Riding Horse Jokes
127 riding horse jokes and hilarious riding horse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about riding horse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Riding Horse Short Jokes
Short riding horse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The riding horse humour may include short horse riding jokes also.
- Thor Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. He shouts "I AM THOR! I AM THOR!" His horse replies: "That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly!"
- You're riding a horse, a giraffe is running next to you and a lion is chasing you. What do you do? Get your drunk as off the carousel.
- Riding a horse can be difficult. You could always choose to ride a mule instead... but that would be half-assed.
- I have a few female horses, but one of them always starts freaking out while riding at night She's my worst night mare
- I recently bought a female Horse that I was hoping to ride daily, but she only sleeps during the day. She's turning out to be such a Nightmare.
- My grandfather was riding a horse yesterday and its leg broke. So he decided to shoot it. Everyone else on the carousel started freaking out though.
- Thor, the god of Thunder, was riding on his filly "I'm Thor!" he cried.
The horse replied,
"Then uthe a thaddle, thilly!" - My kids are playing cowboys and Indians. One is pretending to ride a horse and shoot stuff, the other is providing tech support.
- A farmer was riding his horse: The farmer says "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse."
The horse comes to a quick stop and looks at the farmer and says, "Moooooo." - If the President rides equestrian without a saddle, what do you call the animal he's on? Bare Horse One.
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Riding Horse One Liners
Which riding horse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with riding horse? I can suggest the ones about horse mounted and horseback riding.
- Husbands are like horses If you're not riding them, they're running off.
- to ride a horse or not to ride a horse that is equestrian
- I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once. It had its ups and downs.
- Riding horses is fun and all, but... ...let's be on a steer.
- Why are the cops riding horses? Well, someone has to do the thinking.
- I was absolutely devastated when my horse died. I had a lot of money riding on that race.
- What's green and laughs at you while riding away? A Leprechaun on a race horse!
- What do you call a horse riding a surfboard? A Seahorse
- What animal likes to give a pig a ride on his back? A police horse.
- What do you call Santa Claus riding a horse? A jolly rancher.
- Q: What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
A: Bronchitis. - Either you're happy or you're riding a horse. Yay or neigh?
- Horse back riding Went hose back riding today until I ran out of quarters.
- What is it called when you ride around on a horse asking people questions? A gallop poll.
- "Jesus take the wheel" Jesus: I only ride horses.
Cheeky Riding Horse Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about riding horse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean horse jumping jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make riding horse pranks.
A man is attending a function in another village, riding a horse. As he is about to go, he notices that his horse is missing. He shouts, asking for his horse, but nobody seems to know where it is. "If I don't find my horse, I will do exactly what I did when I lost my first horse!" Suddenly, the horse appears. Out of curiosity, a man goes up to him and asks, "What did you do when you lost your first horse?" He replies, "I walked."
You're riding a horse at full speed. A giraffe is beside you, an elephant in front of you, and a lion behind you! What do you do? You get off the carousel
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise?
The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?
He tried to stirrup some interest!
Thor the God of Thunder
So Thor, the God of Thunder, is sitting on his cloud on Asgard when he suddenly wants to visit the humans. He jumps on his magical flying horse and rides down to them. When he gets there he proclaims, "I AM THOR!" to which his horse replies, "Well, that's because you forgot your thaddle thilly."
What do you do when you are riding a horse, and you look to the left and see a running lion, and you look to the right and see a running giraffe?
What do you do when you are riding a horse, and you look to the left and see a running lion, and you look to the right and see a running giraffe?
**Get off the merry-go-round, you're drunk**
The Lone Ranger is in trouble now!
The lone ranger and Tonto are riding together, when suddenly they are surrounded by a group of Apache Indians, screaming like banshees and swinging warclubs.
The lone ranger takes a look at the war-painted pack of warriors howling for his blood, and yells to his faithful sidekick, "Looks like we might have to fight them off, Tonto!"
The lone ranger looks over his shoulder to see Tonto backing his horse away slowly.
"What you mean 'we', white man?"
The Long Ranger and Tonto are hunting for buffalo
The Long Ranger and Tonto are riding the plains, hunting buffalo. Tonto stops suddenly, jumps down from his horse, and puts his ear the the ground.
Tonto exclaims, "Buffalo come!"
The Long Rangers says "Wow, how do you know?"
Tonto replies, "Ear sticky."
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's b**...… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
Thor
The god of thunder is riding through the sky on his mighty stallion. With lightning crashing all around, he triumphantly screams, "I'M THOR!" His horse looks up and says, "Of courthe you are, you forgot your thaddle thilly!"
I want Tampax!
A little boy was asked by his mom what he would like for his birthday. He answered immediately: "I want Tampax!"
The mother was shocked, then asked him why in the world he would want that for his birthday.
"Because it says in the commercials that with Tampax you can go swimming, ride a horse, or go to a party any time you a want to.
Tribal Wisdom
So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."
Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.
As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"
A man bought a horse from a pastor of a church...
The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. He wipes his sweat off and says "Phew! Thank God!".
*Old Russian joke my dad used to tell*
The queen on a carriage with the German president
The German president, Mr. Gauk was visiting the queen. He gets the honor of a nice ride in a horse-drawn carriage. Suddenly, one horse releases a gigantic f**.... The queen looks embarrassed and sais "oh, I'm sorry". Gauk: "No problem. I thought it was the horse anyway."
If you and jack were horseback riding
Would you help j**... the horse?
Two cowboys are out riding...
Two cowboys are out riding on a dirt trail when they come across a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The men stop and the first cowboy jumps off his horse and approaches the sheep. He then proceeds to take his pants off and have his way with the sheep. When he is done, the second cowboy jumps off his horse. "My turn!" he exclaims, and sticks his head in the fence.
Men Will Be Men
Before the King goes to war, he locks his wife (the beautiful Queen ),
in the room & gives the key to his best friend & says : If I am not back within 4 days , open the room and she is yours....
He sits on his horse & hits the road. Half an hour later he notices a dust cloud & sound behind him. He stops & sees his friend riding very fast towards him.
"What's wrong ?" King asks.
.
.
.
.
Out of breath, his friend answers, "It is the wrong Key...!! "
What do you say to someone riding a s**... horse?
Get off your high horse.
What's the difference between a someone from Texas and someone from Louisiana?
One rides horses the other rides their cousins
Two cowboys were riding their horses checking a line of fence and came across a calf with her head caught in a hole in the fence.
One of the cowboys got off his horse and looking around, noticed there was no one else around but the two of them. He then dropped his pants and started to have s**... with the calf. He then turned to his partner and said " You got to try this." So the other cowboy got off his horse, looked around, then dropped his pants and stuck his head in the fence.
A cowboy is riding his horse in the desert...
next to them his dog is running along. Suddenly the dog says:"I'm so hot right now. I cant take it anymore". The surprised cowboy looked at the dog and said: "Wow!I didn't know dogs could talk". Then suddenly the horse says: "Neither did I!!"
Married farmer driving home on horses
A farmer and his brand new bride are riding home in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbles.
The farmer says, "That's once." A little further along, the horse stumbles again. The farmer says, "That's twice." When the old horse stumbles again, the farmer quietly reaches under his seat, pulls out a shotgun, and shoots the horse. His brand new bride yells, "That was an awful thing to do!" The farmer says, "That's once."
The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the prairie. Then Tonto got down from his horse and put his ear to the ground. He looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Buffalo come."
The Lone Ranger looked at him and said, "Wow, that's amazing! How did you figure that out?"
Tonto looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Ear sticky!"
Thor
Thor goes out for a ride on his mighty war horse.
He rides all morning and afternoon until as the sun sets he is sat on the top of the highest mountain overlooking his entire domain.
He stands up on the horse and shouts "I AM THOR" and as his voice echoes through the valleys his horse replies:
"That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly"
The lone Ranger and Tonto
The lone ranger and Tonto are riding their horses when Tonto falls off. He lands in a ditch. The lone Ranger walks up and says "Tonto are you ok"? Tonto puts his ear to the ground and remains quiet. The lone Ranger repeats himself and Tonto quiets him and says "buffalo come" the lone Ranger says " you can tell that by listening to the ground"? Tonto says "no, ground very sticky.
Chastity Belt
So, this guy was going to Crusade. He put on a chastity belt on his wife, gave the key to his best friend and said, "if I don't come back in 3 years, set her free." He starts off on his horse. After a while, he sees a big cloud of dust behind him. Someone was riding his horse really fast. So, he waits. The horse catches up to him. It's his best friend.
"You gave me the wrong key", yells his friend.
You're in a heavily guarded room with walls all around you, and you only have a mirror and a table. How do you get out?
Well...
You look in the mirror, you see what you saw.
You take the saw, you cut the table in half.
Two halves make a whole, put the hole in the wall.
You talk with the guards until your voice gets hoarse, you get on the horse and ride away.
(Dirty) The cavalry were riding through the plains with their Native American guide.
The Indian gets off his horse and puts his ear to the ground. He looks up at the captain and says " Buffalo come " . The captain is astounded and asks " Can you really hear buffalo from here? The Indian replies "NO, side of face all sticky!"
A church father was riding a horse...
Or was it the child?
A church father was riding a child...
A cowboy and an indian are riding a horse
A cowboy and an indian are riding a horse through the middle of the desert. All the sudden the indian tells the cowboy
"Wait, stop!"
The cowboy stops the horse. The indian hops off, puts his ear to the ground and says
"Buffalo come"
The cowboy, shocked, says "Wow! How do you know?!"
The indian looks up at him and says
"'cause ground sticky"
I downloaded sandstorm simulator 2016 yesterday
You can ride horses and wear gas masks. DICE has really outdone themselves.
Studies have shown horses exposed to m**... are less stable and unsafe to ride.
So get off your high horse.
A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How'd he do it?
The horses name was Friday.
I used to have a horse that would only let me ride it in the middle of the night...
It was a night mare.
A Texan cowboy was walking down the road
When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"
"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied
"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.
"Yes ma'am I am."
"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired
"Yes ma'am I am"
Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"
The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."
Was out on the trusty steed this evening, riding through the woods...
Suddenly we came to a stop and he began to nibble on some weeds. I decided not to protest until I realized he was eating what appeared to be a p**... plant. He began to wobble a little and I couldn't help but think, I probably need to get off my high horse.
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
When I was a kid I wanted to stop riding horses and start playing baseball, but my dad wouldn't let me.
I had too many foals.
Two cowboys were riding their horses through the plains when they saw an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
See that Indian? One of the Cowboys said. "He can hear everything that's going on for miles around."
They rode up to him, and the Indian said, "white pickup. Four people in the front, six in the back. Big party."
"Wow" the other cowboy said. "You can tell all that from just listening to the ground?"
"Nah, I fell off the back."
The god of thunder rides to the top of the mountain atop his noble steed.
Upon reaching the summit, he gets off his horse, raises his hammer to the sky and yells, "I am Thor!"
The horse turns around and says, "That'th cuth you forgot your thaddle thilly!"
The Thunder God went for a ride.
The Thunder God went for a ride upon his mighty steed.
"I'm Thor!" he Roared
The horse replied "Of course, you forgot the thaddle thilly."
My Dad's favorite sports are horse racing, bike racing, and women...
... basically anything where you can put a leg over something and ride it.
I have two horses, and they're both detectives.
I guess you could say my hobby is riding d**....
What's the difference between a Texan and a r**...?
A Texan rides a horse, a r**... rides his cousin
Two young boys go to a store
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
If the Dothraki take all of the horses, what do the Unsullied ride into battle?
e**...-horns.
The Queen takes the visiting pope for a ride in a carriage through London.
Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly. I am terribly sorry, apologizes the embarrassed Queen.
The pope replies, Oh don't worry, if you hadn't said anything, I'd just think it was the horse!
A young couple is getting ready to have s**... for the first time.
A young couple is getting ready to have s**... for the first time. The boyfriend asked his girlfriend, "Have you ever ridden a horse?"
She said, "Yes, I have."
Satisfied, he responded with, "So this will be just like riding a horse."
Suddenly, the woman's face looked horrified.
Concerned, the man asked his girlfriend what was wrong.
Tearfully, she responded with, "So it will be bumpy and uncomfortable?"
Roy Moor arrived at the polling station on a horse
His assistant misunderstood when Roy said he wanted to ride a 6 Year old b**...
"Thank god I lost my horse!", shouted a blonde.
Surprised, her friend asks "Why are you so happy about it?".
"Well" says the blonde "If I was riding it, I would have been lost too!"
My one and only go-to joke, hope you like it.
A blond is riding a horse, it starts galloping faster and faster. She feels herself beginning to lose her grip and start to slid down the the saddle. She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it.
A man is riding through the desert on his horse...…..
.….The rider is like "Man! I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!" Then suddenly the horse goes "Meow!" and starts l**... himself.
Some people asked why I love my horse more than I love my husband
My horse don't say no when I want to ride him
What's the fastest ride at the carnival?
You would think it would be the roller coaster.
But really the carousel has the most horse power.
I dont trust horses,
Me and my wife once took a carriage ride and I fell asleep.
We woke up in a barn, and my wife was pregnant.
The Thunder God astride his horse came riding from the sky.
A majestic sight for all to see, a Marvel for the eye!
He held aloft his hammer great, lightning flashed and thunder boomed!
"I AM THOR!" he cried.
His horse replied, "Well you forgot your thaddle, thilly."
I was talking to my friend
I was talking to my friend about my recent visit to my grandfather's ranch and was describing my experience there.
I told him that how I had helped my uncle, Jack, off a horse and was rewarded a horse ride for it.
My friend immediately looked at me in disgust and confusion.
Turns out punctuation is very very important for English grammar.
Yee haw
A cowboy comes riding into town one day, only hes riding on the horses head. One of the townsfolk ask him as he riding by, "how do you stay on that horse so good"? To which the cowboy replies "its not a horse, its a unicorn"!
A King had to go on a war but he was worried that his wife might cheat and leave him
He locked her in her room and gave the keys to his minister and ordered him that if I don't come back in 10 days then she is yours. Then the king left. After 20 mins as he was riding on his fast horse he heard someone coming from behind. He stopped for the man and once the other horse rider came close the king saw that he was his minister. The minister came towards the king.
The king said, "didn't I give you a job to do?"
The minister said, " your highness about that.... the keys you gave me are wrong"
Tonto and The Lone Ranger we're riding their horses next to some train tracks..
They stop and hop off their horses. Tonto puts his ear onto the tracks and tells The Lone Ranger Buffalo come . The Lone Ranger says how do you know? . Tonto says my ear is stuck .
A cowboy is riding on his horse in a desert. Suddenly he sees a man lying down with his ear to the ground.
The man says: 'A carriage. 6 horses. 3 black, 2 brown and 1 white.'
The cowboy says: 'Wow! You can hear all of that?!'
'No,' says the man. 'They just ran me over.'