Richard Jokes
118 richard jokes and hilarious richard puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about richard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the best jokes by Richard Pryor. From his famous mafia jokes to his take on his own name and the name of his son, Richard Pryor's humor will have you in stitches. Enjoy some of the greatest hits from this legendary comedian!
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Funniest Richard Short Jokes
Short richard jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The richard humour may include short richard name jokes also.
- Gay parents are awesome! * "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard" - What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump? George Washington couldn't tell a lie.
Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.
Donald Trump can't tell the difference - Fidel Castro is dead Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals.
- What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?
Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers!
Son: Mom, what do you love?
Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions! - George Washington: "I cannot tell a lie!"; Richard Nixon: "I cannot tell the truth!"; Donald Trump: ... "I cannot tell the difference!"
- Shocking results came in after Keith Richards went to the hospital. They found blood in his drugstream.
- Henry Tudor: "I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester." Richard III: "Over my dead body."
- "Mom, why is my sister named Star?" "Because your dad loves stars honey."
"Oh, thanks mom."
"No problem, Richard." - TIL, Big Ben was named after Sir Benjamin Hall who oversaw the installation of the Bell.... Thankfully, his brother Richard reported sick that day .
- What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time? I am not a cook
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Richard One Liners
Which richard one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with richard? I can suggest the ones about richard nixon and john.
- Why didn't Richard Nixon prepare his own food? Because he's not a cook.
- I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx
- What do you call it when Richard Nixon hides the toothpaste? Colgate
- What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford? Pardon me.
- Why did Richard leave his home this morning? For Harambe.
- Prince Phillip Has Died... So now the Queen and Keith Richards move on to the Finals
- What has 100 legs and 8 teeth? The front row of a Cliff Richard concert.
- My friend Richard always says, "you are what you eat" His nickname checks out.
- I'm sick of telling my parents that my name is Richard. It's Richard with "ch", not a "t"
- A money-hungry man opted to change his name And the Rich get Richard
- Old Man Richard Harrison: I want to live till I am 100 Death: Best I can do is 77
- Have you heard of Richard Potato? He's a dictator.
- What Do You Call a Bearded Man Whose Idea of Paradise is 72 Virgins? Richard Branson.
- Why does my son Richard like playing in the mud? Because he then becomes filthy Rich.
- Richard Nixon's favorite vegetable Arooooogula
Richard Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny richard name jokes and even better richard name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dad, why is my sister named Olivia? "Because your mother had a massive craving for olives when she was pregnant."
"That makes sense. Thanks dad."
"No problem, Richard." - Kid: why is my cousin named Diamond? Mother: because your auntie really loves diamonds
Kid: well what about my name?
Mother: never mind about that Richard. - A boy asks his mother a question Boy: "Mom, why's my cousin named Jasmine?"
Mom: "That's because your aunt likes flowers."
Boy: "Mom, what do you like?"
Mom: "Oh, be quiet Richard" - If a man named Terry Richards kills you because you insulted him; what did you die of? Dissing Terry.
- I will stop showering and then change my name into Richard. That way I will become filthy rich.
- Tatars If a commentator is an ordinary potato and a spectator is a potato with glasses, what's a dictator?
A potato named Richard - I'm Rich with a capital R! But my colleagues know me by my legal name, Richard.
- Why is my sister named Rose? Dad : Your mum likes roses.
Son : Then why am I named Richard?
Dad : you are what you eat, son. - Richard Dawkins has just announced that he's trademarked the name of his new clothing line... Selfish jeans
Richard Nixon Jokes
Here is a list of funny richard nixon jokes and even better richard nixon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between Richard Nixon and Trump?? Nixon had a problem with Kissinger -- Donald had a problem with Grabbing-her.
- Richard Nixon makes a really awful dinner for his wife. He defends himself by saying "I am not a cook".
- What do you call Richard Nixon in a Roald Dahl book? ImPEACHment!
- Why did Nixon have a reputation for not being punctual? He is, after all, the late Richard Nixon.
- What's Richard Nixon's favorite game? I spy.
Richard Dawkins Jokes
Here is a list of funny richard dawkins jokes and even better richard dawkins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did God say to Richard Dawkins as he beat him in a game of chess? Checkmate.
- I played chess against Richard Dawkins and Neil DeGrasse Tyson. They're great at science, but no so much at chess. So after beating them in only a few moves I simply said
"Checkmate atheists."
Richard Gere Jokes
Here is a list of funny richard gere jokes and even better richard gere puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does Richard Gere wash his hair with? Gerbil Essences
- You hear about Hideo Kojima's remake of Pretty Woman? A weapon to surpass Richard Gere
Richard Pryor Jokes
Here is a list of funny richard pryor jokes and even better richard pryor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL in the 79s Leggs pantyhose and Richard Pryor sponsored a golf tournament. It was called the Pryor Leggs Open.
- Do you know what Richard Pryor's favorite festival? burning man
- How do you fit 5 comedians into a VW Beetle? 2 in front, 2 in back & Richard Pryor in the ashtray.
Quirky and Hilarious Richard Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about richard you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nickname jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make richard pranks.
The parking spot on Richard III's grave was restricted...
Only two-door cars were allowed.
So apparently Richard III will remain in that parking lot they found him in.
Because nobody can afford to pay his ticket.
A man walks into a t-shirt store...
There are 3 shirts on display.
The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."
The Housewife and the Grocer 1988 (cat. no. 62)
A Housewife selected three small tomatoes and was told by the grocer they were 75 cents.
"What!" she exclaimed, "75 cents for those small tomatoes? Well, you can just take them and you know what you can do with them!?
"I can't lady," replied the unhappy grocer, "there's a 95 cent cucumber there."
- Richard Prince
Stallman, Torvalds and Knuth have a conversation.
Richard M. Stallman, Linus Torvalds, and Donald E. Knuth
engage in a discussion on whose impact
on the computerized world was the greatest.
Stallman: "God told me I have programmed the best editor in the world!"
Torvalds: "Well, God told *me* that I have programmed the best operating system in the world!"
Knuth: "Wait, wait - I never said that."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL there is a meteorologist known as Richard Assmann
Punchline: d**...
A psychologist addresses three mothers, telling them that he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.
To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."
To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."
And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So Richard Simmons is getting a s**... change.
Finally going to be a man...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a Richard Branson Convetion and your mum have in common?
They're both full of d**...
Someone asked me if I wanted to watch Richard the third.
I Said 'I haven't the seen the first 2'
Jeremy Clarkson beat Richard Hammond in the latest episode of the Grand Tour a race due to the downforce on the back of his car
Sorry, should've said it was a spoiler
So Richard Spencer just got an alt-high five while being filmed.
Some might call it a punch but I prefer an Alt-Hug
What do you get when you combine Richard Simmons with Stephen Hawking?
A fruit and a vegetable.
What did Richard Spencer say when a white woman fell and hit her head?
Ma'am, are you alt right?
Why did Richard Spencer break up with his Asian girlfriend when he saw her working at a Chinese grocery store?
Because he realized she was a rice trader.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Richard: "Hi, I'm Richard, or d**...' for short"
Guy: "How do you get d**...' from Richard?"
Richard: "You ask nicely"
Richard Stallman had a gorgeous date
He left as soon as she arrived in her uber
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Stephen Hawking and Richard Hammond have in common?
They both have poor motor skills.
iPhone 8 will have a refined camera...
It only sends Richard pics.
A kid asked his mother why his sister was named rose.
His mother replied to him, explaining that roses were her favorite color.
He then asked her the same question in regards to his own name.
"You'll get it when you're older, Richard," she responded.
E: I know I said color instead of flower, but I am leaving it.
My wife told me to talk dirty to her....
I said I was going to give her a Richard Branson right after I slipped her a Trump.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Richard Gere stars in American g**....
...maybe it would be more appropriate if it starred Peter Sellers instead?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If your name is Richard...
...is every selfie you take a d**...'?
Why did the blonde throw the clock out of the window?
Because it reminded her of Richard Clock. The man accused of slaughtering her entire family.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A literal dictatorship...
..is a potato boat named Richard.
^^^kill ^^^me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
why did the man throw the clock out the window
because it reminded him of richard clock. the man accused of knife r**... his wife
Hey! I found Richard Marx
He was right here waiting for me.
Guy goes to the doctor...
Doctor: Findings show you should stop your fapping and get another hobby.
Guy: Seriously Doc?
Doctor: Seriously, Richard. Especially when I'm still talking to you.
Richard 'Old Man' Harrison just passed away
Mortician: it's going to cost you $10,000 to put him in a casket.
Rick: best I can do is $100 cause it's just going to sit there and collect dust.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Let it be known that the movie d**......
...is NOT about Watergate or Richard Nixon.
This guy died after drinking a whole bottle of furniture polish,
A sad end but a beautiful finish.
(richard dawson: source)
A football enthusiast cleverly asked me to sleep with her by asking if she could touch down on my richard...
I said, yeah Sherman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Richard Feynman had a t**...
double slit experiment
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I don't trust anyone named Richard.
If you ask me, they're all kind of d**....
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Bless the wife of Richard Cheese
He always wondered why she complained about going down on him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What is Karen's male version's name?
Richard
(For the non-Americans: cause he's a d**...')
In the 1970s, as manager of Baskin Robbins', my mom was tasked to create new flavors related to Richard Nixon...
Her choices, as she told me, were 'ImPeachments & Cream' and 'Watermelon-Gate' (as a sorbet).
Both were denied.
This is actually true.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Polish friend asked how do you get d**...' from Richard?
I told them to ask nicely
A surgeon is about to perform his first surgery...
...and the patient is lying on the surgical table, waiting for the anesthetist. The doctor grabs the patient's hand and takes a deep breath.
Surgeon: "Don't worry, Richard, this is not big deal, just a few cuts here and there, and all done in less than an hour. Tonight you rest, watch the game and forget about this."
Patient: "My name is not Richard!"
Surgeon: "Oh, I'm just talking to myself."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens when Jeff Bezo's Rocket and Richard Branson's Rocket collide?
Branson's rocket is no longer a v**......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you ever hear the story of Captain Richard, who smuggled potatoes across the Atlantic?
He ran a d**...-tater-ship
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Richard Marx was a famous singer in the 80s
But did you know his sister, Onya, invented the starter p**...?
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pyror?
One was burnt by Pepsi and one was burnt by coke.
What did Richard III say when the snowstorm stranded him several miles from his campsite?
Now is the winter of our distant tent
