Revive Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Rita found her husband hanging in his bedroom one morning with a note on his bed reading I can't take the critism anymore.

She quickly cut the rope, brought him down and managed to revive him.

As her husband lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said emotionally my dear…that's NOT how you spell criticism!

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:

"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"

"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"

After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:

"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"

Old sex life.

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's sex drive.

'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor.

Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee,he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.'

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.

'Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.'

What happened?' asks the doctor.

'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to
make wild passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible!

'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'Was the sex not good?'

'Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years...
but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again!'

A wife found that her husband had hung himself after she came home one day

She found a note on the bedside table which read, "I'm sorry but I can't take your constant critism anymore."
She then quickly cut the rope, brought him down and somehow managed to revive him.
As her husband lay in her arms and slowly became conscious again, she remarked:
"That's NOT how you spell criticism my dear!"

And god said come forth and revive eternal life ...

But he came fifth and won a blender

How do Communists revive people?

By using CCCPR!

Why didn't anyone revive the dying pirate?

He had a DN*Ahrrr!* order.

I'm no Doctor

A husband and wife are at the hospital.. the wife is in a coma.

The doctor pulls the husband to the side and says "we have tried everything in the realms of medicine to revive your wife., but we have no progress.

Th last option I can suggest which will sometimes work is to perform oral sex with her - would you be willing?"

Husband says yes and the nurses slide the curtains closed for privacy.

A few minutes later the machine that goes beep flatlines and the nurses and doctor race in to help.

When they ask the husband what happened he replies -

"Well, I'm no doctor - but I think she choked to death"

Fidel Castro's last words

Fidel Castro's final words were: "revive me I have the ray gun"

What are the funniest revive jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Revive? Well, here are the best Revive puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Revive pick up lines to share with friends.

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