ride Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious ride puns

"sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head."

- John. F. Kennedy

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My 5 year old daughter wants a Tampon for Christmas

She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...

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Two nuns went on a bike ride...

...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
"I've never come this way before!"
And the other replies
"yes! It's the cobblestones!"

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Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

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Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia.

Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its hilarious.

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Fastest Bolt at the Olympics?

Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?

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A man bought a horse from a pastor of a church...

The pastor explains to him "to make the horse go yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!", and the horse stops just at the edge of the cliff. He wipes his sweat off and says "Phew! Thank God!".

*Old Russian joke my dad used to tell*

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Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?

What if you have an accident?

The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.

The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.

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My first blowjob was like my first bike ride....

Two bruised knees, a sore jaw and my father telling me I was really good for a first timer

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So I got a phone call from the post office today...

...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".

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IF JFK taught me one thing...

The best way to clear your head is to take a ride in your car.

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Why is Viagra like Disneyland?

You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

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The tale of the tortoise the snail and the slug.

A little tortoise is feeling sad because it wishes it could move faster, when he notices a snail. Feeling better about itself the tortoise offers the little snail a ride.

On the way they meet a slug, and the slug is also offered a ride.
Once on top, the slug meets the snail with bulging eyes:

"You better put your helmet back on, because this motherfucker is fucking reckless!"

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A Texan cowboy was walking down the road

When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"

"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied

"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.

"Yes ma'am I am."

"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired

"Yes ma'am I am"

Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"

The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."

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Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old living in Namibia, he only has 1 leg, 1 eye and 1 arm. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal....

If you send just $2.00, you get the video for it. It's fucking hilarious.

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What's the best thing about going to Auschwitz?

Plenty of seats on the train ride home.

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Can you spare just $2.00?

Can you spare just $2? Djimon is a nine year old boy living in Kenya. He has only one leg, one arm and one eye. Each day he has to ride seven miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video – it's fucking hilarious.

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Studies have shown horses exposed to marijuana are less stable and unsafe to ride.

So get off your high horse.

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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Wanna go for a bike ride?

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How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb?

LETS GO RIDE BIKES

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I crashed my bike the other day and got two punctures. I don't think I can ride my bike again.

I'll have to retire it.

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My husband is like the New York subway...

He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day.

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What do Viagra and Disney World have in common?

A one-hour wait for a two-minute ride

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A plane just landed...

Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane."

His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up."

I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.

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Zebo, a half blind 5 year old African orphan has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Please give just a small donation of $10....

...and we will send you the video; it's fucking hilarious!

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How many kids with ADHD does it take to scew in a light bulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

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A Chinese girl asked to get a ride from me.

so I said no problem give me your number I will call you when I leave home

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "HOLD ON!"


Then her friend said, "She means ....666-3629."

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I named my penis pony...

..because it's the smaller version of what you really wanted and you only get a ride if you're under 12.

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I'd been looking for an opportunity to impress my new boss, so I jumped at the chance when he asked if I'd had a good weekend.

"It was very productive," I said. "I taught our Bobby how to ride a bike."

"That's great," he smiled. "How old is he?"

"Ten years old," I replied.

"Oh, well that's not actually impressive at all," he sneered, walking off.

Fucker. They must have smarter dogs where he comes from.

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I saw my midget neighbor waiting for the bus so I asked him if he wanted a ride...

Ungrateful bastard said no so I zipped up my backpack and left.

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Two nuns went for a bike ride and ride down a cobble stone street

One says I haven't come this way before.
The other says neither have I just hold on and enjoy it

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Two nuns go out for a bike ride

They wander through the old part of town.

One nun says, "I've never come this way before."

The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones."

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Buying yourself an Uber gift card is ironic.

Cause it's a free ride when you've already paid.

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A seventh grader was sent home from school for fucking his teacher.

His mother demanded his father ground him, but the father, instead, said, "Good job, son! I didn't fuck my teacher until I was a Sophomore. Come on, let's go get you that bike you wanted."

And so they went and got him his bike. As they were going back home, the father said, "Why don't you ride your new bike back home?"

"No, thanks. My ass is still sore."

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How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.

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What are the most funny Ride jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Ride? Well, here are the best Ride dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Ride pick up lines to share with friends.

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