Richard Jokes

Discover some of the best jokes by Richard Pryor. From his famous mafia jokes to his take on his own name and the name of his son, Richard Pryor's humor will have you in stitches. Enjoy some of the greatest hits from this legendary comedian!

Quirky and Hilarious Richard Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

The parking spot on Richard III's grave was restricted...

Only two-door cars were allowed.

Henry Tudor: "I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester."

Richard III: "Over my dead body."

Richard Nixon makes a really awful dinner for his wife.

He defends himself by saying "I am not a cook".

What's the difference between Gene Simmons and Richard Simmons?

One porks women the other un-porks them.

jokes about richard

So apparently Richard III will remain in that parking lot they found him in.

Because nobody can afford to pay his ticket.

A man walks into a t-shirt store...

There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."

The Housewife and the Grocer 1988 (cat. no. 62)

A Housewife selected three small tomatoes and was told by the grocer they were 75 cents.

"What!" she exclaimed, "75 cents for those small tomatoes? Well, you can just take them and you know what you can do with them!?

"I can't lady," replied the unhappy grocer, "there's a 95 cent cucumber there."

- Richard Prince

Richard joke, The Housewife and the Grocer 1988 (cat. no. 62)

I'm Rich with a capital R!

But my colleagues know me by my legal name, Richard.

A boy asks his mother a question

Boy: "Mom, why's my cousin named Jasmine?"

Mom: "That's because your aunt likes flowers."

Boy: "Mom, what do you like?"

Mom: "Oh, be quiet Richard"

Stallman, Torvalds and Knuth have a conversation.

Richard M. Stallman, Linus Torvalds, and Donald E. Knuth
engage in a discussion on whose impact
on the computerized world was the greatest.
Stallman: "God told me I have programmed the best editor in the world!"
Torvalds: "Well, God told *me* that I have programmed the best operating system in the world!"
Knuth: "Wait, wait - I never said that."

Why does my son Richard like playing in the mud?

Because he then becomes filthy Rich.

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What did God say to Richard Dawkins as he beat him in a game of chess?

Checkmate.

A psychologist addresses three mothers, telling them that he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.

To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."

To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."

And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."

Why did Richard leave his home this morning?

For Harambe.

What mom loves...

Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers!

Son: Mom, what do you love?

Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

A young boy asks him mum why his cousin is named Diamond...

His mother replies "because your auntie loves Diamonds"

He replies "what about me?"

She responds "enough question Richard"

Richard joke, A young boy asks him mum why his cousin is named Diamond...

A money-hungry man opted to change his name

And the Rich get Richard

A boy asks him mom about his name

Son: "Mom, why is my sister called Diamond?"

Mom: "That's easy, I named her after one of the two things I love the most in life."

Son: "What about my name?"

Mom: "That's enough questions for one day, Richard!"

Someone asked me if I wanted to watch Richard the third.

I Said 'I haven't the seen the first 2'

Jeremy Clarkson beat Richard Hammond in the latest episode of the Grand Tour a race due to the downforce on the back of his car

Sorry, should've said it was a spoiler

Tatars

If a commentator is an ordinary potato and a spectator is a potato with glasses, what's a dictator?

A potato named Richard

What Do You Call a Bearded Man Whose Idea of Paradise is 72 Virgins?

Richard Branson.

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

I am not a cook

So Richard Spencer just got an alt-high five while being filmed.

Some might call it a punch but I prefer an Alt-Hug

Kid: why is my cousin named Diamond?

Mother: because your auntie really loves diamonds

Kid: well what about my name?

Mother: never mind about that Richard.

Why did Nixon have a reputation for not being punctual?

He is, after all, the late Richard Nixon.

Richard joke, Why did Nixon have a reputation for not being punctual?

What do you get when you combine Richard Simmons with Stephen Hawking?

A fruit and a vegetable.

Alfred the Great may have been the greatest monarch

But you know who was the worst? Richard the Goatfucker.

What do you call Richard Nixon in a Roald Dahl book?

ImPEACHment!

Richard: "Hi, I'm Richard, or 'Dick' for short"

Guy: "How do you get 'Dick' from Richard?"

Richard: "You ask nicely"

Gay parents are awesome!

* "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard"

I'm sick of telling my parents that my name is Richard.

It's Richard with "ch", not a "t"

I will stop showering and then change my name into Richard.

That way I will become filthy rich.

What's the difference between Richard Nixon and Trump??

Nixon had a problem with Kissinger -- Donald had a problem with Grabbing-her.

Richard Spencer is the Kim Kardashian of the alt-right...

I have no idea why he's famous and I only know his name because some dude pounded him on video.

A kid asked his mother why his sister was named rose.

His mother replied to him, explaining that roses were her favorite color.

He then asked her the same question in regards to his own name.

"You'll get it when you're older, Richard," she responded.

E: I know I said color instead of flower, but I am leaving it.

My wife told me to talk dirty to her....

I said I was going to give her a Richard Branson right after I slipped her a Trump.

Richard Gere stars in American g**....

...maybe it would be more appropriate if it starred Peter Sellers instead?

Have you heard of Richard Potato?

He's a dictator.

If your name is Richard...

...is every selfie you take a 'Dick pic'?

A literal dictatorship...

..is a potato boat named Richard.

^^^kill ^^^me

"Mom, why is my sister named Star?"

"Because your dad loves stars honey."
"Oh, thanks mom."
"No problem, Richard."

TIL in the 79s Leggs pantyhose and Richard Pryor sponsored a golf tournament.

It was called the Pryor Leggs Open.

Hey! I found Richard Marx

He was right here waiting for me.

Guy goes to the doctor...

Doctor: Findings show you should stop your fapping and get another hobby.
Guy: Seriously Doc?
Doctor: Seriously, Richard. Especially when I'm still talking to you.

Richard 'Old Man' Harrison just passed away

Mortician: it's going to cost you $10,000 to put him in a casket.

Rick: best I can do is $100 cause it's just going to sit there and collect dust.

Old Man Richard Harrison: I want to live till I am 100

Death: Best I can do is 77

Richard Harrison Died

The cost of his f**... will be $12,000

Richard: *Sits up in coffin*

Richard: I'll do it for 10,000

My friend Richard always says, "you are what you eat"

His nickname checks out.

Dad, why is my sister's name Rose?

Dad: She likes roses

Son: Thanks Dad

Dad: No problem Richard

Let it be known that the movie d**......

...is NOT about Watergate or Richard Nixon.

What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?

Pardon me.

This guy died after drinking a whole bottle of furniture polish,

A sad end but a beautiful finish.

(richard dawson: source)

Richard Feynman had a t**...

double slit experiment

George Washington: "I cannot tell a lie!"; Richard Nixon: "I cannot tell the truth!"; Donald Trump: ...

"I cannot tell the difference!"

Richard Nixon's favorite vegetable

Arooooogula

What does Richard Gere wash his hair with?

Gerbil Essences

I don't trust anyone named Richard.

If you ask me, they're all kind of d**....

Bless the wife of Richard Cheese

He always wondered why she complained about going down on him.

What is Karen's male version's name?

Richard

(For the non-Americans: cause he's a 'Dick')

What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?

George Washington couldn't tell a lie.

Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.

Donald Trump can't tell the difference

What do you call it when Richard Nixon hides the toothpaste?

Colgate

Dad, why is my sister named Olivia?

"Because your mother had a massive craving for olives when she was pregnant."

"That makes sense. Thanks dad."

"No problem, Richard."

In the 1970s, as manager of Baskin Robbins', my mom was tasked to create new flavors related to Richard Nixon...

Her choices, as she told me, were 'ImPeachments & Cream' and 'Watermelon-Gate' (as a sorbet).



Both were denied.

This is actually true.

My Polish friend asked how do you get 'Dick' from Richard?

I told them to ask nicely

A surgeon is about to perform his first surgery...

...and the patient is lying on the surgical table, waiting for the anesthetist. The doctor grabs the patient's hand and takes a deep breath.

Surgeon: "Don't worry, Richard, this is not big deal, just a few cuts here and there, and all done in less than an hour. Tonight you rest, watch the game and forget about this."

Patient: "My name is not Richard!"

Surgeon: "Oh, I'm just talking to myself."

What has 100 legs and 8 teeth?

The front row of a Cliff Richard concert.

What happens when Jeff Bezo's Rocket and Richard Branson's Rocket collide?

Branson's rocket is no longer a v**......

"dad, why is my sister's name Rose?"

"Because your mother likes roses"

"oh, thanks dad"

"no problem, Richard"

Did you ever hear the story of Captain Richard, who smuggled potatoes across the Atlantic?

He ran a d**...-tater-ship

Why didn't Richard Nixon prepare his own food?

Because he's not a cook.

I sent a food parcel to my first wife.

FedEx

TIL, Big Ben was named after Sir Benjamin Hall who oversaw the installation of the Bell....

Thankfully, his brother Richard reported sick that day .

Richard Marx was a famous singer in the 80s

But did you know his sister, Onya, invented the starter p**...?

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pyror?

One was burnt by Pepsi and one was burnt by coke.

Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the richard richard nixon puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working richard richard name piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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