Revenge Jokes
86 revenge jokes and hilarious revenge puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about revenge that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a good laugh? Check out these hilarious revenge jokes that will have you in stitches. From classic practical jokes to witty insights on vengeance, these jokes will prove to be the perfect remedy for stress. Read about Hassan's cunning plan to get even with the Mayflowers, the blonde's ingenious idea for revenge, and more!
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Funniest Revenge Short Jokes
Short revenge jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The revenge humour may include short vengeance jokes also.
- What is the difference between Chuck Norris and John Wick? Chuck Norris gets his revenge before you even think about killing his dog.
- Warrior: I swear I will have my revenge for the death of my brother! Elf: You have my bow.
Dwarf: And my axe.
Necromancer: And your brother. - My girlfriend broke up with me, saying I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge. We'll see about that...
- The fact Ozzy has COVID now just shows bats always get their revenge. (All the best to them, hope he gets to live a long time)
- I ordered my ex wife food she hates and had Uber Eats deliver it... Because revenge is a dish best served cold
- Instead Of Blocking Your Ex Become such a disaster online, that everyone makes fun of your ex for dating you
Revenge 101 - Remember, if a man steals your wife the best revenge that you can have is to let him keep her.
- I used to think revenge was a dish best served cold... But now I know it actually means "getting back at somebody".
- I was beaten to a lead role in a film, and have planned to get my revenge with Matt Damon ever since. I'll make him wish he'd never been Bourne.
- I order my ex girlfriend a meal she hates and had Uber Eats deliver it because... Revenge is a dish best served cold
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Revenge One Liners
Which revenge one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with revenge? I can suggest the ones about avenge and spite.
- "I'd like this book on revenge please" Cashier: "You'll pay for that."
- My second wife left me because I have "revenge issues" We'll see about that...
- My psychiatrist says I have revenge issues... I'll show him.
- My therapist said I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge. We'll see about that.
- My therapist says that I have revenge issues. We'll see about that, won't we?
- My therapist says I have an obsession with revenge. We'll see about that.
- My therapist told me I am obsessed with revenge But I'll show him!
- Somebody stole my Microsoft Office... But I'll get my revenge. You have my Word.
- Why can't diabetics get revenge? Because revenge is sweet.
- What do you call a Venn diagram seeking revenge? A Venn dettagram
- What does a bird say when it wants revenge? Toucan play at that game!
- What did the waiter do to his enemy to take revenge? He served him right
- Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was primed for revenge, and odds had to be evened.
- If today is May the 4th be with you Then tomorrow is Revenge of the 5th
- How do deer get revenge? By giving each other a taste of their own venison
Revenge Sith Jokes
Here is a list of funny revenge sith jokes and even better revenge sith puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People keep comparing the election to Empire Strikes Back or Revenge Of The Sith... Personally I would have gone with The Star Wars Christmas Special
- The death of Mace Windu in Revenge of the Sith
- Carrie Fisher is dead? Revenge of the Sith II confirmed.
Blondes Revenge Jokes
Here is a list of funny blondes revenge jokes and even better blondes revenge puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does a blond, get revenge on her blond boyfriend? She paints a target icon around the outlet.
Cheerful Fun Revenge Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about revenge you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grudge jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make revenge pranks.
A Latino gang member has received poor customer service at the railway station, so he vandalised one of the train engines in revenge.
It was a loco motive.
I would never resort to plotting revenge on an ex.
Just her having to acknowledge that she slept with me is punishment enough.
A psychologist tells the troubled man:
tell me about your childhood.
man: it was a horrible time doc, I used to have a twin and everyone accused me for all the troubles he made.
psychologist: what did you do about it?
man: i had my revenge last week..
psychologist: how?
man: I died and they buried him instead.
When Russians visit Mexico
What do you call it when Russians get diarrhea from drinking water in Mexico?
Trotsky's Revenge
I caught my brother sleeping with my girlfriend...
So I decided to get revenge and sleep with his mom.
I came up with a movie idea. A man's daughter is abducted. This man has has a unique set of skills and goes on a revenge rampage.
But the idea was taken.
I just read that Disney is making a sequel to Bambi. He gets revenge on the hunters that killed his mother. They're calling it.......
Bambo
Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'.
Then I considered 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.
iPod Shuffle
Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a s**... note.
How does a female deer get revenge on her cheating husband?
She goes into town and blows a few bucks!
Why is revenge a dish best served cold?
Because it's just-ice
Captain Ahab is like G.W. Bush
They're both violent men that have a revenge fantasy against a cheap source of oil.
What is the Revenant about?
The unbearable lengths one man will go to get his revenge and win an Oscar.
The prime minister of Japan finally decides to enact revenge on the US for hiroshima & Nagasaki.
He decides to nuke the r**... and he calls it: Operation Fried Okra-homa
I used to think revenge was a dish best served cold. Now I realize...
It's getting back at someone.
I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
One day John looks over the fence and spies Sam's wife, n**..., watering the garden.
When Sam gets home from work, John brags to him that he's seen his wife n**....
Sam wants revenge, so that night creeps over to John's yard and catches sight of John's wife performing o**... s**....
The next day, Sam approaches John at the mailbox. "Hey, I saw your wife performing o**... s**... on you last night."
"Ha ha, the joke's on you," John says, "I wasn't home last night!"
My psychiatrist says I have an unhelathy preoccupation with revenge.
He's sooooo gonna regret saying that at my next appointment.
My roommate kept stealing my detergent, so I poured all of his spices into it
When it comes to getting revenge, thyme and Tide wait for no man.
So my wife said she is sick of all the Star Wars jokes ...
I said, just wait until tomorrow - it's the Revenge of the the Fifth
Yesterday was star wars day (May The Fourth be with you). Today is Cinco de Mayo. Combine the two and tomorrow is...
Revenge of the Sixth
A soldier's revenge after his SO broke up
A soldier serving in Afghanistan was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying,
"I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
A lumberjack has s**... with a witch, gets his soul trapped inside a jigsaw, and seeks revenge by ruining her cheese company
*I Came. I Saw. I Con Curd.*
For you guitarists out there...
After going through a brutal divorce, a woman decides to get revenge. She goes to get ex's house, and proceeds to destroy each and every one of his guitars. When she gets to court, the judge asks her;
"First offender?"
She replies; "No. First a Gibson, then a Fender."
I found my brother in bed with my girlfriend yesterday. I couldn't believe it and I had to get my revenge.
So I shagged his sister.
Donald Trump should learn that if people throw stones at him, he shouldn't throw the stones on them as an act of revenge..
He should use the stones to build a Wall.
My psychiatrist tells me I have a problem with wanting to exact revenge
We'll see about that...
Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election
One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."
The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.
"Arrr, an Aye for an eye it is, then."
How does a mathematician get revenge?
A mathematician came home and told his wife, sorry honey, but I'm leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I'll be home in a few hours and I'd like for you to be gone.
He got back home and found a note that read, hi honey, I've left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you'll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.
Unbelievable!!! My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, so in revenge I stole her wheelchair...
Well, guess who came crawling back today...
God is smiling down on me
planning his revenge
I was going for a walk in the desert in Afghanistan.
Off in the distance I saw what I thought was a mirage but as I got closer I could see it's wasn't a mirage, Israel.
It was two men arguing, so I tried to calm the situation down but they turned against me. The one man threw Iraq, so Iran all the way home.
Agitated by the encounter I told my wife I wanted to get revenge for the assualt, but she calmed me down and assured me it Kuwait.
How to get revenge on your dangerous mexican boss
Steal his anxiety medication that stops hispanic attacks
My therapist told me I have a preoccupation with revenge.
We'll see how that works out for him!
Revenge on a four-year-old child
A while ago, I invited my friend to my house for dinner. He brought along his four year old child, who made a mess of my house, and destroyed two of my expensive plates. I was so angry, but after all, I couldn't vent my anger on a young child. I had no choice but to smile and keep my composure.
I led the child over to my piano, where I allowed him to randomly hit a few keys. I remarked "Wow, your son has a good musical sense, he's quite talented!"
I heard the child hasn't had any free time ever since.
The teacher told the girls in the class to start screaming and running out of class every time John lied
It was the perfect revenge prank
Once John entered, the teacher asked why he was late, he answered They're building a s**... club right across my house
The girls then started screaming and running out of class, John just looked confused and said
chill out h**... they're not hiring yet
Bob was mad at his s**...-Ed teacher for giving him a failing grade...
So in revenge he made a plan and told his best friend John.
So, in her room, I'll hide, and when she comes in for lunch, I'll kick her in the b**...!
Tommy discovered his wife was cheating with another guy
so he went to the guy's wife and told her about it.
"I know what we will do", she said,
"Let's take revenge on him."
So together they went to a motel and had revenge.
After 10 minutes, she said,"Let's have more revenge",
and they took revenge again.
After 5 times, Tommy was lying spent, and she said,"Lets take revenge again."
Tommy said, "let's forgive them...............
I have no more HARD feelings left !!!"
Used to think that revenge is a dish best served cold
But now I realise it means getting back at somebody
I used to think revenge was a dish best served cold
But then I realized it meant getting back at somebody
Three Boys
Three boys were taking a s**... ed class. They received grades of D, D-, and F, respectively, so they plotted to get revenge.
"We should get her," said the first.
"Yeah," said the second, "let's grab her."
"Yeah," chimed in the third, "And let's kick her in the nuts."
