Reviews Jokes

What are some Reviews jokes?

Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...

They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.

I took an epileptic girl to a rave

I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.

You know the razor blade works...

when there are no reviews for it on Amazon.

Why haven't aliens come to our solar system?

They checked our reviews.

One star.

The latest reviews for The Room are in...

overall it's got hi marks.

If you want to hang yourself and still need a rope...

... take the one without any customer reviews. It should be the best for the job.

Why doesn't Yelp remove fake reviews of Indian restaurants?

Because everyone likes a little naan fiction

why have aliens never visited our solar system?

because they saw the reviews only had 1 star

I was looking for some razor blades on amazon today

I assume the ones with no reviews are the best.

A german man goes to Poland. Crossing the border, the guard asks reviews his documents.

Pole: Name?

German: Hans Guttermark

Pole: Age?

German: Neunundzwanzig.

Pole: Occupation?

German: *smiles* Nein, just visiting!

I've heard mixed reviews about cannibalism...

It varies from person to person.

That's the problem with writing books about suicide techniques

... you only get negative reviews.

Syria has a lot of nice reviews

Everyone says they got blown away.

Hitler goes to France

As he reaches the immigration desk, the clerk reviews his passport and asks, "Name?"

The fuhrer whispers, "Adolf Hitler"

"Occupation?"

Hitler shakes his head... "No, just visiting".

A cop stoped a guy for speeding

"license and registration," he asked. After handing them over, the cop reviews his license, looks at his face, and says, "it says here you need glasses". The guy politely protested, "officer, I have contacts". The cop shot back, "I don't care whom you know; you still have to wear your glasses".

Did you hear about the man who reviews herbs and spices?

I heard he's a seasoned expert.

God had asked Jesus and the Devil to type out their quarterly reviews...

They are almost finished when suddenly, the power goes out. When it comes back on and they reboot their desktops, the Devil's screen is blank while Jesus's reviews stayed intact. Frustrated, the Devil asks Jesus why he still has his reviews. Jesus's response, "Jesus saves."

A day in court....

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for divorce.

The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce?"

"Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house."

The judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, "Well one story is I have a headache and the other story is It's that time of the month!"

Why don't aliens visit the solar system

They look at the reviews and see it only has 1 star

Why is working a suicide prevention hotline such an uplifting job?

Win or lose, you get no bad customer reviews.

Matthew McConaughey and Andre 3000 released an album together.

The reviews were
AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright
AlrightAlrightAlright

Just been reading some reviews of the solar system

Can't believe it only got 1 star.

You are unlikely to see negative reviews when shopping online for Parachutes

Know what I mean!!!

If any such review you find out, let me know. LOL

Interviewer: have you done any public service?

Me: I write product reviews online for mostly everything I buy.

Why are suicide kits so hard to sell on Amazon?

They never have positive reviews.

Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany?

Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race...

I wanted to buy a blender off the internet but I didn't

because it had mixed reviews.

A vacuum cleaner company removed their latest model from stores a week after launch,

All user reviews said that it sucked.

I found a noose online that claimed to have a 100% success rate

They must have been right because there were no customer reviews

Did you hear about the battery salesman?

He charged too much but got positive reviews.

I wanted to buy a noose on Amazon...

But there are no reviews for it...

Well played Mr Trump

If you googled 'Trump' and 'shithole' before this week, the only thing that came up were hotel reviews.

Looking into buying a Saturn Ion sedan..

All the reviews I have read have been positive or negative.

I recently opened a combination sandwich shop/mini golf course

I thought it was a good idea, but the reviews said the experience was sub-par

I was going to buy a chastity belt until I checked the reviews online.

Customer satisfaction was terrible.

What kind of how-to book is the hardest to sell?

Suicide. You'll only get negative reviews.

A new restaurant opened in space!

Mixed reviews so far. The food is over the moon, but prices are sky high and there's no atmosphere at all.

Why do Hispanic performance reviews take so long?

They spend too much time on their GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALSSSS

Whats the single most important metric in brothel reviews?

Most bang for your buck

The reviews for The Disaster Artist are coming in

They have received, oh, hi Marks

What do you call someone who writes reviews on construction businesses?

A constructive critic.

Why did the Cell Tower Cafe get bad reviews?

Because the service was horrible.

I'm writing a book called "Stop Overreacting"

If it receives any negative reviews, I'm going to kill myself.

How can tell know if the razor blade you are planning on buying is a good one?

If there are no reviews for it on Amazon

The circus reviews are in

The critics are saying that it is in tents

Quality Goods

What is the name of the place that guarantees every product they produce will garner favorable consumer reviews?

The Satis-Factory

How to make Reviews jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Reviews to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Reviews? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Reviews pick up lines to share with friends.

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