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Rid Jokes

100 rid jokes and hilarious rid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Rid Short Jokes

Short rid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rid humour may include short dispose jokes also.

  1. If you could exterminate any race what would you pick? Personally, I'd get rid of the 800m. It's too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.
  2. If you could get rid of any race, which would you choose? I'd pick the 400 meters, it's too long for a sprint and it's too short to be a true endurance race.
  3. Good news! Now that OnlyFans is getting rid of adult content Your local restaurants will be able to hire servers again.
  4. How do I get rid of my 'Check Engine' light on my dash? I opened the hood and it's all there
  5. You shouldn't worry about headaches I mean, it's all in your head.
  6. Did you hear that in the next fast and the furious movie they're getting rid of those long fin things on the back of the cars Ah sorry, spoilers
  7. I'm not racist, but... If I could put an end to any race on the entire planet, I'd get rid of the marathon.
  8. I used to feel guilty about getting rid of old shoes until I realised they were going to a better place. It turns out that shoes have soles.
  9. Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her. The dog and I live happily together now.
  10. I was in the chemist... and I said to the assistant, "What gets rid of coronavirus?"
    She said, "Ammonia cleaner."
    I said, "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here!"

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Rid One Liners

Which rid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rid? I can suggest the ones about excess and healthier.

  1. I recently got rid of all the German contacts on my phone Now it's Hans-Free
  2. Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens? Because they kept saying "Bach, bach, bach"
  3. Yo mama so fat... Thanos had to clap to get rid of her
  4. I've set up a company to rid people of vampires. I'm the main stakeholder.
  5. Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was ,"Bach, Bach, Bach"
  6. How is circumcision like the Great Jedi Purge? They both get rid of the force kin!
  7. A guy bought himself a new boomerang... ... but he couldn't get rid of the old one.
  8. How to get rid of negativity in life? | life |
  9. How do you get rid of fleas? You talk to them politely,
    "Fleas go away"
  10. I got rid of 300 unnecessary lbs after 6 months. The divorce papers are finalized today.
  11. Ever wonder how to get rid of a one? Just add a g and it's gone
  12. How do you get rid of an itch? Start from scratch.
  13. how to get rid of hiccups Hold your breath for 15 minutes
  14. Music is like candy... It's great once you get rid of the rapper.
  15. I've been working on getting rid of my phobia of speed bumps. I'm slowly getting over it.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about rid can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of rid puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Fun Rid Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about rid you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean free jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make rid prank.

As the k**... are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...

Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?

Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly last night.

Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.

Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.

Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is only found in two.

Help us get rid of the Ecuadorian f**...-hating spider :(

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

A married couple of 20 years are lying in bed

The man rolled over and said to his wife, "Hey, honey, I have a hard on that I just can't get rid of. Think you wanna help?"
The wife turned around and stripped n**....
The husband then rolled back over, closed his eyes, and said, "thanks, honey, that did the trick!"

I told my wife I was gonna start smoking p**.... She said if I did she'd leave me. I guess it's true what they say...

m**... truly is an effective way to get rid of aches and pains.

Old Fridge

A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home—you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
He eventually decided that people were rather skeptical about such a good deal, so he changed the sign to read, "Fridge for sale, $50."
The next day, someone stole it.

A young man sits down at a bar and says, "I want six shots of Jagermeister."

"Six shots!?" exclaims the bartender, "Are you celebrating something?"
"My first b**...," replies the young man.
"Well, in that case," says the bartender, slapping him on the back, "let me give you a seventh on the house."
The man holds up his hand, "No offense, sir. But if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

3 priests at lunch

So three priests are out to lunch.
One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church,
"I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave."
The second priest relates to the first,
"I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away."
The third priest says,
"Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."

LPT: If you are a minor, get rid of your bathroom mirror so you won't see yourself n**... and accidentally get arrested and registered as a s**... offender.

Spread the word.

Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you or j**.... Without batting an eye she responded "you better j**..., I have a terrible headache."

Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Jägermeister

Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Jägermeister.
The bartender looks at him and says "Wow 6 shots of Jäger! You must be celebrating something."

The man replies,"You bet I am! I am celebrating my first b**...."
"Hey congrats man!" says the Bartender "I'll get you a 7th shot on the house"
The man replies "No thank you. If 6 shots of Jäger doesn't get rid of this taste nothing will."

The Washington r**... finally decided to change their name to get rid of the association with historical racism

They'll now be known as the Arlington r**....

A man walks into a zoo

But he finds no animals, except a dog. He finds a zookeeper and asks him, "what's so special about this dog that you guys got rid of the other animals?"
The zookeeper replies, "Nothing, it's just a shitzu."

Three men are on a boat back to North America...

A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian are all heading back to their home countries after going on a vacation in Europe. Suddenly the boat starts to sink. The Canadian says, "The boat is too heavy, we need to get rid of some stuff." The Mexican says, "We already have too many of these in Mexico!" and he throws the tacos out of the boat. The Canadian says, "We already have too many of these in Canada!" and he throws all the maple syrup off the boat. The American says, "We already have too many of these in America!" and he throws the Mexican off the boat.
*apoligies for racism, I am not a racist person*

Trump followed through with his plan to get rid of i**... immigrants

By making America so bad they'll leave on their own.

How do you get rid of an obese d**...?

You exercise it.

A rich couple lost all their money and was trying to think of ways to restore their fortunes.

The husband says to the wife if you learn to cook, we could get rid of the housekeeper
She laughed and replied if you learned to please me in bed, we could get rid of the gardener

Tractors

So there was this guy who was a fan of tractors. He had posters of it everywhere. He had his own tractor business, married a beautiful wife. The whole 9 yards.
One day his wife died from a tractor accident. Heartbroken he got rid of his business, his posters, everything tractor related.
Few years later he goes on a date. The restaurant starts smoking and he says "Darling wait i got this". He s**... in all the smoke goes outside and blows it away. Everyone starts applauding and his date asks "How did you do that?". The guy says: "Im an extractor fan"

You know, I can't think of many guys who would walk all the way to a volcano to get rid of a ring.

But Elijah Wood.

What part of your body would you get rid of?

Some guy responded "My spine. It holds me back."

Dating a hoarder

I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That stings extra hard—I'm like the one thing she can get rid of.

Went to the bar the other night

There was a guy with five shots lined up in front of him.
I asked him, "What the occasion?"
He said, "My first b**..."
I said, "That's great, let me buy you another"
He said, "No thanks, if five can't get rid of the taste, six won't either"

[body shape - help request] M, 18, struggling to get rid of a body fit for a 46 year old...

Seriously guys, do I cut it up or just bury it whole?

My girlfriend wanted to get rid of all the useless stuff in the house

so i am now homeless

Adblock

Adblock has been so useful getting rid of advertisements, but for some reason all the single ladies in my area stopped wanting me

Do you ever looked at someone and think, "d**... this guy is UGLY as F**K"?

Anyway, I'm getting rid of all the mirrors in my house.

I went to the Chemist today.

I asked the assistant 'What gets rid of coronavirus?'
She replied 'Ammonia Cleaner.'
I said 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked here.'

Heard they are getting rid of the 1p coin. Not sure how I feel about this...

On one hand I'm opposed to change but on the other I'm opposed to change.

I decided to try the ancient Chinese practice of using needles to get rid of back pain

The h**... worked a treat for me.

The Force Awakens could have been much shorter.

All the First Order had to do to get rid of the Resistance was to use a superconductor.

I got rid of my carbon monoxide detector last night

The constant beeping was making me feel sick and dizzy.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day

Teach him to fish and you get rid of him during weekends.

I asked my friend, "if you had to get rid of one body part what would it be?"

He said, "My spine, it holds me back."

I tried to get rid of an annoying person earlier, so I asked them, "Do you know French?"

*"Because adieu."*

It always shocks me when people say republicans are anti-communists

With trying to make abortions i**..., get rid of birth control, defund planned parenthood, those all are textbook examples of seizing the means of reproduction.

Tractors (Long?)

A man really likes tractors and collects models all day, one day he decides to get rid of all the models and move on.
It just so happens he comes across a building filled with smoke and people running out, he runs into the building attempting to pull out others, people try to dissuade him.
"Don't go in!"
"It's OK, I'm an extractor fan!"

I finally managed to get rid of that n**... electrical charge I've been carrying.

I'm ex-static!

I used to have a great body...

Had to get rid of it when the police started snooping around.

As per the doctor's recommendation, I have decided to rid my diet of trans fat.

Goodbye Tumblr!

A farmer is sitting in bed with his wife

He reaches over and playfully squeezes her breast and says you know, if we could get these to work, we could get rid of the milking cow
She reaches down between his legs and says yes, and if you could get this to work, we could get rid of the farm hand .

I have 200hrs of the TV show 'Hoarders' on my DVR.

I know I'm never going to watch it all but I can't bring myself to get rid of it.

An Irishman is drinking at a pub when God Himself appears to him

"Pat McGinty! If you don't stop your drinking, I'll make you smaller and smaller until you become a mouse!"
Shocked, Pat rushes home to think. His wife notices his duress and asks him what's wrong. Somberly, Patrick looks up and says "God just appeared to me. He told me we had to get rid of the cat."

What do you do to get rid of an obese d**...?

You exorcise him.

My gf and I are removing old ducting from our house that contains asbestos. She asked if the workers will for sure be able to get rid of it all.

I told her they'll do asbestos they can!

People are so divided in this country these days. I don't think either side really realizes that until we all come together, despite our differences; until we all tolerate each other and become one....

We'll NEVER get rid of all the immigrants and Muslims.

A man counterfeits $18 bills...

...and needs to get rid of them, so he takes a trip through rural Iowa. Coming to a small general store at a remote crossroads, he goes in and asks the old man behind the counter if he would please break his bill. The old man replies, "Sure, would you like 2 nines or 3 sixes?"

Ambush Watch

Down at the Senior Center the other day Joe was telling a tale about his experience in the jungle during his war. It seems that he was wearing a cheap watch one night while on an ambush and it made so much noise that his buddy insisted that he douse the watch with bug spray . . . to get rid of the ticks.

How to get rid of a refrigerator.

A man has an old worn-out refrigerator. He decides to buy a replacement, but the fridge still works, and he doesn't have a truck to haul it away, so he moves it to the front yard and tapes a sign to it:
"STILL WORKS. FREE."
It sits out there for a week, so the man takes the sign off and puts a different one on:
"BRAND NEW. $500 OR BEST OFFER."
A day later, someone steals it.

I needed to do the laundry, but then I realized I was out of detergent,

so I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was, and started checking pens for ink. When I went to toss all the junk, I saw that the trash was full but before I took it out I wanted to get rid of old food in the fridge. That's when I realized a juice jug had leaked so I needed to clean it up but when I went to grab a rag, I saw that the pantry closet was a nightmare so I started organizing it.
And that's how I ended up on the floor looking at my old photo albums from 1990s and not doing laundry.

Why did Mozart got rid of his chickens ?

Because they would only say Bach! Bach! Bach!

If we are going lose the Washington r**...,

are we getting rid of the Scalpers too?

A man walks into a tiny hardware store

looking for something to rid of a wasp problem. After 10 mins of walking around the store all he can find is ant spray. So he goes up to the counter and asks the clerk, Is this any good for wasps? Without a word, the clerk takes the can from his hands, reads the back for ingredients. No. he replied, That'll kill them.

When Thanos snaps...

Avengers: Oh no, he did it he managed to get rid of half the universe we did not stop him there is no hope. We are in Endgame now.
Karen: ThE VaCCinEs TurNEd My KIdS tO DuSt !!!!!

A British man

A British man asks and American,
Why don't you spell colour, armour, or flavour the same way as we do?
The American replied,
We got rid of u in 1776.

I got this gem from a 6-year-old

...seriously, I need to get rid of it fast, the law really frowns on stealing from children.

Why did Britain change its name to Brian?

Because those dang colonists got rid of their tea.

EA is Officially Getting Rid of Micro-Transactions!!

And replacing them with macro-transactions.

A millionaire,a hard hat, and a cheapskate are at a bar.

When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug.
The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then sips the new one.
The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly then quaffs the rest.
It's now the cheapskate's turn: He sticks his hand in the beer, grabs the fly, and shouts, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"

What's cold, sore, and you can never get rid of?

Our b**... a**... loser president

jokes about rid

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these rid jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.