The Best 92 Ridiculous Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Ridiculous jokes. There are some ridiculous nonsensical jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ridiculous unfair puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Ridiculous Jokes and Puns
Latvian Joke.
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
In honor of Lent . . .
It was a young couple's wedding night and as the night wore on the bride grew more and more anxious to consumate their marriage. Finally she said, "Um, honey? It's getting late and aren't we going to - well - do it?" "I can't," said her husband, "it's Lent." "It's lent?!" she exclaimed. "That's ridiculous! To who and for how long?"
World hunger is getting ridiculous
There's more fruit in my shampoo than an African village
Latvian man goes to buy iPhone..
Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato.
Also, salesman die of malnourish.
My visit to the patent office
I went into a patent office and told the clerk how I had an idea for a folding bottle, it's called a fottle.
She said that it was ridiculous, so I told her about my idea for a folding carton, it's called a farton.
She said that too is a dumb idea. I said well then I am not even going to tell you about my idea for a folding bucket!
Methylated Spirit
A scruffy homeless man walks into a DIY store.
"Bottle of methylated spirit please."
"Look mate, no offense but I wasn't born yesterday. I can't sell that to you when I know you're just gonna drink it."
"Hey, what are you implying? This is ridiculous, I'm using it for woodwork!"
"All right, all right..." says the shopkeeper, taking a bottle of the shelf.
"Oh, haven't you got a cold one?"
I complained to my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said "Don't be ridiculous! Everyone hasn't met you yet"
Gambling Problem
When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."
I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"
My kids are always accusing me of having a 'favourite kid'
Which is ridiculous as I don't like any of them.
-Danny Zuker
All anti-semites
Young Isaac knocks on his boss's door.
Boss: "come in!, yes Isaac what can i do for you?"
Isaac: "I can't work here anymore! I quit! Everyone who work here is anti-semite!"
Boss: "What? What are you talking about? I guess there might be one or two, but everyone? come on, it's ridiculous!"
Isaac " I am telling you! They are! I asked all of them one question, and they all gave me the same answer."
Boss: "But... what was that question?"
Isaac: " I asked waht would they think if we exterminate all the jews and all the hairdressers"
Boss: "Hairdressers? Why the hairdressers?"
Isaac: "See? You're all the same"
I got accused of date rape once in college, but that's ridiculous.
It wasn't a date.
You can explore ridiculous silliest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ridiculous unbelievable dad jokes. There are also ridiculous puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
An Ole and Lena joke
Lena: "Der is trouble vit da car, sveetheart. It has vater in da carburetor."
Ole: "Vater in da carburetor? Dat is ridiculous."
Lena: "Ole, I tell you da car has vater in the carburetor."
Ole: "You don't even know vat a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Ver is da car?"
Lena: "In da lake."
TIL that India is installing 15000 CCTV cameras in Delhi for Obama's visit.
This is ridiculous.
Just because he's black doesn't mean he'll steal anything.... When will the world stop this Racist behaviour ?
They say Gay marriage will ruin the fabric of society...
...which is ridiculous, a gay man would never ruin fabric.
I just slipped on a banana skin.
I look ridiculous in it.
What's the difference between a blonde and a community college
Well, they are both pretty easy to get into, but I don't have 3 community colleges under my basement. That would be ridiculous.
Sir you don't need to be tailgating me I'm already going 55mph in a 35mph zone
And the lights on top of your car look ridiculous
Would you say that the idea of a nun having sex with a clown...
is virgin on the ridiculous?
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous.
The other day she opened the calander and wanted to know who May was.
The oldest man in the world is lying on his deathbed.
A reporter asks him how he managed to live to be so old.
The man replies, "I just don't argue with stupid people."
The reporter tells him, "That's ridiculous."
The old man replies with, "Yes, you're right."
I'll tell you what is bordering on the ridiculous...
Canada.
"Have you heard about the new rule in boxing?"
... James asked his friend Jake. Jake hadn't.
- Basically, to reduce the number of blows under the belt that boxers deliver and receive, their outfits will feature a line just above the waist that they must aim for with every hit.
- What? That's ridiculous! Is there something written on it?
- Of course! __This is the punchline__."
When I was little I prayed to God for ridiculous amounts of money when I'm older
I think I should have chosen my words more carefully
Old one I've never seen on here
This joke was in a book I had as a young child, probably from the 70s or 80s. It's so ridiculous, I remember it to this day.
Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?
A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you kill a white elephant?
A: Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
I just ate a pizza covered in pepperoni and chillies.
To be honest, I looked pretty ridiculous.
TIL it is impossible to look at your nose while sticking out your tongue
without looking ridiculous.
A cop came to my house and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes
that's ridiculous I said, my dogs don't ride bikes.
The price of smartphones are getting way too ridiculous
If I fall and hear something crack, I'm hoping it's a bone
How many basement dwellers and deplorables does it take to change a lightbulb?
That's ridiculous I saw on CNN that Hillary has already changed the lightbulb Plus it's not dark and the light bulb isn't broken and anyway who told you it was broken Vladimir Putin? What are you sexist?
It's ridiculous that the pope has to go around surrounded by armed guards these days
I know he's a priest but he's not going to do anything out in public
Theres no point in tailgating me when I'm going 50 in a 35 zone
Also, those red flashing lights on your car look ridiculous
The amount of new jokes on this sub is ridiculous today.
Just wait 4 years and they will all be reposted.
A reporter is interviewing a 110-year-old man
... And asks him his secret to longevity. "It's simple," the man replies, "I never argue with anyone, so I have no stress in my life."
The reporter laughs it off: "That's ridiculous. That can't possibly be the reason."
The man shrugs and says, "Yeah, you're probably right."
My friends seem to think I might have a drinking problem
That's ridiculous. I don't even remember last time when I was black out drunk.
I just got fired from my job in Museum
They said they're not happy with my work here, which is ridiculous, i only worked here for 2 days and already sold 2 picassos.
A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...
The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".
Two Romans were in a bar having a conversation..
Roman 1: you won't believe how many women I've slept with
Roman 2: mmm?
Roman 1: don't be ridiculous, not that many
Who would pay a ridiculous amount of money for a pair of average over-hyped headphones?
Beats me.
Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?
Iran.
Oman the whole story is ridiculous.
I basically had to Qatar cross the border.
Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.
I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.
Honestly I could tell you more but it Kuwait.
A man is standing on the bow of the Titanic as it is sinking, holding a glass of whiskey.
He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"
There once was a poet named Stan...
...whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He'd reply, "yes, I know,
But you see, the thing is, I seem to have gone and gotten myself into this really rather ridiculous habit recently of always trying to cram as many completely unnecessary additional syllables into the last line as I possibly can!"
Trouble with the car
Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I"ll check it out. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the pool."
A guy says, "Obstetricians named Juan can't seem to learn the whole alphabet."
His friend replies, "Why??"
"I dunno. For some reason they always get stuck at B."
"That's ridiculous. O.B. Juan can know 'B'"
I'll show my self out.
What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...
Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the buttons for nuclear warfare!
[Scariest of all is that it's true :( ]
Saudi men are still not letting their wives drive
I mean, that's ridiculous. You can't let an 8 year old drive!
Adults used to tell me that if I went into the inner city, I could get robbed by a drug dealer...
I finally understand now, $5 for a cup of coffee is ridiculous
I was tailgated going 15 over
I was going 15 over the limit in the fast lane and being tailgated so I moved to the slow lane. The car behind continued to stay on my bumper. I couldn't shake him and was becoming very annoyed.
He looked so ridiculous with his flashing lights and his annoying siren.
I went to the theme park the other day; they were giving out free cocaine!
The lines were ridiculous.
People always jump to ridiculous conclusions.
Like thinking, for some reason, that my dads are gay.
So my German neighbour got a Samoyed...
...and she asked me for suggestions about what she should name him. I suggested her the name "Cloud".
Now everytime that dog does something ridiculous I hear a high pitched yell : "Cloud Nein!!"
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this sexy blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
The first Jewish President of the United States is elected.
The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.
"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days."
"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."
"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"
"Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous."
"Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here."
"But accommodations, especially during the inau---"
"MOM!! I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!"
She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend.
"Who was that?"
"My son."
*gasp* "The doctor??"
"No, the other one."
How do you make a gingerbread man's bed?
With a cookie sheet.
Direct from the lips of my 4yo daughter. I almost died laughing. I was expecting something ridiculous.
It's ridiculous that Pornhub has a share button for Google+.
I mean, why would I ever let anyone know I have a Google+ account.
Three women were at a shrink's office with their kids
The shrink told the first woman, You love food so you named your child Candy. He told the second, You love money so you named your child Penny. The third woman told her son, This is ridiculous. Let's get out of here, Peter.
I broke up with my first girlfriend because she didn't believe in me.
Which was ridiculous, because she was the imaginary one.
A Lot Of People Are Saying Steve Jobs Would Make A Better President than Trump.
But that's just ridiculous, it's like comparing apples and oranges.
My girlfriend recently got breast reduction surgery
She looks flat out ridiculous.
Roman guy: You won't believe how many women I've slept with
Second Roman: mmm?
Roman Guy: don't be ridiculous, not that many
The word "diputseromneve" may look ridiculous,
but backwards it's even more stupid
Two guys are playing golf...
...behind two women, and the women are taking forever.
One of the guys says, "This is getting ridiculous, I'm going to ask if we can play through."
He comes back a minute later, and says, "I can't talk to them, that's my wife and my girlfriend."
So the other guy says he'll see what he can do.
He comes back and says, "Small world."
Q. How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Don't be ridiculous, everyone knows that feminists can't change anything.
A wife calls her husband in a panic...
Wife: "There's water in the carburetor!"
Husband: "The carburetor? That's ridiculous!"
Wife: "I'm telling you, the carburetor is completely flooded, there's water everywhere!"
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Let me come take a look. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the pool"
This is ridiculous!
I just saw a guy put his waterbottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill next to me!
What a waste of space.
A little girl came up to me today and said she was having a midlife crisis.
I chuckled and said "Don't be silly! How old are you?"
She said "6"
I laughed and said, "Then how are you going through a midlife crisis if you are only 6?"
She said "Well my mom is antivaxx, so I'm unvaccinated."
"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. "A midlife crisis means you're in the middle of your lifespan right now, while right now you'll probably be dead in a week."
The police came to my house after getting complaints about my dogs chasing people on bikes.
I told them that's ridiculous. My dogs can't ride bikes.
"You're so childish!" screamed the wife. "Why do you always have to use that stupid walkie talkie with your stupid friends? This is ridiculous! This relationship is over!"
I shouted back, "This relationship is what?! Over!"
Did you hear about the Women with 12 boobs?
Sounds ridiculous, Dozen Tit?
All my friends told me I have no self-awareness
Ridiculous, if I had no self-awareness I think I'd know.
A guy goes to a barbershop
The barber claims to have a new machine that can cut everyone's hair equally well.
But that's ridiculous! Says the customer, not everyone has the same size and shaped head!
The barber responds, They do afterward
As an American, I see a lot of jokes here saying that America is the dumbest country.
It's ridiculous and unfair.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.
A local beekeeper was selling his bees for 5 dollars each.
"5 dollars for a single bee?! That's ridiculous," I complained.
"Well, if you don't like the price, you can select from that hive over there, those are freebies."
Two old men sitting on a park bench discussing their junk
First one says, I'll bet you mine is longer soft than yours is hard.
Second one says, That's ridiculous. I've known you my whole life. Never have you, _or your wife_, bragged of such a thing.
Fifty bucks says mine is longer soft than yours is hard.
You're on. How long is yours soft?
Seventeen years.
After days of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, Larry finally confronted her.
"Admit it," he said. "The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me a million dollars."
"Don't be ridiculous!" she shot back. "I don't care who left the money with you."
A police officer told me my dog was chasing people on bikes.
That's ridiculous! My dog doesn't even own a bike!
Apparently the police have been going to a load of house parties as lockdown rules are getting implemented.
Ridiculous, one rule for us and another for them.
This is getting ridiculous..
Only two days into October and now even COVID is pumpkin spiced.
My girlfriend wants to break up with me because she says I play video games too much
What a ridiculous reason to Fallout 4
I hate IKEA but whenever I go, I can't leave without buying ridiculous amounts of things for my house.
I'm suffering from Stock Home Syndrome.
I know people take the age gap seriously but it's getting ridiculous
For example as a twenty-two year old I'll sometimes bring twenty-one year olds to the bar with me and it's nothing but mean and insensitive comments like they're too young to drink, and where'd you find 20 of them?
When I go to casinos, the most...
When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."
I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"
One farmer asks another
\- "Are your cows smokers?"
\- "No, that would be ridiculous!"
\- "Then your barn is on fire."
Two black guys are in prison in the USA
\- How long are you in for?
\- 20 years
\- What did you do?
\- Nothing.
\- That's ridiculous, usually nothing only gets you 10 years.
A teacher asks her class: "How long can a human being survive without sleeping?"
Mary on the first row responds: "24h".
Peter on the second row responds: "48h".
Then the teacher sees John, daydreaming as usual, and asks him: "What do you think John?"
John goes, "I think... 3 weeks minus 15 minutes."
"Come on John", the teacher says, "Why it doesn't surprise me that you are the one giving me this ridiculous answer."
"Listen Miss Boomer", John replies, "Say what you want but yesterday evening I heard my dad say to my mom: today, we're going to bed 15 min earlier because it has been 3 weeks."
I was taking the piss out of a bloke with a ridiculous wig on today.
He had the last laugh though. Sentenced me to 6 months.
First trip to the USA
My friend and I visited the USA. We landed at LAX and after an epoch, we cleared Homeland Security and got our luggage.
My friend immediately pulled out a pair of brown, furry, shoulder length gloves and pulled them on. I stared at him. He looked ridiculous - the gloves even had claws.
"What are you doing??" I asked incredulously.
""Exercising my freedom. Now I'm here, I have the right to Bear arms!"
Jewish smoker is asking his Rabbi
Rabbi, is it alright if I smoke during study of Torah?
Rabbi: Absolutely not, out of question. Why would you even ask such ridiculous thing?
The Jewish smoker goes away ashamed, but since he is a pious addict he comes back later and asks Rabbi again.
Rabbi, is it alright if I study the Torah while I smoke?
Rabbi: But of course, of course!
My friends went to Transylvania to see if vampires really exist
That's ridiculous. I've lived there in a castle for 700 years and I've never seen one.
Most people think that in Africa...
We ride lions and elephants to work.
That's ridiculous.
We dont have jobs.
This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.
One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
How is a joke like an animal?
When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Because just like when you take apart an animal to see how it works, it obviously can't be alive anymore, by the same logic, picking apart the inner workings of a joke by over-explaining the punchline is going to kill the humorous spirit it carries; it would be ridiculous to expect a cat with its stomach contents spread out across a table to get up and catch a rat, and it would be similarly unfathomable to expect a joke with its punchline spelled out over a dozen lines of text to still produce a guffaw. How anyone...
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ridiculous funny jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working ridiculous remarry piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.