Riding In Car Jokes
113 riding in car jokes and hilarious riding in car puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about riding in car that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Riding In Car Short Jokes
Short riding in car jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The riding in car humour may include short car ride jokes also.
- Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
- IF JFK taught me one thing... The best way to clear your head is to take a ride in your car.
- Apple and Google are both working on self driving cars. Personally I don't think I want to ride in a car without Windows.
- What do you call a Barbie on fire? A Barbecue!
Be gentle. First post. And I remember making this up on a long car ride when I was just 4:) - I was riding in my friend's car today when I noticed he didn't have a brake pedal. He said it only slowed him down.
- You hear about the nurse who left his uniform in his buddy's car? His scrubs were hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride
- Car rides and plane rides are just like video game loading screens if you think about it. Most of the time they both take way too long.
- What do you call your wife and mother-in-law when they're riding in the same car? Dual air bags.
- Dad joke- Car sick. I was riding in the car with my cousin and uncle. My cousin says "I think i'm getting car sick". Her dad says, "Well if you get out of the car then you'll just be sick".
- Why was the sugar ant on my dads car? Because it was a sweet ride.
(My student shared this with me today. Had to pass it on)
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Riding In Car One Liners
Which riding in car one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with riding in car? I can suggest the ones about driving cars and riding the bus.
- "sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." - John. F. Kennedy
- How does JFK clear his head? He goes for a car ride.
- What kind of bug do you find on a long car ride? An I-shoulda-pede.
- Hot women and exotic cars have a lot in common! U wanna ride both but no one will let you
- Why are cars called Sweet Rides? Traffic Jams
- What type of pet likes to ride in a car? A carpet
- What car does a japanese girl love to ride Nee-san
- Q: What do Japanese kids say when they want to ride in the front seat of the car? Shogun!
- Two tattooed people ride in a car, who is driving? The police
- How does a tail pipe feel after a long car ride? exhausted.
- I just bought a car. This sweet ride has four wheels and flies Its a garbage truck
- I had a dream I was in Dallas riding in the car with JFK... It was mind-blowing.
- Driving an automatic transmission car is like riding a bike Only two pedals
- Sometimes when I'm riding in an über, I like to request another über. Instant car chase.
- 3 Mexicans riding in a car. Who is at the wheel?
A police officer.
Riding In Car Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about riding in car you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car seat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make riding in car pranks.
An Indian cab driver picked up a Japanese man from a hotel. Along the way, they saw a Honda motorcycle overtake the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Motorcycle very fast, made in Japan." Then a Toyota car overtook the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Car very fast, made in Japan." When they reached the destination the fare was 1500 rupees. The Japanese man thought the ride was would only cost 500 rupees. He asked the driver why the ride was so expensive. The driver said, "Meter very fast, made in India."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...."
Mom and dad shot up in bed.
"How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother’s house every weekend.
It took him 2 hours and he alway’s made it by there by 2PM.
One day he tried to make it in 1 hour.
Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride.
The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how?
"No problem," says the man in the corvette, "I’ve got a rope in the back and we’ll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride."
The man says, "Ok!"
They take off and the driver yells back, "Just yell beep beep if I’m going to fast."
No problem the man thinks.
They come to an Intersection and a Ferrari pulls up, the man’s eye’s widen in fright.
Sure enough, the light changes and they're off!
Anyway, the guy made it to his brothers on time and the Vette lost.
Meanwhile, at the local police dept:
"Hey guys the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a Vette just lost me at over 120 mph on Main Street."
"What’s so weird about that?" asks the other cops.
The first cop says, "There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming beep beep and trying to pass!"
A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read: "Two Prostitutes – $50.00."
A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Right about that time a minivan passed by with a sign on the side of it that read: "Jesus Saves."
"How come you don’t stop them?" asked one of the girls.
"Well, that’s a little different," the officer replied… "their sign pertains to religion."
The two ladies of the night pouted a bit, but they took their sign down and drove off peacefully.
The following day the same police officer was running radar when he noticed the same two young ladies driving around with another sign on their car.
Figuring he had an easy arrest, he flipped his lights on and began to catch up when he noticed the what the new sign read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter – $50.00."
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
This woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
She stopped the car and asked the woman if she'd like a ride.
The woman thanked her and got in the car.
After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag.
The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman thought for a moment, then said, "Good trade."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Afternoon s**...
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**..." with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.
There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having s**...!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out,
"How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
Why I don't get married
Two friends talking: "you know why I don't buy a car?because all may friends have cars and they can give me a ride everyday. " That's exactly what I told your wife when she asked me why i don't get married"
Bottle of Wine
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
'Good trade.'
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?'
'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat grass.'
'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,' the lawyer said.
'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.'
'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us, also..'
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'
'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind.'
'Thank you for taking all of us with you.'
The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it.
You'll really love my place..
The grass is almost a foot high.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The 2 Prostitutes
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
*"Two Prostitutes - $50.00."*
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: *"JESUS SAVES."*
One of the girls asked the officer,
'How come you don't stop them?!'
'Well, that's a little different,' the officer smiled, 'Their sign pertains to religion.'
The following day the same police officer noticed the same two h**... driving around with a large sign on their car.
He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:
*"Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter --$50"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An afternoon q**...
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson knew that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**..." with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. As his parents put their plan into operation, he began his commentary:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt Brown is riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason Smith is on his skate board!"
"Mr. and Mrs. Cooper are having noontime s**...!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony eating a Popsicle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many sheep?
A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's s**... and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.
* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.
* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already r**... by soldier.
* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.
* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have r**... as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.
* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.
priest gives a nun a lift.
a priest offers a nun a ride, she gets into his car and crosses her legs. her gown lifts enough for her legs to show. he nearly has an accident while looking at her legs. after controlling the car he stealthily slides his hand up her leg and the nun says "father, dont remember psalm 129?". the priest removes his hand and continues to drive, he shifts gears and his hand bumps into her leg again and he begins to slide his hand up her leg again. the nun repeats again "father, don't you remember psalm 129?". the priest apologizes saying "sorry sister, the flesh is weak". arriving at the church the priest gets out and goes into his office, he picks up his bible and looks up psalm 129 not remembering it entirely.
the first line was "go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory".
Advertising
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO PROSTITUTES... $150.00."
A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over. He approached the ladies and told them they'd have to remove the sign. Otherwise, they'd be arrested and taken to jail. Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read, "JESUS SAVES."
The two ladies asked the policeman why he let the other car drive by without pulling them over. "Well, that's a little different since it pertains to religion." The two ladies were furious, but nonetheless they removed the sign and drove away.
The next day, the same policeman noticed the same two ladies riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car. He figured he had an easy bust, so he pulled them over once again. As he approached the car, though, he noticed a new sign which now read, "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER... $150.00."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All the forest animals are having a big car show..
..shining their rims, getting ready to put their cars on display for the forest folk to see. The bunny is hopping along half drunk and stumbles into the clearing.
"WHOAAHhh bear, that's a sweet lambo, how did you ever afford it?"
"Well bunny, i'm not an alcoholic like you" replies the bear.
The bunny takes another sip of his stashed mickey and hops with his face into the rims of a Ferrari.
"Woaahh Fox, how on earth did you afford this!"
The Fox, grabbing a towel out of its back pocket gives the bunny a dirty look and mutters "I don't spend every acorn i earn on booze.."
The bunny, amazed, takes another swig of v**... and hops his way back into the woods.
As everyone is adding the finishing touches to their rides, ready to open the show to the public, a helicopter lands in the middle of it all with the bunny in the pilot seat. He barely makes two hops and throws up.
"Wow bunny.. how on earth did you ever manage to afford that?!" the amazed onlookers exclaim.
" *hic*.. turned in my empties"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young Swedish woman, old Dutch woman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are riding a train.
A young Swedish woman, **an** old Dutch woman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are riding **on** a train.
The train goes through a tunnel, it becomes pitch black in the car, and then a loud s**... is heard.
The train emerges from the tunnel and the Englishman is rubbing his cheek.
The old Dutch woman thinks: "He must have groped the young Swedish woman, and she slapped him."
The young Swedish woman thinks: "He must have tried to g**... me, and accidentally got the old woman, and she slapped him."
The Englishman thinks: "The Irishman must have groped the Swedish girl, and she accidentally slapped me."
The Irishman thinks: "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can s**... that English guy again."
Three software engineers...
...are riding in a truck that breaks down. They get out, and tries to see what he can see under the hood, but doesn't know anything about cars, another calls a tow truck and waits, and the third says "I don't know what's wrong, let's just get back in the car and see if it happens again"
Three men die and go to heaven
Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the gates.
St. Peter calls up the first man. He says, "Heaven's a big place. I'll give you a car. How nice the car is will depend on your faithfulness to your spouse on Earth. You were not very faithful. I will give you a station wagon."
St. Peter calls up the second man. He says the same thing. He gives the man a midsize car, because the man was pretty faithful to his spouse.
St. Peter calls up the third man. He repeats what he said before and gives this man a Ferrari because he was very faithful to his spouse.
One week later, the three men all meet each other at a stop light in heaven. The first 2 men notice that the third, in his Ferrari, is crying. They ask him why.
He replies, "I just passed my wife. She was riding a skateboard."
The penguin joke (not the ice cream one)
So this guy is driving down the road with some penguins. Now some guys have penguins; this dude had some penguins! Dozens and dozens of the little dudes all piled up in guy's car cruising down the road. Well this state trooper sees him and pulls him over. Trooper walks up to the car, Mister, I'm going to give you a ticket if you don't take all these penguins straight to the zoo!
Guy in the car goes, Yes sir! and rides out. Well the next day the same state trooper is posted up in the same spot and sees the same guy drive by with the same penguins! All the same penguins, all piled up in dude's car: stacked up in the backseat, hanging out the trunk, everywhere! Today, though, they're all wearing sunglasses. So the trooper walks up to the driver, Mister, didn't I tell you yesterday to take all these penguins to the zoo?!!
Yes sir, I did. Today we're going to the beach!
A daughter is riding in a car with her elderly mother...
Her mother runs through a red light, and the daughter is concerned her mom may be too old to drive but chooses not to say anything. A few minutes go by, and her mother runs through a second red light. The daughter becomes increasingly worried. As tactfully as possible she asks, "Mom, do you realize you've driven through two red lights just now?" The mother replied, "Oh! Am I driving?"
Came up with this on a long car ride
What's a skeleton's least favorite game?
wishbone
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The q**...
Bob and Jen decided to have a little Sunday afternoon q**... but had to figure out what to do with their 10-year-old son since they lived in a small apartment. They cleverly thought to send him out on the balcony and have him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...."
Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
A very wealthy man was riding in the back of his limousine...
One afternoon, a very wealthy man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the roadside.
The man ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one of them.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then." the man from the limousine said excitedly.
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man."
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!" So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine.
One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The wealthy man replied: "No, thank you... the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!"
Eating grass
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.
"Then you must come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.
"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here," said the man.
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, "I got a wife and six kids!"
"Bring them as well!", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "I'm most happy to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall."
Me and my friend were riding on my motorcycle...
... on a particularly windy day when we saw a cyclist in front of us, pedaling in the middle of the road,
with a car honking furiously behind him...
So we drove over and asked the guy "Why don't you move to the side and let the car overtake you?"
The guy replied "I am trying!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple wants to have s**... but their son is in the house.
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**... " with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced... "The Coopers are having s**....
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Afternoon s**... when you have kids......
Afternoon s**...
Love what kids come up with...they know so much they are not
given credit for.
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**... with
their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on
the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all
the neighborhood activities...
- "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he
shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation:
- "An ambulance just drove by!"
- "Looks like the Anderson s have company," he called out.
- "Matt's riding a new bike!"
- "Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
- "Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced...
- "The Coopers are having s**...."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're
having s**...?"
Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a
Popsicle."
Joke told by my pastor
There was a couple riding in a car together, arguing. Neither wanted to concede the argument, so they didn't stop. Eventually, they both got tired out, and settled into an angry silence.
A few miles down the road, they passed a barn full of the most disgusting pigs and cows imaginable. The angry wife sniped at her husband, "Are those part of your family?"
The husband responded, "Yes, they're my in-laws."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New trick thief racket
Im just here to warn you, about this gang.
They appear on parking areas in front of supermarkets.
Seems like at the moment often at walmart.
2 very cute 18 - 20 year old girls will start to wash your car while you put your groceries in. They have barely clothes on, so you could see their underwear and even more.
If you offer money, they will say no and ask you if you instead can give them a ride to another supermarket. If you agree they get on your backseat and will start having s**... with each other while you drive. After a while they try to involve you. While one kisses you, the 2nd will steal your wallet.
Just wanted to tell you: Take care!
I got robbed this way on monday, tuesday, wednesday, twice on thursday and on saturday.
There's a new Fast & Furious ride at Universal Studios
I really hope I don't get Paul Walkers car
A Navajo woman asked me about a box of chocolates...
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally. "What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the white bag and said, "It's a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband".
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two, then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: "Good trade."
The Top Three things for Halloween you can do now in North Carolina:
#3 Swim with the sharks,
#2 Have an account on Ashley Madison,
#1 riding a street car in Charlotte NC.
What can u say about a car but not a girl?
She's a sweet ride.
Joke inspired by a previous post, I changed the punchline.
A man from Egypt, a man from Paris and a man from Liverpool are all on a hot air balloon ride
The man from Egypt says "we're in Egypt! I can see the beautiful pyramids". A while later the man from Paris says "we're in Paris! I can see the Eiffel Tower from here". Next, the man from liverpool spoke. He said "we're in Liverpool! I can see someone stealing my car!".
A blond is tired
A blond gets tired of blond jokes, so she dyes her hair. She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blond guesses, "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car. The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
What is a vegan car ride?
A bicycle.
In 1940 Russia, a poor man with no car was late to his daughter's wedding. He hitchhiked there with an unexpected guest who drove very slowly. What did he tell his daughter?
"Sorry I'm late. My ride was Stalin."
What is your favorite one to two line joke?
Keep em coming boys and gals. This is making my 15 car ride way better!
My friend got a nice new ride, but no one wants to drive him around in it
Now he's got all that car and nothing to chauffeur it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sunday Afternoon q**... :D
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...." Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
Why do you really not want to get pulled over in Ireland?
Because the cops are Dublin the fines!
(It took me a three hour car ride to come up with this... I am not a clever person)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt is riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...." Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
If a 12 year old in Africa steals a sports car do they call it a joy ride? Grand theft?
Or a midlife crisis?
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Some things just ruin your day...
The old woman was about to die so she calls her husband to her side. With some difficulty she says, "Dear, I have but one final request. Please let my mother ride in the first car with you at my f**.... It will give a good impression.
The husband things for a bit and responds, "All right, but it'll spoil my whole day."
What does your wife and my car have in common?
After a long day of riding I fill 'em both up.
My wife told me I was being lazy and should take my bicycle out for a ride...
So I put it on the rack on the back of my car and drove it around the neighborhood a few times.
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I realized prostitutes name themselves after exotic cars like Porsche or Ferrari because they're "the sexiest ride you'll ever have"...
So my p**... name would be "Teacups."
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How is a new car like a p**...?
They both depreciate after the first ride.
What do you say when a brother and sister are riding in the back seat of a car down the Tuscaloosa By-Pass?
Toll ride
What do you call it when your ride to work insists on driving an alternate route that goes through a tunnel?
Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome
Whats the diffrenece between a car and a women?
You ride the car, but the women ride you.
A man is riding through the highway listening to the radio...
Suddenly the radio starts booming: Traffic alert. There is a car driving on the wrong side of the road in Route 54. Please avoid entering the highway until further notice.
The man, confused at this alert thinks to himself One car? There are hundreds of them!
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Why is a woman like a car?
When it gets old you wish you could afford to ride in a younger model.
I saw Kurt Cobain's hitchhiking along the interstate...
...I told him he could ride shotgun in my car.
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.
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On the topic of tailpipe-f**... a car, how does one s**... their ride?
Stick it in the gashole
What's it like to be drunk?
A boy was riding home from school with his dad. He had just started learning about alcohol and drinking in his health class.
"Dad, when you're drinking how do you know you're drunk?"
"Well son, when you're drunk your speech is slurred and your vision gets worse and worse. A drunk person would see 4 cars in front of us and not 2."
"But Dad, there's only 1 car in front of us!"
I wish I was living back when MG Midgets were being made. Car manufacturers just don't have that kind of freedom now...
It's really not the same riding in a MG Little Person.
Got a ticket, smh.
The other day I got a ticket for riding in the car pool lane. Apparently it does not count, if the body is in the trunk.
I was walking along a road after my car broke down and a passing car stopped to ask if I needed a ride and why I was walking.
Piston broke I answered....Us too come on buddy get in.