The Best 72 Richard Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Richard jokes. There are some richard ritchie jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these richard richard pryor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Richard Jokes and Puns

The parking spot on Richard III's grave was restricted...

Only two-door cars were allowed.

Henry Tudor: "I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester."

Richard III: "Over my dead body."

Richard Nixon makes a really awful dinner for his wife.

He defends himself by saying "I am not a cook".

Richard joke, Richard Nixon makes a really awful dinner for his wife.

What's the difference between Gene Simmons and Richard Simmons?

One porks women the other un-porks them.

A man walks into a t-shirt store...

There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."


The Housewife and the Grocer 1988 (cat. no. 62)

A Housewife selected three small tomatoes and was told by the grocer they were 75 cents.

"What!" she exclaimed, "75 cents for those small tomatoes? Well, you can just take them and you know what you can do with them!?

"I can't lady," replied the unhappy grocer, "there's a 95 cent cucumber there."

- Richard Prince

I'm Rich with a capital R!

But my colleagues know me by my legal name, Richard.

Richard joke, I'm Rich with a capital R!

A boy asks his mother a question

Boy: "Mom, why's my cousin named Jasmine?"

Mom: "That's because your aunt likes flowers."

Boy: "Mom, what do you like?"

Mom: "Oh, be quiet Richard"

Stallman, Torvalds and Knuth have a conversation.

Richard M. Stallman, Linus Torvalds, and Donald E. Knuth
engage in a discussion on whose impact
on the computerized world was the greatest.
Stallman: "God told me I have programmed the best editor in the world!"
Torvalds: "Well, God told *me* that I have programmed the best operating system in the world!"
Knuth: "Wait, wait - I never said that."

Why does my son Richard like playing in the mud?

Because he then becomes filthy Rich.

What did God say to Richard Dawkins as he beat him in a game of chess?

Checkmate.

You can explore richard hammond reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean richard deborah dad jokes. There are also richard puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A psychologist addresses three mothers, telling them that he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.

To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."

To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."

And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."

So Richard Simmons is getting a sex change.

Finally going to be a man...

Why did Richard leave his home this morning?

For Harambe.

What does a Richard Branson Convetion and your mum have in common?

They're both full of Dicks

What mom loves...

Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers!

Son: Mom, what do you love?

Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

Richard joke, What mom loves...

A young boy asks him mum why his cousin is named Diamond...

His mother replies "because your auntie loves Diamonds"

He replies "what about me?"

She responds "enough question Richard"

A money-hungry man opted to change his name

And the Rich get Richard

A boy asks him mom about his name

Son: "Mom, why is my sister called Diamond?"

Mom: "That's easy, I named her after one of the two things I love the most in life."

Son: "What about my name?"

Mom: "That's enough questions for one day, Richard!"


Someone asked me if I wanted to watch Richard the third.

I Said 'I haven't the seen the first 2'

Jeremy Clarkson beat Richard Hammond in the latest episode of the Grand Tour a race due to the downforce on the back of his car

Sorry, should've said it was a spoiler

Tatars

If a commentator is an ordinary potato and a spectator is a potato with glasses, what's a dictator?

A potato named Richard

What Do You Call a Bearded Man Whose Idea of Paradise is 72 Virgins?

Richard Branson.

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

I am not a cook

So Richard Spencer just got an alt-high five while being filmed.

Some might call it a punch but I prefer an Alt-Hug

Kid: why is my cousin named Diamond?

Mother: because your auntie really loves diamonds

Kid: well what about my name?

Mother: never mind about that Richard.

What do you get when you combine Richard Simmons with Stephen Hawking?

A fruit and a vegetable.

What did Richard Spencer say when a white woman fell and hit her head?

Ma'am, are you alt right?

Why did Richard Spencer break up with his Asian girlfriend when he saw her working at a Chinese grocery store?

Because he realized she was a rice trader.

What do you call Richard Nixon in a Roald Dahl book?

ImPEACHment!

Richard: "Hi, I'm Richard, or 'Dick' for short"

Guy: "How do you get 'Dick' from Richard?"

Richard: "You ask nicely"

Gay parents are awesome!

* "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard"

Richard Stallman had a gorgeous date

He left as soon as she arrived in her uber

I'm sick of telling my parents that my name is Richard.

It's Richard with "ch", not a "t"

I will stop showering and then change my name into Richard.

That way I will become filthy rich.

What do Stephen Hawking and Richard Hammond have in common?

They both have poor motor skills.

iPhone 8 will have a refined camera...

It only sends Richard pics.

Why is my sister named Rose?

Dad : Your mum likes roses.
Son : Then why am I named Richard?
Dad : you are what you eat, son.

What's the difference between Richard Nixon and Trump??

Nixon had a problem with Kissinger -- Donald had a problem with Grabbing-her.

Richard Spencer is the Kim Kardashian of the alt-right...

I have no idea why he's famous and I only know his name because some dude pounded him on video.

A kid asked his mother why his sister was named rose.

His mother replied to him, explaining that roses were her favorite color.

He then asked her the same question in regards to his own name.

"You'll get it when you're older, Richard," she responded.

E: I know I said color instead of flower, but I am leaving it.

My wife told me to talk dirty to her....

I said I was going to give her a Richard Branson right after I slipped her a Trump.

Richard Gere stars in American Gigolo.

...maybe it would be more appropriate if it starred Peter Sellers instead?

Have you heard of Richard Potato?

He's a dictator.

If your name is Richard...

...is every selfie you take a 'Dick pic'?

Why did the blonde throw the clock out of the window?

Because it reminded her of Richard Clock. The man accused of slaughtering her entire family.

A literal dictatorship...

..is a potato boat named Richard.

^^^kill ^^^me

"Mom, why is my sister named Star?"

"Because your dad loves stars honey."
"Oh, thanks mom."
"No problem, Richard."

why did the man throw the clock out the window

because it reminded him of richard clock. the man accused of knife raping his wife

Hey! I found Richard Marx

He was right here waiting for me.

Guy goes to the doctor...

Doctor: Findings show you should stop your fapping and get another hobby.
Guy: Seriously Doc?
Doctor: Seriously, Richard. Especially when I'm still talking to you.

Richard 'Old Man' Harrison just passed away

Mortician: it's going to cost you $10,000 to put him in a casket.

Rick: best I can do is $100 cause it's just going to sit there and collect dust.

Old Man Richard Harrison: I want to live till I am 100

Death: Best I can do is 77

Richard Harrison Died

The cost of his funeral will be $12,000

Richard: *Sits up in coffin*

Richard: I'll do it for 10,000

My friend Richard always says, "you are what you eat"

His nickname checks out.

Dad, why is my sister's name Rose?

Dad: She likes roses

Son: Thanks Dad

Dad: No problem Richard

Let it be known that the movie Deepthroat...

...is NOT about Watergate or Richard Nixon.

What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?

Pardon me.

This guy died after drinking a whole bottle of furniture polish,

A sad end but a beautiful finish.

(richard dawson: source)

A football enthusiast cleverly asked me to sleep with her by asking if she could touch down on my richard...

I said, yeah Sherman.

Richard Feynman had a threesome

double slit experiment

George Washington: "I cannot tell a lie!"; Richard Nixon: "I cannot tell the truth!"; Donald Trump: ...

"I cannot tell the difference!"

Richard Nixon's favorite vegetable

Arooooogula

I don't trust anyone named Richard.

If you ask me, they're all kind of dicks.

Bless the wife of Richard Cheese

He always wondered why she complained about going down on him.

What is Karen's male version's name?

Richard

(For the non-Americans: cause he's a 'Dick')

What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?

George Washington couldn't tell a lie.

Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.

Donald Trump can't tell the difference

What do you call it when Richard Nixon hides the toothpaste?

Colgate

Dad, why is my sister named Olivia?

"Because your mother had a massive craving for olives when she was pregnant."

"That makes sense. Thanks dad."

"No problem, Richard."

In the 1970s, as manager of Baskin Robbins', my mom was tasked to create new flavors related to Richard Nixon...

Her choices, as she told me, were 'ImPeachments & Cream' and 'Watermelon-Gate' (as a sorbet).



Both were denied.

This is actually true.

My Polish friend asked how do you get 'Dick' from Richard?

I told them to ask nicely

A surgeon is about to perform his first surgery...

...and the patient is lying on the surgical table, waiting for the anesthetist. The doctor grabs the patient's hand and takes a deep breath.

Surgeon: "Don't worry, Richard, this is not big deal, just a few cuts here and there, and all done in less than an hour. Tonight you rest, watch the game and forget about this."

Patient: "My name is not Richard!"

Surgeon: "Oh, I'm just talking to myself."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the richard steven jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working richard dick piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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