Rich People Jokes
84 rich people jokes and hilarious rich people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rich people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Rich People Short Jokes
Short rich people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rich people humour may include short rich guy jokes also.
- Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn't valid anymore. There's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
- When I was young, I thought rich people owned Bose music systems and the rest of us had Sony products. Turns out those were just stereotypes.
- You can tell monopoly's an old game... ...because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail
- If you watch Jeopardy backwards, it's about rich people paying money for answers to questions. That is all.
- Why doesn't Batman like going to Robin's house? They don't like rich people in Robin's hood
- What do rich people and drug addicts have in common? They both have friends in high places.
- I hope that if I ever get rich I won't be mean to poor people Like I am now
(Dark, I know, but one of my favorite deep thoughts) - Rich people use their money and infleunce to avoid standing trials about their crimes Jeffrey Epstein learnt this the hard way
- Girl, are you a Collateralized Debt Obligation? Because a lot of rich people are trading you around and a few insiders have told me you're completely toxic.
- I laugh when people say that Elon Musk is stinking rich... He can't afford to sleep in to 10:00 am every day like me.
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Rich People One Liners
Which rich people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rich people? I can suggest the ones about wealthy and rich man.
- Why are rich people bad at running a bakery? Because they don't knead the dough
- What do rich people ride to the emergency room? An ambulenciaga.
- Why are rich people so concerned with etiquette? Because they have a lot of manors.
- Rich people have... Rich people have colon cleanses
Poor people have taco bell - My uncle got rich the American way He tripped over things and sued people.
- Many rich people are sad. I'd like to be sad too!
- Why don't you ever see rich people wearing glasses? They're always around so many karats.
- What do poor people have, rich people want? And if you eat it you die. It's nothing
- What do rich people and bad flossers have in common? Deep pockets.
- When rich people go fishing, who hands them their fishing poles? The Rod Stewart
- Money really makes the world go round. Haven't you seen how many rich people are fat?
- What do rich people call taxi's Human trafficking
- Poor people have it, rich people want it, and if you eat, you'll die. What is it? Drugs.
- What kind of socks do rich people wear? Goldman socks
- What do rich people use as Q-Tips? Earbuds
Fun-Filled Rich People Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about rich people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean high people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rich people pranks.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932.
The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
“I invested that nickel in an apple.
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.
“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million."
The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."
The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
Giving to the less fortunate
A homeless man had been driven to picking small blades of grass that he could find on the side of the street for food.
Then, a rich man drove up next to him, riding in a limo, and told him to get inside for a more plentiful meal.
The homeless man, almost taken aback by tears of joy, starts to enter the limo, but suddenly stops. He says "This is a very generous offer sir, but I have a wife and young child as well who are just as hungry as I am". "Thats fine", says the rich man, "the more people the better".
The homeless man starts to breakdown, saying, "I will never forget this sir, it has been so long since my family and I have had a proper meal". The rich man gives a confused look, and says, "I don't think you understand, the grass in my yard is a foot tall".
An American decides to get rich quick...
By suing bus companies. So, he goes to a bus station, and when the bus arrives he sticks his leg out so it gets runs over. He spends 6 weeks in hospital and is given $10,000 in reparations. When he gets out, he goes to a different state and does the same thing, but this time with the other leg. This time he spends 8 weeks in hospital and gets $20,000 in reparations. When he gets out, he decides that people in the US will get suspicious if he keeps getting run over, so he travels to England. There he goes to the first bus stop he can find, sticks his leg out, and dies of pneumonia.
What do rich people have for breakfast?
Corned Beef Cash.
Help! Performing in front of a deaf audience, and need an appropriate opening joke or two
Tomorrow I'm conducting a charity benefit for a large state wide deaf education foundation. I'll be in front of ~500 people talking. I Want at least one slightly edgy jokes that would cater to this sort of rich (and largely deaf) audience.
"Once upon a time, Three Little Pigs walk into a bar. The first pig orders 10 beers, downs them, and then asks for the bathroom. The second pig orders 15 beers, downs them, and asks for the bathroom. The third pig orders 20 beers, downs them, and then sits there eating peanuts.
"Aren't you going to ask for the bathroom?" asks the bartender.
"Nope. I'm the pig who goes wee-wee-wee all the way home.""
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke my friends love to hear from me. I hope you enjoy it as well.
A white guy, a black guy, and a Mexican are walking down a beach together and stumble across a magical genie lamp. They rub it and genie comes out and tells them that each of them have one wish. So the Mexican guys say I want all the Mexicans in America to be back in Mexico and happy and rich. So p**... all the Mexicans are gone in Mexico happy and rich. The black guy than says I want all the black people to be back in Africa and happy and rich. So p**... all the black people are back in Africa rich and happy. The white guy has been quiet the whole time and the genie asks him what does he want. The white guy looks at him and says, you're telling me all the Mexicans and black people are out of my country? And the genie responds yes. The white guy pauses and than says I'll have a coke than.
(Sorry it's so long, hope you enjoyed it though)
What kind of cheese do rich people eat?
Guccheese.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a t**... and a bunch of rich people are dressed the same, how does the t**... stand out?
He begs to differ.
It's pretty unfortunate for rich people that they can't use rags.
In Soviet Russia
Two men were talking one day and one mentioned he was visiting Russia.
The friend tells him that it's politically rough over there and that they check letters leaving the country for dissenters. So, he instructs the man to use a code- write in black ink if everything is fine and red ink if things are bad.
The man goes to Russia. A couple weeks later the friend gets a letter in black ink. It says all sorts of positive things about Russia- how rich it is and how nice the people are to him. "My only complaint," he writes, "is that they don't have red pens."
What's something that Slaves have and rich people want?
Nothing!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rich people don't get c**...
they get lobsters
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my grandma what people use to think of democrats and republicans over 70 years ago
*Watching the news with my grandma*
Me: Grammy, when you were really young, did they talk about democrats and republicans, like they do today?
Grandma: What do you mean?
Me: Were they always hostile towards one another, like this lady on the news.
Grandma: Oh yeah, that's one thing that has never changed over the years.
Me: Well, what do you remember people saying about democrats and republicans when you were young.
Me: What is the first thing you remember about it?
Grandma: Well, I always heard the older people say the same thing
Grandma: "Republicans are for the rich, and democrats are for the poor."
Me: What did they say about everyone in the middle?
Grandma: I don't know, they always just talked about getting s**....
A young carpenter was looking to make some money...
Shortly after Jesus was crucified, a young carpenter saw his opportunity to make some money from the late martyr. He began making small wooden crucifixes depicting Jesus, and people were queuing up to buy them.
One day, a man came in with a request. "I want you to make the biggest crucifix you can. I am very rich. I will pay you more money than you can imagine," he said. The carpenter said he would try his best.
And so he began. He toiled day and night, carving every intricate detail to create the biggest depiction of Jesus on the cross that he could.
When he was done, the rich man returned. Upon seeing the carpenter's work, he exclaimed "This is magnificent! This is the biggest carving I've ever seen!" Truly pleased, the rich man handed over the money he promised. The carpenter accepted it, and smiled gleefully - he had made a huge prophet.
Do rich people ask loaded questions?
I mean, surely they do, right?
You know how rich people prefer Bose, Bang & Olufsen and Marantz?
That's just a stereotype.
What are rich people called in Japan?
Milyennaires
What car do rich black people drive?
A Countach
A rich Arab student e-mails his dad...
A rich Arab student e-mails his dad and says:
Dear Father,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Rolls Royce Phantom when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Hassan.
A day later his father replies:
Dear Hassan,
Fifty million euros have been transferred to your account, stop embarrassing your family and buy yourself a train too.
Love you, Dad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a bunch of rich white people chasing after an orange-furred animal?
The GOP primaries.
Why are victorian-era rich people always sick?
Because they wear e-bowler hats
What type of milk do rich people drink?
1%
xD nice meme
A rich snail walks into a car dealership
The rich snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing Mercedes, Ferraris, Bugattis, and tons of other high end cars he decides on one.
So the rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships auto body guy and says "I want you to paint big S's all the this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it sure, but can't help to ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.
So the rich snail answers him "so when I fly past people on the highway, they point and say
"WOW! Look at that S Car Go!!"
If people went shopping like they do in RPG games, shop owners would be rich
"I'll take 99 boxes of Tylenol, 99 tetanus shots, 99 vials of clear eyes, and what's in that little box over there? screw it -I'll take 99 of them as well."
"Very good sir, may I ask what you will be using these for?"
"Who says I'm gonna use them?"
I work as a clown to make people laugh.
For some reason, there are still people who fear me. If I was given one cent every time I scared someone, I would be rich, PENNY WISE.
I work as a funny clown.
For some reason, people still fear me. If I had a penny every time someone feared me, I would be rich penny wise.
In the far future, after all governments have unified, a rich man will be convicted of a crime, making him hated among the people and causing his assets to be frozen
So he was basically discredited.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do rich guys always honk their horns?
So blind people can know they're d**... too.
[OC] My poor friend Dave got 3 wishes from a Genie today.
He always wanted loads of money, but instead he spoke to the Genie and said, "I wish for people to be uncertain. Secondly, I also wish to change my name."
I haven't seen him in a while but I think he's Rich now.
A Jaguar Walks into a Bar..
A black jaguar walks into a bar. Says his name is Bagheera. Orders a whiskey and a grilled cheese sammich. Everyone moves away a few spaces to let him drink in peace. He becomes a regular and the bar fights completely stop because most folks with sense will become more subdued in the presence of an uncaged black jaguar.
The bar owner eventually retires. He sells the bar to Bagheera who changes the name of the bar to Bagheera's Best Behaved Bar and Grill. Bagheera's rich now because it turns out a lot of people appreciate a free side order of peace and quiet with their whiskey and grilled cheese sammich.
The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know people say you should eat the rich, but I disagree.
They're probably spoiled anyway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît
A snail walks into a car dealership...
A snail walks into a car dealership. The snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing multiple brands he decides on one.
The rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships salesman and says "I want you to paint big S's all along this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it, but can't help but ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.
So the snail answers him "It's simple: When I launch past people on the highway they will say Look at that S car go!
Common English Mistakes
Common English Mistakes
-mixing up there, their, and they're
-using the wrong too, to, or two
-putting commas in the wrong place
-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches
-using apostrophes for plurals
Big dreams
Some people wanna have enough money to buy a bike. Others a car. Others would like to be rich enough to hire a chauffeur. However I dream bigger than that, I wanna be able to afford an ambulance ride in the United States
I was on a trip to Dubai, and in my stay, I met a rich man
Over time, we actually became friends, and he told me about this shoes company he owns.
He said:
Each pair of shoes we manufacture costs us about 2$, and we manage to sell them for 250$
What?! this is insane, why is it so expensive, ? I asked
Well I actually tried to make them cheaper for 25$ each
Then what happend?
People stopped buying them
MOM: "No more TV until you finish your math homework!"
KID: "Aww, Mom! When am I ever gonna use math in real life? I'm gonna grow up to be a super rich rock star...I'll pay people to do math \*for\* me."
MOM: "Well, why didn't you say so? That's a wonderful goal! And I know exactly how to help you pursue it."
THE NEXT DAY
MOM: "No more TV until you finish your guitar practice!"
KID: "Aww, Mom!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rich man arrested for m**...
A rich man is arrested for m**... finds an Attorney that says
" Rich people don't to jail, You have too much money to go to jail, I'll represent you"
It was long drawn out trial, and when his client was convicted, the lawyer made sure he didn't have any money left.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rosh Hashana Joke
When people ask me why Jews are so smart and rich?
Seriously?!,isn't it obvious we're about to be in the year 5783 and you are still living in 2022
A man has a vision of God
God says to the man "You may ask three questions of me."
The man thinks hard, and says "God, the universe is so old...how do you keep track of it?"
God says "My child, to me a million years is only one second."
The man thinks again, and says "God, why do so many rich people forget about you?"
God says, "My child, to me a million dollars is like one cent."
The man thinks again, and says "In that case, God, will you grant me one cent?"
God says "Of course, my child. Just wait a second."
Some people have said that I'm a spoilt and pretentious rich kid that doesn't have to work, but they don't know my struggles. For instance I really don't like my Boss.
I much prefer my Balenciaga, but sometimes I have to wear it to appease mother.
