eating a couple more nuts from the old gal I finally turned around and asked her, Why do you have nuts if you keep giving them to me?
She replied, I only like the chocolate around them.
Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome . One leans over to the other and says, "I've never come this way before."
The other Nun whispers, "It's the cobblestones."
Little Red Riding Hood walks alone through the dark forest.
Suddenly she hears a rustling behind a thick bush.
She pushes the branches and bushes aside and suddenly the big bad wolf is sitting in front of her.
"Oh, bad wolf. Why do you have such big red eyes?"
"Get out of here. I'm p**...!"
Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi
My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:
Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses f**....
Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, the Queen apologizes to Indira Gandhi, "I'm sorry," she said.
Indira Gandhi replied, "Oh that's okay. But I thought it was the horse!"
Two nuns are riding their bikes back home.
They decided to take a different way home. After they get back the younger nun looks at the older num and says, "I've never come that way before."
The older nun replies, "Oh, it's the cobblestones."
An off-duty soldier is riding the train.
When the train reaches its first stop a general walks in and the soldier stood up.
"At ease soldier, sit down.", said the general.
The train reached its second stop and again the soldier stood up.
The general once again said, "At ease soldier, sit down."
The train reached its third stop and again the soldier stood up.
The general said, "You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop."
•
The soldier said, "I'm trying to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago."
A blonde and a brunette are riding in an elevator...
At one point, a man steps aboard with dandruff all over his suit. He gets off a few floors later and the brunette turns to the blonde and whispers-
Now THAT'S a guy who could really use some Head & Shoulders!
The blonde looks perplexed:
How do you give somebody shoulders?
Two cowboys were riding through a canyon and from far off they heard the sound of drumming.
One of them said, "I don't like the sound of those drums." And a distant voice called out "He's not our regular drummer!"
A man was riding on the bus and reading and article about life and death statistics. Fascinated he turns to the fellow sitting next to him and says "did you know that everytime I breathe somebody's dies?"
The fellow turns to him and says "have you tried mouthwash?"
Two Dutch girls
Two Dutch girls are riding their bicycles home from school one day. The first one says "I've never come this way before." And the other says "it's the cobblestones. "
The Queen was riding in an open carriage with the American Ambassador when one of the horses let out an enormous f**....
The Queen turns to the Ambassador and says "My goodness, I do apologise"
"That's OK Ma'am, I thought it was the horse"
A preacher rides into a town in the old west...
As he's riding into town, his horse keeps stumbling around the street. The reins are finally grabbed by the Sheriff, who says, "This stallion okay?"
The preacher says, "Yes. We passed through a patch of p**... and he ate some. But that aside, I come to tell you of God's good word, to help you worthless, sinful heathens to-"
The Sheriff shakes his head, struggling to hold the animal still, and says "Now before you go preaching to us, why don't you get off your high horse."
Q: You're riding on a horse at high speed chasing a zebra. To your right is a sheer dropoff. Two feet to your left is a grizzly bear. Right on the heels of your horse is an angry lion. What do you do?
A: Get your drunk a**... off the merry-go-round!
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
Two nuns were riding their bikes together on their way to church one Sunday.
The first nun says to the second nun, "I've never come this way before".
The second nun says, "Yeah, it's the cobblestones".
A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike...
A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, Did Santa get you that?
Yes, replies the little girl.
Well, says the policeman, tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year, and fines her $5.
The girl looks up at the policeman and says, Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that? The policeman chuckles and replies, He sure did!
Well, says the little girl, next year, tell Santa the a**... goes on the back of the horse and not on top of it.
Two nuns were riding their bicylces down the backstreets of Rome, one old one and one young one. The young one sighs and says "wow, I've never come this way before"
The other nun said It's the cobblestones.
Riding in car with hubby and 80-yo mom; mom asks why the US flag at Mickey Ds is…
…half staff. Without missing a beat, hubby says its because the ice cream machine is down. I facepalm as my mom asks when that became a thing. 🤦♀️
A traffic policeman stops some boys on a bike.
"Hey, why are there three of you riding a single bike at once? Don't you know it's i**...?"
"Three?! Holy s**..., guys, did Jake fall off somewhere??"
In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night.
This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation.
*I'll fetch my coat of arms*
You're riding a giraffe and a tiger is chasing you.. What do you do?
You get off the merry-go-round
