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Ride Jokes

173 ride jokes and hilarious ride puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ride that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you ready to laugh? Look no further - this article has the best ride jokes around! From the classic car ride to the wild roller coaster, we've got the funniest jokes about all kinds of rides. Get your fill of laughter with jokes about the jungle cruise, the mustache ride, a boat ride, a bike ride, a carnival ride, a magic carpet ride, a bus ride, a moped and more!

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Funniest Ride Short Jokes

Short ride jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ride humour may include short riding jokes also.

  1. Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
  2. Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he's dressed up as and he responds I'm a snail! That's M'shell on my back
  3. Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator. I was wrong on so many levels.
  4. Two nuns went on a bike ride... ...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
    "I've never come this way before!"
    And the other replies
    "yes! It's the cobblestones!"
  5. My 9 year old just told me this one and I had to share. What's the hardest part about learning to ride a bike. The pavement.
  6. I saw a black guy riding a bike near my house yesterday I thought it was mine. So I checked the garage and it was still chained up, asking for food.
  7. Two nuns are riding bicycles through the streets of Rome. "I've never come this way before" says the first nun.
    The second nun replies: "It's the cobblestones."
  8. Two nuns are riding down a street on bikes One says to the other "I've never come this way before."
    The other smiles and says "neither have I. Must be the cobblestones."
  9. Riding with Uber earlier.. The driver said,
    "I love my job, I am my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."
    Then I said, "Turn Left.
  10. So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".

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Ride One Liners

Which ride one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ride? I can suggest the ones about bike and wagon.

  1. "sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." - John. F. Kennedy
  2. Fastest Bolt at the Olympics? Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?
  3. What's the best thing about going to auschwitz? Plenty of seats on the train ride home.
  4. How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?
  5. How many adhd kids does it take to change a light bulb? LETS GO RIDE BIKES
  6. how many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? hey let's go ride our bikes
  7. Why is PTSD like riding a bike? You never forget
  8. How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb? Wanna ride our bicycles?
  9. What do you call a porcupine riding a turtle? A slow poke.
  10. What's Iron Man's favorite carnival ride? The ferrous wheel.
  11. What do little sisters love to ride? A nissan.
  12. My wife asked me why hot air balloon rides are so expensive. I said "inflation".
  13. What do you call a dwarf who regularly rides the Paris Metro? A Metrognome.
  14. What's the difference between a Tesla and an ambulance? You can afford a ride in a Tesla.
  15. Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator? It lifts their spirits
    happy spoopy day

Ride Bike Jokes

Here is a list of funny ride bike jokes and even better ride bike puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My dog is obsessed with chasing people on bikes. I'm honestly just impressed he can ride a bike.
  • I crashed my bike the other day and got two punctures. I don't think I can ride my bike again. I'll have to retire it.
  • If you ever miss the Tour de France, just go to Amsterdam. It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes.
  • Two nuns went for a bike ride and ride down a cobble stone street One says I haven't come this way before.
    The other says neither have I just hold on and enjoy it
  • Two nuns go out for a bike ride They wander through the old part of town.
    One nun says, "I've never come this way before."
    The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones."
  • Losing my virginity was a lot like riding a bike for the first time. My dad was holding me from behind.
  • Man, after joining a Biker Gang: Do we or don't we ride our bikes at the same speed? Biker: Yes, we do. But stop calling it synchronizing our cycles.
  • I saw a black guy riding a bike... At first I thought it was mine, then I realized mine is at home, washing the dishes.
  • l accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked. Now it can ride a bike without
    stabilizers.
  • How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go ride bikes!
    (This was approved by a fellow kid with ADD, AKA me)

Bike Ride Jokes

Here is a list of funny bike ride jokes and even better bike ride puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I lost my virginity the same way i learned to ride a bike... My dad holding me from the back
  • What is the best part of Pokemon Go? I can ride my bike indoors and professor oak can't do anything to stop me.
  • Learning to ride a bike is like losing your virginity... No matter how many years go by, you never forget the feeling of your dads hands on your shoulders as he pushes.
  • I accidentally played dad instead of dead when I ran into a bear Now he can ride a bike and has been through college.
  • The other day I took a dump, then did some drugs, then went for a bike ride. Then I saw an environmental poster that said "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" - so I did it all over again.
  • What did the orphan kid say when he was riding his bike? Look hands, no mum..
  • Adding a PERIOD to a sentence can literally change everything, too. For example... *I heard Jane was riding on her bike.*
    Becomes...
    *I heard Jane was riding on her period.*
  • Two nuns are riding bikes downtown Two nuns are riding bikes downtown. One looks around and says, "I don't think I've ever come this way before."
    The other nun says, "It's the cobblestone."
  • Saw a kid riding a bike that looked the same as mine in my neighborhood I freaked out and went to my garage. Luckily he was still there; chained up and begging for food.
  • How many people with ADHD does it take to screw on a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!
Ride joke, How many people with ADHD does it take to screw on a lightbulb?

Car Ride Jokes

Here is a list of funny car ride jokes and even better car ride puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • IF JFK taught me one thing... The best way to clear your head is to take a ride in your car.
  • Apple and Google are both working on self driving cars. Personally I don't think I want to ride in a car without Windows.
  • What do you call a Barbie on fire? A Barbecue!
    Be gentle. First post. And I remember making this up on a long car ride when I was just 4:)
  • I was riding in my friend's car today when I noticed he didn't have a brake pedal. He said it only slowed him down.
  • How does JFK clear his head? He goes for a car ride.
  • Why do black people buy old police cars? They never got to ride in the front seat.
  • You hear about the nurse who left his uniform in his buddy's car? His scrubs were hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride
  • What kind of bug do you find on a long car ride? An I-shoulda-pede.
  • Why did Frog need a ride? Because his car was Toad.
  • Hot women and exotic cars have a lot in common! U wanna ride both but no one will let you

Bus Ride Jokes

Here is a list of funny bus ride jokes and even better bus ride puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When a Prince Kisses a Sleeping Princess, it's "Romantic"... ...but when I give a shoulder rub to the lady sleeping in front of me on the bus, I'm "banned from riding the bus"
  • Just thought of this one.... What land vehicle do clumsy pirates ride on? A Blunder-Bus
  • A kid comes up to a bus and the driver asks him if he has the money to ride.
    The kid pulls a few coins out of his pocket. "Is this good?"
    The driver nods. "Fare enough."
  • TIFU when my dyslexia made me take the wrong ride to work Whoops, wrong bus
  • Did you hear about the human torches son? He had to ride the short bus because he was flame retardant
  • If a Church Congregation from Massachusetts goes on a Bus Ride It would be Mass Mass Mass Transit
  • I have always wanted to swim with dolphins But they keep dying on me during the bus ride to the pool.
  • The bus ride Bus Passenger: Hi! I'm vacationing in your town. Does this bus stop at Elm Street?
    2nd Passenger: Yes it does. Just watch me, and get off on stop before I do.
  • The Magic School Bus That girl over there,
    We call her the Magic School Bus.
    The entire class has had a ride, and every time it was an absolutely wild adventure.
  • A dyslexic boy was beaten up by classmates for trying to ride on the regular bus instead of the short bus. Whoops, wrong sub.
Ride joke, A dyslexic boy was beaten up by classmates for trying to ride on the regular bus instead of the shor

Hilarious Ride Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about ride you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean railroad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ride pranks.

Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road

I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"

Two nuns go on a bike ride through town...

As they ride through an alley, the younger nun turns to the elder and says, "I've never come this way before!"
The elder nun replies, "That's because it's cobblestones, dear."
ba-dum CHING. My granny told me that one this weekend.

Joe took his blind date, Kim, to the carnival...

"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim, and so they ambled over to the 'guess-the-weight' stand. The owner guessed 121 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. And back to the 'guess-the-weight' stand they went. Since they had been here before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor

A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"

How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.

Plane Ride

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

How many sheep?

A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's s**... and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"

Why couldn't Napoleon ride the big rides at the carnival?

Because He's dead.

the case for the lost bicycle

A Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher live in a small southern town. Every day, they pass each other on their bycycles as they ride to their respective churches. One day, the Methodist notices the Baptist walking.
He says "Brother, where is your bicycle?"
"My heart is heavy, for I fear that a member of my congregation has stolen it" replied the Baptist.
"That's horrible." Thinking for a moment, the Methodist has an idea. "I know how we might get your bike back. This Sunday, you should preach the ten commandments. When you get to thou shalt not steal, really bear down on it. Maybe the theif will feel guilty and return your bike."
"That's a great idea, I'll try it!"
Sure enough, the following Monday, the Methodist preacher sees the Baptist Preacher riding his bike.
"I see my plan worked" said the Methodist.
"Well, not exactly" replied the Baptist. "I did like you said, and gave a real fire and brimstone sermon on the ten commandments. However, when I got to thou shalt no commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."

The Carnival Date

Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.
"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.
By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"
Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."

This used to be my Dad's favorite joke. "The End of the World"

The world is ending by nuclear warfare and there are three men riding on a plane to a fallout shelter where they would be safe and ride out the devastation. The three men are: the president, the pope, and a young hippie.
Suddenly, as they are nearing their destination, the plane malfunctions and is going down quickly. The three passengers look at each other, then realize: there are only two parachutes.
The President hastily grabs a bag and before jumping out of the hatch says," I am God's gift to you all! I rule the United States! I am the leader this world will need! I am the SMARTEST man on this planet!"
Realizing they don't have much time the pope quickly says to the hippie, "My son, you have many more years to live than I, it would only be right for you to seize this opportunity and fulfill-"
The hippie begins laughing, startling the pope into silence, and says, "Don't worry Father, the smartest man on the planet just jumped out of the plane with my backpack on!"

What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?

They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.

Why wouldn't the skeleton ride any roller coasters?

He just didn't have the stomach for them.

Two nuns on a bike ride in Philadelphia

Two nuns are on a bide ride through Philadelphia, the first nun says to the second, "Make a right turn here, I know a short cut". After a few minutes the second nun says, "I've never come this way before". The first replies, "I know, it's the cobblestones"

Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All

*obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice*
What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?
When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.

Have you been drinking sir?

"Been drinking tonight sir?" The policeman asked.
"I had one earlier, but that was all," I replied.
"I think you've had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because the Postman Pat ride isn't really designed for adults and there's children waiting for their go."

I want Tampax!

A little boy was asked by his mom what he would like for his birthday. He answered immediately: "I want Tampax!"
The mother was shocked, then asked him why in the world he would want that for his birthday.
"Because it says in the commercials that with Tampax you can go swimming, ride a horse, or go to a party any time you a want to.

Ruth and Johnny

Ruth and Johnny, side by side, went out for an auto ride. They hit a bump, Ruth hit a tree, Johnny kept going Ruthlessly.

A man bought a horse from a pastor of a church...

The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. He wipes his sweat off and says "Phew! Thank God!".
*Old Russian joke my dad used to tell*

(Q)....... What do fat women & mopeds have in common?

(A)........ They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

Two brothers, aged 9 and 5, try to buy tampons at a pharmacy.

They take them to the counter and the pharmacist says, Are these for you?
The older brother says, They aren't for me, they're for my brother.
Very confused the pharmacist asks, But, why does your brother need them? , and the older brother says, Well, the lady on the TV said if you use these you can swim and ride a bicycle and he can't do either of those things.

The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

My Life s**......

...I'm 22 years old and the only job I've had so far was working in fast food. My co-worker hates me and has tried to kill me. Also I have no friends except a southern girl I like and my other friend who only hangs out with me because he is mental. I have to ride my bike everywhere because I can never get my drivers license. And the worst part is, I live in a pineapple.

A plane just landed...

Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane."
His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up."
I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.

Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia.

Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its hilarious.

Thor

Thor goes out for a ride on his mighty war horse.
He rides all morning and afternoon until as the sun sets he is sat on the top of the highest mountain overlooking his entire domain.
He stands up on the horse and shouts "I AM THOR" and as his voice echoes through the valleys his horse replies:
"That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly"

What do Rudolph and your mom have in common?

They'll both let fat men with eight bucks ride behind them.

My 5 year old daughter wants a t**... for Christmas

She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...

A blond is tired

A blond gets tired of blond jokes, so she dyes her hair. She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blond guesses, "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car. The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Riding a horse can be difficult. You could always choose to ride a mule instead...

but that would be half-assed.

A Chinese girl asked to get a ride from me.

so I said no problem give me your number I will call you when I leave home
She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "HOLD ON!"
Then her friend said, "She means ....6**...-3629."

What is a Siths favorite thing to ride in?

An elevader.

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter...

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight." the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for our brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He cant do either one."

A Trucker Hates Lawyers so Much That When he Sees Them he Always Runs Them Over

One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"

I finally found a girlfriend!

She was lost untill she found me. I'm glad I could give her a ride to her boyfriend's house.

Studies have shown horses exposed to m**... are less stable and unsafe to ride.

So get off your high horse.

A Texan cowboy was walking down the road

When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"
"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied
"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.
"Yes ma'am I am."
"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired
"Yes ma'am I am"
Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"
The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."

Policeman stops priest on the bike...

Policeman: Hello father. Your light isn't working. That will be 20$.
Priest: Don't worry mister, i'm not in danger. Jesus is always with me.
Policeman: Sorry father. Then the fine is 40$ because two persons are not allowed to ride a bike.

Buying yourself an Uber gift card is ironic.

Cause it's a free ride when you've already paid.

How to add extra fun during your amusement park ride ?

Carry some extra nuts and bolts with you.
as soon as the ride begins, Tap on the shoulder of the guy in front of you. Show them the nuts and bolts and ask
"Are these from your seat ? "

A man tries to get into a club

The bouncer says, "I'd like to see your id"
The man replies, "I want to drink until I black out and screw anything that walks."
The bouncer nods his head respectively, "and your superego?"
"Ill have a few drinks and get a ride home."
Cred to C&H

General Custer is addressing his men at the Little Bighorn. He says "well boys, I've got some good news and some bad news."

"The bad news is that the Sioux are camped right down the hill. Come morning they're going to overrun us. They'll ride roughshod over our whole company and leave us all killed, then probably mutilate our corpses beyond recognition when they're done."
His lieutenant asks, "what's the good news General?"
Custer says "Well, we won't have to ride through Nebraska again."

They say when confronted by a bear, the best thing to do is play dead, so when I came face to face with one in the woods the other day, I accidentally played dad instead...

Now it can ride a bike without training wheels...

My husband is like the New York subway...

He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day.

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?
What if you have an accident?
The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.
The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.

A genie grants a Bear and a Squirrel each 3 wishes.

Wish 1: The Bear wishes that every bear in the world would become female.
Wish 1: The Squirrel wishes for a motorcycle he can ride.
Wish 2: The Bear wishes that every female bear in the world would fall in love with him.
Wish 2: The Squirrel wishes for a helmet.
Wish 3: The Bear wishes that none of the female bears ever wanted to get married.
Wish 3: The Squirrel wishes the Bear was gay.

Poetry contest

A r**... and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.
Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu
The audience applauds, thinking that the r**... does not have a chance. Then the r**... goes.
Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!

I got a call from the pound

They wanted to tell me that they had picked up my dog because it was chasing a kid on a bike.
I said " That kid is a liar because not only does my dog not own a bike; he doesn't even know how to ride one yet!

I want to treat the roads with sugar instead of salt

This way, you know... Everyone can have a sweet ride

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

Elevator confusion

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator together and it stops to let a man on. The man is wearing a business suit and has obvious dandruff flakes on both shoulders. He says hello and gets out on the next floor. The women continues to ride in awkward silence when the brunette speaks up. She says, "Someone needs to give that guy some head and shoulders."
The blonde looks confused and replies. "How do you give a guy shoulders?"

A witch was going to take a friend's broom for a ride

But she couldn't drive a stick

[OC] What's the most ironic amusement park ride?

The ferrous wheel.

"You gotta help man, my bike's possessed. If I ride it, it bites me, if I don't, it still bites me."

"It's a vicious cycle."

"You think that's bad? My bike's turned entirely into clumpy goo."
"It's a viscous cycle."

"You think that's bad?! My bike's turned into a man, and then gone off to compete in the olympics."
"It's discus michael."

That weird middle eastern guy insisted on giving me a ride home

Iran

Spy

A spy is getting instructions for his mission: You will parachute in a field behind the enemy lines. By the field there is a shack by a road. Behind the shack there is bicycle. Ride the bicycle 10 miles north and you will be in a village where you will meet your contact at the local tavern. He will give further information.
That evening the spy is dropped from the airplane. The parachute doesn't open. The spy complains: I bet there is no bicycle either .

Christian Horse

A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. The horse's owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise the Lord!' to make him go and 'Amen!' to make him stop."
Bill got on the horse and said, "Praise the Lord!" Sure enough, the horse started to walk. "Praise the Lord!" he said again, and the horse began to trot. "Praise the Lord!" he yelled and the horse broke into a gallop.
Bill was enjoying his ride so much that he almost didn't notice the cliff he and horse were about to go over. Bill shouted "AMEN!" at the top of his lungs, and the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff.
Relieved, Bill said, "Phew, Praise the Lord!"

Ride joke, Christian Horse

jokes about ride