Revolution Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

What happened after the wheel was invented

a revolution

During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.

The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.

The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.

As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…

Why don't revolutions work?

Because after one revolution you're back where you started.

I achieved my New Year's revolution from last year.

I made it all the way around the sun.

How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism.

But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter.

They say revolution breeds revolution.

Resistance is fertile.

Three Russian prisoners sit in neighboring cells in the Gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers."

Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?"

"Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West."

What is the most important part of jokes about the French revolution?

The execution

Three Russians are sitting together in the train that takes them to the Gulag.

So one of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers."

Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?"

"Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West."

Did you hear about the invention of the wheel?

They say it started a revolution.

From the time it was discovered to the time it was declassified as a planet, pluto did not make a full revolution around the sun.

It was a tough year.

"It's a revolution!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Scared the rest of the people on the Ferris wheel.

It's almost 2018!

My New Year's revolution is to proofread more.

A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer are taken to the guillotine...

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.

Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."

How many Bolsheviks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None - the lightbulb has the capacity for its own revolution

The Engineer

Towards the end of the French revolution many people lost their heads to the guillotine. One day a politician, a priest, and an engineer were to be executed.

The politician was first. The executioner asked him: "Do you have any last words?" to which the man replied, "I regret nothing." The executioner lowered the man's head into the guillotine and released the blade. It fell swiftly but suddenly jams and stopped just inches from reaching the politician's neck.

There was a rule with these executions where if the blade could not finish its job with one pull of the rope, the condemned were allowed to be released and set free. Upon realizing this the politician cheers in excitement and scampers away.

Up next was the priest - the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" to which the priest replied, "None. God has already saved my immortal soul." The executioner then lowered the priest's head into the guillotine and pulled the lever to release the blade. AGAIN, the blade jams and stops just inches before reaching the priest's neck. After realizing what had just happened, the priest said "Praise the lord, it's a miracle!" and scampered away.

Finally, the engineer was brought up to the guillotine. The executioner said, "Any last words?" to which the engineer replied - "Yes! I think I see what your problem is."

Q: How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. Each lightbulb contains the means of its own revolution.

Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?

He was following the Tsar.

A communist revolution seems a bit suspicious

I mean, they always raise a few red flags.

What does the revolutionary dove say?

Coup, coup!

Why did workers in the industrial revolution have better sense of smell?

It's because of all that time they spent in the ol-factory.

Ever seen the play about the French Revolution?

The scene with Marie Antoinette was perfectly executed.

Why did the Russian Revolution go so well?

They aimed for the tsars!

What do you call a cowardly revolution?

A chicken coup.

How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb

None, because change can only come from a revolution of the working classes.

A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism

Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream! A man at the front whimpers, But I don't like strawberries and cream. The speaker thunders, Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!

A Mexican immigrant was asked what he does for a living.

"I am a professional boxer."
"A professional boxer?"
"Yes, yes. Everyone in my family is a professional boxer.
We box onions, linens, tomatoes..."

Giving credit where credit's due: This joke was taken from a bit done by Gabriel Iglesias on his show "Stand-Up Revolution".

What do you call the act of turning over in bed to switch from the missionary position to doggy style?

A sexual revolution.

How to start a revolution with change?

Just take a coin and give it a spin.

I thought I could never be a good dancer until I discovered Dance Dance Revolution. Though I've only really mastered one move,

it's a step in the right direction.

What was the primary role of the aristocrats during the French revolution?

They put their head into it.

I was telling a great joke about the importance of the guillotine in the French Revolution...

But it didn't really land.
I guess execution really is key

Why is the French Revolution just like Prohibition?

They both got rid of Bourbon!

When our solar system was formed, the Sun was in charge...

So the planets started a revolution.

What do you call a communist revolution that failed due to poor word choice?

A miss-commune-ication

How many Socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

None comrade, the bulb holds the seeds to its own revolution!

How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

It depends on the economist:

How many right-wing economists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the invisible hand will take care of it.

How many keynesian economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them, in order to shift tha aggregate demand to the right and generate more employment and consumption.

How many marxist economists does it take to change the lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

I'm translating it from portuguese, hopefully it's right spelled and not a repost.

What is the name of Apple's revolutionary new product that allows elite pirates to see from their eyepatches.

The iEyeCaptain

Three Russian men are in the gulag talking with each other.

They get to talking about why there were sent to the gulag.

I was sent here for coming early to work in the factory. I was accused of trying to put myself ahead of my fellow worker. The first one said.

Aye comrad I was sent for being late to work at the factory. I was accused of delaying the revolution. the second commiserated.

Well I was on time to work and I was still sent here. The third said.

Why? They ask.

I was accused of owning a western watch!

What do you call a cat that participated in the Chinese Cultural Revolution?

a Meowist

iPhone 7 is revolutionary!

β€’no headphones jack
β€’no wireless charging
β€’no curved screen
β€’no 4K resolution (or even full HD) screen
β€’no VR headset support
β€’no 360 camera support
β€’no expansion storage slot

It is true revolution in scamming people to upgrade from old iPhones!

Did you hear the one about the French Revolution?

It's a riot

During the French Revolution, what was the executioner's catch phrase?

First come, first severed!

What do you call an epic space opera set during the Russian Revolution?

Tsar Wars

Did I tell you about my new Soviet bike?

For some reason it can only do one revolution and then it stops working.

Grammatical error

My friend was peer-reviewing my essay on the Russian Revolution in class today, when he pointed out that I had written lenin instead of Lenin. I looked him dead in the eye and said, "You never capitalize lenin."

Did you know George III never even bothered to leave his couch during the American Revolution?

He was sofa king comfortable.

What do you say to your friend who's just birthed a revolution?

Molotov!

Different ethnic groups in the USSR have a meeting.

Each group has a representative, who must talk about what it is like living in the soviet union (and praise lenin and communism along the way if they don't want to get killed).

The Chukchi people live in Siberia, and haven't had it so great under soviet rule. Their representative begins to speak.

"After the revolution, in 1922 when the soviet union was formed, we had 1 feeling: cold."

"A few years later, we began to have another feeling: hunger."

This raised some eyebrows.

"And now we have 3 feelings: cold, hunger, and a great appreciation for the communist party."

I'm going to start a revolution, who's with me?

Ok, now just roll this wheel with me.

A few disenfranchised primates got together to start a revolution..

..they called it 'Gorilla Radio'..

How many Marxists' does it take to change a lightbulb?

None; within the lightbulb are the seeds of it's own revolution.

Why were the first soliders ready to enter a battle in the American Revolution so bad in bed?

They were all minutemen.

The invention of the wheel created a...

revolution

What did children used to celebrate on thei r date of birth when Industrial Revolution took place?

Labor day.

With the recent events in the news...

My Facebook friends list is starting to look like the French revolution.

What do the French monarchs before the French Revolution and frustums have in common?

They're both missing their top portions.

My thoughts on the French Revolution

Great concept, terrible execution.

There was a printing error on my textbook about the French revolution

All the headings got cut off.

What bird is most likely to inspire a revolution?

A pigeon... "Coup, coup"

After the American Revolution, Thomas Paine celebrates by purchasing a new pair of shoes.

He declares that these are the times to try men's soles.

What did they cal the museums they put Loyalists in after the American Revolution?

Observe-a-Torys.

What type of colonists were the funniest in the American Revolution?

Punsylvanians!

What happened to French people during the revolution of 1795?

They lost their heads of state.

Why does Marx support New Years Eve celebrations?

Well, it's got everyone out and about, celebrating another revolution.....



(I'll show myself out)

American, English and Russian governments...

American, English and Russian governments passed laws about mandatory raping of every citizen on Saturdays.
Americans made a revolution, Brits reelected their parliament and Russians began queing on Fridays evening not to waste the whole weekend.

I think my phone is sick of being in the proletariat

Autocorrect keeps trying to start a new years revolution.

The Great Ovarian Revolution

One day all the eggs in a woman's body decide to fight off incoming sperm. Knowing the woman has sex every Friday night then set up a blockade and wait till Friday. Once Friday night comes the eggs bravely get ready to stop the invasion. They wait all night but no sperm enter. The eggs stand confused until another egg comes rushing towards them out of breath. The other eggs start asking why he's out of breath. The egg catches his breath and says, "THEY CAME IN THE REAR!"

What are the funniest revolution jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Revolution? Well, here are the best Revolution puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Revolution pick up lines to share with friends.

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