richards Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious richards puns

Fidel Castro is dead

Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals.


In high school they called me donkey dick. I got that name because...

it was short for Donald Keith Richards.


Shocking results came in after Keith Richards went to the hospital.

They found blood in his drugstream.


Frog gets a loan.

There once was a frog that belonged to Keith Richards. This frog went to the bank to get a loan. At the desk was a woman named Miss Pattywack. The frog says "I'd like to get a loan please". She replied "Well you're gonna need some form of collateral". The frog says "I don't have much, but what about this?", the frog places a small wooden pink elephant on the counter. Miss Pattywack looks at it and says "Well I'll have to speak to the manager about this".

After telling the manager the whole story, she asked what the toy was. He replied "It's a nick nack, Pattywack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".


I've known a lot of Richards in my life...

They were all dicks


Keith Richards recently went to the doctor

They were surprised to have found traces of blood in his heroin stream.


If a man named Terry Richards kills you because you insulted him; what did you die of?

Dissing Terry.


Keith Richards is dead

No one has told him that yet though.


Every time you smoke a cigarette,

God takes away 5 minutes of your life... and gives it to Keith Richards


Charlie Sheen, Amy Winehouse, and Keith Richards walk into a bar.

The bartender, local drug dealer, and in house pimp all get measured for a new suit


Why do Marlboro cigarettes have white filters in America, but yellow filters in Europe?

So Keith Richards can tell which continent he's in.


dreaming again

"Please help me doctor, I have a bowel movement every morning at 7!"

"But that is a very healthy thing, Mr. Richards!"

"It would be, if I didn't usually wake up at 8:30!"


What two things will survive a nuclear holocaust?

Cockroaches and Kieth Richards


Imagine if, in some fit of drug-induced rage back in the 60s, Keith Richards had killed David Crosby & Gram Parsons?

Talk about killing two byrds with one stone.


Reed Richards posses a mastery of mechanical, aerospace, electrical engineering, chemistry and biology

But we all know why he's called Mr. Fantastick.


Jim McGuinn and David Crosby found dead in apparent Double Homicide

Jim McGuinn and David Crosby found dead in apparent Double Homicide, one Keith Richards suspected.

It seems two Byrds were killed by one Stone.


In the recent news of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds both passing away...

...Keith Richards, the guitarist for the Rolling Stones, has confirmed to still be alive.


I feel sorry for all the Richards

Why do they often have shortened Dicks?


Why didn't Keith Richards succeed in gathering Kate Moss and Walt Mossberg for his charity?

A rolling stone...


Cliff Richards

The singer Cliff Richard has been suffering from much online abuse since the court case

He's got himself some spying, talking, tweeting, stalking, living trolls


I ran into a bunch of Richards the other day...

what a bunch of Dicks.


We Have to Take Care of Earth

We need to start thinking about what kind of world we're going to leave to Keith Richards.


If Dick is short for a man named Richards, then what is Cunt short for?

A woman.


What do Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music and Keith Richards have in common?

They both made habits fashionable.


I've met many Richards...

However, some of them are Dicks.


What do you call a group of Richards?

An embarrassment


Keith Richards arrested in London on molestation charge.

Apparently someone saw him fingering A minor.


What are the most funny Richards jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Richards? Well, here are the best Richards dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Richards pick up lines to share with friends.


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