rhyme Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious rhyme puns

What rhymes with Orange

No it doesn't

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The English language

If you ever think English is not a shit language, just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme, but read and lead don't rhyme and neither do read and lead.

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Limericks by Jenny

There was a young woman named Jenny

Whose limericks were not worth a penny.

Oh, the rhyme was all right,

And the meter was tight,

But whenever she tried to write any,

She always wrote one line too many!

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Mary nursery rhyme

Mary had a little watch,

she swallowed it one day.

Then Mary took a laxative

to pass the time away.

Well, time went on and time went on,

and time still wouldn't pass.

So, if you want to know what time it is,

just look up Mary's ^brother ^in ^Omaha. ^He's ^got ^a ^Rolex.

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Timbuktu...

A priest and an Australian shepherd got a tie in a quiz show so they have to solve the last question: find a rhyme on the word Timbuktu.
After five minutes the priest returns and says:
"I was a father all my life, I had no children, had no wife, I read the bible through and through on my way to Timbuktu..."
The crowd was cheering him and thought he would win as the shepherd returns:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went, we met three ladies cheap to rent. They were three and we were two, so I booked one and Tim booked two..."

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What rhymes with Timbuktu?

A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "

The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece:

"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three women cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "

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Shopping at the flea market..

Shopping at the flea market a wife was approached by a vendor to buy a magic mirror. He told her it would make wishes come true if you looked into it and said a rhyme. The wife bought it and took it home. She hung it on the door and said, "Mirror, Mirror on the door, make my breasts size 44." POOF her breasts grew huge! Her husband comes home and asks what happened. The wife explains the mirror will grant wishes if you look into it and say a rhyme. The husband looks into the mirror and says, "Mirror, mirror on the door make my dick touch the floor." POOF his legs fell off.

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Here's a little Christmas rhyme that was always dear to my heart.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
every creature was stirring, even that fucking mouse.
Mom at the whore house, dad smoking grass,
while I settled down for a nice piece of ass.
All of a sudden i heard such a shatter,
that I sprang from my piece to what's the matter.
Out on the lawn there was a big dick,
I knew at that moment it must be Saint Prick.
He came down the chimney like bats outta hell,
I knew at that moment that fucker had fell.
He filled the stockings with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He shot up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
that son of a bitch blew our chimney apart.
He flew through the night cursing and wailing,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all one hell of a night!"

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Ogden Nash and Robert Frost die and are facing St. Peter at the Pearly Gates...

St. Peter doesn't recognize them and asks for identification. They both respond that they are great poets from Earth and are surprised that they're not recognized. St. Peter challenges them - "If you're such great poets. let me hear you form a rhyme for "Timbuktu".

The poets think for a moment, then finally Robert Frost speaks first.

"With such little time, I can only come up with this....". He then continues.

"I walked along the sandy shore.
I listened to the ocean's roar.
A floating ship came into view
Her port of call was Timbuktu."

An impressed St. Peter allowed him access through the gates.

After a slight period of silence, Ogden Nash finally spoke up.

"Okay - this is also rushed, but here goes...."

"Tim and I, a hiking went,
We spied three ladies in a tent.
Since they were three and we were two
I bucked one, and Tim bucked two."

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In the city of Chicago

There are 3 streets that rhyme with vagina.
Paulina, Malvina and Lunt.

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What rhymes with Tortilla?

I'm making a rap.

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What rhymes with computer?

No it doesn't...

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It's funny that Schumer and humor rhyme

Cause that is the closest she will ever get to being funny.

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My favourite Greek nursery rhyme

ϱ ϱ ϱ your boat

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Why aren't there any rap songs about Donald Trump?

Because there aren't any words that rhyme with "Orange."

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An old one my late grandmother used to tell

In a Catholic school English classroom, a nun was giving the lesson.

"Today, children, we'll be talking about rhyme. Does anyone have a rhyme they'd like to share?"

Several little hands shot up. The nun pointed to the smallest girl, Sally, in the front.

"Hey, diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon."

"Very good, Sally." said the nun. "Who else?" She called on a little boy, Jack.

"It has my name in it!
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.

Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe."

"Wonderful rhyme, Jack!" replied the nun. Now, in the back of the class sat Michael. Michael came from a loud Irish family and was known as a troublemaker. The nun had tried to pick the other students before him, but he was beginning to make a commotion so she sighed and called out "yes, Michael."

"I've got a rhyme for you, Sister" he said.
"Mary came from Boston, Mass. and went into the water up to her knees."

"Michael," began the nun, "that doesn't rhyme."

"Oh, I know Sister. But wait until the tide comes in."

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Roses are red, violets are blue

Some poems rhyme

this is not one of them

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Rap Battle

Hey, can you pick me up from my rap battle?, It's over.

Sure, did you win?

No..no, I lost

What went wrong?

Well grandma, they saw you drop me off and did a pretty devastating rhyme about it.

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Why did the english student get an F?

His poem had ABAD rhyme pattern.

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What rhymes with angaina and makes alot of babies?

China. You dirty bastard.

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What do you call a green onion that can bust a rhyme?

A rapscallion.

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Two men were chatting in a bar

"So what do you do?"

"I write"

"Oh, poetry or prose?"

"Neither, I write cartoons"

"Why's that?"

"No rhyme or reason"

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Classic nursery rhyme

Jack and Jill went up a hill, each had a quarter.

Jill came down with fifty cents, you think they went for water?

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What do you call an onion that's got rhythm, rhyme, and a Soundcloud account?

A rapscallion.

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Why are programmers so good at poetry?

Well, all words rhyme in binary.

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Russian Nursery Rhyme

The incy wincy conrade
Was tugging at his chain
About rights of workers
He complain

The secret police
Am get order to restrain
And the incy wincy comrade was never seen again

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Limericks eh ?

There was this girl from Boston, Mass.
She wade into the sea and wet her ankles,
it doesn't rhyme now,
but just wait until the tide comes in

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What rhymes with orange?

no, it doesnt.

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This poem doesn't rhyme.

Dude about to make haikus:

Oh haven't you heard?

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A beloved nursery rhyme from my childhood!

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
Who had so many children she didn't know what to do.

So she cut 'em up, put 'em into pies,
Took 'em to the fair and won first prize!

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Blondes

What is a blondes favourite nursery rhyme?

Humpme Dumpme.

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What is another word for a rap battle?

Black-on-black rhyme

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What rhymes with "orange"?

Chump.

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Russian Nursery Rhyme

Row row row your boat all the way to Vladivostok

Life is eternal struggle towards an inevitable death

Drink vodka till you sleep

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Childhood Nursery Rhyme

Old Mother Hubbard, went to her cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone...
But Rover took over, and he bent her over, and gave her a bone of his own

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What are the most funny Rhyme jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Rhyme? Well, here are the best Rhyme dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Rhyme pick up lines to share with friends.

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