Reward Jokes
70 reward jokes and hilarious reward puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about reward that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Reward Short Jokes
Short reward jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The reward humour may include short award jokes also.
- My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing. So I took down his confederate flag.
- My dad says we shouldn't reward people with trophies for participation, because it's like a reward for losing. So I took his vietnam Veteran hat
- My grandpa warned people the titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
- The Nigerian Government is now offering a $3m reward for the safe return of the missing girls. All you need to do is provide your name, address, date of birth, bank details and mother's maiden name.
- I once had a relationship with a blind woman It was very rewarding but also quite challenging.
It took me *ages* to get her husband's voice right.
- Dating a blind girl is challenging yet rewarding.. It took me forever to get her husbands voice just right
- My grandpa was complaining about how participation trophies reward losing So I asked him why he proudly displayed a Confederate Flag
- I've been trying to train my dog to play dead, so I started rewarding him with chocolates. I think it worked.
- WANTED: A mysterious man keeps waking me up whenever I'm about to sleep! 25,000 dollar reward for information if it leads to a rest.
- My dad rewards me when I earn a good report card, but any C s are punished with unbearable dad-jokes. He likes to call it the carrot and schtick method of parenting.
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Reward One Liners
Which reward one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with reward? I can suggest the ones about bonus and gift.
- Dead people reward What do dead people get as a reward?
Atrophy - What reward does a light rain get? A precipitation trophy!
- How do Emo kids reward themselves? Gold Scars.
I'll see myself out. - A man who breaks the world record for longest survived coma is rewarded with atrophy
- Atrophy ...it isn't as rewarding as it sounds
- How do you reward a chicken journalist? With a poulette surprise!
- I fix ruined hospital rooms for a living. It's a rewarding job.
- Sometimes when you over-exert yourself to win the game You are rewarded with atrophy.
- The reward for a job well done is more work.
- Why doesn't Russia reward Olympians who win medals? They already paid for them once
- A good pun is its groan reward!
- Why did the scarecrow receive a reward He was outstanding in his field
- How did the shoemaker reward his employees? With sock options.
- Reward: Lost Dog What kind of a reward is a lost dog?
- Lost my wife and dog Offering reward for dog
Hilarious Fun Reward Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about reward you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean earning jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make reward pranks.
Semantics really
I woke up this morning and found a bunch of missing person posters around town that said "Offering reward for any information".
I promptly ran to a phone, called them up and told them my favourite colour was blue.
Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
First Impressions
A young teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He is a little skeptical at this, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression with them that she will reward him with s**....
Extremely excited at the prospect of losing his virginity, the boy rushes to the local pharmacy to get some protection. However, he is a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. The pharmacist at the counter notices this and walks over to see if he can help. "First time?" the pharmacist guesses. The boy nods sheepishly. So the pharmacist gives him the basics on picking condoms. The boy thanks him, buys some, and leaves.
Finally, the big night arrives and the boy arrives at the girl's house. As the couple and the girl's parents sit down for dinner, they all bow their heads to say grace over the meal. Afterwards, they all look up to start eating, except for the boy, who still has his head bowed in prayer. Respectfully, the girl and her parents sit quietly as he continues praying to himself. After about 5 minutes pass, the girl leans over and whispers to him, "I never knew you were so religious!" He looks up at her and whispers back, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!"
God's Flawed Design
The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
A man is hired to carpet a little old lady's living room...
It takes him all day to get the job done, but when he's finally finished, he decides to reward himself with a cigarette. But he finds his cigarettes are not in his pocket and at the exact same time, he sees a lump underneath the carpet.
He doesn't want to tear up the carpet again, just to get a pack of cigarettes, so he gets a two-by-four and smashes the lump down until it's completely flat, figuring the little old lady will never know. It takes him nearly 20 minutes, but eventually the floor is completely and totally smooth and level.
He loads all his tools into the truck and he's about to drive away when the little old lady comes hurrying out the door.
"Young man!" she says. "Are these your cigarettes? I found them in the bathroom. And by the way... have you seen Petey, my pet hamster?"
HARLEY DAVIDSON MEETS GOD
The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
Jimbo and Jon, two cowboys see a wanted poster for Indian scalps...
The poster says there will be a fifty dollar reward for each scalp brought back. So Jimbo and Jon decide to try and make some money.
They get supplies together and head straight into Apache territory hoping to find a couple unsuspecting Indians. The first day they manage to sneak up on one and get his scalp, but they figure that fifty dollars isn't a good enough payout and so they set up camp in a valley for the night with the hopes of getting more the next day.
The next morning Jimbo wakes up early and starts cooking some breakfast on the campfire when suddenly all around the whole ridge around their valley campsite hundreds of angry Apache Indians appear holding their spears and bows staring at the Jimbo like death.
Jimbo's eyes go wide and he darts into the tent "Jon! Jon! Wake up!" He yells, shaking Jon awake. "We're gonna be RICH!"
How does that heaven joke go?
Ages ago, I read this joke about a man dying, and as he ascends the pearly staircase, increasingly attractive women with increasingly large amounts of gold urge him a level higher for some really promising reward. Eventually, he reaches the top, and there's a man who makes Jabba the Hutt look like a s**... god, and his name is some kind of s**... pun on the earlier promise.
I just can't for the life of me remember the specifics of the joke. Has anyone else heard it?
A farmer and his family are approached by a government worker.
A government worker comes by the farm and tells the farmer that the government has now decided to improve its agriculture and will now reward all the farmers in the country with a mill to be built at no cost to them. The farmer refuses and politely asks the man to leave his property. The worker insists that the farmer allow the government to build him a complimentary mill, stating that no harm will come from this. The farmer again asks the man to leave and left with no choice, he does. The farmer's wife and son ask him "Why didn't you accept the offer?" and the farmer responds back "There's no such thing as a free mill."
How to be Productive:
1.) Make a list
2.) Cross off the first thing on your list
3.) Reward yourself with a nap
I read this joke in a 1974 p**... magazine today.
An elderly man died and went to purgatory. There he ran into a friend his age, who is accompanied by a luscious young blonde. "I'm happy for you, Steve", said the new arrival. "At least you're getting a partial reward in this place while you expiate your sins."
"She isn't my reward", sighed Steve, "I'm her punishment!"
Son, as a reward for graduating high-school at the top of your class, we've decided to pool or money and send you abroad!
Son: Is she hot?
You know what's most rewarding about working at a children's hospital?
Meeting celebrities
Capital Reward
Stoners get s**... in Saudi Arabia
Those reward cards aren't very good
I got too many points on one and now I'm not allowed to drive
After Ash Ketchum catches them all
in Kanto region, they were really happy for him! So when they wanted to reward him for his mighty success, they decided to build a mall for him. They called it
Ketchum Mall.
As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.
As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.
The stallion said, "I spent the whole night trying to take off her pajamas."
Man got stuck in a tree..
His cat called the fire department and ended up getting a reward (treat)
I was teaching my dog how to play dead...
and as a reward for doing it, I gave him a chocolate bar. Now he's really good at it!
Grandpas joke: Ellen's church recognition
Ellen was very involved with her church and community projects. So much so, the paster decided to recognize her efforts during Sunday service.
Paster Davis: I'd like to take a moment to recognize Ellen for her hard work and contributions. Ellen come up here and take a bow.
Ellen smiles and bows.
Paster Davis: to reward your efforts, why don't you pick out the next 3 hymns.
Ellen points into the crowd "I'll take him, him, and him"
WANTED: Pervy Director, reward $1,000,000
shoot on site.
A schoolboy rescues President Trump
A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.
The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.
"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.
A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.
Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.
*(
Scientists use both positive and negative conditioning to teach cats to speak.
In a group of cats, a tutor would reward an individual cat who said "me" with the best food at feeding time. In another experiment, a researcher would apply mild electric shocks to the subject cat until it said "ow".
The lead scientist said they've had some success, however they weren't sure if the cats were using those words in the right context.
3 men walk into a bar. The first one gets n**... and sells his clothes. The second one punches himself with a chair and sues the barman. The third one challenges a service dog to a dance-off for a reward. Who made the biggest profit that night?
Their drug dealer
A class comes in from recess and is given a spelling test.
"Jimmy, what did you do during recess" asks the teacher. "I played in the sandbox with Sally" says Jimmy. "That's great! If you can spell 'sand' on the board, you get a cookie!" Jimmy does and gets his reward.
"Sally, what did you do during recess?" "I played in the sand box with Jimmy!" "Wow! If you can spell 'box' on the board, you get a cookie!" Sally does and gets a cookie.
"Jamal, what did you do during recess?" "I tried to play with Sally and Jimmy but they just threw rocks at me." "Oh my! That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' on the board, you get a cookie!"
$90 rewards for anyone who can provide information on the culprits.
It's like looking for a needle in a strawberry.
TIL that if you thank or reward someone for something before they do it, they feel obliged to do it
thanks for the gold, stranger!
Chess is a very progressive game...
Because if the soldier gets to the enemy's territory, his reward is getting to marry the king.
It's so rewarding...
...to tell children at the station that the entry to Hogwart's Rail is just a matter of speed...
My kitten got a reward for having a fat a**...
It was a catastrophe
I figured out how to control the weather.
Whenever the wind does something I want it to do, I reward it.
Whenever it does something I don't want it to do I punish it.
Eventually the wind learns to do what I want it to do.
I call it "air conditioning".
An engineer is walking beside a pond...
..when a frog hops out onto the path and says "Please, sir, I am a beautiful princess. A kiss from you will release me from the evil spell that turned me into a frog!"
The engineer smiles, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket.
A commotion ensues in his pocket, and he takes the frog out.
"Please, sir. I am a princess! Kiss me and I will reward you with my hand in marriage!"
"Look," he says. "I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a wife. But a talking frog, that's cool!"
Time machine back to 2019
Dr. Fauci is at the beach when he discovers a bottle, he opens it and a Genie appears.
The Genie says, "I have been trapped for 1000 years.
As a reward you can make a wish."
Dr. Fauci thinks about it and says - Get me time machine so that I can go to 2019 and stop the Chinese spread corona virus.
The Genie replies, "I don't know I can do a lot, but this? Don't you have another wish?"
Dr. Fauci thinks and finally says, OK.
Can you get Floridians wear face mask?
The Genie says, "Which year did you say?"
Uber driver came to return woman's lost purse
Woman : Thanks but..it is so weird because I remember it containing only a single 100$ note, but now there are ten 10$ notes inside it. How's that possible?
Man: Yeah because everytime I had gone to return someone's wallet or purse, they said they don't have any change to reward me.
I just won a reward for most secretive person in the office
I can't tell you how much that means to me
The bidding was proceeding furiously when the Head Auctioneer suddenly announced, A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing ten thousand dollars.
If returned, he has agreed to pay a reward of two thousand dollars!
There was a moment's silence in the auction house and from the back of the room came a shout, Two thousand five hundred!
Nobody rewarded me :(
I see people in the subreddit of ''GetMotivated'' writting stuff like ''I am a month free from alcohol'' or ''I am 3 months away from gambling'' and they get awards for doing that. Well I wrote there ''I am 3 months away from studying''. Nobody rewarded me. Thank you people of reddit!
Bidding at a local auction.....
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000."
There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"
I won a scentific reward today!
I actually made a helpful contribution to humanity! the scientific community has rewarded my work!
I can't wait to display this new "darwin award" I got!
At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference.
The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty.
The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation.
"Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Everyone present turned their gazes to the dean, who was illuminated by a faint halo.
A colleague whispered, "Tell me something."
The dean, who had gained eternal wisdom, sighed and said, "I should have chosen eternal riches."
